How common is it to regret getting a divorce?

[Anonymous]

With a good marriage, regret very often

With an abusive marriage, regret not doing it earlier

[Anonymous]

I have a good friend who absolutely regrets it. Mostly for her family and where they all are now versus where they could be (he cheated).

One cousin who regrets it (male and he admits he was the bigger, but not only problem and now doesn’t have a relationship with older children).

Of note, another cousin was separated for over a year and they reconciled. She is happy they were able to move beyond their issues and felt time really helped with their decision.

Finally, one friend who regrets not doing it sooner- happily remarried. No DC involved.

There are far worse things than divorce but I would absolutely do a trial separation first if circumstances allow and no abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there’s a lot of regret, but not all of it regretting the divorce. Divorce typically comes with a big financial hit that can take many years to recover from.

+1 Divorce is the single worst financial decision you can ever make. Your worth gets cut in half and your expenses double. So basically you are left to live on 25% of what you had. Often, people who aren't the earners in the family don't understand the gravity of this.
Divorce should only be a worst case decision, not simply because you're "unhappy". It's much easier to work towards " happiness" within a marriage, when you're not also going through financial hardship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there’s a lot of regret, but not all of it regretting the divorce. Divorce typically comes with a big financial hit that can take many years to recover from. Also for people who like to be partnered or married, that doesn’t always happen again. If there are kids, there are all sorts of issues that can be tough from simply splitting the time to watching them become a part of a new family with additional siblings. And there can be the realization that there is no perfect relationship, that the falling in love stage doesn’t last and sometimes bad patterns repeat themselves because you are the common dynamic.

All of these regrets can happen even when you’re relieved to be out of the marriage.

I am the one who filed in our relationship but I realized that I would regret it and decided to stay and put in the work. I think had I not, I would have regretted divorcing.

I wish more people realized this.

Nope Nope Nope.

80% of divorce is about abuse whether it is physical or emotional.
Kids should not be raised in a house where parents are angry every day all day. You think they don't know you are stupid.

As for financial women need to keep their jobs when they marry. They need to prioritize their jobs never ever let a man be your sole provider. Then again after 2026 women won't be educated or getting jobs any longer not like Project 2025 doesn't say "men head of households" and many other items where divorce and womens rights to anything will be gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say I am in the camp of having zero options OTHER than to divorce (there is no physical abuse, or affair) but am somewhat backed into a corner. One of my fears is regretting the decision - how common is this? Would love to get a sense...

OP, please explain "backed in to a corner"

Divorce is there for a reason. Women did not have this option in many states up until the 1970's.
And now most of that will roll backwards, red states are already starting this.

Hence, if DH is abusing you in a red state you are not getting a divorce after 2026 do you think women who divorce for abuse regret it ? I seriously doubt that.

Right now you have the right to divorce you will not after 2026. Think about that.

[Anonymous]

I’m divorced and no several people were divorced and I don’t know one person who regrets it. Most people think for years about it before actually doing it.

[Anonymous]

*know (typo above)

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say I am in the camp of having zero options OTHER than to divorce (there is no physical abuse, or affair) but am somewhat backed into a corner. One of my fears is regretting the decision - how common is this? Would love to get a sense...

OP, please explain "backed in to a corner"

Divorce is there for a reason. Women did not have this option in many states up until the 1970's.
And now most of that will roll backwards, red states are already starting this.

Hence, if DH is abusing you in a red state you are not getting a divorce after 2026 do you think women who divorce for abuse regret it ? I seriously doubt that.

Right now you have the right to divorce you will not after 2026. Think about that.

Is that already the law in some states ?

[Anonymous]

Only regret loosing a big house and how it affected our child.
Not regretting at all the person I was married to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there’s a lot of regret, but not all of it regretting the divorce. Divorce typically comes with a big financial hit that can take many years to recover from.

+1 Divorce is the single worst financial decision you can ever make. Your worth gets cut in half and your expenses double. So basically you are left to live on 25% of what you had. Often, people who aren't the earners in the family don't understand the gravity of this.
Divorce should only be a worst case decision, not simply because you're "unhappy". It's much easier to work towards " happiness" within a marriage, when you're not also going through financial hardship.

It wasn’t my choice but I regret it. Our retirement plans were joint and made sense for two thoughtful, financially measured people. When DH bolted and our savings and retirement were split and our equity was split before it could grow for the amount of years we’d planned…well, 25% for me is definitely accurate. DH’s career is just entering the years where his comp will grow in a way that’s a reward for all the grinding years before. Mine is entering the years where any year could be the last.

I regret ever meeting him, but I don’t think that’s what OP was asking!

[Anonymous]

I am divorced and I have several divorced friends. Of all those people, only one sort of regrets it because, IMHO, she had very unrealistic expectations of how her life will turn out. Everyone else, including myself, is happy they did it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a good friend who absolutely regrets it. Mostly for her family and where they all are now versus where they could be (he cheated).

One cousin who regrets it (male and he admits he was the bigger, but not only problem and now doesn’t have a relationship with older children).

Of note, another cousin was separated for over a year and they reconciled. She is happy they were able to move beyond their issues and felt time really helped with their decision.

Finally, one friend who regrets not doing it sooner- happily remarried. No DC involved.

There are far worse things than divorce but I would absolutely do a trial separation first if circumstances allow and no abuse.

I am the PP who wrote about unrealistic expectations. Your good friend has NO idea where they would have been. She is comparing her actual life with some imaginary outcome - people like that are never happy, no matter what.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who divorced because her DH’s employment status wasn’t acceptable to her. Of course he “got it together” as soon as they divorced. Her life is much harder and she’s much poorer now — she was making a ton of money before, but had to step back to raise the kids 50% of the time. I wasn’t really sure why she was pushing for him to make more money when she should’ve just been pushing for him to do 90% of the house stuff like any SAH parent should while the other is making bank. Pretty sure she regrets it.

[Anonymous]

My ex husband regrets the divorce, but he was also the one who had a 3 year affair, lost his job, lost his friends. He has a lot of regrets.

I regret not leaving sooner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there’s a lot of regret, but not all of it regretting the divorce. Divorce typically comes with a big financial hit that can take many years to recover from. Also for people who like to be partnered or married, that doesn’t always happen again. If there are kids, there are all sorts of issues that can be tough from simply splitting the time to watching them become a part of a new family with additional siblings. And there can be the realization that there is no perfect relationship, that the falling in love stage doesn’t last and sometimes bad patterns repeat themselves because you are the common dynamic.

All of these regrets can happen even when you’re relieved to be out of the marriage.

I am the one who filed in our relationship but I realized that I would regret it and decided to stay and put in the work. I think had I not, I would have regretted divorcing.

I wish more people realized this.

Nope Nope Nope.

80% of divorce is about abuse whether it is physical or emotional.
Kids should not be raised in a house where parents are angry every day all day. You think they don't know you are stupid.

As for financial women need to keep their jobs when they marry. They need to prioritize their jobs never ever let a man be your sole provider. Then again after 2026 women won't be educated or getting jobs any longer not like Project 2025 doesn't say "men head of households" and many other items where divorce and womens rights to anything will be gone.

This.

The above divorces had a lot of tim and thought out into it before filing for separation and divorce. It’s the best bad option.