Unreasonable to ask spouse who is not a planner to meal plan?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- part of the problem is spouse prefers "fresh" food so is not open to making something the night before or over the weekend, etc. and is not overly fond of prepared foods. I've suggested meal kits but again spouse doesn't like the regimentedness. Spouse does "get food on the table" but usually around 6:30 while kids (prek and early elementary) get home around 5-5:30 starving (spouse does pickup). This makes that hour of the day stressful to me. I could of course feed snacks but then they tend to refuse to eat dinner.

What time do you get home? If you were in spouse's shoes, what time would you have dinner on the table?

As far as making things on the weekend, it should not be an issue for him to make something ahead that you and the kids will eat. He doesn't have to eat it, if he prefers fresh food, but his job is to feed the family.

OP here- ideally I'd have dinner ready pretty close to when the kids get home at 5:30. I understand this would either mean no cooking- e.g. a grocery store rotisserie chicken and premade cornbread (but I would have this in the fridge ready to go rather than driving hungry kids to the grocery store), or else I would make something simple earlier in the day that could be reheated (we both work from home).

Is it a possibility to have him feed the kids at 5:30 and then you guys eat an adult dinner later? I liked PPs' ideas of having meatballs and things handy for the kids, or your husband could whip up something fast for them that they like.

Yes, this could be an option- I could ask spouse to just have simple kids food ready as soon as possible and I'm fine stocking up on Trader Joe's meals for myself. I feel like with a little planning we could do better than this and eat all together but maybe it's just not possible given the parameters.

Assuming dinner is the biggest meal you deal with, what if your spouse dropped the kids off in the morning and you picked them up in the evening? Then instead of driving to get them they could work on dinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- part of the problem is spouse prefers "fresh" food so is not open to making something the night before or over the weekend, etc. and is not overly fond of prepared foods. I've suggested meal kits but again spouse doesn't like the regimentedness. Spouse does "get food on the table" but usually around 6:30 while kids (prek and early elementary) get home around 5-5:30 starving (spouse does pickup). This makes that hour of the day stressful to me. I could of course feed snacks but then they tend to refuse to eat dinner.

What time do you get home? If you were in spouse's shoes, what time would you have dinner on the table?

As far as making things on the weekend, it should not be an issue for him to make something ahead that you and the kids will eat. He doesn't have to eat it, if he prefers fresh food, but his job is to feed the family.

OP here- ideally I'd have dinner ready pretty close to when the kids get home at 5:30. I understand this would either mean no cooking- e.g. a grocery store rotisserie chicken and premade cornbread (but I would have this in the fridge ready to go rather than driving hungry kids to the grocery store), or else I would make something simple earlier in the day that could be reheated (we both work from home).

Is it a possibility to have him feed the kids at 5:30 and then you guys eat an adult dinner later? I liked PPs' ideas of having meatballs and things handy for the kids, or your husband could whip up something fast for them that they like.

Yes, this could be an option- I could ask spouse to just have simple kids food ready as soon as possible and I'm fine stocking up on Trader Joe's meals for myself. I feel like with a little planning we could do better than this and eat all together but maybe it's just not possible given the parameters.

Assuming dinner is the biggest meal you deal with, what if your spouse dropped the kids off in the morning and you picked them up in the evening? Then instead of driving to get them they could work on dinner?

OP here- this is a good suggestion. Spouse tends to work east coast hours (we are not on the east coast), but I'll see if they could swing this / if they think it would help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- part of the problem is spouse prefers "fresh" food so is not open to making something the night before or over the weekend, etc. and is not overly fond of prepared foods. I've suggested meal kits but again spouse doesn't like the regimentedness. Spouse does "get food on the table" but usually around 6:30 while kids (prek and early elementary) get home around 5-5:30 starving (spouse does pickup). This makes that hour of the day stressful to me. I could of course feed snacks but then they tend to refuse to eat dinner.

What time do you get home? If you were in spouse's shoes, what time would you have dinner on the table?

As far as making things on the weekend, it should not be an issue for him to make something ahead that you and the kids will eat. He doesn't have to eat it, if he prefers fresh food, but his job is to feed the family.

OP here- ideally I'd have dinner ready pretty close to when the kids get home at 5:30. I understand this would either mean no cooking- e.g. a grocery store rotisserie chicken and premade cornbread (but I would have this in the fridge ready to go rather than driving hungry kids to the grocery store), or else I would make something simple earlier in the day that could be reheated (we both work from home).

Is it a possibility to have him feed the kids at 5:30 and then you guys eat an adult dinner later? I liked PPs' ideas of having meatballs and things handy for the kids, or your husband could whip up something fast for them that they like.

Yes, this could be an option- I could ask spouse to just have simple kids food ready as soon as possible and I'm fine stocking up on Trader Joe's meals for myself. I feel like with a little planning we could do better than this and eat all together but maybe it's just not possible given the parameters.

I am the poster above a few posts who suggested putting out veggies and fruit. Don’t put out enough fruit that anyone can fill up. Put out enough raw veggies your anti-veg kid might be tempted. If they are really hungry they will eat a sliced cucumber or carrot.

Eating a family dinner together is really important to me and my family. Separate meals is not healthy and your DH still won’t have time to cook a fresh meal. Eating frozen crap from TJ’s is not good modeling for your kids.

OP here - I'll ask my spouse to try this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are being really unreasonable. It is FINE if your kids eat fruit as a snack, even if they "fill up" before dinner. Dinner for small kids (like, 2rd grade and under) is often more grazing than anything.

It is also fine if, together, you decide that kids should eat at 5:30 and adults eat later. But recognize that you're then asking your husband to prepare TWO meals a day.

My best suggestion to you is to FULLY ABSENT yourself (stay at work) until dinner is on the table. Let husband deal with cranky kids and then, if he's unhappy, he can adjust his process as he thinks is appropriate. If you are hangry at 5:30 that is your own fault - eat a string cheese.

OP here- I hear you but this is also pretty much the only hour I have to spend time with my kids - we start bedtime around 7 which is pretty much immediately after dinner so it's not the best to spend quality time when kids are hungry. Usually they still complain they're hungry after a small snack but we'll try it.

You’re being super rigid

Ok, sure, whatever. I'm sorry it's so rigid to think an adult could spend a little time thinking ahead so kids don't come home and spend an hour hungry. I guess I'll just do it all myself like most women do.

DP. It's not reasonable to expect your kids to walk in the door to dinner already on the table. Give them a clementine and a cheesestick while your husband preps dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are being really unreasonable. It is FINE if your kids eat fruit as a snack, even if they "fill up" before dinner. Dinner for small kids (like, 2rd grade and under) is often more grazing than anything.

It is also fine if, together, you decide that kids should eat at 5:30 and adults eat later. But recognize that you're then asking your husband to prepare TWO meals a day.

My best suggestion to you is to FULLY ABSENT yourself (stay at work) until dinner is on the table. Let husband deal with cranky kids and then, if he's unhappy, he can adjust his process as he thinks is appropriate. If you are hangry at 5:30 that is your own fault - eat a string cheese.

OP here- I hear you but this is also pretty much the only hour I have to spend time with my kids - we start bedtime around 7 which is pretty much immediately after dinner so it's not the best to spend quality time when kids are hungry. Usually they still complain they're hungry after a small snack but we'll try it.

Maybe the kids have dinner at 5:30 and you guys sit with them and have a snack. Family time, bedtime and then real adult dinner at 8pm (and wherever the night takes you, lol). Since you both WFH you can shift adult breakfast and lunch later in the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are being really unreasonable. It is FINE if your kids eat fruit as a snack, even if they "fill up" before dinner. Dinner for small kids (like, 2rd grade and under) is often more grazing than anything.

It is also fine if, together, you decide that kids should eat at 5:30 and adults eat later. But recognize that you're then asking your husband to prepare TWO meals a day.

My best suggestion to you is to FULLY ABSENT yourself (stay at work) until dinner is on the table. Let husband deal with cranky kids and then, if he's unhappy, he can adjust his process as he thinks is appropriate. If you are hangry at 5:30 that is your own fault - eat a string cheese.

OP here- I hear you but this is also pretty much the only hour I have to spend time with my kids - we start bedtime around 7 which is pretty much immediately after dinner so it's not the best to spend quality time when kids are hungry. Usually they still complain they're hungry after a small snack but we'll try it.

You’re being super rigid

Ok, sure, whatever. I'm sorry it's so rigid to think an adult could spend a little time thinking ahead so kids don't come home and spend an hour hungry. I guess I'll just do it all myself like most women do.

DP. It's not reasonable to expect your kids to walk in the door to dinner already on the table. Give them a clementine and a cheesestick while your husband preps dinner.

Ok, I somehow manage to do it when he's traveling but...

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you and your H need to reassess the division of labor in your house so you're handling dinner and he's handling tasks that are less time-sensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If food is getting made, and people are getting fed, yes, your request is unreasonable. If you want to manage the project, manage the project. If you want him to handle it, let him handle it.

Maybe you can be responsible for making sure there are healthy snacks available, if hangriness is an issue? That way, you'll always have something/know it's there, and he can make meals in a way that works for him.

If meals aren't getting made, that's a different issue.

I can see OP’s point. If my kids snack when they come home then they’re not going to eat dinner on time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Likely he doesn't think there need to be A Plan. You won't be happy with the result, even if the kids get fed, something.

Eh just feed them something, whenever

[Anonymous]

"On Tuesday and Thursdays, it is your responsibility to have dinner on the table by 7 PM"

Ignore the how.

Have apples if he's late and everyone's dying of starvation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you and your H need to reassess the division of labor in your house so you're handling dinner and he's handling tasks that are less time-sensitive.

OP here- yes, I agree and keep suggesting this. Spouse doesn't have any ideas about what they can take over and says they still want to do this task. The only thing I can think of is both taking and picking up the kids from school- this would save me an hour a day and leave me plenty of bandwidth to meal plan (though meals may not be to spouses liking).

[Anonymous]

He won't plan meals because no one tells him what they want. Kids should tell him what they would like, you need to tell him to look at the list that everyone should be writing down. Your meal input is important too. We women tend to think men can read our minds because we do all that stuff and more so it's natural for us.

My husband does all the cooking and grocery shopping. I do the lists. This was our deal when he retired. But even though I don't cook often doesn't mean I can't throw together something in under an hour. Something good too. Nothing needs to be fancy. If everyone worked on this together home would be happy.

So get out that pad and pen and SHOW him what needs to be done. Little harmony goes a long way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Likely he doesn't think there need to be A Plan. You won't be happy with the result, even if the kids get fed, something.

Eh just feed them something, whenever

OP here - I think the prior poster was being unfair- I don't really care what they get fed just that they do so on time. I certainly take short cuts when I'm in charge of dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Likely he doesn't think there need to be A Plan. You won't be happy with the result, even if the kids get fed, something.

Eh just feed them something, whenever

OP here - I think the prior poster was being unfair- I don't really care what they get fed just that they do so on time. I certainly take short cuts when I'm in charge of dinner.

They are fed on time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He won't plan meals because no one tells him what they want. Kids should tell him what they would like, you need to tell him to look at the list that everyone should be writing down. Your meal input is important too. We women tend to think men can read our minds because we do all that stuff and more so it's natural for us.

My husband does all the cooking and grocery shopping. I do the lists. This was our deal when he retired. But even though I don't cook often doesn't mean I can't throw together something in under an hour. Something good too. Nothing needs to be fancy. If everyone worked on this together home would be happy.

So get out that pad and pen and SHOW him what needs to be done. Little harmony goes a long way.

OP here- I have offered this countless times- I've offered to meal plan and grocery shop and spouse just needs to execute, or let's collaborate on food for the week. But spouse bristles at this.