Mom’s Who Left Career to SAHP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are already in school. That’s the point when people go back, not quit. Why do you want to give up your salary to sit at home while your kids are at school?

Just stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of 16, 14 and 12 yo here. OP should wait until late ES or MS to dial back. It's actually very useful when kids are younger to have childcare for the younger siblings and a flexible job. It was more difficult for SAH parents who had a young child at home to volunteer because they had to either tag along or the parent had to find a sitter for them. It's also not that hard to plan out the summer during the ES years. There are a million camp options or summer nannies to choose from. Now, I do admit my older DCs were in ES school in FCPS before they started having so many days off. It would have been more difficult to deal with a calendar like the one for next year with multiple 4 and 5 day weekends.

I started reducing my hours when my oldest was in MS. She had a few after school activities and needed picked up at 3:30 or 4:00. Then she was playing a fall sport at high school, with practices starting at the beginning of August, the younger sibling was in MS, and youngest was into a travel sport. There were a lot of schedules to coordinate that couldn't have happened if I was in the office from 9-5.

These are the years that I think really matter since they're the last few you have before launching them into college. While I'm not a SAHP, most of my work hours align with the school schedule now. This is definitely not the time I'd be wanting to go back to work if I had scaled back while they were in ES.

Upper elementary and up kids start getting very involved in sports. I have kids in both public and private. Public middle school doesn’t have school sports and these kids would get out at 230 and you have to drive your kid to travel or AAU sports. We know kids who do gymnastics, dance, tennis, soccer, baseball, basketball, etc that all require a ton of driving. Carpooling is terrible at this age as kids don’t all live in the same neighborhood and games, matches and tournaments are all over the place. My private school kid at least has middle school practice at school but his matches are all over the DMV at 245! A surprisingly high number of parents make it to their games in the middle of the day.

High school kids who can’t yet drive also require a ton of driving. Any kid who trains or competes at anything at a high level whether it is sports, art, music, science, debate, anything also require driving.

Of course you can choose to not be involved but I believe these tween teen years are when kids need you the most. This is when you should cut down and be flexible. DH is at the peak of his career and I’m a SAHM and he is trying to cut back his house. Our oldest is 16 and he wants to attend his sports games at 4 and our other son’s sports games at 2:45.

+100000. I feel bad for mothers who quit their jobs with babies and plan to return later. It’s easy to hire a nanny or sign up for daycare. You can’t really hire a nanny for a 12 year old and they need their parents. If you can’t manage to work with a three year old, I don’t see how you manage later.

Pp again. I actually planned to go back to work when my youngest started kindergarten. But that was when my oldest started middle school and i was surprised how much more demanding the kids got. Now I have 3 kids who all do different activities and it is hard to juggle the three of them even though I don’t work. DH has a very demanding job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. I remember when my oldest was starting freshmen year, we learned fall sports tryouts start out in early August. We usually vacation then. They also have tryouts in the middle of the day at random times. I don’t know how these kids get to tryouts and practice. I’m a SAHM so I can do it.

I lived about a mile away from my high school and would just walk or run over for preseason practice. There is also uber teen now and carpool. I agree that with three kids in lots of activities it is logistically challenging to manage everything as they age and it helps a lot to have flexibility.

Carpool as in other parents drive, not you. That’s not carpooling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of 16, 14 and 12 yo here. OP should wait until late ES or MS to dial back. It's actually very useful when kids are younger to have childcare for the younger siblings and a flexible job. It was more difficult for SAH parents who had a young child at home to volunteer because they had to either tag along or the parent had to find a sitter for them. It's also not that hard to plan out the summer during the ES years. There are a million camp options or summer nannies to choose from. Now, I do admit my older DCs were in ES school in FCPS before they started having so many days off. It would have been more difficult to deal with a calendar like the one for next year with multiple 4 and 5 day weekends.

I started reducing my hours when my oldest was in MS. She had a few after school activities and needed picked up at 3:30 or 4:00. Then she was playing a fall sport at high school, with practices starting at the beginning of August, the younger sibling was in MS, and youngest was into a travel sport. There were a lot of schedules to coordinate that couldn't have happened if I was in the office from 9-5.

These are the years that I think really matter since they're the last few you have before launching them into college. While I'm not a SAHP, most of my work hours align with the school schedule now. This is definitely not the time I'd be wanting to go back to work if I had scaled back while they were in ES.

Upper elementary and up kids start getting very involved in sports. I have kids in both public and private. Public middle school doesn’t have school sports and these kids would get out at 230 and you have to drive your kid to travel or AAU sports. We know kids who do gymnastics, dance, tennis, soccer, baseball, basketball, etc that all require a ton of driving. Carpooling is terrible at this age as kids don’t all live in the same neighborhood and games, matches and tournaments are all over the place. My private school kid at least has middle school practice at school but his matches are all over the DMV at 245! A surprisingly high number of parents make it to their games in the middle of the day.

High school kids who can’t yet drive also require a ton of driving. Any kid who trains or competes at anything at a high level whether it is sports, art, music, science, debate, anything also require driving.

Of course you can choose to not be involved but I believe these tween teen years are when kids need you the most. This is when you should cut down and be flexible. DH is at the peak of his career and I’m a SAHM and he is trying to cut back his house. Our oldest is 16 and he wants to attend his sports games at 4 and our other son’s sports games at 2:45.

+100000. I feel bad for mothers who quit their jobs with babies and plan to return later. It’s easy to hire a nanny or sign up for daycare. You can’t really hire a nanny for a 12 year old and they need their parents. If you can’t manage to work with a three year old, I don’t see how you manage later.

It’s not easy if you don’t make a high salary. Nannies and good day cares are expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of 16, 14 and 12 yo here. OP should wait until late ES or MS to dial back. It's actually very useful when kids are younger to have childcare for the younger siblings and a flexible job. It was more difficult for SAH parents who had a young child at home to volunteer because they had to either tag along or the parent had to find a sitter for them. It's also not that hard to plan out the summer during the ES years. There are a million camp options or summer nannies to choose from. Now, I do admit my older DCs were in ES school in FCPS before they started having so many days off. It would have been more difficult to deal with a calendar like the one for next year with multiple 4 and 5 day weekends.

I started reducing my hours when my oldest was in MS. She had a few after school activities and needed picked up at 3:30 or 4:00. Then she was playing a fall sport at high school, with practices starting at the beginning of August, the younger sibling was in MS, and youngest was into a travel sport. There were a lot of schedules to coordinate that couldn't have happened if I was in the office from 9-5.

These are the years that I think really matter since they're the last few you have before launching them into college. While I'm not a SAHP, most of my work hours align with the school schedule now. This is definitely not the time I'd be wanting to go back to work if I had scaled back while they were in ES.

Upper elementary and up kids start getting very involved in sports. I have kids in both public and private. Public middle school doesn’t have school sports and these kids would get out at 230 and you have to drive your kid to travel or AAU sports. We know kids who do gymnastics, dance, tennis, soccer, baseball, basketball, etc that all require a ton of driving. Carpooling is terrible at this age as kids don’t all live in the same neighborhood and games, matches and tournaments are all over the place. My private school kid at least has middle school practice at school but his matches are all over the DMV at 245! A surprisingly high number of parents make it to their games in the middle of the day.

High school kids who can’t yet drive also require a ton of driving. Any kid who trains or competes at anything at a high level whether it is sports, art, music, science, debate, anything also require driving.

Of course you can choose to not be involved but I believe these tween teen years are when kids need you the most. This is when you should cut down and be flexible. DH is at the peak of his career and I’m a SAHM and he is trying to cut back his house. Our oldest is 16 and he wants to attend his sports games at 4 and our other son’s sports games at 2:45.

+100000. I feel bad for mothers who quit their jobs with babies and plan to return later. It’s easy to hire a nanny or sign up for daycare. You can’t really hire a nanny for a 12 year old and they need their parents. If you can’t manage to work with a three year old, I don’t see how you manage later.

It’s not easy if you don’t make a high salary. Nannies and good day cares are expensive.

The world is not made for working mothers. Work or family usually suffers unless the dad is the default parent. That really isn’t ideal no matter how much we want to accept stay at home dads.

[Anonymous]

The dad who is with all the other moms is often seen as a loser, too flirty, too competitive with sports, etc. There is this one dad who has a high powered wife juggling the three kids. He is ultra competitive and seems very eager to hang out with the moms. All of us don’t want to hang out with him one on one. I feel sorry for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The dad who is with all the other moms is often seen as a loser, too flirty, too competitive with sports, etc. There is this one dad who has a high powered wife juggling the three kids. He is ultra competitive and seems very eager to hang out with the moms. All of us don’t want to hang out with him one on one. I feel sorry for him.

I’m a SAHM and I love the SAHDs. There aren’t very many. It’s a nice change of pace. I’ve never had one flirt inappropriately. Maybe this one dad sucks but it’s not because he’s a dad. There are a lot of moms I don’t want to be friends with either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The dad who is with all the other moms is often seen as a loser, too flirty, too competitive with sports, etc. There is this one dad who has a high powered wife juggling the three kids. He is ultra competitive and seems very eager to hang out with the moms. All of us don’t want to hang out with him one on one. I feel sorry for him.

I’m a SAHM and I love the SAHDs. There aren’t very many. It’s a nice change of pace. I’ve never had one flirt inappropriately. Maybe this one dad sucks but it’s not because he’s a dad. There are a lot of moms I don’t want to be friends with either.

Very true. There are moms who are overly competitive and you do a slow walk away as well. This dad just happens to be overly too friendly and I actually do think he is flirting and makes people uncomfortable. He makes me feel uncomfortable but I never mentioned to anyone. Then another mom said something and they all laughed about it bc he makes everyone feel creeped out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a bunch of money and I didn’t/don’t really care about my career.

If you need your career or you just like it, personally I think it would be better to find a full time nanny/housekeeper. Pay them well and make them part of the family. Even if it eats most of your salary for a while.

+1 to this. It was still a hard decision but that’s where I was when I made it.

What do you consider a ton of money? I’m 36, have a well funded 401k, a strong emergency fund and investments. Then my husband and I have a lot of joint investments. We both ultimately stand to inherit a lot of money. And yet, I can’t bring myself to quit even though I desperately want to - right now, taxes and decent childcare eat away most of my earnings, and whatever’s leftover isn’t even enough to max out retirement. I’m essentially working to keep my foot in the door and not lose my earning potential.

OP here. Yes! This is how I feel at the moment. We are doing okay financially with savings etc. but my entire post tax salary is eaten up by childcare. I would be giving up future salary potential and our retirement savings would slow for a few years if I quit to SAH (losing my employer’s match). And while it would allow my spouse to focus on their career and possibly advance faster it also would put the onus on them to be sole breadwinner. It’s just a big risk to quit and I am trying to gather the courage to do it.

Pp here. We really are in very similar spots. It’s not an easy decision

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of 16, 14 and 12 yo here. OP should wait until late ES or MS to dial back. It's actually very useful when kids are younger to have childcare for the younger siblings and a flexible job. It was more difficult for SAH parents who had a young child at home to volunteer because they had to either tag along or the parent had to find a sitter for them. It's also not that hard to plan out the summer during the ES years. There are a million camp options or summer nannies to choose from. Now, I do admit my older DCs were in ES school in FCPS before they started having so many days off. It would have been more difficult to deal with a calendar like the one for next year with multiple 4 and 5 day weekends.

I started reducing my hours when my oldest was in MS. She had a few after school activities and needed picked up at 3:30 or 4:00. Then she was playing a fall sport at high school, with practices starting at the beginning of August, the younger sibling was in MS, and youngest was into a travel sport. There were a lot of schedules to coordinate that couldn't have happened if I was in the office from 9-5.

These are the years that I think really matter since they're the last few you have before launching them into college. While I'm not a SAHP, most of my work hours align with the school schedule now. This is definitely not the time I'd be wanting to go back to work if I had scaled back while they were in ES.

Upper elementary and up kids start getting very involved in sports. I have kids in both public and private. Public middle school doesn’t have school sports and these kids would get out at 230 and you have to drive your kid to travel or AAU sports. We know kids who do gymnastics, dance, tennis, soccer, baseball, basketball, etc that all require a ton of driving. Carpooling is terrible at this age as kids don’t all live in the same neighborhood and games, matches and tournaments are all over the place. My private school kid at least has middle school practice at school but his matches are all over the DMV at 245! A surprisingly high number of parents make it to their games in the middle of the day.

High school kids who can’t yet drive also require a ton of driving. Any kid who trains or competes at anything at a high level whether it is sports, art, music, science, debate, anything also require driving.

Of course you can choose to not be involved but I believe these tween teen years are when kids need you the most. This is when you should cut down and be flexible. DH is at the peak of his career and I’m a SAHM and he is trying to cut back his house. Our oldest is 16 and he wants to attend his sports games at 4 and our other son’s sports games at 2:45.

+100000. I feel bad for mothers who quit their jobs with babies and plan to return later. It’s easy to hire a nanny or sign up for daycare. You can’t really hire a nanny for a 12 year old and they need their parents. If you can’t manage to work with a three year old, I don’t see how you manage later.

Some people want to he help me with their three year olds! Like me. My three year old is delightful. Soon she’ll be in school a lot and then later she won’t always want to be with me every second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of 16, 14 and 12 yo here. OP should wait until late ES or MS to dial back. It's actually very useful when kids are younger to have childcare for the younger siblings and a flexible job. It was more difficult for SAH parents who had a young child at home to volunteer because they had to either tag along or the parent had to find a sitter for them. It's also not that hard to plan out the summer during the ES years. There are a million camp options or summer nannies to choose from. Now, I do admit my older DCs were in ES school in FCPS before they started having so many days off. It would have been more difficult to deal with a calendar like the one for next year with multiple 4 and 5 day weekends.

I started reducing my hours when my oldest was in MS. She had a few after school activities and needed picked up at 3:30 or 4:00. Then she was playing a fall sport at high school, with practices starting at the beginning of August, the younger sibling was in MS, and youngest was into a travel sport. There were a lot of schedules to coordinate that couldn't have happened if I was in the office from 9-5.

These are the years that I think really matter since they're the last few you have before launching them into college. While I'm not a SAHP, most of my work hours align with the school schedule now. This is definitely not the time I'd be wanting to go back to work if I had scaled back while they were in ES.

Upper elementary and up kids start getting very involved in sports. I have kids in both public and private. Public middle school doesn’t have school sports and these kids would get out at 230 and you have to drive your kid to travel or AAU sports. We know kids who do gymnastics, dance, tennis, soccer, baseball, basketball, etc that all require a ton of driving. Carpooling is terrible at this age as kids don’t all live in the same neighborhood and games, matches and tournaments are all over the place. My private school kid at least has middle school practice at school but his matches are all over the DMV at 245! A surprisingly high number of parents make it to their games in the middle of the day.

High school kids who can’t yet drive also require a ton of driving. Any kid who trains or competes at anything at a high level whether it is sports, art, music, science, debate, anything also require driving.

Of course you can choose to not be involved but I believe these tween teen years are when kids need you the most. This is when you should cut down and be flexible. DH is at the peak of his career and I’m a SAHM and he is trying to cut back his house. Our oldest is 16 and he wants to attend his sports games at 4 and our other son’s sports games at 2:45.

+100000. I feel bad for mothers who quit their jobs with babies and plan to return later. It’s easy to hire a nanny or sign up for daycare. You can’t really hire a nanny for a 12 year old and they need their parents. If you can’t manage to work with a three year old, I don’t see how you manage later.

Some people want to he help me with their three year olds! Like me. My three year old is delightful. Soon she’ll be in school a lot and then later she won’t always want to be with me every second.

Typos - meant some people want to be with their three year olds*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of 16, 14 and 12 yo here. OP should wait until late ES or MS to dial back. It's actually very useful when kids are younger to have childcare for the younger siblings and a flexible job. It was more difficult for SAH parents who had a young child at home to volunteer because they had to either tag along or the parent had to find a sitter for them. It's also not that hard to plan out the summer during the ES years. There are a million camp options or summer nannies to choose from. Now, I do admit my older DCs were in ES school in FCPS before they started having so many days off. It would have been more difficult to deal with a calendar like the one for next year with multiple 4 and 5 day weekends.

I started reducing my hours when my oldest was in MS. She had a few after school activities and needed picked up at 3:30 or 4:00. Then she was playing a fall sport at high school, with practices starting at the beginning of August, the younger sibling was in MS, and youngest was into a travel sport. There were a lot of schedules to coordinate that couldn't have happened if I was in the office from 9-5.

These are the years that I think really matter since they're the last few you have before launching them into college. While I'm not a SAHP, most of my work hours align with the school schedule now. This is definitely not the time I'd be wanting to go back to work if I had scaled back while they were in ES.

Upper elementary and up kids start getting very involved in sports. I have kids in both public and private. Public middle school doesn’t have school sports and these kids would get out at 230 and you have to drive your kid to travel or AAU sports. We know kids who do gymnastics, dance, tennis, soccer, baseball, basketball, etc that all require a ton of driving. Carpooling is terrible at this age as kids don’t all live in the same neighborhood and games, matches and tournaments are all over the place. My private school kid at least has middle school practice at school but his matches are all over the DMV at 245! A surprisingly high number of parents make it to their games in the middle of the day.

High school kids who can’t yet drive also require a ton of driving. Any kid who trains or competes at anything at a high level whether it is sports, art, music, science, debate, anything also require driving.

Of course you can choose to not be involved but I believe these tween teen years are when kids need you the most. This is when you should cut down and be flexible. DH is at the peak of his career and I’m a SAHM and he is trying to cut back his house. Our oldest is 16 and he wants to attend his sports games at 4 and our other son’s sports games at 2:45.

+100000. I feel bad for mothers who quit their jobs with babies and plan to return later. It’s easy to hire a nanny or sign up for daycare. You can’t really hire a nanny for a 12 year old and they need their parents. If you can’t manage to work with a three year old, I don’t see how you manage later.

Some people want to he help me with their three year olds! Like me. My three year old is delightful. Soon she’ll be in school a lot and then later she won’t always want to be with me every second.

I was a working mom with my older two kids and a stay at home with my youngest since birth. They all turned out well. I think it is less about the childcare and more about parenting and the quality of the childcare. A high quality daycare and a professional nanny would be better than an unhappy miserable SAHM. I think everyone would agree that a loving mother home with young kids is better than a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. I remember when my oldest was starting freshmen year, we learned fall sports tryouts start out in early August. We usually vacation then. They also have tryouts in the middle of the day at random times. I don’t know how these kids get to tryouts and practice. I’m a SAHM so I can do it.

I lived about a mile away from my high school and would just walk or run over for preseason practice. There is also uber teen now and carpool. I agree that with three kids in lots of activities it is logistically challenging to manage everything as they age and it helps a lot to have flexibility.

Carpool as in other parents drive, not you. That’s not carpooling.

Or other high school students drive...your child can even get a license in their junior or senior year and drive. Getting to preseason practices in the middle of the day is not an impossible feat in most places, especially the DC metro area. High school students can ask an upperclassman who lives close to them to pick them up and drive them, they can bike, they can walk or run, they can use uber teen, they can take the metro, they can take a bus, they can ask a friend who lives close by and is going with a parent to drive them, you (their parent) can drop them off at a library near the school on your way to work in the morning and they can spend the day studying or reading or texting and then go to practice and either get a ride home or wait for you to pick them up at a number of locations around the school or at the school.

Driving your child to preseason is the bottom of list for why you should become a stay at home parent.

[Anonymous]

I loved SAH in the early years. It was exhausting but rewarding. I now SAH with teens. I am just a cook and driver and ATM. It’s not as rewarding. I could go back to work but my husband is literally no help apart from earning an income. He thinks he is an involved dad but he really is not. He has no patience for listening to their teen dramas and complaints, he attends their events somewhat grudgingly. He doesn’t like helping with driving after a long day of work, or making dinner, or cleaning the kitchen.

So now I just feel stuck. I like him as a person, but he’s kind of a crappy coparent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. I remember when my oldest was starting freshmen year, we learned fall sports tryouts start out in early August. We usually vacation then. They also have tryouts in the middle of the day at random times. I don’t know how these kids get to tryouts and practice. I’m a SAHM so I can do it.

I lived about a mile away from my high school and would just walk or run over for preseason practice. There is also uber teen now and carpool. I agree that with three kids in lots of activities it is logistically challenging to manage everything as they age and it helps a lot to have flexibility.

Carpool as in other parents drive, not you. That’s not carpooling.

Or other high school students drive...your child can even get a license in their junior or senior year and drive. Getting to preseason practices in the middle of the day is not an impossible feat in most places, especially the DC metro area. High school students can ask an upperclassman who lives close to them to pick them up and drive them, they can bike, they can walk or run, they can use uber teen, they can take the metro, they can take a bus, they can ask a friend who lives close by and is going with a parent to drive them, you (their parent) can drop them off at a library near the school on your way to work in the morning and they can spend the day studying or reading or texting and then go to practice and either get a ride home or wait for you to pick them up at a number of locations around the school or at the school.

Driving your child to preseason is the bottom of list for why you should become a stay at home parent.

The high school years fly by. It is nice to hear what happened preseason freshmen year when child is starting high school. It is nice to be able to go out to eat with teen before or after practice. We are saying being there for your teen during these crucial years is important. That doesn’t mean you need to be a SAHM. Some of us are saying these teens need us around during this time.