How common is it to regret getting a divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my exh regrets it.

Attempted hoovering (starting about a year or so after the D, which got shut down) after moving on with lightning speed. Partnered up so fast that most people (family, friends, kids) realized, without me saying a word, that he was the one who wanted out even though I filed.

I miss being partnered but my standards are higher now. I'm aging backwards (which helps, not going to lie, ha), kids are great, $ is solid.

I filed to set him free, but ended up setting myself free in ways that I couldn't imagine.

You’re not aging backwards. Sorry to break the news to you.

I'm a different poster. Some people age backwards after divorce. I did. I felt more energetic. I lost weight. I looked better. Do I have a little more grey hair? Yes. Am I closer to retirement? Yes. But I'm more athletic, my clothes fit better, I do more fun things, and I feel better.

I don't regret my divorce at all. I admit I'm sad my marriage didn't work out but my spouse fell out of love with me and lost all attraction to me. I'm glad I got out.

Do you worry at all that if you had made the effort while you were still married that it would’ve made a difference?

Yes I do. But I tried very hard for several years and nothing worked. We went to two marriage counselors and both said the main problem was my spouse. Eventually I gave up.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I regret it every day, but I got blindsided and didn't have a choice – I was told I was being divorced so he could pursue other options. He got everything he wanted. I suspect he has regrets once a month when he puts through the alimony, but that's about it.

Same boat. Devastating for me. Mild financial regret for him but only because he’s a miser. That check is nothing but a rounding error and temporary.

Did you all not get a share of the marital assets and child support?

You do. But it’s not helpful if your stbx or ex files just as their career takes off because of the support you’ve given them. Imagine a tech entrepreneur who’s been grinding for years and finally makes it big just after divorce (“coincidentally”), a doctor who finishes their fellowships and is almost in the clear paying down their loans and then divorces, or someone in a field where deferred comp only happens at a certain executive level which they were promoted to after the filing.

Those are the spouses of acquaintances of mine who screwed over their supporting/trailing/compromised spouses big time with the timing of their filing.

Elon Musk's first wife wrote about how his team was trying to cut her out of any chance at PayPal, etc. Before he hit it big. They had 5 kids and she got a very modest settlement considering he is now the 2nd richest man on earth.

I believe she's happy to be well rid of the loon. He behaves oddly with his partners and children.

What an a-hole. Not taking care of his first set of FIVE kids or the wife and mother of all five of them who propped him up and the whole household whilst he ignored them all and worked 24/7 at a startup.

They all sacrificed so much and for so long and got peanuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I regret it every day, but I got blindsided and didn't have a choice – I was told I was being divorced so he could pursue other options. He got everything he wanted. I suspect he has regrets once a month when he puts through the alimony, but that's about it.

Same boat. Devastating for me. Mild financial regret for him but only because he’s a miser. That check is nothing but a rounding error and temporary.

Did you all not get a share of the marital assets and child support?

You do. But it’s not helpful if your stbx or ex files just as their career takes off because of the support you’ve given them. Imagine a tech entrepreneur who’s been grinding for years and finally makes it big just after divorce (“coincidentally”), a doctor who finishes their fellowships and is almost in the clear paying down their loans and then divorces, or someone in a field where deferred comp only happens at a certain executive level which they were promoted to after the filing.

Those are the spouses of acquaintances of mine who screwed over their supporting/trailing/compromised spouses big time with the timing of their filing.

Elon Musk's first wife wrote about how his team was trying to cut her out of any chance at PayPal, etc. Before he hit it big. They had 5 kids and she got a very modest settlement considering he is now the 2nd richest man on earth.

I believe she's happy to be well rid of the loon. He behaves oddly with his partners and children.

What an a-hole. Not taking care of his first set of FIVE kids or the wife and mother of all five of them who propped him up and the whole household whilst he ignored them all and worked 24/7 at a startup.

They all sacrificed so much and for so long and got peanuts.

I think from the wife's point of view it was really that Elon treated her as though she was less than/a wife appliance. And he's a bad father although he tries to show interest in his kids. So the money doesn't matter - she got a lot by human standards - it's just how terrible a spouse/father/person he turned out to be.

I enjoy seeing his daughter do public takedowns. I'm sure his kids will all be pretty smart. But hopefully better adjusted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say I am in the camp of having zero options OTHER than to divorce (there is no physical abuse, or affair) but am somewhat backed into a corner. One of my fears is regretting the decision - how common is this? Would love to get a sense...

Probably very common but most won't admit it.

The reason is most people get divorced over nothing. "I'm bored! I'm not loved enough! I want romance. blah blah"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say I am in the camp of having zero options OTHER than to divorce (there is no physical abuse, or affair) but am somewhat backed into a corner. One of my fears is regretting the decision - how common is this? Would love to get a sense...

Probably very common but most won't admit it.

The reason is most people get divorced over nothing. "I'm bored! I'm not loved enough! I want romance. blah blah"

I don’t think that’s true that that is most but agree that that is the type to later regret it.

[Anonymous]

In the absence of abuse or affiars, it is very common to regret a divorce. My college friend basically divorced her DH.... over a grudge match. She thought it wouldn't come to that.

Her ex remarried a rich woman and they had a kid and live a lovely life. My friend is pretty much broke and single at 52. The internet will try to tell you differently but men aren't looking for mid 50s women. So you're putting yourself in a 'alone forever' situation.