Unreasonable to ask spouse who is not a planner to meal plan?

[Anonymous]

It is reasonable to ask that when you get home from work and kids get home from aftercare that a decent meal be there - that is the cooking job. He can get that done any way he wants that doesn’t disrupt the rest of you and you can offer specific services.

He can’t make a bad dinner - that isn’t the job. But you can’t be specific in how he does a good job. He might figure out other ways- a farmers market near work he gets seasonal things from, sometimes takeout, grocery shopping at midnight on impulse, blue apron, whatever… not your problem.

Good luck! I hope that works. I hate planning too but that is what it takes to do a good job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is reasonable to ask that when you get home from work and kids get home from aftercare that a decent meal be there - that is the cooking job. He can get that done any way he wants that doesn’t disrupt the rest of you and you can offer specific services.

He can’t make a bad dinner - that isn’t the job. But you can’t be specific in how he does a good job. He might figure out other ways- a farmers market near work he gets seasonal things from, sometimes takeout, grocery shopping at midnight on impulse, blue apron, whatever… not your problem.

Good luck! I hope that works. I hate planning too but that is what it takes to do a good job.

Most people come home from work and then make dinner. The expectation that someone makes dinner before they pick up the kids is not reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do Blue Apron or Hello Fresh.

Your spouse may still miss a few steps or ingredients but maybe the meal kids, picture directions, etc. will help them.

Frankly, after a few weeks of that they may know some favorite recipes by then. Then you can cancel and just Walmart order delivery the ingredients weekly.

But grocery shopping DAILY with kids is a WASTE OF TIME.

This approach has worked for several people I know.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:As someone who hates meal planning, yes, this is unreasonable. Now I do think the spouse should have their own system. I buy what's on sale at the store and then make meals from it.

That’s half the problem.

The other half their problem is they have hungry young children who are at day care all day until picked up at 5 or 5:30 or wherever.
So No Plan Dan can’t get home from pick up and then start his two hour adult ritual of grocery shopping, smelling fresh parsley, returning home again, rinsing and chopping and cooking, then finally eating way later.
Poor kids.

NP here. I think it's unreasonable to ask spouse to plan, but not unreasonable to say that the kids need to eat when they get home. If dinner isn't ready, the kids can have leftovers, a sandwich, ramen (with some vegetables and a boiled egg!) or something instead, and then just chill at the table when the adult dinner is ready. And of course it'll be OP's spouse who needs to take care of that. It'll be more work, so hopefully spouse will realize it's better to get things ready sooner so there aren't two separate meals.

Yes, it would be definitely better if OP's spouse planned or managed things differently, but there are a lot of things about the world that could be better but that we can't do anything about. You need to solve problems by meeting people where they are, not where they should be.

That’s oxymoronic: “It’s reasonable to say the kids need to eat something nutritious and filling at 5:30pm, but unreasonable to say make a plan so that the young kids can eat at 5:30.”

lol. Dad sounds clueless and self-centered. This will only get worse done the kids are in school and have activities after school.

Can you never find something nutritious and filling to eat on the spur of the moment? Making sure you have emergency stuff around like ramen, eggs, and a bag of broccoli is much different than making and executing a weekly meal plan.

I agree with the poster who said that the problem is that he's ignoring hangry kids, not that he doesn't meal plan.

NP. Who on earth believes instant ramen is a “nutritious and filling” thing to fed a growing toddler or PK child!?!?

And yes he’s ignoring hangry kids and others to do his slow shopping and cooking thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It won’t kill the kids to be hungry for an hour. No wonder Americans are so fat.

Because they snack on processed food all day, eat a meal at 7 and go to bed at 8?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, you are being really unreasonable. It is FINE if your kids eat fruit as a snack, even if they "fill up" before dinner. Dinner for small kids (like, 2rd grade and under) is often more grazing than anything.

It is also fine if, together, you decide that kids should eat at 5:30 and adults eat later. But recognize that you're then asking your husband to prepare TWO meals a day.

My best suggestion to you is to FULLY ABSENT yourself (stay at work) until dinner is on the table. Let husband deal with cranky kids and then, if he's unhappy, he can adjust his process as he thinks is appropriate. If you are hangry at 5:30 that is your own fault - eat a string cheese.

OP here- I hear you but this is also pretty much the only hour I have to spend time with my kids - we start bedtime around 7 which is pretty much immediately after dinner so it's not the best to spend quality time when kids are hungry. Usually they still complain they're hungry after a small snack but we'll try it.

You’re being super rigid

Ok, sure, whatever. I'm sorry it's so rigid to think an adult could spend a little time thinking ahead so kids don't come home and spend an hour hungry. I guess I'll just do it all myself like most women do.

DP. It's not reasonable to expect your kids to walk in the door to dinner already on the table. Give them a clementine and a cheesestick while your husband preps dinner.

I know a dad who preps an Instapot meal the night before, it starts at 4:30pm and his kids eat a meal at 5-6pm depending on their hunger and ECs schedule

+1

Lots of working families prep meals the night before or cook 3-4 meals Sunday late afternoon.

But that likely involves too much planning for OPs H.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you’re a little controlling. You want spouse to take ownership of meal prep, so you’ve handed cooking and grocery shopping over to them, but now you want to dictate how it’s done? If you’re going to give him ownership, let him have ownership. It does however seem reasonable to send him (or maintain a shared doc/list of) other non-meal items you or the kids need from the store so he can get them while he is there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is reasonable to ask that when you get home from work and kids get home from aftercare that a decent meal be there - that is the cooking job. He can get that done any way he wants that doesn’t disrupt the rest of you and you can offer specific services.

He can’t make a bad dinner - that isn’t the job. But you can’t be specific in how he does a good job. He might figure out other ways- a farmers market near work he gets seasonal things from, sometimes takeout, grocery shopping at midnight on impulse, blue apron, whatever… not your problem.

Good luck! I hope that works. I hate planning too but that is what it takes to do a good job.

Most people come home from work and then make dinner. The expectation that someone makes dinner before they pick up the kids is not reasonable.

+1. If it was a husband demanding that his wife do this, DCUM would be all over him for being stuck in the 1950s (and rightfully so).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are being really unreasonable. It is FINE if your kids eat fruit as a snack, even if they "fill up" before dinner. Dinner for small kids (like, 2rd grade and under) is often more grazing than anything.

It is also fine if, together, you decide that kids should eat at 5:30 and adults eat later. But recognize that you're then asking your husband to prepare TWO meals a day.

My best suggestion to you is to FULLY ABSENT yourself (stay at work) until dinner is on the table. Let husband deal with cranky kids and then, if he's unhappy, he can adjust his process as he thinks is appropriate. If you are hangry at 5:30 that is your own fault - eat a string cheese.

OP here- I hear you but this is also pretty much the only hour I have to spend time with my kids - we start bedtime around 7 which is pretty much immediately after dinner so it's not the best to spend quality time when kids are hungry. Usually they still complain they're hungry after a small snack but we'll try it.

You’re being super rigid

Ok, sure, whatever. I'm sorry it's so rigid to think an adult could spend a little time thinking ahead so kids don't come home and spend an hour hungry. I guess I'll just do it all myself like most women do.

DP. It's not reasonable to expect your kids to walk in the door to dinner already on the table. Give them a clementine and a cheesestick while your husband preps dinner.

I know a dad who preps an Instapot meal the night before, it starts at 4:30pm and his kids eat a meal at 5-6pm depending on their hunger and ECs schedule

+1

Lots of working families prep meals the night before or cook 3-4 meals Sunday late afternoon.

But that likely involves too much planning for OPs H.

+1. Lots of ways to eat at 5:30 and not be a deer in headlights here or have angry, hungry young kids.

Cook multiple meals on weekend

Prep food night before

Use slow cooker Instapot recipes, set in AM for completion at 5:30

Use Hello Fresh or Blue Apron

Hire a 3-6pm housekeeper/cook/kid driver

Hire a cook once a week to cook 3-4 meals over four hours

[Anonymous]

Or frozen food from the grocery store!

[Anonymous]

I think what you are asking is reasonable. It doesn’t take long to meal plan if you are cooking regularly.
I would do it together or as a family at first. Figure out 4-5 dinners for the week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is reasonable to ask that when you get home from work and kids get home from aftercare that a decent meal be there - that is the cooking job. He can get that done any way he wants that doesn’t disrupt the rest of you and you can offer specific services.

He can’t make a bad dinner - that isn’t the job. But you can’t be specific in how he does a good job. He might figure out other ways- a farmers market near work he gets seasonal things from, sometimes takeout, grocery shopping at midnight on impulse, blue apron, whatever… not your problem.

Good luck! I hope that works. I hate planning too but that is what it takes to do a good job.

Most people come home from work and then make dinner. The expectation that someone makes dinner before they pick up the kids is not reasonable.

Yup. And the kids either have a small snack, play or do homework.

My kids have a small snack usually a cheese stick and a cutie then they play sometimes they take a bath before dinner too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is reasonable to ask that when you get home from work and kids get home from aftercare that a decent meal be there - that is the cooking job. He can get that done any way he wants that doesn’t disrupt the rest of you and you can offer specific services.

He can’t make a bad dinner - that isn’t the job. But you can’t be specific in how he does a good job. He might figure out other ways- a farmers market near work he gets seasonal things from, sometimes takeout, grocery shopping at midnight on impulse, blue apron, whatever… not your problem.

Good luck! I hope that works. I hate planning too but that is what it takes to do a good job.

Most people come home from work and then make dinner. The expectation that someone makes dinner before they pick up the kids is not reasonable.

+1. If it was a husband demanding that his wife do this, DCUM would be all over him for being stuck in the 1950s (and rightfully so).

And op can eat a snack before she comes home and stop being a brat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are being really unreasonable. It is FINE if your kids eat fruit as a snack, even if they "fill up" before dinner. Dinner for small kids (like, 2rd grade and under) is often more grazing than anything.

It is also fine if, together, you decide that kids should eat at 5:30 and adults eat later. But recognize that you're then asking your husband to prepare TWO meals a day.

My best suggestion to you is to FULLY ABSENT yourself (stay at work) until dinner is on the table. Let husband deal with cranky kids and then, if he's unhappy, he can adjust his process as he thinks is appropriate. If you are hangry at 5:30 that is your own fault - eat a string cheese.

OP here- I hear you but this is also pretty much the only hour I have to spend time with my kids - we start bedtime around 7 which is pretty much immediately after dinner so it's not the best to spend quality time when kids are hungry. Usually they still complain they're hungry after a small snack but we'll try it.

You’re being super rigid

Ok, sure, whatever. I'm sorry it's so rigid to think an adult could spend a little time thinking ahead so kids don't come home and spend an hour hungry. I guess I'll just do it all myself like most women do.

DP. It's not reasonable to expect your kids to walk in the door to dinner already on the table. Give them a clementine and a cheesestick while your husband preps dinner.

I know a dad who preps an Instapot meal the night before, it starts at 4:30pm and his kids eat a meal at 5-6pm depending on their hunger and ECs schedule

+1

Lots of working families prep meals the night before or cook 3-4 meals Sunday late afternoon.

But that likely involves too much planning for OPs H.

+1. Lots of ways to eat at 5:30 and not be a deer in headlights here or have angry, hungry young kids.

Cook multiple meals on weekend

Prep food night before

Use slow cooker Instapot recipes, set in AM for completion at 5:30

Use Hello Fresh or Blue Apron

Hire a 3-6pm housekeeper/cook/kid driver

Hire a cook once a week to cook 3-4 meals over four hours

There’s a ton of ways to mitigate kids being hungry at 5:30.

Ask your daycare to give them a snack at 4.

Give them a snack on the way home.

Give them a snack when they get home.

Take them to a park so they don’t think about being hungry.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Snack city.
No proteins or meals needed. Just fruit, which is sugar water, or some prepackaged processed salty carbs.
Cool! Kids be so easy to care for.