Are there things people can say or do that you can’t really come back from, even with an apology?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think it’s odd that you confronted them. Who cares if they think you’re not a good cook. You made it weird. What did you expect them to say? It’s not a performance review.

If it's not a performance review, why review the performance to a mutual friend?

Again, you all are missing the point. It's not that OP may be a bad cook. It's that someone she was kind to was unkind.

We don’t know that she was kind to this person as OP stated herself, The friend was already mad about something else. Way too much drama in this friend group. If a friend said, I was not a great cook. I’d probably laugh it off and say, I agree!

I think OP is butt hurt because she considers herself some great Cook and wants to showcase her “talents” with these dinner parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think it’s odd that you confronted them. Who cares if they think you’re not a good cook. You made it weird. What did you expect them to say? It’s not a performance review.

If it's not a performance review, why review the performance to a mutual friend?

Again, you all are missing the point. It's not that OP may be a bad cook. It's that someone she was kind to was unkind.

We don’t know that she was kind to this person as OP stated herself, The friend was already mad about something else. Way too much drama in this friend group. If a friend said, I was not a great cook. I’d probably laugh it off and say, I agree!

I think OP is butt hurt because she considers herself some great Cook and wants to showcase her “talents” with these dinner parties.

OP is hosting people often, which is very kind to do because hosting takes a lot of work. She may/may not be a good cook but it doesn't even matter. The point is the friend said something hurtful, so it makes sense op would be hurt. Whether you are a good cook or not, or would not be hurt by a rude comment because you are don't get "butt hurt", is irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Yes, there are lots of them.

The things that don’t just show that you’re angry or that you want to hurt someone, but which show who you really are on the inside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think it’s odd that you confronted them. Who cares if they think you’re not a good cook. You made it weird. What did you expect them to say? It’s not a performance review.

If it's not a performance review, why review the performance to a mutual friend?

Again, you all are missing the point. It's not that OP may be a bad cook. It's that someone she was kind to was unkind.

We don’t know that she was kind to this person as OP stated herself, The friend was already mad about something else. Way too much drama in this friend group. If a friend said, I was not a great cook. I’d probably laugh it off and say, I agree!

I think OP is butt hurt because she considers herself some great Cook and wants to showcase her “talents” with these dinner parties.

Is that how you treat your friends who just hosted you? Mock and belittle them? Do it yourself if you're so great but it's terrible manners to be so ungrateful and rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think it’s odd that you confronted them. Who cares if they think you’re not a good cook. You made it weird. What did you expect them to say? It’s not a performance review.

If it's not a performance review, why review the performance to a mutual friend?

Again, you all are missing the point. It's not that OP may be a bad cook. It's that someone she was kind to was unkind.

We don’t know that she was kind to this person as OP stated herself, The friend was already mad about something else. Way too much drama in this friend group. If a friend said, I was not a great cook. I’d probably laugh it off and say, I agree!

I think OP is butt hurt because she considers herself some great Cook and wants to showcase her “talents” with these dinner parties.

OP is hosting people often, which is very kind to do because hosting takes a lot of work. She may/may not be a good cook but it doesn't even matter. The point is the friend said something hurtful, so it makes sense op would be hurt. Whether you are a good cook or not, or would not be hurt by a rude comment because you are don't get "butt hurt", is irrelevant.

I don’t even think “butt hurt” is the kind of thing one should be saying anymore.

[Anonymous]

I guess I’d consider why this comment stung so much. Sounds like you host frequently and are proud of it, which I get. But if there’s no truth to what this person is saying about your cooking, and the comment was peripheral to their actual grievance, I wouldn’t end the friendship over it. I would consider why I wanted to however, if this was my impulse.

[Anonymous]

The friend that shared this with you is worse than the friend who made the disparaging comment about your cooking. They were trying to hurt you and succeeded. The other friend was just venting and didn't expect to be snitched on.

[Anonymous]

I try to be forgiving of friends, we all have less than perfect attitudes and is part of being human to make mistakes. However I really have hard time getting over rejection. For rejection I mean things like silent treatment, being not invited to an important event when other friends are, people talking behind my back or people flaking on plans without a good reason

[Anonymous]

I feel like a lot of you in this thread are the sort of people who frequently say something incredibly shitty under the guise of “Just being honest!”

[Anonymous]

A friend shared personal information about me with others before I was ready for it to be shared. I addressed it directly and told her that the behavior was inappropriate. She became angry and ended the conversation abruptly.

After that, she shared the disparaging comment about me with a mutual 19yo acquaintance, which then made its way back to me. Given the timing, it felt retaliatory rather than incidental.

The core issue wasn’t the later comment, she can think whatever she wants to think, it was that when a boundary was named, it was met with anger and followed by behavior that further undermined trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend shared personal information about me with others before I was ready for it to be shared. I addressed it directly and told her that the behavior was inappropriate. She became angry and ended the conversation abruptly.

After that, she shared the disparaging comment about me with a mutual 19yo acquaintance, which then made its way back to me. Given the timing, it felt retaliatory rather than incidental.

The core issue wasn’t the later comment, she can think whatever she wants to think, it was that when a boundary was named, it was met with anger and followed by behavior that further undermined trust.

This was OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend shared personal information about me with others before I was ready for it to be shared. I addressed it directly and told her that the behavior was inappropriate. She became angry and ended the conversation abruptly.

After that, she shared the disparaging comment about me with a mutual 19yo acquaintance, which then made its way back to me. Given the timing, it felt retaliatory rather than incidental.

The core issue wasn’t the later comment, she can think whatever she wants to think, it was that when a boundary was named, it was met with anger and followed by behavior that further undermined trust.

19yo? How old are you guys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend shared personal information about me with others before I was ready for it to be shared. I addressed it directly and told her that the behavior was inappropriate. She became angry and ended the conversation abruptly.

After that, she shared the disparaging comment about me with a mutual 19yo acquaintance, which then made its way back to me. Given the timing, it felt retaliatory rather than incidental.

The core issue wasn’t the later comment, she can think whatever she wants to think, it was that when a boundary was named, it was met with anger and followed by behavior that further undermined trust.

19yo? How old are you guys?

40s, the 19yo is an acquaintance’s child. They thought they were doing me a favor by telling me, I don’t think there was malicious intent, just naïveté.

[Anonymous]

This is a difficult situation for me to imagine, but I approach it a little differently than most here. I do a lot of entertaining, but am always trying to be sure to invite folks who want to come, not just maybe feel obligated.

Does she reciprocate your invitations? If not, I wouldn't bother watching inviting her again since she doesn't appreciate your hospitality. If you want to go to her parties, I guess I'd keep inviting her, but can't really imagine wanting to be friends with the person you described. But I would also so never confront her, just slowly disengage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend shared personal information about me with others before I was ready for it to be shared. I addressed it directly and told her that the behavior was inappropriate. She became angry and ended the conversation abruptly.

After that, she shared the disparaging comment about me with a mutual 19yo acquaintance, which then made its way back to me. Given the timing, it felt retaliatory rather than incidental.

The core issue wasn’t the later comment, she can think whatever she wants to think, it was that when a boundary was named, it was met with anger and followed by behavior that further undermined trust.

**What** **The** **hell** OP??? Why did you make this thread about your cooking when it's clearly so much worse? Drop this "friend" -- and I already said up thread not to. I take that back. She sucks.