How common is it to regret getting a divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like the people who most regret divorce are the ones who think their spouse will never ever divorce them no matter how bad their behavior.

I read reddit sometimes, and there are always posts from men who (ex) ask for a paternity test, wife freaks out and divorces them, and now they are alone without their child. They don't regret the divorce necessarily, but how their entire life blew up in their face because of one decision. The cheaters, the liars, the losers.

Yeah this kind of describes my ex. Even though I gave him years of advance warning that his behavior was literally draining away all my positive feelings and would end in divorce sooner or later, he refused to change anything or even acknowledge any issues. When it became more clear that we were headed towards divorce he started to panic and claim he wanted to do therapy. But it was far too late.

Mine is the initiator and is panicking and already has regret. And still pushing things along. It’s insanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of my divorced friends have privately admitted to me they regret it deeply.

No they haven’t.

[Anonymous]

I have one friend who regrets the divorce, but part of it is because she can't let go of the "what could have been". To make a long story short, she divorced him because they basically lived like roommates who only ever talked if it had to do with their son. They were both miserable. There was no fighting or abuse or anything. It was simply a falling out of love scenario. So they divorced figuring it was a miserable way to live.

But because they didn't hate each other or anything like that, their divorce was amicable and dealing with each other post divorce was fine. After awhile he got a new gf and she saw them at their kid's games/activities/mutually planned events and that's when the "what could have been" regrets started. But the reality we try to tell her is that she has no idea what it would have looked like if the stayed together. Sure now they can get on like friends and he's in a happy and healthy relationship, but if they stayed married I very much doubt they would get along this well.

[Anonymous]

Surprisingly less common than regretting getting married.
As a man, marrying the wrong woman is a mistake that creates near lifetime obligations. The biggest lesson learned was do not get married, that alimony check is a monthly reminder of heartbreak and injustice. There are always consequences for decisions and actions, but it sucks paying the consequences for your decisions and someone else’s actions.

[Anonymous]

As the saying goes- Divorce is only expensive, because it’s worth it. If your reasoning feels like you wouldn’t lose everything to get out, then you will regret not investing more in making it work. Trash any resentments and unrealistic personal expectations and hit the restart button if the relationship is stagnant, either way you are starting over from scratch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of my divorced friends have privately admitted to me they regret it deeply.

No they haven’t.

I'm a different poster, but I know my ex wife who I am still Facebook friends with confided to me she has regrets.
I remarried and my wife and I have 3 kids.
My ex remarried to an abusive Marine whom she would not have children with, but stayed in the marriage several years to which she says she regrets, Unfortunately, she aged out of her child bearing years which she now regrets even more.
Its a sad thing to live with. My main mistake I made was trying to invest $$ too much early when we were married instead of splurging a little more, carp diem. I think her mistake was not understanding what my motivation was. I really loved her and wanted us to have a stable family and life.
We were both immature back then, but in different ways.
She broke up with me and I remember mostly the sadness and pain.
I've completely forgiven her and we both agree we both made mistakes and would have made it if we had compromised with each other more.
She has recently remarried and her and new husband who also doesn't have children travel extensively.
She seems happy which I am happy for and at peace with.
In the end we both ironically / mostly got what we thought we both wanted.

[Anonymous]

Never heard of anyone who regretted it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like the people who most regret divorce are the ones who think their spouse will never ever divorce them no matter how bad their behavior.

I read reddit sometimes, and there are always posts from men who (ex) ask for a paternity test, wife freaks out and divorces them, and now they are alone without their child. They don't regret the divorce necessarily, but how their entire life blew up in their face because of one decision. The cheaters, the liars, the losers.

I agree the bad behavior ones are surprised when they finally get served.

I disagree that they “regret” getting divorced or regret any of their bad behavior.

They just move on to the next target and bad mouth their previous one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of my divorced friends have privately admitted to me they regret it deeply.

Doubt it.

Why? why did they say they supposedly regret it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have one friend who regrets the divorce, but part of it is because she can't let go of the "what could have been". To make a long story short, she divorced him because they basically lived like roommates who only ever talked if it had to do with their son. They were both miserable. There was no fighting or abuse or anything. It was simply a falling out of love scenario. So they divorced figuring it was a miserable way to live.

But because they didn't hate each other or anything like that, their divorce was amicable and dealing with each other post divorce was fine. After awhile he got a new gf and she saw them at their kid's games/activities/mutually planned events and that's when the "what could have been" regrets started. But the reality we try to tell her is that she has no idea what it would have looked like if the stayed together. Sure now they can get on like friends and he's in a happy and healthy relationship, but if they stayed married I very much doubt they would get along this well.

Plus step girlfriend has none of the burden and responsibilities of raising a child. If she does it’s a very ancillary role 50% of the time. So their relationship is easy peasy fun only. No real test like raising a child or going through a health scare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Surprisingly less common than regretting getting married.
As a man, marrying the wrong woman is a mistake that creates near lifetime obligations. The biggest lesson learned was do not get married, that alimony check is a monthly reminder of heartbreak and injustice. There are always consequences for decisions and actions, but it sucks paying the consequences for your decisions and someone else’s actions.

Anything less vague to say?

Wrong woman. Obligations. Heartbreak. Injustice. Alimony. Someone else’s actions.

[Anonymous]

Both of my brothers regret the way their marriages ended and that they were not able to figure out a way to keep the marriage intact. They both have substance abuse issues and mental health problems.

Neither of their ex-wives regret their divorce and I know they are relieved to have gotten out of those marriages even with the co-parenting challenges it created. I don't think they can ever totally regret their marriages because they love their kids, who are great, but I'm certain they look back on red flags from early in those relationships and wish they'd done a better job of recognizing where things were headed.

I have empathy for all involved but mostly just wish my brothers didn't struggle with these demons. I don't blame my former SILs at all for choosing to get out of those marriages. I have mixed feelings about the impact on kids -- the divorces are hard on my nieces and nephews but also it would have been hard on them if there hadn't been divorce either. I hope the experience helps them know better what to do, and not to do, in their adult relationships. I especially hope they can break the cycles of substance issues and mental health problems, and I have faith that it's possible because I did it myself (happily married, two kids, no substance problems, very healthy mentally with help of therapists and supportive spouse).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My BIL still regrets his divorce 10 years later. He behaved poorly to the extent that his own parents and siblings distanced themselves from him. He’s gotten therapy but hasn’t been in a stable relationship since. Former SIL is happily remarried and has twins with her new husband, in addition to hers and BIL’s child.

I would rephrase that: he regrets his own behavior, which led his wife to leave him.

I am so happy that she has found happiness with someone more deserving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of my divorced friends have privately admitted to me they regret it deeply.

Not my sister.

She has been with a man who is a much better partner for 15 years now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex husband regrets the divorce, but he was also the one who had a 3 year affair, lost his job, lost his friends. He has a lot of regrets.

I regret not leaving sooner.

He regrets being held accountable.