How common is it to regret getting a divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not common at all. I know people who very much wish they hadn't felt the need, but everyone who's had one who I know is relieved.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Gates both have recently said they regret their divorces, so has Ben Affleck.

Did they also regret their extramarital affairs? lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both of my brothers regret the way their marriages ended and that they were not able to figure out a way to keep the marriage intact. They both have substance abuse issues and mental health problems.

Neither of their ex-wives regret their divorce and I know they are relieved to have gotten out of those marriages even with the co-parenting challenges it created. I don't think they can ever totally regret their marriages because they love their kids, who are great, but I'm certain they look back on red flags from early in those relationships and wish they'd done a better job of recognizing where things were headed.

I have empathy for all involved but mostly just wish my brothers didn't struggle with these demons. I don't blame my former SILs at all for choosing to get out of those marriages. I have mixed feelings about the impact on kids -- the divorces are hard on my nieces and nephews but also it would have been hard on them if there hadn't been divorce either. I hope the experience helps them know better what to do, and not to do, in their adult relationships. I especially hope they can break the cycles of substance issues and mental health problems, and I have faith that it's possible because I did it myself (happily married, two kids, no substance problems, very healthy mentally with help of therapists and supportive spouse).

People tend to marry their equal when it comes to emotional maturity.

And society rewards some coping mechanisms and addictions over others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not common at all. I know people who very much wish they hadn't felt the need, but everyone who's had one who I know is relieved.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Gates both have recently said they regret their divorces, so has Ben Affleck.

I’m sure they may. But usually when this is said by the cheating spouse they mean that they regret how the marriage ended and their actions which led to the divorce. And then they regret that they are now alone but I’m sure they understood it pretty much had to end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s also common for people to demonise their exes to avoid their own feelings of shame, guilt and regret. And of course there is a whole industry that capitalises on that.

What industry? Sincere question

[Anonymous]

I regret it every day, but I got blindsided and didn't have a choice – I was told I was being divorced so he could pursue other options. He got everything he wanted. I suspect he has regrets once a month when he puts through the alimony, but that's about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not common at all. I know people who very much wish they hadn't felt the need, but everyone who's had one who I know is relieved.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Gates both have recently said they regret their divorces, so has Ben Affleck.

They didn’t seem to have regrets when they were getting some strange. And Bill Gates, eeeew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I regret it every day, but I got blindsided and didn't have a choice – I was told I was being divorced so he could pursue other options. He got everything he wanted. I suspect he has regrets once a month when he puts through the alimony, but that's about it.

Same boat. Devastating for me. Mild financial regret for him but only because he’s a miser. That check is nothing but a rounding error and temporary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not common at all. I know people who very much wish they hadn't felt the need, but everyone who's had one who I know is relieved.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Gates both have recently said they regret their divorces, so has Ben Affleck.

They don’t regret the divorce.

They regret being exposed,
They regret dividing up their commingled estate
They regret the effects of their behaviors and the divorce on their children and that relationship.

They basically regret the consequences of their divorce, which were directly catalyzed by their poor decisions and behaviors during the marriage.

But NONE of them said nor alluded to “regretting their divorce” because they still love and miss their ex wife and previous marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not common at all. I know people who very much wish they hadn't felt the need, but everyone who's had one who I know is relieved.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Gates both have recently said they regret their divorces, so has Ben Affleck.

Did they also regret their extramarital affairs? lol.

All men.

[Anonymous]

It’s just so hard to log in to my net worth account and see half of it missing!

I regret that big time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my exh regrets it.

Attempted hoovering (starting about a year or so after the D, which got shut down) after moving on with lightning speed. Partnered up so fast that most people (family, friends, kids) realized, without me saying a word, that he was the one who wanted out even though I filed.

I miss being partnered but my standards are higher now. I'm aging backwards (which helps, not going to lie, ha), kids are great, $ is solid.

I filed to set him free, but ended up setting myself free in ways that I couldn't imagine.

You’re not aging backwards. Sorry to break the news to you.

I'm a different poster. Some people age backwards after divorce. I did. I felt more energetic. I lost weight. I looked better. Do I have a little more grey hair? Yes. Am I closer to retirement? Yes. But I'm more athletic, my clothes fit better, I do more fun things, and I feel better.

I don't regret my divorce at all. I admit I'm sad my marriage didn't work out but my spouse fell out of love with me and lost all attraction to me. I'm glad I got out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I regret it every day, but I got blindsided and didn't have a choice – I was told I was being divorced so he could pursue other options. He got everything he wanted. I suspect he has regrets once a month when he puts through the alimony, but that's about it.

Same boat. Devastating for me. Mild financial regret for him but only because he’s a miser. That check is nothing but a rounding error and temporary.

I'm the PP. I'm sorry. It's awful. It felt like the bottom fell out of my world and I was knocked completely flat. It was barely a hiccup for him. I'll never understand it, but I'm slowly learning to be okay with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s also common for people to demonise their exes to avoid their own feelings of shame, guilt and regret. And of course there is a whole industry that capitalises on that.

What industry? Sincere question

Lawyers

[Anonymous]

Less common than it is to regret getting married

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not common at all. I know people who very much wish they hadn't felt the need, but everyone who's had one who I know is relieved.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Gates both have recently said they regret their divorces, so has Ben Affleck.

They didn’t seem to have regrets when they were getting some strange. And Bill Gates, eeeew.

+1. They don’t regret the divorce, they just regret that no one is servicing at the level they had become expected to - kids don’t give them the same time and respect, new wife or girlfriend demands more than the previous one and the societal prominence they once enjoyed has become a bit tarnished.