Unreasonable to ask spouse who is not a planner to meal plan?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are being really unreasonable. It is FINE if your kids eat fruit as a snack, even if they "fill up" before dinner. Dinner for small kids (like, 2rd grade and under) is often more grazing than anything.

It is also fine if, together, you decide that kids should eat at 5:30 and adults eat later. But recognize that you're then asking your husband to prepare TWO meals a day.

My best suggestion to you is to FULLY ABSENT yourself (stay at work) until dinner is on the table. Let husband deal with cranky kids and then, if he's unhappy, he can adjust his process as he thinks is appropriate. If you are hangry at 5:30 that is your own fault - eat a string cheese.

OP here- I hear you but this is also pretty much the only hour I have to spend time with my kids - we start bedtime around 7 which is pretty much immediately after dinner so it's not the best to spend quality time when kids are hungry. Usually they still complain they're hungry after a small snack but we'll try it.

You’re being super rigid

Ok, sure, whatever. I'm sorry it's so rigid to think an adult could spend a little time thinking ahead so kids don't come home and spend an hour hungry. I guess I'll just do it all myself like most women do.

Or you can realize that neither you nor the kids are going to die by waiting an hour for your spouse to make you dinner.
If your spouse demanded dinner waiting for him when he got home after you had also picked up the kids, you would be screaming about being married to a manchild.

[Anonymous]

I think the idea behind letting your spouse deal with the kids when you’re hungry is that will hopefully motivate him to make sure the kids are fed earlier. You will miss out on some time with them for a bit but maybe things will start happening sooner.

Also, relax. Your kids will start going to bed much later. This is a temporary problem. Don’t let it drive a wedge right now.

[Anonymous]

Chat GPT is great at meal planning. Have him write a prompt that includes your kids likes and dislikes, your grocery budget and have it generate a shopping list for the week,

[Anonymous]

Feed the kids a substantial snack that's nutritious when they walk in the door. Then H can cook a real meal, while you spend time with the kids, get the kids bathed, and you all eat together and then H does bedtime. If the kids pick at it it's OK.

Your way here isn't better than your H's way. It's just different. You can't ask him to do it and then micromanage how he does it, and making snack your hill to die on is sabotaging his parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are being really unreasonable. It is FINE if your kids eat fruit as a snack, even if they "fill up" before dinner. Dinner for small kids (like, 2rd grade and under) is often more grazing than anything.

It is also fine if, together, you decide that kids should eat at 5:30 and adults eat later. But recognize that you're then asking your husband to prepare TWO meals a day.

My best suggestion to you is to FULLY ABSENT yourself (stay at work) until dinner is on the table. Let husband deal with cranky kids and then, if he's unhappy, he can adjust his process as he thinks is appropriate. If you are hangry at 5:30 that is your own fault - eat a string cheese.

OP here- I hear you but this is also pretty much the only hour I have to spend time with my kids - we start bedtime around 7 which is pretty much immediately after dinner so it's not the best to spend quality time when kids are hungry. Usually they still complain they're hungry after a small snack but we'll try it.

You’re being super rigid

No that’s normal. Young children go to bed 7pm to 6/ 7am from ages 2-5. Ask your Ped.

No need … raised my kids without rigid rules on eating. Also 7pm is not a must. 8’s fine but that doesn’t fall within OP’s rigid rules.

[Anonymous]

Everyone keeps referring to OP’s partner as the husband. It sounds like partner is non-binary. OP is only using “they.”

Not that this changes the issue but as a matter of respect and awareness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He won't plan meals because no one tells him what they want. Kids should tell him what they would like, you need to tell him to look at the list that everyone should be writing down. Your meal input is important too. We women tend to think men can read our minds because we do all that stuff and more so it's natural for us.

My husband does all the cooking and grocery shopping. I do the lists. This was our deal when he retired. But even though I don't cook often doesn't mean I can't throw together something in under an hour. Something good too. Nothing needs to be fancy. If everyone worked on this together home would be happy.

So get out that pad and pen and SHOW him what needs to be done. Little harmony goes a long way.

OP here- I have offered this countless times- I've offered to meal plan and grocery shop and spouse just needs to execute, or let's collaborate on food for the week. But spouse bristles at this.

Spouse is bristling because you’re micromanaging. Did spouse agree that YOU’RE the boss? If spouse did not, then newsflash: you are not in charge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He won't plan meals because no one tells him what they want. Kids should tell him what they would like, you need to tell him to look at the list that everyone should be writing down. Your meal input is important too. We women tend to think men can read our minds because we do all that stuff and more so it's natural for us.

My husband does all the cooking and grocery shopping. I do the lists. This was our deal when he retired. But even though I don't cook often doesn't mean I can't throw together something in under an hour. Something good too. Nothing needs to be fancy. If everyone worked on this together home would be happy.

So get out that pad and pen and SHOW him what needs to be done. Little harmony goes a long way.

OP here- I have offered this countless times- I've offered to meal plan and grocery shop and spouse just needs to execute, or let's collaborate on food for the week. But spouse bristles at this.

Are the meals all right once they're done? Or is part of the problem that the juice isn't worth this much squeeze?

Is your spouse making (or buying) seven totally novel dinners every week? Or are a few things in regular rotation?

It does sound a little aggravating.

[Anonymous]

As someone who enjoys cooking, and making fresh healthy meals for my kids, it would suck all the joy out of it if I had to cook from a list made by chat GPT, or my spouse, or anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the idea behind letting your spouse deal with the kids when you’re hungry is that will hopefully motivate him to make sure the kids are fed earlier. You will miss out on some time with them for a bit but maybe things will start happening sooner.

Also, relax. Your kids will start going to bed much later. This is a temporary problem. Don’t let it drive a wedge right now.

Exactly. The kids say they are hungry? Tell them your spouse is in charge of food for that night and they should talk to them.

Otherwise, I don’t see the complaint. They are making dinner, but you don’t like it because you or they didn’t “plan” it…? Seems weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are being really unreasonable. It is FINE if your kids eat fruit as a snack, even if they "fill up" before dinner. Dinner for small kids (like, 2rd grade and under) is often more grazing than anything.

It is also fine if, together, you decide that kids should eat at 5:30 and adults eat later. But recognize that you're then asking your husband to prepare TWO meals a day.

My best suggestion to you is to FULLY ABSENT yourself (stay at work) until dinner is on the table. Let husband deal with cranky kids and then, if he's unhappy, he can adjust his process as he thinks is appropriate. If you are hangry at 5:30 that is your own fault - eat a string cheese.

OP here- I hear you but this is also pretty much the only hour I have to spend time with my kids - we start bedtime around 7 which is pretty much immediately after dinner so it's not the best to spend quality time when kids are hungry. Usually they still complain they're hungry after a small snack but we'll try it.

You’re being super rigid

Ok, sure, whatever. I'm sorry it's so rigid to think an adult could spend a little time thinking ahead so kids don't come home and spend an hour hungry. I guess I'll just do it all myself like most women do.

Or you can realize that neither you nor the kids are going to die by waiting an hour for your spouse to make you dinner.
If your spouse demanded dinner waiting for him when he got home after you had also picked up the kids, you would be screaming about being married to a manchild.

Such good parenting advice for their toddlers. Thanks PP! Shall just tell the 2 yo and 3 you to shut up and wait a couple hours for dinner when Daddy’s ready. Daddy comes first. Go to the store at 6, choose the food at 7, cook it at 7:30c maybe eat by 8pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the idea behind letting your spouse deal with the kids when you’re hungry is that will hopefully motivate him to make sure the kids are fed earlier. You will miss out on some time with them for a bit but maybe things will start happening sooner.

Also, relax. Your kids will start going to bed much later. This is a temporary problem. Don’t let it drive a wedge right now.

What are you talking about now?? Teenagers with 2-4 hours of homework after practice?

What time do you think kids 1-12 go to bed each night or want to eat dinner when they’re growing or how many hours of sleep do doctors say they need?!?

You all are seriously uninformed and selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone keeps referring to OP’s partner as the husband. It sounds like partner is non-binary. OP is only using “they.”

Not that this changes the issue but as a matter of respect and awareness.

Who cares. They don’t like nor care about their children’s needs. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- part of the problem is spouse prefers "fresh" food so is not open to making something the night before or over the weekend, etc. and is not overly fond of prepared foods. I've suggested meal kits but again spouse doesn't like the regimentedness. Spouse does "get food on the table" but usually around 6:30 while kids (prek and early elementary) get home around 5-5:30 starving (spouse does pickup). This makes that hour of the day stressful to me. I could of course feed snacks but then they tend to refuse to eat dinner.

there's lots of fresh food that can be prepped ahead of time.

pay a nanny and stop the day care.

your spouse is idiotic or this is a troll post.

OR

She has an amazing spouse that picks up the kids from daycare and makes fresh meals. I make fresh meals and have never prepped before.

But you are advocating a this family get a nanny since OP has one hour (!!!) of misery with hungry kids?

You are either a lazy coddled housewife or a troll.

Are you a troll sock puppet Op?

I’m a c level exec as is my spouse and we walk in the door at 6pm and the kids were eating or almost done eating, when ages 1-6. After that they were returning from sports and would eat at 6pm or 7pm when they got home with us or other parent car pooling.

Temper tantruming hungry kids for 1 hour of your 3 hours from 5pm-8pm is really asinine and wrong. I feel bad for any kid whose caretaker finds that acceptable. I would certainly fire a nanny who did that. And if my spouse demanded a later dinner time for his personal reasons, I’d find the hungry kids an actual dinner solution.

Self-centered father can dilly dally at the store and in the kitchen by himself from 6-8pm like he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He won't plan meals because no one tells him what they want. Kids should tell him what they would like, you need to tell him to look at the list that everyone should be writing down. Your meal input is important too. We women tend to think men can read our minds because we do all that stuff and more so it's natural for us.

My husband does all the cooking and grocery shopping. I do the lists. This was our deal when he retired. But even though I don't cook often doesn't mean I can't throw together something in under an hour. Something good too. Nothing needs to be fancy. If everyone worked on this together home would be happy.

So get out that pad and pen and SHOW him what needs to be done. Little harmony goes a long way.

OP here- I have offered this countless times- I've offered to meal plan and grocery shop and spouse just needs to execute, or let's collaborate on food for the week. But spouse bristles at this.

Are the meals all right once they're done? Or is part of the problem that the juice isn't worth this much squeeze?

Is your spouse making (or buying) seven totally novel dinners every week? Or are a few things in regular rotation?

It does sound a little aggravating.

Where does this spouse even get this fixation about late dinners and fresh and shopping the same day? Their SAH mother from back in the day?