Mom’s Who Left Career to SAHP

[Anonymous]

When DH and i had enough in savings (that we both contributed to) that if we divorced, my financial future would still be ok even if I could never get close to my former earning levels. I'd never want to be stuck in a marriage because it'd be too tough financially to leave (as in I wouldn't be able to afford reasonable housing in the HOCL area we live in so my options would be to move far out or squish my kids in a tiny apartment etc)

[Anonymous]

Have a spousal IRA and your own bank account and credit card. Pay yourself and have an emergency fund. Just in case.

Signed, divorced SAHM who didn't have these things

[Anonymous]

My trigger was when my second child was hospitalized for the third time in eight months for a respiratory issue ( the first was 8 days with RSV when they were 8 months old).

[Anonymous]

My aha moment was realizing that the kids of my coworkers and managers were not turning out. Manager, also an attorney, stared at the floor when I asked where her kid would be attending college as he graduated high school. She looked absolutely embarrassed he had no plans - no military, trade school, college, etc. What has been going on for 18 years? Manage and lead the home first!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want strangers raising my children.

They're probably better at it than you.

You sound jealous.

[Anonymous]

Going through the same exact conundrum now. Childcare is so expensive - after taxes, id basically be paying for a nanny’s salary and not even able to max out retirement. I’d rather be home with my kids and it feels frustrating to work full time and have someone else raise my kids just to keep my foot in the door and maintain my earning potential for career progression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want strangers raising my children.

+1
Also, I felt that my DH's salary was enough for us to fund college and retirement. If my DH was not making a good enough salary, I would have continued working so that my kids could afford college.

We had some lucky financial leg ups - we did not have college debt, we bought a nice new SFH in an inexpensive neighborhood at the bottom of the market and at a good interst rate (we accepted DH's long commute and mediocre public schools), our COL was low, we did not have pets, we only had two kids, we drive old cars, we did not have to look after our parents, we did not need IVF or therapy, we are heavily insured, we will never divorce or cheat etc.

So you’re ok with strangers raising your children if you can’t otherwise fund college? So strangers must be pretty darn good at child rearing if they can get your kid to an acceptable college.

These mommy war threads are so predictable and so depressing. Why can’t we be more supportive of each other? Why can’t we address OP’s question without judgement?

Yes. Actually, I am fine with working to keep our household afloat and afford college for my kids and retirement for us. I did not have to after a few years because DH made enough for me to stay home. And our kids went to in-state flagships so it was not as if I was aiming for full pay at Harvard.

I would never raise my kid is poverty if I had the option to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a bunch of money and I didn’t/don’t really care about my career.

If you need your career or you just like it, personally I think it would be better to find a full time nanny/housekeeper. Pay them well and make them part of the family. Even if it eats most of your salary for a while.

+1 to this. It was still a hard decision but that’s where I was when I made it.

What do you consider a ton of money? I’m 36, have a well funded 401k, a strong emergency fund and investments. Then my husband and I have a lot of joint investments. We both ultimately stand to inherit a lot of money. And yet, I can’t bring myself to quit even though I desperately want to - right now, taxes and decent childcare eat away most of my earnings, and whatever’s leftover isn’t even enough to max out retirement. I’m essentially working to keep my foot in the door and not lose my earning potential.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want strangers raising my children.

+1
Also, I felt that my DH's salary was enough for us to fund college and retirement. If my DH was not making a good enough salary, I would have continued working so that my kids could afford college.

We had some lucky financial leg ups - we did not have college debt, we bought a nice new SFH in an inexpensive neighborhood at the bottom of the market and at a good interst rate (we accepted DH's long commute and mediocre public schools), our COL was low, we did not have pets, we only had two kids, we drive old cars, we did not have to look after our parents, we did not need IVF or therapy, we are heavily insured, we will never divorce or cheat etc.

So you’re ok with strangers raising your children if you can’t otherwise fund college? So strangers must be pretty darn good at child rearing if they can get your kid to an acceptable college.

These mommy war threads are so predictable and so depressing. Why can’t we be more supportive of each other? Why can’t we address OP’s question without judgement?

Yes. Actually, I am fine with working to keep our household afloat and afford college for my kids and retirement for us. I did not have to after a few years because DH made enough for me to stay home. And our kids went to in-state flagships so it was not as if I was aiming for full pay at Harvard.

I would never raise my kid is poverty if I had the option to work.

This is a hilarious summation of the mentality that’s wrong with parenting today. No, not paying for your child to go to college is not the same as “living in poverty.” LOL

[Anonymous]

An amazingly stable marriage. If you have any doubt about your marriage, do not quit your job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For moms who left the workforce by choice to be a full-time stay at home parent, what gave you the confidence to do it? I work FT with preschool age kids but am too scared to take the plunge and exit the workforce because I know reentry (especially at my current salary) is far from guaranteed.

I had a lucrative job but also wanted to raise kids myself because women in my family who were trying to do both weren't doing it well and everyone in their household was unhappy and stressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want strangers raising my children.

+1
Also, I felt that my DH's salary was enough for us to fund college and retirement. If my DH was not making a good enough salary, I would have continued working so that my kids could afford college.

We had some lucky financial leg ups - we did not have college debt, we bought a nice new SFH in an inexpensive neighborhood at the bottom of the market and at a good interst rate (we accepted DH's long commute and mediocre public schools), our COL was low, we did not have pets, we only had two kids, we drive old cars, we did not have to look after our parents, we did not need IVF or therapy, we are heavily insured, we will never divorce or cheat etc.

So you’re ok with strangers raising your children if you can’t otherwise fund college? So strangers must be pretty darn good at child rearing if they can get your kid to an acceptable college.

These mommy war threads are so predictable and so depressing. Why can’t we be more supportive of each other? Why can’t we address OP’s question without judgement?

Yes. Actually, I am fine with working to keep our household afloat and afford college for my kids and retirement for us. I did not have to after a few years because DH made enough for me to stay home. And our kids went to in-state flagships so it was not as if I was aiming for full pay at Harvard.

I would never raise my kid is poverty if I had the option to work.

This is a hilarious summation of the mentality that’s wrong with parenting today. No, not paying for your child to go to college is not the same as “living in poverty.” LOL

You are hilarious. Only American parenting, American marriages and American families are messed up. Many other cultures and countries have figured it out.

I would always pay for my kid's college. I would work if my family needed my paycheck. I would always be skilled and educated enough to be the breadwinner. And no stranger needed to raise my kids because we live in multi-gen families. The grandparents live in the same house as the grandchildren. We don't parse our families out to old people
home and day care centers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want strangers raising my children.

+1
Also, I felt that my DH's salary was enough for us to fund college and retirement. If my DH was not making a good enough salary, I would have continued working so that my kids could afford college.

We had some lucky financial leg ups - we did not have college debt, we bought a nice new SFH in an inexpensive neighborhood at the bottom of the market and at a good interst rate (we accepted DH's long commute and mediocre public schools), our COL was low, we did not have pets, we only had two kids, we drive old cars, we did not have to look after our parents, we did not need IVF or therapy, we are heavily insured, we will never divorce or cheat etc.

So you’re ok with strangers raising your children if you can’t otherwise fund college? So strangers must be pretty darn good at child rearing if they can get your kid to an acceptable college.

These mommy war threads are so predictable and so depressing. Why can’t we be more supportive of each other? Why can’t we address OP’s question without judgement?

Yes. Actually, I am fine with working to keep our household afloat and afford college for my kids and retirement for us. I did not have to after a few years because DH made enough for me to stay home. And our kids went to in-state flagships so it was not as if I was aiming for full pay at Harvard.

I would never raise my kid is poverty if I had the option to work.

This is a hilarious summation of the mentality that’s wrong with parenting today. No, not paying for your child to go to college is not the same as “living in poverty.” LOL

You are hilarious. Only American parenting, American marriages and American families are messed up. Many other cultures and countries have figured it out.

I would always pay for my kid's college. I would work if my family needed my paycheck. I would always be skilled and educated enough to be the breadwinner. And no stranger needed to raise my kids because we live in multi-gen families. The grandparents live in the same house as the grandchildren. We don't parse our families out to old people
home and day care centers.

And what country is the ONLY country that you currently reside in and have the freedom to type and submit this prejudiced nonsense from?

[Anonymous]

I wanted to spend more time with my children. DH made more than enough so we decided together that I would take a break. I ended up having a third child and have been ever since.

[Anonymous]

The biggest factor is the husband. Is he on board with you staying at home and can he earn enough to support you?