Failure to Launch Daughter Is Unemployed and Blaming Me for All of Her Problems

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her weight and major are not impacting her inability to find a job. I am an obese English major who has never had a problem finding a job in corporate America. Sounds like that isn’t the type of job she wants. Have you tried talking to her about what she actually wants to do? You need to get yourself in order if you want any kind of future relationship with her.

Are you a man? I can't imagine a young woman being successful in a similar position.

This has to be a troll. No way a normal person thinks like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify, we do NOT give DD money. No way. She is on our health insurance, so her therapist bills our health insurance for their sessions. I don't like this since it means that DH and I are basically funding her to insult me to a third party.

However, we found out over the weekend that DD was able to hack into my Amazon prime account on Sunday (She guessed my password because it's a combination of her and DS's names and my favorite animal -- I changed the password as soon as I found out, obviously). DD had the AUDACITY to spend $50 of MY hard-won paycheck to buy toiletries like shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and toilet paper because she can't afford to buy these things with her own salary.

I told her upfront today that I do NOT respect her as a person and view her as TOTALLY PATHETIC because she can't even find a job that pays her enough to buy basic needs like shampoo, which even a high school drop out is able to do.

Ok you are definitely a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify, we do NOT give DD money. No way. She is on our health insurance, so her therapist bills our health insurance for their sessions. I don't like this since it means that DH and I are basically funding her to insult me to a third party.

However, we found out over the weekend that DD was able to hack into my Amazon prime account on Sunday (She guessed my password because it's a combination of her and DS's names and my favorite animal -- I changed the password as soon as I found out, obviously). DD had the AUDACITY to spend $50 of MY hard-won paycheck to buy toiletries like shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and toilet paper because she can't afford to buy these things with her own salary.

I told her upfront today that I do NOT respect her as a person and view her as TOTALLY PATHETIC because she can't even find a job that pays her enough to buy basic needs like shampoo, which even a high school drop out is able to do.

Okay everyone, this OP is trolling the frack out of us. What half-way decent person, no less parent, would eviscerate a love one for their financial inability to buy shampoo, soap, and tampons. OP is a troll.

Honestly I have a parent as such.

[Anonymous]

Making her attend church services - that's weird and on you OP

Psychobabble - insufferable and on DD and her therapist

Everything else is on your DD - grow up!

[Anonymous]

OP is a troll, but if you have a parent as such, best is to stay away from one another. I moved to another continent at 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am going to assume all is true and try to be helpful. Parenting girls can be hard. Keep in mind the goal is to launch and maintain a relationship. So to that end, you need to really evaluate the comments to DD to make sure they are constructive and not mean. And don’t be baited by her comments. Nothing about her weight is constructive. At her age, it’s her business. Provide guidance and assistance in getting job or going to grad school. Talk to her about where she wants to get to and what possible paths get her there. There is no point readdressing her college major, what’s done is fine. If you find jointly find a path and you have the means, it’s okay to provide financial support on the path towards the goal. Like a certification or interview clothes. You must get out of the toxic interaction. I get it that it is frustrating, you provide all the opportunities and you daughters seems to waste them. But she is young and there is time for her to turn it around. But that turnaround will not come from you degrading her. You must acknowledge that and change your behavior too. I agree with not enabling her financially, she has to live the life she built for herself. But if you can be part of getting her to define goal and path to he goal that is invaluable. But nothing about past and nothing about about weight!

I disagree that what OP posted is financially enabling her daughter. Who are you people. The daughter was working and paying her own rent. Hopefully she will find another job in this shrinking job market, it’s been very difficult for young people to obtain meaningful employment with or without a college education. OP complaining about her daughter taking money to buy basic personal necessities such as toilet paper and deodorant is mind blowing, and call this financial enabling. Heck I would help a homeless woman obtain these necessities, and not consider that anything. I don’t understand this mentality, and I pray I never will. If OP is real, her daughter is asking for the bare minimum in support, and OP is unwilling to some people should have never had children. They are just that bad at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going to assume all is true and try to be helpful. Parenting girls can be hard. Keep in mind the goal is to launch and maintain a relationship. So to that end, you need to really evaluate the comments to DD to make sure they are constructive and not mean. And don’t be baited by her comments. Nothing about her weight is constructive. At her age, it’s her business. Provide guidance and assistance in getting job or going to grad school. Talk to her about where she wants to get to and what possible paths get her there. There is no point readdressing her college major, what’s done is fine. If you find jointly find a path and you have the means, it’s okay to provide financial support on the path towards the goal. Like a certification or interview clothes. You must get out of the toxic interaction. I get it that it is frustrating, you provide all the opportunities and you daughters seems to waste them. But she is young and there is time for her to turn it around. But that turnaround will not come from you degrading her. You must acknowledge that and change your behavior too. I agree with not enabling her financially, she has to live the life she built for herself. But if you can be part of getting her to define goal and path to he goal that is invaluable. But nothing about past and nothing about about weight!

OP here. This is what I struggle with the most! She just absolutely REFUSES to accept the consequences of her (poor!) choices and tries to pull off insane shit like hacking into my Amazon Prime account because *surprise surprise*, a BA in English from a liberal arts college doesn't lead to steady employment.

Oh, and her goal and ultimate "path" in life that she wants for herself is to publish insane poetry about her "childhood trauma."

Maya Angelou was worth approximately 10 million dollars when she died. She was a great poet who started her poetry about her traumatic childhood experiences. History is full of great poets

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster.
I think it’s best for you guys to take a break from each other.
There’s no guarantee that a kid and their parents will like each other. It is ok to be apart as adults. Not everything is someone’s fault - be it a parent or a child- sometimes people just aren’t compatible and they happen to be related.
I would help her with a used car as having a car helps with employment, but after that I’d just distance myself.

We have fought about this a lot. No, she is NOT entitled to car. FFS, if she wants a car, she can get a job that pays enough to buy one. Relying on your parents to buy a car as a 24 year old while you're UNEMPLOYED is ridiculous.

It’s only ridiculous if you cannot afford it. Just say you cannot afford it and stop blaming everything on your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify, we do NOT give DD money. No way. She is on our health insurance, so her therapist bills our health insurance for their sessions. I don't like this since it means that DH and I are basically funding her to insult me to a third party.

However, we found out over the weekend that DD was able to hack into my Amazon prime account on Sunday (She guessed my password because it's a combination of her and DS's names and my favorite animal -- I changed the password as soon as I found out, obviously). DD had the AUDACITY to spend $50 of MY hard-won paycheck to buy toiletries like shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and toilet paper because she can't afford to buy these things with her own salary.

I told her upfront today that I do NOT respect her as a person and view her as TOTALLY PATHETIC because she can't even find a job that pays her enough to buy basic needs like shampoo, which even a high school drop out is able to do.

Okay everyone, this OP is trolling the frack out of us. What half-way decent person, no less parent, would eviscerate a love one for their financial inability to buy shampoo, soap, and tampons. OP is a troll.

OP isn’t trolling. I have interacted with her offline and have counseled the daughter in her job search.

I think OP might not grasp just how different the job environment is right now than it was when most of us entered it 30 years ago, give or take. It’s rough out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of chubby people are in relationships. Being overweight doesn't mean a person is unattractive. Also, you requiring a legal adult to attend weekly church in order to get their education paid for IS manipulation. It's religious abuse.

Honestly, it sounds like you don't like your daughter at all. So why do you care if she dislikes you?

1. No, it's not abuse.

2. Because she keeps stealing from us!

You are definitely “Mommy Dearest”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify, we do NOT give DD money. No way. She is on our health insurance, so her therapist bills our health insurance for their sessions. I don't like this since it means that DH and I are basically funding her to insult me to a third party.

However, we found out over the weekend that DD was able to hack into my Amazon prime account on Sunday (She guessed my password because it's a combination of her and DS's names and my favorite animal -- I changed the password as soon as I found out, obviously). DD had the AUDACITY to spend $50 of MY hard-won paycheck to buy toiletries like shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and toilet paper because she can't afford to buy these things with her own salary.

I told her upfront today that I do NOT respect her as a person and view her as TOTALLY PATHETIC because she can't even find a job that pays her enough to buy basic needs like shampoo, which even a high school drop out is able to do.

Okay everyone, this OP is trolling the frack out of us. What half-way decent person, no less parent, would eviscerate a love one for their financial inability to buy shampoo, soap, and tampons. OP is a troll.

OP isn’t trolling. I have interacted with her offline and have counseled the daughter in her job search.

I think OP might not grasp just how different the job environment is right now than it was when most of us entered it 30 years ago, give or take. It’s rough out there.

I truly am sad to hear that OP is a real person. How utterly sad to be raised by such a narcissistic, evil, unloving excrement of a person who should have never had children. It’s obvious OP’s daughter suffered put her emotional and mental abuse as a child from OP and neglect from her father for allowing her mother to treat her this way.

My thoughts and prayers for OP’s daughter is to find a job with benefits that will afford her time to pursue her side passion of poetry and cut all times, permanently, from her birth family. The daughter can build another family once she build up her confidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify, we do NOT give DD money. No way. She is on our health insurance, so her therapist bills our health insurance for their sessions. I don't like this since it means that DH and I are basically funding her to insult me to a third party.

However, we found out over the weekend that DD was able to hack into my Amazon prime account on Sunday (She guessed my password because it's a combination of her and DS's names and my favorite animal -- I changed the password as soon as I found out, obviously). DD had the AUDACITY to spend $50 of MY hard-won paycheck to buy toiletries like shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and toilet paper because she can't afford to buy these things with her own salary.

I told her upfront today that I do NOT respect her as a person and view her as TOTALLY PATHETIC because she can't even find a job that pays her enough to buy basic needs like shampoo, which even a high school drop out is able to do.

Okay everyone, this OP is trolling the frack out of us. What half-way decent person, no less parent, would eviscerate a love one for their financial inability to buy shampoo, soap, and tampons. OP is a troll.

OP isn’t trolling. I have interacted with her offline and have counseled the daughter in her job search.

I think OP might not grasp just how different the job environment is right now than it was when most of us entered it 30 years ago, give or take. It’s rough out there.

My god her mom is horrible. I assume she’s in counseling but she really needs a coach. I wish I could he her coach and teach her how to shed herself of all that her mom has put on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster.
I think it’s best for you guys to take a break from each other.
There’s no guarantee that a kid and their parents will like each other. It is ok to be apart as adults. Not everything is someone’s fault - be it a parent or a child- sometimes people just aren’t compatible and they happen to be related.
I would help her with a used car as having a car helps with employment, but after that I’d just distance myself.

We have fought about this a lot. No, she is NOT entitled to car. FFS, if she wants a car, she can get a job that pays enough to buy one. Relying on your parents to buy a car as a 24 year old while you're UNEMPLOYED is ridiculous.

DP, but I’m going to have to disagree on this with you, OP.
Assuming you had a hand in bringing this child into the world, you are responsible for helping them launch, commensurate with your financial ability, without strings attached. The unfortunate fact is, unless your DD lives in NYC or a very limited number of other locations where it is truly possible to live without a car, she needs a car to get to work. Get her a decent used car. We are doing this for both of our kids. The worst thing is to start them off in debt.

You are way too controlling and your daughter is 100% correct about the church attendance thing (and I am a churchgoer)

Stop harping on her weight, it is her business.

The job market sucks right now and new college grads are facing record unemployment rates. This is not DDs fault. It is not the English major that is the problem.
I majored in art. I managed to find employment, though it was not at all a straight path to financial success. I eventually got a corporate job and worked my way up and now highly successful in a totally different field you would never imagine an art major being successful, without ever getting any advanced degrees or certifications. Learned on the job. There’s plenty of hope for your DD but YOU need to become less of a horrible person, if you are even real.

[Anonymous]

If you want her to launch (and she really is mostly launched: she's not home and not depending on you much financially) then why not make that easier with a car and some emotional support? You can say you love someone but if your words and actions say the opposite then they are not going to feel that at all and of course the relationship will suffer. Would you want to be around someone making you feel like your normal (!!!) weight is a problem and your personality is a problem?

As a career option, I'd reach out to a private school staff recruiting agency: It's a great way to start saving bc even though salaries are low, having free room and board helps you save significantly. The SLAC aspect is a big plus.

[Anonymous]

Troll