Mom’s Who Left Career to SAHP

[Anonymous]

For moms who left the workforce by choice to be a full-time stay at home parent, what gave you the confidence to do it? I work FT with preschool age kids but am too scared to take the plunge and exit the workforce because I know reentry (especially at my current salary) is far from guaranteed.

[Anonymous]

Your kids are already in school. That’s the point when people go back, not quit. Why do you want to give up your salary to sit at home while your kids are at school?

[Anonymous]

What would be your game plan? Things will only get more complicated on the parenting/ juggling from here on out until they are 16 (and driving themselves), I would guess. So would you plan to stay at home until then?

For example- once they start elementary school, the school day is a lot shorter, and there are more breaks and random days off to account for. They start doing activities after school and on weekends, and while you maybe can get away with putting them in the same activities for a few years, by mid/late elementary school they will have separate activities and interests.

By the time they are in middle school - a lot of middle schools dismiss early. So you may have your 11-14 year old at home alone every day from 2:30 to 5:30 if you decide to go back to work then. Summers also become so complicated in middle school. They are aging out of camps, and if they can't walk to a pool or to public transit, there is not much for them to do.

I am pondering a similar move - my kids are 6, 11, and 13. I will have 5 years (and retirement vested) next June. But I have really just started feeling the pressure on wanting to stay home in the past year or so. I am hoping to find something on the school schedule, like a school secretary, just to cover health insurance and have a place to go every day and be involved in the world. But then I would still get school breaks with the kids.

I was SAHM at various times when my older ones were 0-4, with a few PT stints when they were around 5-8, and I do wish in retrospect I had worked on building my career more and earning some more flexibility down the road.

[Anonymous]

I had a bunch of money and I didn’t/don’t really care about my career.

If you need your career or you just like it, personally I think it would be better to find a full time nanny/housekeeper. Pay them well and make them part of the family. Even if it eats most of your salary for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For moms who left the workforce by choice to be a full-time stay at home parent, what gave you the confidence to do it? I work FT with preschool age kids but am too scared to take the plunge and exit the workforce because I know reentry (especially at my current salary) is far from guaranteed.

My friend did this and she was just miserable at her job to the point of needing therapy. Now she's happy at home and has no plans to work again.

[Anonymous]

I felt a need to honor commitment to my son. He needed me more than my job did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are already in school. That’s the point when people go back, not quit. Why do you want to give up your salary to sit at home while your kids are at school?

Where does it say how old OPs kids are? She works WITH preschool age kids. Maybe OP is currently pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are already in school. That’s the point when people go back, not quit. Why do you want to give up your salary to sit at home while your kids are at school?

Where does it say how old OPs kids are? She works WITH preschool age kids. Maybe OP is currently pregnant.

She's talking about a salary like it's high. IMO she's saying she works WITH, as in, has, preschool age kids. She's not working in a daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are already in school. That’s the point when people go back, not quit. Why do you want to give up your salary to sit at home while your kids are at school?

Where does it say how old OPs kids are? She works WITH preschool age kids. Maybe OP is currently pregnant.

She's talking about a salary like it's high. IMO she's saying she works WITH, as in, has, preschool age kids. She's not working in a daycare.

That’s how I took it as well. “I work FT, with my preschool age kids at home/daycare/etc.” I do not think op is working a job caring for preschool kids.

[Anonymous]

I don’t want strangers raising my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want strangers raising my children.

They're probably better at it than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a bunch of money and I didn’t/don’t really care about my career.

If you need your career or you just like it, personally I think it would be better to find a full time nanny/housekeeper. Pay them well and make them part of the family. Even if it eats most of your salary for a while.

+1 to this. It was still a hard decision but that’s where I was when I made it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want strangers raising my children.

+1
Also, I felt that my DH's salary was enough for us to fund college and retirement. If my DH was not making a good enough salary, I would have continued working so that my kids could afford college.

We had some lucky financial leg ups - we did not have college debt, we bought a nice new SFH in an inexpensive neighborhood at the bottom of the market and at a good interst rate (we accepted DH's long commute and mediocre public schools), our COL was low, we did not have pets, we only had two kids, we drive old cars, we did not have to look after our parents, we did not need IVF or therapy, we are heavily insured, we will never divorce or cheat etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want strangers raising my children.

+1
Also, I felt that my DH's salary was enough for us to fund college and retirement. If my DH was not making a good enough salary, I would have continued working so that my kids could afford college.

We had some lucky financial leg ups - we did not have college debt, we bought a nice new SFH in an inexpensive neighborhood at the bottom of the market and at a good interst rate (we accepted DH's long commute and mediocre public schools), our COL was low, we did not have pets, we only had two kids, we drive old cars, we did not have to look after our parents, we did not need IVF or therapy, we are heavily insured, we will never divorce or cheat etc.

So you’re ok with strangers raising your children if you can’t otherwise fund college? So strangers must be pretty darn good at child rearing if they can get your kid to an acceptable college.

These mommy war threads are so predictable and so depressing. Why can’t we be more supportive of each other? Why can’t we address OP’s question without judgement?

[Anonymous]

I’m a physician, and I knew I could go back to at the same salary whenever I wanted to as long as I didn’t quit completely. I worked 10-15 hours a month for a few years and then went back part time. DH was in a higher paying specialty than mine, so we didn’t have to make any financial sacrifices.

I have no idea how this works in other professions, but can you offer to cover on weekends or when people are sick or on vacation?