16yo DD Refused to Enter School for Conference
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Anonymous
| Typo - that should say no teen would want to go to this. It’s basically an intervention. |
Anonymous
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Instead of asking her why she didn't want to go, you forced her to go.
That is a big no-no, OP. Children do not refuse to go to such events unless they have good reason to. Maybe it's something at school, something with a teacher, or maybe she cannot handle your parenting style. You called her father to physically force her into the school? That's abusive. You can't do that. You need to apologize to your daughter and read up on healthy parenting practices. We're not in the Middle Ages anymore, OP. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like a brat. She had to go, she tried to hide, and act like a two year old. If it is anxiety going would be exposure therapy, not harmful. |
Anonymous
+1 Op, does she have mental health problems? |
Anonymous
Yes. Where is the part of this where you and she had a calm conversation about why she didn't want to come? And then you called her father, which caused her to physically try to flee, and then he forced her into the building? And you're not disgusted and horrified with yourselves for bullying her like this? All you can see from your overwhelmed, anxious, and intimidated daughter is defiance that needs squashing into the ground to show that you are stronger? Gross. Where are you thinking this kind of parenting is going to lead? The good news for you is you probably won't have any problem with her being very eager to get out of your car at the train station or airport on her 18th birthday, as she runs as far as she can on a one-way ticket. Maybe try talking to your daughter or taking her to therapy to get to the bottom of why she is so anxious. Though I think I have a pretty good idea why. |
Anonymous
| Not at all ok to grab an older teen to go hear her homeroom on teacher say she’s doing well in her classes-wtf?! |
Anonymous
Yes. But you also should treat this as a sign of rising anxiety and start reading up on how to parent a kid with anxiety. You and your ex-DH will need to learn how to stop trying to control her behaviors without also enabling anxious avoidance. It's a fine line to tread. |
Anonymous
| I don't believe that this actually happened. The troll stories get worse and worse. |
Anonymous
| I’m kind of surprised by these responses. I have a child who does stuff like this. I never know how to handle but don’t really think letting them stay in the car is the right answer. And it’s not bc of abuse or any reason. It’s severe anxiety, that only gets worse when it is coddled. |
Anonymous
Yes. Her attendance was recommended but not required. She communicated clearly that she wasn’t up for it. You pushed and she communicated even louder that she wasn’t up for it. You backed her into a corner instead of respecting her. This one is on you. You should have backed down way earlier, left her in the car and gone to the conference. Then You should have talked to her about the conference and then about her reluctance. Instead you showed her that she can’t trust you. All for something that she didn’t need to attend. |
Anonymous
Why wouldn't she trust OP??? OP didn't exactly lie about where they were going and waht the expectation was. |
Anonymous
If you don't already get it then it can't be explained. |
Anonymous
| It’s a private school, sorry, I’m not willing to name it. Her father didn’t physically force her. He told her he would get the teacher outside, and that’s when she started walking. He just held her hand so she wouldn’t try to escape again. She isn’t angry that she had to go the conference, was just nervous about talking to the teachers, but everything went well, so she’s fine. |
Anonymous
There is no good answer but there are better and worse answers. Letting her remain in the car is better than physically chasing/grabbing. That is worse. |
Anonymous
Same |