16yo DD Refused to Enter School for Conference

[Anonymous]

She sounds autistic, OP. I’d have her evaluated.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t say “only” about procrastinating and turning things in late. That’s a fairly big deal if it’s a pattern of behavior.

[Anonymous]

Team Mom & Dad.
You can't enable her anxiety. She lied and said she wanted to go, then refused to go in when you were there, I'd punish for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds autistic, OP. I’d have her evaluated.

I’d have her evaluated but think you diagnosing her on the internet is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team Mom & Dad.
You can't enable her anxiety. She lied and said she wanted to go, then refused to go in when you were there, I'd punish for that.

You don’t know much about anxiety.

[Anonymous]

I think the DD sounds like a coddled spoiled brat. OP should make sure that DD experiences natural consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team Mom & Dad.
You can't enable her anxiety. She lied and said she wanted to go, then refused to go in when you were there, I'd punish for that.

Um…she never wanted to go and clearly said that. She reluctantly got in car, probably bc parents forced it.

OP, you shouldn’t have forced this. Unless she was failing or something and this was an interventional type meeting where you, the teacher, and her had to come up with a plan/sign a contract, etc. to help her pass the class…I don’t see why you would force her to go to a conference. Sure, sometimes it’s “recommended” but that doesn’t mean it’s a must. It most cases, I think I get more accurate feedback about my kid when they aren’t there.

[Anonymous]

Given how you and your ex treated her, I am. It surprised she has issues. Both of you are so controlling and do not seem to see her as a person with any autonomy or agency or decision making. Has she ever been allowed to make a decision? Does she have control over anything in life or do you just order her and manhandle her and force her to bend to your command?

She could have made a disappointing or bad decision to not go.

Why do you care why she did what she did? You don’t seem to care about her as a person at all? You didn’t care about the why or her at all then, why now.

[Anonymous]

You handled it inappropriately, but clearly your DD has something going on. This isn’t in the realm of normal behavior. Going to a conference just shouldn’t be that big of a deal, even if you don’t really want to. She likely has a mental health problem going on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds autistic, OP. I’d have her evaluated.

I’d have her evaluated but think you diagnosing her on the internet is ridiculous.

Not really.

[Anonymous]

For the ops saying this is anxiety or something other and to get her diagnosed, not everything that a child does needs to be seen as a disorder.

Maybe she didn't want to be seen with her parents or maybe she did something and thought someone was going to say something to her or the parents. Or better yet she was just being rebellious and trying to push buttons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the ops saying this is anxiety or something other and to get her diagnosed, not everything that a child does needs to be seen as a disorder.

Maybe she didn't want to be seen with her parents or maybe she did something and thought someone was going to say something to her or the parents. Or better yet she was just being rebellious and trying to push buttons.

Yeah, but her reaction was completely disproportionate to parents telling you to go in for conferences, even if she didn’t want to. She was acting completely bananas.

[Anonymous]

I would make my kid go even if he said he didn’t want to. Sometimes you do things you don’t like and then you realize it’s NBD.

My kid has a difficult time doing things that are new. He gets all emotional. We calmly have him do it anyway. Later he says that he doesn’t know why he freaked out. Then he can easily do the thing in the future. There is no way I would back down on something like this. That’s enabling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the ops saying this is anxiety or something other and to get her diagnosed, not everything that a child does needs to be seen as a disorder.

Maybe she didn't want to be seen with her parents or maybe she did something and thought someone was going to say something to her or the parents. Or better yet she was just being rebellious and trying to push buttons.

+1

Not sure what the DD is normally like (or if there are other red flags- which would be a different story) but while she was clearly anxious at that moment, it doesn’t mean she has an anxiety disorder.

She is 16. It could be any number of things- maybe she did something in class (that she thinks you would be mad about, or thought it was a bigger deal than it maybe was) that she thought a teacher was going to mention. Maybe she was worried you all would run into another student/parent that she didn’t want you to talk to for some reason (who knows why- a crush or some sort of current interpersonal issue with a peer). Maybe she told a lie about something in her life to look cool or impressive, and was afraid someone would mention it in front of you. Maybe she is embarrassed of being seen with one or both of you for whatever reason. I can think of any number of scenarios that could be possible, and that a 16yo would think it a really huge deal at the time.

[Anonymous]

Not everything is a disorder and something to be tiptoed around. Get out of the car and do as planned. You disagree? I hear you but get out of the car and do as planned.