16yo DD Refused to Enter School for Conference

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this was probably a common teen attention grab or power play, and the correct move would have been not to engage. It wasn't a big deal if she went to the conference or not. Maybe that's not typical for a kid to not want to go to a conference, but it's also not normal for parents to react with this level of escalation. You guys turned it into a HUGE deal. She now realizes she can make life very difficult for you guys, and even if you end up getting your way, in the end it's not worth it. Instead, you could have given a simple consequence if her attending the conference was that important (it probably wasn't). Either she go or lose some small privilege for the week. Then I would have stuck to the consequence, with no arguing, yelling, or getting angry.

More likely she nows realizes her parents do not care how she feels. They certainly do not care to find out why she didn’t want to go.

That’s her takeaway and she will remember it.

Poorly handled, OP.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter needs a mental evaluation.. ASAP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this was probably a common teen attention grab or power play, and the correct move would have been not to engage. It wasn't a big deal if she went to the conference or not. Maybe that's not typical for a kid to not want to go to a conference, but it's also not normal for parents to react with this level of escalation. You guys turned it into a HUGE deal. She now realizes she can make life very difficult for you guys, and even if you end up getting your way, in the end it's not worth it. Instead, you could have given a simple consequence if her attending the conference was that important (it probably wasn't). Either she go or lose some small privilege for the week. Then I would have stuck to the consequence, with no arguing, yelling, or getting angry.

More likely she nows realizes her parents do not care how she feels. They certainly do not care to find out why she didn’t want to go.

That’s her takeaway and she will remember it.

Poorly handled, OP.

lol. If I stopped the presses every time my teen “felt” something, we’d be at a standstill. Feelings are just feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this was probably a common teen attention grab or power play, and the correct move would have been not to engage. It wasn't a big deal if she went to the conference or not. Maybe that's not typical for a kid to not want to go to a conference, but it's also not normal for parents to react with this level of escalation. You guys turned it into a HUGE deal. She now realizes she can make life very difficult for you guys, and even if you end up getting your way, in the end it's not worth it. Instead, you could have given a simple consequence if her attending the conference was that important (it probably wasn't). Either she go or lose some small privilege for the week. Then I would have stuck to the consequence, with no arguing, yelling, or getting angry.

More likely she nows realizes her parents do not care how she feels. They certainly do not care to find out why she didn’t want to go.

That’s her takeaway and she will remember it.

Poorly handled, OP.

lol. If I stopped the presses every time my teen “felt” something, we’d be at a standstill. Feelings are just feelings.

And you don’t care? Nice.

[Anonymous]

I would have reminded her that she would have to explain to her teachers why she didn't come if she was expected to do so. Then I would have gotten out of the car and said feel free to come in after thinking it over. Then I would have gone in.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this was probably a common teen attention grab or power play, and the correct move would have been not to engage. It wasn't a big deal if she went to the conference or not. Maybe that's not typical for a kid to not want to go to a conference, but it's also not normal for parents to react with this level of escalation. You guys turned it into a HUGE deal. She now realizes she can make life very difficult for you guys, and even if you end up getting your way, in the end it's not worth it. Instead, you could have given a simple consequence if her attending the conference was that important (it probably wasn't). Either she go or lose some small privilege for the week. Then I would have stuck to the consequence, with no arguing, yelling, or getting angry.

More likely she nows realizes her parents do not care how she feels. They certainly do not care to find out why she didn’t want to go.

That’s her takeaway and she will remember it.

Poorly handled, OP.

lol. If I stopped the presses every time my teen “felt” something, we’d be at a standstill. Feelings are just feelings.

And you don’t care? Nice.

That’s right. I don’t think every feeling deserves a care.

But if they do process their feelings and move forward, I acknowledge that and appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[url]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this was probably a common teen attention grab or power play, and the correct move would have been not to engage. It wasn't a big deal if she went to the conference or not. Maybe that's not typical for a kid to not want to go to a conference, but it's also not normal for parents to react with this level of escalation. You guys turned it into a HUGE deal. She now realizes she can make life very difficult for you guys, and even if you end up getting your way, in the end it's not worth it. Instead, you could have given a simple consequence if her attending the conference was that important (it probably wasn't). Either she go or lose some small privilege for the week. Then I would have stuck to the consequence, with no arguing, yelling, or getting angry.

More likely she nows realizes her parents do not care how she feels. They certainly do not care to find out why she didn’t want to go.

That’s her takeaway and she will remember it.

Poorly handled, OP.

lol. If I stopped the presses every time my teen “felt” something, we’d be at a standstill. Feelings are just feelings.

And you don’t care? Nice.

That’s right. I don’t think every feeling deserves a care.

But if they do process their feelings and move forward, I acknowledge that and appreciate it.

But you don’t recognize their feelings and help them at that moment and afterwards? They are on their own and only if they figure it out by themselves do you give them the thumbs up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team Mom & Dad.
You can't enable her anxiety. She lied and said she wanted to go, then refused to go in when you were there, I'd punish for that.

Another vote for team Mom and Dad. Teens have expectations in life. One is to show up for school and another is to show up for requested school conferences and not play games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would make my kid go even if he said he didn’t want to. Sometimes you do things you don’t like and then you realize it’s NBD.

My kid has a difficult time doing things that are new. He gets all emotional. We calmly have him do it anyway. Later he says that he doesn’t know why he freaked out. Then he can easily do the thing in the future. There is no way I would back down on something like this. That’s enabling.

Good job. Life is about challenges and learning resilience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[url]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this was probably a common teen attention grab or power play, and the correct move would have been not to engage. It wasn't a big deal if she went to the conference or not. Maybe that's not typical for a kid to not want to go to a conference, but it's also not normal for parents to react with this level of escalation. You guys turned it into a HUGE deal. She now realizes she can make life very difficult for you guys, and even if you end up getting your way, in the end it's not worth it. Instead, you could have given a simple consequence if her attending the conference was that important (it probably wasn't). Either she go or lose some small privilege for the week. Then I would have stuck to the consequence, with no arguing, yelling, or getting angry.

More likely she nows realizes her parents do not care how she feels. They certainly do not care to find out why she didn’t want to go.

That’s her takeaway and she will remember it.

Poorly handled, OP.

lol. If I stopped the presses every time my teen “felt” something, we’d be at a standstill. Feelings are just feelings.

And you don’t care? Nice.

That’s right. I don’t think every feeling deserves a care.

But if they do process their feelings and move forward, I acknowledge that and appreciate it.

But you don’t recognize their feelings and help them at that moment and afterwards? They are on their own and only if they figure it out by themselves do you give them the thumbs up?

We have a set of known expectations for the kids. You are expected to go to doctor appointments, school appointments, grandmas house, etc. Stuff like that. You can have feelings about it. You are expected to walk through and manage those feelings. I can’t manage those feelings for you. So yes, they need to figure them out on their own and, yes, I will give them a thumbs up.

[Anonymous]

If your teen really didn’t want to do something like this - a regular sort of meeting - why wouldn’t you ask them why?

[Anonymous]

You think her behavior was odd? You literally bullied her and her dad physically restrained her and forced her to attend the conference. And for what? Your poor DD. There is no need to go to conferences in HS. The last time I went to HS for academics was in freshman year to the HS Open House by myself. The last conference I attended with my DC was in 6th grade, in middle school (it was online during COVID). You're infantilizing your DD and now have managed to embarrass her in front of her teachers. I'm sad for your DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[url]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this was probably a common teen attention grab or power play, and the correct move would have been not to engage. It wasn't a big deal if she went to the conference or not. Maybe that's not typical for a kid to not want to go to a conference, but it's also not normal for parents to react with this level of escalation. You guys turned it into a HUGE deal. She now realizes she can make life very difficult for you guys, and even if you end up getting your way, in the end it's not worth it. Instead, you could have given a simple consequence if her attending the conference was that important (it probably wasn't). Either she go or lose some small privilege for the week. Then I would have stuck to the consequence, with no arguing, yelling, or getting angry.

More likely she nows realizes her parents do not care how she feels. They certainly do not care to find out why she didn’t want to go.

That’s her takeaway and she will remember it.

Poorly handled, OP.

lol. If I stopped the presses every time my teen “felt” something, we’d be at a standstill. Feelings are just feelings.

And you don’t care? Nice.

That’s right. I don’t think every feeling deserves a care.

But if they do process their feelings and move forward, I acknowledge that and appreciate it.

But you don’t recognize their feelings and help them at that moment and afterwards? They are on their own and only if they figure it out by themselves do you give them the thumbs up?

We have a set of known expectations for the kids. You are expected to go to doctor appointments, school appointments, grandmas house, etc. Stuff like that. You can have feelings about it. You are expected to walk through and manage those feelings. I can’t manage those feelings for you. So yes, they need to figure them out on their own and, yes, I will give them a thumbs up.

School conferences are not mandatory. In fact in HS, rarely anyone goes to them. Most normal parents know how their kids are doing academically and there is no need to go ask teachers. DD under the circumstances described obviously didn't want to go because it would show to teachers that her parents are not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You think her behavior was odd? You literally bullied her and her dad physically restrained her and forced her to attend the conference. And for what? Your poor DD. There is no need to go to conferences in HS. The last time I went to HS for academics was in freshman year to the HS Open House by myself. The last conference I attended with my DC was in 6th grade, in middle school (it was online during COVID). You're infantilizing your DD and now have managed to embarrass her in front of her teachers. I'm sad for your DD.

It sounds like the DD infantilized herself. She’s a teen. They can do that. But if the mom wants her to go to the school conference, as recommended by the school, the DD should go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[url]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this was probably a common teen attention grab or power play, and the correct move would have been not to engage. It wasn't a big deal if she went to the conference or not. Maybe that's not typical for a kid to not want to go to a conference, but it's also not normal for parents to react with this level of escalation. You guys turned it into a HUGE deal. She now realizes she can make life very difficult for you guys, and even if you end up getting your way, in the end it's not worth it. Instead, you could have given a simple consequence if her attending the conference was that important (it probably wasn't). Either she go or lose some small privilege for the week. Then I would have stuck to the consequence, with no arguing, yelling, or getting angry.

More likely she nows realizes her parents do not care how she feels. They certainly do not care to find out why she didn’t want to go.

That’s her takeaway and she will remember it.

Poorly handled, OP.

lol. If I stopped the presses every time my teen “felt” something, we’d be at a standstill. Feelings are just feelings.

And you don’t care? Nice.

That’s right. I don’t think every feeling deserves a care.

But if they do process their feelings and move forward, I acknowledge that and appreciate it.

But you don’t recognize their feelings and help them at that moment and afterwards? They are on their own and only if they figure it out by themselves do you give them the thumbs up?

We have a set of known expectations for the kids. You are expected to go to doctor appointments, school appointments, grandmas house, etc. Stuff like that. You can have feelings about it. You are expected to walk through and manage those feelings. I can’t manage those feelings for you. So yes, they need to figure them out on their own and, yes, I will give them a thumbs up.

School conferences are not mandatory. In fact in HS, rarely anyone goes to them. Most normal parents know how their kids are doing academically and there is no need to go ask teachers. DD under the circumstances described obviously didn't want to go because it would show to teachers that her parents are not normal.

This sounds like an excuse a teen would give.