Unreasonable to ask spouse who is not a planner to meal plan?

[Anonymous]

OP here- part of the problem is spouse prefers "fresh" food so is not open to making something the night before or over the weekend, etc. and is not overly fond of prepared foods. I've suggested meal kits but again spouse doesn't like the regimentedness. Spouse does "get food on the table" but usually around 6:30 while kids (prek and early elementary) get home around 5-5:30 starving (spouse does pickup). This makes that hour of the day stressful to me. I could of course feed snacks but then they tend to refuse to eat dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If food is getting on the table, then yes it's unreasonable It's his responsibility how it gets there, as long as it gets there and is reasonably healthy and palatable.

If the issue is you and the kids are hangry and he doesn't throw dinner on until you get home, THAT is a reasonable issue. That doesn't mean he has to meal prep for the week and plan a menu. Someone people aren't into that.

It could mean you make a plan that dinner, in whatever form, will be on the table by 7 PM. If your schedule varies, it could mean texting him 30 minutes before you leave, so he has time to get food ready.

If it's a matter of needing snacks or light meals for you and the kids to be in the fridge when you are peckish, but don't need a full meal, then you discuss solutions for that. It could be you adding special snacks and prepared foods to his grocery list. It could be asking him to make one or two big batches of something (soup, pasta, roasted veggies, meats, whatever) that will keep in the fridge for the week to be picked at and then can be thrown into a stir fry on Friday (you can volunteer to be the clean out the fridge person).

LOL. do you have kids or remember their general eating schedules age 0-6?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- part of the problem is spouse prefers "fresh" food so is not open to making something the night before or over the weekend, etc. and is not overly fond of prepared foods. I've suggested meal kits but again spouse doesn't like the regimentedness. Spouse does "get food on the table" but usually around 6:30 while kids (prek and early elementary) get home around 5-5:30 starving (spouse does pickup). This makes that hour of the day stressful to me. I could of course feed snacks but then they tend to refuse to eat dinner.

there's lots of fresh food that can be prepped ahead of time.

pay a nanny and stop the day care.

your spouse is idiotic or this is a troll post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it's unreasonable of you. Let him get food to his hungry family his way. As long as it's healthy, so what? Growing up my parents went shopping for food once a week. My grandparents went every 2-3 days. Guess what? I now go shopping every 2-3 days.

exactly, in japan they go daily on the way out of the train subway station. plus their homes and fridges are so tiny.

just do that op. like retirees in Europe or moms in Japan.

Lol, or like Americans like me who live in a city and don't have a car and can only carry so much home on the train. I never buy more than three bags of food - one tote on the shoulder, and one bag in each hand. I buy three servings of fish Saturday mornings, then buy one more serving of fish Tuesdays because then we can eat it all within 24 hours of buying it.

WOW. you mean you think and plan ahead when food shopping! Pls help OP and her spouse do just that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If food is getting on the table, then yes it's unreasonable It's his responsibility how it gets there, as long as it gets there and is reasonably healthy and palatable.

If the issue is you and the kids are hangry and he doesn't throw dinner on until you get home, THAT is a reasonable issue. That doesn't mean he has to meal prep for the week and plan a menu. Someone people aren't into that.

It could mean you make a plan that dinner, in whatever form, will be on the table by 7 PM. If your schedule varies, it could mean texting him 30 minutes before you leave, so he has time to get food ready.

If it's a matter of needing snacks or light meals for you and the kids to be in the fridge when you are peckish, but don't need a full meal, then you discuss solutions for that. It could be you adding special snacks and prepared foods to his grocery list. It could be asking him to make one or two big batches of something (soup, pasta, roasted veggies, meats, whatever) that will keep in the fridge for the week to be picked at and then can be thrown into a stir fry on Friday (you can volunteer to be the clean out the fridge person).

LOL. do you have kids or remember their general eating schedules age 0-6?

Kids don't eat snacks and light meals?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- part of the problem is spouse prefers "fresh" food so is not open to making something the night before or over the weekend, etc. and is not overly fond of prepared foods. I've suggested meal kits but again spouse doesn't like the regimentedness. Spouse does "get food on the table" but usually around 6:30 while kids (prek and early elementary) get home around 5-5:30 starving (spouse does pickup). This makes that hour of the day stressful to me. I could of course feed snacks but then they tend to refuse to eat dinner.

What time do you get home? If you were in spouse's shoes, what time would you have dinner on the table?

As far as making things on the weekend, it should not be an issue for him to make something ahead that you and the kids will eat. He doesn't have to eat it, if he prefers fresh food, but his job is to feed the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- part of the problem is spouse prefers "fresh" food so is not open to making something the night before or over the weekend, etc. and is not overly fond of prepared foods. I've suggested meal kits but again spouse doesn't like the regimentedness. Spouse does "get food on the table" but usually around 6:30 while kids (prek and early elementary) get home around 5-5:30 starving (spouse does pickup). This makes that hour of the day stressful to me. I could of course feed snacks but then they tend to refuse to eat dinner.

What time do you get home? If you were in spouse's shoes, what time would you have dinner on the table?

As far as making things on the weekend, it should not be an issue for him to make something ahead that you and the kids will eat. He doesn't have to eat it, if he prefers fresh food, but his job is to feed the family.

OP here- ideally I'd have dinner ready pretty close to when the kids get home at 5:30. I understand this would either mean no cooking- e.g. a grocery store rotisserie chicken and premade cornbread (but I would have this in the fridge ready to go rather than driving hungry kids to the grocery store), or else I would make something simple earlier in the day that could be reheated (we both work from home).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- part of the problem is spouse prefers "fresh" food so is not open to making something the night before or over the weekend, etc. and is not overly fond of prepared foods. I've suggested meal kits but again spouse doesn't like the regimentedness. Spouse does "get food on the table" but usually around 6:30 while kids (prek and early elementary) get home around 5-5:30 starving (spouse does pickup). This makes that hour of the day stressful to me. I could of course feed snacks but then they tend to refuse to eat dinner.

What time do you get home? If you were in spouse's shoes, what time would you have dinner on the table?

As far as making things on the weekend, it should not be an issue for him to make something ahead that you and the kids will eat. He doesn't have to eat it, if he prefers fresh food, but his job is to feed the family.

+ 1

From ages 2-10 we always had 3 pounds of homemade frozen meatballs for the kids to eat (turkey, spinach, carrot, onions), or lentils/veg/rice frozen in small take out containers, or canned chicken & crackers.

They often had different practices so would eat half meal of that before a 5pm practice or game, and then leftovers from main dinner once home again.

OP and her spouse need to get a program going. Maybe hire a 3rd party to do so and do 3-4 sessions. Get buy in and then both take turns doing it for the kids, meals, home.

TIme to grow up and adapt to life with kids OP and OP H. THey need to eat once they return home and not immediately before bedtime. Poor kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- part of the problem is spouse prefers "fresh" food so is not open to making something the night before or over the weekend, etc. and is not overly fond of prepared foods. I've suggested meal kits but again spouse doesn't like the regimentedness. Spouse does "get food on the table" but usually around 6:30 while kids (prek and early elementary) get home around 5-5:30 starving (spouse does pickup). This makes that hour of the day stressful to me. I could of course feed snacks but then they tend to refuse to eat dinner.

What time do you get home? If you were in spouse's shoes, what time would you have dinner on the table?

As far as making things on the weekend, it should not be an issue for him to make something ahead that you and the kids will eat. He doesn't have to eat it, if he prefers fresh food, but his job is to feed the family.

OP here- ideally I'd have dinner ready pretty close to when the kids get home at 5:30. I understand this would either mean no cooking- e.g. a grocery store rotisserie chicken and premade cornbread (but I would have this in the fridge ready to go rather than driving hungry kids to the grocery store), or else I would make something simple earlier in the day that could be reheated (we both work from home).

LOL

You both WFH and can't get a meal ready before 7 or 8pm? What the H.

Troll.

[Anonymous]

6:30 is reasonable for dinner. 5:30 is absurd. Fresh food is much healthier.

Set out cut up veggies/fruit you and your kids can snack on before dinner. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Make sure to dump your chamber pot too once a night due to all your hard work, working from home and never taking a 5 min break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the organized one / planner in the
marriage and take on the lions share of laundry, tidying, kids logistics, financial planning, scheduling repairs, etc. I care more about these things and making sure they get done right so am fine taking these on. But I also have a big job and can't do it all. I hate grocery shopping and cooking and my spouse likes to cook so agreed to take this on. The problem is spouse prefers to shop a little bit at a time as they go / as it occurs to them and there is never any plan for meals for the week and it's always a surprise whether there's any food in the fridge. Our kids come home hangry from aftercare and I'm hangry after a long day of work, and spouse will just kind of improvise dinner. This is stressful to me and I've asked for a more regular routine- plan out meals for the week, substantial grocery run once a week with opportunity to add things to a list before, clean old food out of fridge once a week. I recognize cooking is HARD so I don't care where meals come from - all prepared food? Fine. Meal delivery? Fine. The current (lack of) system is just too chaotic for me. Spouse seems to think this is an unreasonable ask - is it?

I think a compromise could be something like this: whenever they make something, make a double portion to be saved for another day. Then grab that from the freezer on a later date when they are overwhelmed. Buy an extra freezer if you have to. This is what we do when we cook. Like if DH makes bolognese he makes extra for another day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- part of the problem is spouse prefers "fresh" food so is not open to making something the night before or over the weekend, etc. and is not overly fond of prepared foods. I've suggested meal kits but again spouse doesn't like the regimentedness. Spouse does "get food on the table" but usually around 6:30 while kids (prek and early elementary) get home around 5-5:30 starving (spouse does pickup). This makes that hour of the day stressful to me. I could of course feed snacks but then they tend to refuse to eat dinner.

What time do you get home? If you were in spouse's shoes, what time would you have dinner on the table?

As far as making things on the weekend, it should not be an issue for him to make something ahead that you and the kids will eat. He doesn't have to eat it, if he prefers fresh food, but his job is to feed the family.

OP here- ideally I'd have dinner ready pretty close to when the kids get home at 5:30. I understand this would either mean no cooking- e.g. a grocery store rotisserie chicken and premade cornbread (but I would have this in the fridge ready to go rather than driving hungry kids to the grocery store), or else I would make something simple earlier in the day that could be reheated (we both work from home).

LOL

You both WFH and can't get a meal ready before 7 or 8pm? What the H.

Troll.

OP here - I certainly could or would. But I stay out of it in an attempt not to "micromanage". I use my breaks to do laundry, make beds, tidy kids rooms and playroom, etc. I work a bit later because I take the kids to school in the AM and am making up that hour.

[Anonymous]

that's not FREEEEESSSSHHH then

whine whine

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- part of the problem is spouse prefers "fresh" food so is not open to making something the night before or over the weekend, etc. and is not overly fond of prepared foods. I've suggested meal kits but again spouse doesn't like the regimentedness. Spouse does "get food on the table" but usually around 6:30 while kids (prek and early elementary) get home around 5-5:30 starving (spouse does pickup). This makes that hour of the day stressful to me. I could of course feed snacks but then they tend to refuse to eat dinner.

What time do you get home? If you were in spouse's shoes, what time would you have dinner on the table?

As far as making things on the weekend, it should not be an issue for him to make something ahead that you and the kids will eat. He doesn't have to eat it, if he prefers fresh food, but his job is to feed the family.

OP here- ideally I'd have dinner ready pretty close to when the kids get home at 5:30. I understand this would either mean no cooking- e.g. a grocery store rotisserie chicken and premade cornbread (but I would have this in the fridge ready to go rather than driving hungry kids to the grocery store), or else I would make something simple earlier in the day that could be reheated (we both work from home).

LOL

You both WFH and can't get a meal ready before 7 or 8pm? What the H.

Troll.

OP here - I certainly could or would. But I stay out of it in an attempt not to "micromanage". I use my breaks to do laundry, make beds, tidy kids rooms and playroom, etc. I work a bit later because I take the kids to school in the AM and am making up that hour.

yikes. so what does your H do besides work?