Are there things people can say or do that you can’t really come back from, even with an apology?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To answer the question in the title, yes there are things you can’t come back from.

But what you describe isn’t one of those things.

I think you can’t come back from being disinvited to future dinner parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:7:07 That is not remotely similar. That was something that happened to her in life and she would have no idea how you would take it. How would she know you would have been bothered by the sheer mention of your ex's name? This is about an insult that someone gave about OP when they were specifically invited by OP to enjoy in OP's hospitality. This friend of yours that ran into your ex isn't insulting you or anything you've done. You sound like a drama queen always looking for the negative.

Uh, okay. I was giving an example of a friend who told me things I didn't need to know. It doesn't matter that it's not similar because it's just an example. My point is, I think the friend was unkind for talking shit and I think the other friend was unkind for reporting back to OP.

[Anonymous]

I personally think it’s odd that you confronted them. Who cares if they think you’re not a good cook. You made it weird. What did you expect them to say? It’s not a performance review.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the "friend" who told you, did you no favors. I wouldn't consider that third-party a friend.

Who relays a message like that? They meant to hurt you, probably more, than the person who they-say said it.

I agree. Is this third party invited to the parties?

[Anonymous]

Any chance the “third party” isn’t part of these dinner parties and your friend tried to make her feel better about not being invited by saying “oh the foods not that good anyway”?

People have bad days where they make bad choices. This was a minor comment. I’d give some grace if nothing else is going on.

[Anonymous]

I think that yes, a comment like that would make me not want to invite that person to dinner again and may fade our relationship. I don’t think I am that sensitive but the comment is so directly related to the activity …

In my own life, these moments tend to involve attacks on my loved ones. I have cut off one friend who said really harsh things about my kid and (trust me it was not warranted). Just never spoke to her again. And the first time my exDH let lose his temper on my sister, that was it for me. I had been able to tolerate his behavior towards me, but not her.

[Anonymous]

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
Maya Angelou

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I personally think it’s odd that you confronted them. Who cares if they think you’re not a good cook. You made it weird. What did you expect them to say? It’s not a performance review.

If it's not a performance review, why review the performance to a mutual friend?

Again, you all are missing the point. It's not that OP may be a bad cook. It's that someone she was kind to was unkind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t understand why you are up in arms. Someone is allowed to not like your cooking! So what? Obviously they like your parties, even more obviously since apparently they aren’t there for the food. And no, you don’t tell friends you don’t like their cooking (unless they ask, I guess); you thank them for having you and for hosting a lovely party.

You not cooking well (in their opinion) is not a character flaw. How do you even confront someone over this - “How dare you not like my cooking!” Like…what? I think you are waaaaaay overreacting, to the point where I think the friend is better off if you take a break. I understand having hurt feelings but your reaction is so over the top.

That sort of brutal honesty was neither asked for nor required. OP didn't send out comment cards after her latest hosting event requesting feedback. If you need to be that brutally honest then you need to be prepared for people to not care to be around your unpleasant personality.

[Anonymous]

You are overreacting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think it’s odd that you confronted them. Who cares if they think you’re not a good cook. You made it weird. What did you expect them to say? It’s not a performance review.

If it's not a performance review, why review the performance to a mutual friend?

Again, you all are missing the point. It's not that OP may be a bad cook. It's that someone she was kind to was unkind.

We don’t know that she was kind to this person as OP stated herself, The friend was already mad about something else. Way too much drama in this friend group. If a friend said, I was not a great cook. I’d probably laugh it off and say, I agree!

I think OP is butt hurt because she considers herself some great Cook and wants to showcase her “talents” with these dinner parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think it’s odd that you confronted them. Who cares if they think you’re not a good cook. You made it weird. What did you expect them to say? It’s not a performance review.

If it's not a performance review, why review the performance to a mutual friend?

Again, you all are missing the point. It's not that OP may be a bad cook. It's that someone she was kind to was unkind.

We don’t know that she was kind to this person as OP stated herself, The friend was already mad about something else. Way too much drama in this friend group. If a friend said, I was not a great cook. I’d probably laugh it off and say, I agree!

I think OP is butt hurt because she considers herself some great Cook and wants to showcase her “talents” with these dinner parties.

OP is hosting people often, which is very kind to do because hosting takes a lot of work. She may/may not be a good cook but it doesn't even matter. The point is the friend said something hurtful, so it makes sense op would be hurt. Whether you are a good cook or not, or would not be hurt by a rude comment because you are don't get "butt hurt", is irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Yes, there are lots of them.

The things that don’t just show that you’re angry or that you want to hurt someone, but which show who you really are on the inside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think it’s odd that you confronted them. Who cares if they think you’re not a good cook. You made it weird. What did you expect them to say? It’s not a performance review.

If it's not a performance review, why review the performance to a mutual friend?

Again, you all are missing the point. It's not that OP may be a bad cook. It's that someone she was kind to was unkind.

We don’t know that she was kind to this person as OP stated herself, The friend was already mad about something else. Way too much drama in this friend group. If a friend said, I was not a great cook. I’d probably laugh it off and say, I agree!

I think OP is butt hurt because she considers herself some great Cook and wants to showcase her “talents” with these dinner parties.

Is that how you treat your friends who just hosted you? Mock and belittle them? Do it yourself if you're so great but it's terrible manners to be so ungrateful and rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think it’s odd that you confronted them. Who cares if they think you’re not a good cook. You made it weird. What did you expect them to say? It’s not a performance review.

If it's not a performance review, why review the performance to a mutual friend?

Again, you all are missing the point. It's not that OP may be a bad cook. It's that someone she was kind to was unkind.

We don’t know that she was kind to this person as OP stated herself, The friend was already mad about something else. Way too much drama in this friend group. If a friend said, I was not a great cook. I’d probably laugh it off and say, I agree!

I think OP is butt hurt because she considers herself some great Cook and wants to showcase her “talents” with these dinner parties.

OP is hosting people often, which is very kind to do because hosting takes a lot of work. She may/may not be a good cook but it doesn't even matter. The point is the friend said something hurtful, so it makes sense op would be hurt. Whether you are a good cook or not, or would not be hurt by a rude comment because you are don't get "butt hurt", is irrelevant.

I don’t even think “butt hurt” is the kind of thing one should be saying anymore.