Unreasonable to ask spouse who is not a planner to meal plan?

[Anonymous]

I plan meals and have dinner ready by 5:30, and my kids are still whining about hunger for the hour beforehand despite a substantial snack when they get home. This is just kids. If you think rotisserie chicken as soon as they get home is better than a home-cooked meal an hour after, you need to have THAT conversation with your spouse. But it’s not the tradeoff I would make.

[Anonymous]

Just feed your young kids their nutritious meal when they come home. Your spouse can cook whatever, whenever for the adults. Or the kids can have that the next day.

This is all just stupid. Everyone with young kids knows their growth, eating and sleeping needs. You don’t withhold food until almost bedtime by playing a game of chicken with a mindblind spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He won't plan meals because no one tells him what they want. Kids should tell him what they would like, you need to tell him to look at the list that everyone should be writing down. Your meal input is important too. We women tend to think men can read our minds because we do all that stuff and more so it's natural for us.

My husband does all the cooking and grocery shopping. I do the lists. This was our deal when he retired. But even though I don't cook often doesn't mean I can't throw together something in under an hour. Something good too. Nothing needs to be fancy. If everyone worked on this together home would be happy.

So get out that pad and pen and SHOW him what needs to be done. Little harmony goes a long way.

OP here- I have offered this countless times- I've offered to meal plan and grocery shop and spouse just needs to execute, or let's collaborate on food for the week. But spouse bristles at this.

Spouse is bristling because you’re micromanaging. Did spouse agree that YOU’RE the boss? If spouse did not, then newsflash: you are not in charge.

Spouse is bristling because they know they are failing and OP is correct. And the children are directly affected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are being really unreasonable. It is FINE if your kids eat fruit as a snack, even if they "fill up" before dinner. Dinner for small kids (like, 2rd grade and under) is often more grazing than anything.

It is also fine if, together, you decide that kids should eat at 5:30 and adults eat later. But recognize that you're then asking your husband to prepare TWO meals a day.

My best suggestion to you is to FULLY ABSENT yourself (stay at work) until dinner is on the table. Let husband deal with cranky kids and then, if he's unhappy, he can adjust his process as he thinks is appropriate. If you are hangry at 5:30 that is your own fault - eat a string cheese.

OP here- I hear you but this is also pretty much the only hour I have to spend time with my kids - we start bedtime around 7 which is pretty much immediately after dinner so it's not the best to spend quality time when kids are hungry. Usually they still complain they're hungry after a small snack but we'll try it.

You’re being super rigid

Ok, sure, whatever. I'm sorry it's so rigid to think an adult could spend a little time thinking ahead so kids don't come home and spend an hour hungry. I guess I'll just do it all myself like most women do.

Oh, good, the passive aggressive martyr has emerged! That always moves the discussion in a positive direction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's not unreasonab le but it is unlikely to succeed. Not everyone needs a weekly plan-- that's unique to you and not your spouse's problem. Lots of people are fine with an every-few-days plan.

I would push some other things onto your spouse instead, or lean heavy on Trader Joe's frozen food.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the organized one / planner in the
marriage and take on the lions share of laundry, tidying, kids logistics, financial planning, scheduling repairs, etc. I care more about these things and making sure they get done right so am fine taking these on. But I also have a big job and can't do it all. I hate grocery shopping and cooking and my spouse likes to cook so agreed to take this on. The problem is spouse prefers to shop a little bit at a time as they go / as it occurs to them and there is never any plan for meals for the week and it's always a surprise whether there's any food in the fridge. Our kids come home hangry from aftercare and I'm hangry after a long day of work, and spouse will just kind of improvise dinner. This is stressful to me and I've asked for a more regular routine- plan out meals for the week, substantial grocery run once a week with opportunity to add things to a list before, clean old food out of fridge once a week. I recognize cooking is HARD so I don't care where meals come from - all prepared food? Fine. Meal delivery? Fine. The current (lack of) system is just too chaotic for me. Spouse seems to think this is an unreasonable ask - is it?

I shop/eat like your husband does (however, I am a widow who lives alone) and would not be able to do your system. At all. Completely unresasonable. You have to be ok with his way or do it yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the organized one / planner in the
marriage and take on the lions share of laundry, tidying, kids logistics, financial planning, scheduling repairs, etc. I care more about these things and making sure they get done right so am fine taking these on. But I also have a big job and can't do it all. I hate grocery shopping and cooking and my spouse likes to cook so agreed to take this on. The problem is spouse prefers to shop a little bit at a time as they go / as it occurs to them and there is never any plan for meals for the week and it's always a surprise whether there's any food in the fridge. Our kids come home hangry from aftercare and I'm hangry after a long day of work, and spouse will just kind of improvise dinner. This is stressful to me and I've asked for a more regular routine- plan out meals for the week, substantial grocery run once a week with opportunity to add things to a list before, clean old food out of fridge once a week. I recognize cooking is HARD so I don't care where meals come from - all prepared food? Fine. Meal delivery? Fine. The current (lack of) system is just too chaotic for me. Spouse seems to think this is an unreasonable ask - is it?

I shop/eat like your husband does (however, I am a widow who lives alone) and would not be able to do your system. At all. Completely unresasonable. You have to be ok with his way or do it yourself.

Also, I don't understand why this stresses you out as long as you eat. Why don't you instacart snacks once a week for you and the kids? You can eat that while he cooks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the organized one / planner in the
marriage and take on the lions share of laundry, tidying, kids logistics, financial planning, scheduling repairs, etc. I care more about these things and making sure they get done right so am fine taking these on. But I also have a big job and can't do it all. I hate grocery shopping and cooking and my spouse likes to cook so agreed to take this on. The problem is spouse prefers to shop a little bit at a time as they go / as it occurs to them and there is never any plan for meals for the week and it's always a surprise whether there's any food in the fridge. Our kids come home hangry from aftercare and I'm hangry after a long day of work, and spouse will just kind of improvise dinner. This is stressful to me and I've asked for a more regular routine- plan out meals for the week, substantial grocery run once a week with opportunity to add things to a list before, clean old food out of fridge once a week. I recognize cooking is HARD so I don't care where meals come from - all prepared food? Fine. Meal delivery? Fine. The current (lack of) system is just too chaotic for me. Spouse seems to think this is an unreasonable ask - is it?

I shop/eat like your husband does (however, I am a widow who lives alone) and would not be able to do your system. At all. Completely unresasonable. You have to be ok with his way or do it yourself.

Also, I don't understand why this stresses you out as long as you eat. Why don't you instacart snacks once a week for you and the kids? You can eat that while he cooks.

Because she’s a rigid control freak… that’s why

[Anonymous]

Two different issues here. 1: dealing with cranky kids who are waiting for their dinner is no fun for either parent. 2: you think your husband is doing “feeding the family” wrong. If you can bring yourself to address Problem 1 as a team, you all vs. The Problem, you will have much greater success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it's unreasonable of you. Let him get food to his hungry family his way. As long as it's healthy, so what? Growing up my parents went shopping for food once a week. My grandparents went every 2-3 days. Guess what? I now go shopping every 2-3 days.

exactly, in japan they go daily on the way out of the train subway station. plus their homes and fridges are so tiny.

just do that op. like retirees in Europe or moms in Japan.

Lol, or like Americans like me who live in a city and don't have a car and can only carry so much home on the train. I never buy more than three bags of food - one tote on the shoulder, and one bag in each hand. I buy three servings of fish Saturday mornings, then buy one more serving of fish Tuesdays because then we can eat it all within 24 hours of buying it.

LMAO! "Three servings of fish" would feed 1 of my 3 teenagers for 1 meal. What's everyone else eating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two different issues here. 1: dealing with cranky kids who are waiting for their dinner is no fun for either parent. 2: you think your husband is doing “feeding the family” wrong. If you can bring yourself to address Problem 1 as a team, you all vs. The Problem, you will have much greater success.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone keeps referring to OP’s partner as the husband. It sounds like partner is non-binary. OP is only using “they.”

Not that this changes the issue but as a matter of respect and awareness.

who gives AF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone keeps referring to OP’s partner as the husband. It sounds like partner is non-binary. OP is only using “they.”

Not that this changes the issue but as a matter of respect and awareness.

Who cares. They don’t like nor care about their children’s needs. Full stop.

I do agree that the spouse needs to get organized, mainly because in a family with kids, time is a precious resource and if they are wasting time every day running to the store, that’s taking time away from everyone else in the family.

[Anonymous]

Just have groceries delivered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are being really unreasonable. It is FINE if your kids eat fruit as a snack, even if they "fill up" before dinner. Dinner for small kids (like, 2rd grade and under) is often more grazing than anything.

It is also fine if, together, you decide that kids should eat at 5:30 and adults eat later. But recognize that you're then asking your husband to prepare TWO meals a day.

My best suggestion to you is to FULLY ABSENT yourself (stay at work) until dinner is on the table. Let husband deal with cranky kids and then, if he's unhappy, he can adjust his process as he thinks is appropriate. If you are hangry at 5:30 that is your own fault - eat a string cheese.

Wow. When our kids were little they ate snacks and lunch at preschool 9-3pm and then at home to nap and dinner at 5:30 w nanny or 6 with us, the. To bed at 7, then 7:30 as older than 3, then eventually 8pm once 5.

We had a rotation of meals back when the kids were little too- salmon, chicken, beef, tilapia, chicken dish. Protein, veg and carb.

Age 1-2 they did purées of the above.

Dinner was never grazing.

+1. Normal