Unreasonable to ask spouse who is not a planner to meal plan?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:6:30 is reasonable for dinner. 5:30 is absurd. Fresh food is much healthier.

Set out cut up veggies/fruit you and your kids can snack on before dinner. Problem solved.

I can try this. One of the kids wouldn't touch a raw vegetable - the other might. They both like fruit so chances are they would fill up on that but worth a shot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- part of the problem is spouse prefers "fresh" food so is not open to making something the night before or over the weekend, etc. and is not overly fond of prepared foods. I've suggested meal kits but again spouse doesn't like the regimentedness. Spouse does "get food on the table" but usually around 6:30 while kids (prek and early elementary) get home around 5-5:30 starving (spouse does pickup). This makes that hour of the day stressful to me. I could of course feed snacks but then they tend to refuse to eat dinner.

What time do you get home? If you were in spouse's shoes, what time would you have dinner on the table?

As far as making things on the weekend, it should not be an issue for him to make something ahead that you and the kids will eat. He doesn't have to eat it, if he prefers fresh food, but his job is to feed the family.

OP here- ideally I'd have dinner ready pretty close to when the kids get home at 5:30. I understand this would either mean no cooking- e.g. a grocery store rotisserie chicken and premade cornbread (but I would have this in the fridge ready to go rather than driving hungry kids to the grocery store), or else I would make something simple earlier in the day that could be reheated (we both work from home).

Is it a possibility to have him feed the kids at 5:30 and then you guys eat an adult dinner later? I liked PPs' ideas of having meatballs and things handy for the kids, or your husband could whip up something fast for them that they like.

[Anonymous]

Likely he doesn't think there need to be A Plan. You won't be happy with the result, even if the kids get fed, something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- part of the problem is spouse prefers "fresh" food so is not open to making something the night before or over the weekend, etc. and is not overly fond of prepared foods. I've suggested meal kits but again spouse doesn't like the regimentedness. Spouse does "get food on the table" but usually around 6:30 while kids (prek and early elementary) get home around 5-5:30 starving (spouse does pickup). This makes that hour of the day stressful to me. I could of course feed snacks but then they tend to refuse to eat dinner.

What time do you get home? If you were in spouse's shoes, what time would you have dinner on the table?

As far as making things on the weekend, it should not be an issue for him to make something ahead that you and the kids will eat. He doesn't have to eat it, if he prefers fresh food, but his job is to feed the family.

OP here- ideally I'd have dinner ready pretty close to when the kids get home at 5:30. I understand this would either mean no cooking- e.g. a grocery store rotisserie chicken and premade cornbread (but I would have this in the fridge ready to go rather than driving hungry kids to the grocery store), or else I would make something simple earlier in the day that could be reheated (we both work from home).

LOL

You both WFH and can't get a meal ready before 7 or 8pm? What the H.

Troll.

OP here - I certainly could or would. But I stay out of it in an attempt not to "micromanage". I use my breaks to do laundry, make beds, tidy kids rooms and playroom, etc. I work a bit later because I take the kids to school in the AM and am making up that hour.

yikes. so what does your H do besides work?

OP here- to be fair their schedule is more meeting heavy with fewer breaks but some time could certainly be carved out. Spouse is not lazy but their mind does not seem to be thinking a few steps ahead the way mine does.

[Anonymous]

You are being unreasonable.

When he shops if there is something you need or want put it on the list.

He doesn’t have to do everything your way.

I’m the planner, my H is a winger.

When I plan vacations he doesn’t complain about all the plans, when he plans vacations I don’t complain there is no plan.

You have a H who does dinner, you’re blessed. Stop being so controlling

[Anonymous]

6:30 is fine give the kids a snack

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- part of the problem is spouse prefers "fresh" food so is not open to making something the night before or over the weekend, etc. and is not overly fond of prepared foods. I've suggested meal kits but again spouse doesn't like the regimentedness. Spouse does "get food on the table" but usually around 6:30 while kids (prek and early elementary) get home around 5-5:30 starving (spouse does pickup). This makes that hour of the day stressful to me. I could of course feed snacks but then they tend to refuse to eat dinner.

What time do you get home? If you were in spouse's shoes, what time would you have dinner on the table?

As far as making things on the weekend, it should not be an issue for him to make something ahead that you and the kids will eat. He doesn't have to eat it, if he prefers fresh food, but his job is to feed the family.

OP here- ideally I'd have dinner ready pretty close to when the kids get home at 5:30. I understand this would either mean no cooking- e.g. a grocery store rotisserie chicken and premade cornbread (but I would have this in the fridge ready to go rather than driving hungry kids to the grocery store), or else I would make something simple earlier in the day that could be reheated (we both work from home).

Is it a possibility to have him feed the kids at 5:30 and then you guys eat an adult dinner later? I liked PPs' ideas of having meatballs and things handy for the kids, or your husband could whip up something fast for them that they like.

Yes, this could be an option- I could ask spouse to just have simple kids food ready as soon as possible and I'm fine stocking up on Trader Joe's meals for myself. I feel like with a little planning we could do better than this and eat all together but maybe it's just not possible given the parameters.

[Anonymous]

I resolve this issue by doing a weekend grocery trip in which I buy the same things every week (or almost the same, some things get subbed out based on season or occasionally food preferences shifting). I get stuff for breakfasts, lunches, fruit and other healthy snacks, plus a couple very easy dinners (stuff I can throw together in 20 minutes, like quesadillas or an easy pasta dish). Anyone can add things to this list, including my DH if he wants to actually plan the dinners he's going to make in advance.

But after that, he has to figure it out. If he wants to decide last minute to make some complicated dish, he has to get that stuff and figure out the timing of it. If his plans go awry and dinner is going to be late, he gets to field the complaints from kids about being hungry. I will make my two easy dinners on the two nights it makes most sense to do so (usually his two in office days). These often produce some leftovers so that's also an option that is always available to him. But otherwise, he can figure it out. He wants to cook instead of doing other things that I do (like cleaning, keeping kids in clothes and school supplies, organizing childcare and activities, our taxes, etc.). So he can do it his way. I will grab an apple from the pantry and go read a book or work on a project while he flounders through trying to get food on the table with kids complaining at 7pm.

He is welcome at any point to join me on that weekend grocery run with a bit more of a plan, but he's also welcome to just keep doing it this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:6:30 is reasonable for dinner. 5:30 is absurd. Fresh food is much healthier.

Set out cut up veggies/fruit you and your kids can snack on before dinner. Problem solved.

I can try this. One of the kids wouldn't touch a raw vegetable - the other might. They both like fruit so chances are they would fill up on that but worth a shot.

They won’t fill up if you give them a snack instead of a meal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- part of the problem is spouse prefers "fresh" food so is not open to making something the night before or over the weekend, etc. and is not overly fond of prepared foods. I've suggested meal kits but again spouse doesn't like the regimentedness. Spouse does "get food on the table" but usually around 6:30 while kids (prek and early elementary) get home around 5-5:30 starving (spouse does pickup). This makes that hour of the day stressful to me. I could of course feed snacks but then they tend to refuse to eat dinner.

What time do you get home? If you were in spouse's shoes, what time would you have dinner on the table?

As far as making things on the weekend, it should not be an issue for him to make something ahead that you and the kids will eat. He doesn't have to eat it, if he prefers fresh food, but his job is to feed the family.

OP here- ideally I'd have dinner ready pretty close to when the kids get home at 5:30. I understand this would either mean no cooking- e.g. a grocery store rotisserie chicken and premade cornbread (but I would have this in the fridge ready to go rather than driving hungry kids to the grocery store), or else I would make something simple earlier in the day that could be reheated (we both work from home).

Is it a possibility to have him feed the kids at 5:30 and then you guys eat an adult dinner later? I liked PPs' ideas of having meatballs and things handy for the kids, or your husband could whip up something fast for them that they like.

Yes, this could be an option- I could ask spouse to just have simple kids food ready as soon as possible and I'm fine stocking up on Trader Joe's meals for myself. I feel like with a little planning we could do better than this and eat all together but maybe it's just not possible given the parameters.

At one point in my life my H schedule was weird so we all sat when the kids ate but we actually ate later.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are being really unreasonable. It is FINE if your kids eat fruit as a snack, even if they "fill up" before dinner. Dinner for small kids (like, 2rd grade and under) is often more grazing than anything.

It is also fine if, together, you decide that kids should eat at 5:30 and adults eat later. But recognize that you're then asking your husband to prepare TWO meals a day.

My best suggestion to you is to FULLY ABSENT yourself (stay at work) until dinner is on the table. Let husband deal with cranky kids and then, if he's unhappy, he can adjust his process as he thinks is appropriate. If you are hangry at 5:30 that is your own fault - eat a string cheese.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I resolve this issue by doing a weekend grocery trip in which I buy the same things every week (or almost the same, some things get subbed out based on season or occasionally food preferences shifting). I get stuff for breakfasts, lunches, fruit and other healthy snacks, plus a couple very easy dinners (stuff I can throw together in 20 minutes, like quesadillas or an easy pasta dish). Anyone can add things to this list, including my DH if he wants to actually plan the dinners he's going to make in advance.

But after that, he has to figure it out. If he wants to decide last minute to make some complicated dish, he has to get that stuff and figure out the timing of it. If his plans go awry and dinner is going to be late, he gets to field the complaints from kids about being hungry. I will make my two easy dinners on the two nights it makes most sense to do so (usually his two in office days). These often produce some leftovers so that's also an option that is always available to him. But otherwise, he can figure it out. He wants to cook instead of doing other things that I do (like cleaning, keeping kids in clothes and school supplies, organizing childcare and activities, our taxes, etc.). So he can do it his way. I will grab an apple from the pantry and go read a book or work on a project while he flounders through trying to get food on the table with kids complaining at 7pm.

He is welcome at any point to join me on that weekend grocery run with a bit more of a plan, but he's also welcome to just keep doing it this way.

OP here - I think this is what I will end up doing

[Anonymous]

Plannwhat you want, buy it, and label it as reserved. He can buy additional unplanned stuff or replace the planned stuff if he takes it.

Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are being really unreasonable. It is FINE if your kids eat fruit as a snack, even if they "fill up" before dinner. Dinner for small kids (like, 2rd grade and under) is often more grazing than anything.

It is also fine if, together, you decide that kids should eat at 5:30 and adults eat later. But recognize that you're then asking your husband to prepare TWO meals a day.

My best suggestion to you is to FULLY ABSENT yourself (stay at work) until dinner is on the table. Let husband deal with cranky kids and then, if he's unhappy, he can adjust his process as he thinks is appropriate. If you are hangry at 5:30 that is your own fault - eat a string cheese.

OP here- I hear you but this is also pretty much the only hour I have to spend time with my kids - we start bedtime around 7 which is pretty much immediately after dinner so it's not the best to spend quality time when kids are hungry. Usually they still complain they're hungry after a small snack but we'll try it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are being really unreasonable. It is FINE if your kids eat fruit as a snack, even if they "fill up" before dinner. Dinner for small kids (like, 2rd grade and under) is often more grazing than anything.

It is also fine if, together, you decide that kids should eat at 5:30 and adults eat later. But recognize that you're then asking your husband to prepare TWO meals a day.

My best suggestion to you is to FULLY ABSENT yourself (stay at work) until dinner is on the table. Let husband deal with cranky kids and then, if he's unhappy, he can adjust his process as he thinks is appropriate. If you are hangry at 5:30 that is your own fault - eat a string cheese.

OP here- I hear you but this is also pretty much the only hour I have to spend time with my kids - we start bedtime around 7 which is pretty much immediately after dinner so it's not the best to spend quality time when kids are hungry. Usually they still complain they're hungry after a small snack but we'll try it.

You’re being super rigid