How do you know your "ideal" weight?

[Anonymous]

I'm 5'3'' and for most of my adult life, I've weighed between 130 and 135 lbs. At that weight, I always thought I should lose a few pounds.

Then, after I quit breastfeeding earlier this year, I creeped up to 141 and had a wake-up moment. My eating habits were just way out of whack from pregnancy and breastfeeding. So, I've had a successful summer of exercise and calorie counting using My Fitness Pal, and now I'm down to about 125.

Should I keep going? How would I decide when to stop? Is there a point when you just feel like you've arrived at the right weight? Does it get harder to diet because you have burned through excess fat, so it's harder to restrict calories? (FWIW, the BMI "normal" range for my height is 107-140 lbs.)

Realistically, I'm just talking about a difference of a few pounds, but it's time to revamp my wardrobe (post-pregnancy, breastfeeding, weight gain, weight loss), so I'd just like to see if I can stabilize at a size for a while.

Usually, I'm a pretty intuitive person who likes to do what just feels right, but I can't figure it out in this case.

[Anonymous]

first off congrats!

Do you feel good where you are? Are you eating in a sustainable way? Do you WANT to lose more?

[Anonymous]

I just don't know. I definitely feel better than I did at 141, but will I feel even better at 120? Is there some sort of law of diminishing returns for weight loss?

Honestly, I just assumed there was a weight that would feel "right." The fact that I haven't found it yet probably means that I should keep going. I just don't want to start any yo-yo-ing, so I'd like to find a sustainable weight.

[Anonymous]

You seem really attached to a number, which is not the matrix I use. How do you feel? Is the calorie counting, etc sustainable? What is different about your life now at 125 than it was at 130, 135? Long-term what are the sacrifices you'll need to make to drop lower?

And stop and think for a minute...has there ever been a point in your life where you were content with your weight? Maybe now's the time to do that?

And thinking beyond weight...do you have other fitness goals?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem really attached to a number, which is not the matrix I use. How do you feel? Is the calorie counting, etc sustainable? What is different about your life now at 125 than it was at 130, 135? Long-term what are the sacrifices you'll need to make to drop lower?

And stop and think for a minute...has there ever been a point in your life where you were content with your weight? Maybe now's the time to do that?

And thinking beyond weight...do you have other fitness goals?

These are really great questions. I'd never focused on the number before this summer, so it's all new to me. I've done the big fitness goals in the past, but I just don't feel like I have the capacity to do one right now. I'm a pretty avid cyclist (bike commute 5 days/week), and ultimately I'd like to train for a century, but I just can't focus on that right now.

The food is really the problem for me, and I don't trust myself not to just go back to my old eating habits without at least a bit of calorie tracking. So I'm just stuck on whether I should be focusing on eating to maintain or to lose.

As if it isn't already clear enough, I'm a pretty disciplined, goal-oriented person, and this is the first time I've applied those characteristics to weight loss. So I'm just trying to find my way here.

[Anonymous]

For me, it was always the old "100 lbs for the first 5 feet and then 5 lbs for every inch above that." So at 5'8", my ideal weight was usually around 140. I'm fairly thin but not skinny, so that was reasonably easy to maintain until I had a child. ("reasonably easy" = I exercise regularly and eat normally.) Since I had a child in my late 30's and turned 40, it's been harder to stay below 150. I still look fine, but I'll be honest, I'd be a little happier if I could get below 145 without having to completely deprive myself. (I hate being hungry.)

[Anonymous]

My ideal weight is the weight that I am when I am running daily or training for tris. I feel good at that weight. I see pictures of myself in pictures and I look athletic. I am not super-skinny and I am not fat.

It's about 15 pounds heavier than the ideal weight/BMI tables say that I should be by the way. (I'm 6'0).

[Anonymous]

Lose another 5 and see how you feel. Are you obsessing too much, does it take too much to maintain it? Does it mean never having dessert or absolutely no alcohol, etc or mean than you are working out every day (for me I couldn't sustain all that)? If you are comfortable then continue. If it takes too much out of you, then go back up a few pounds.

[Anonymous]

Losing weight can be addictive - I lost 30 pounds and was at a healthy weight, but then got addicted to the satisfaction and thrill of seeing the # on the scale go down. Developed food restrictions, severe anxiety about eating at restaurants, purging/vomiting up meals (no binging). I became obsessed with getting below a certain number, but every time I hit that number, I'd develop a new goal. I'm still recovering 3 years later.

Just a note for the person who recommended 100 ibs + 5 ibs for every inch you are over 5' -- that really depends on your bone structure. For people with big bone structure (and YES that does exist) or athletes with a lot of healthy muscle mass, that formula can be extremely unhealthy. There are lean 5'3'' people who weigh 135 pounds and wear a size 2 or 4 and are obviously very healthy, and not overweight.

It really isn't about the number on the scale. For OP, I'd recommend setting a health goal now that you are back down around 130 - don't try to "get to 120" -- instead set a fitness goal like "run a half marathon" or "squat X ibs" or "hold a plank for 3 minutes." I particularly recommend this given that you noted you have a very in-control/type A personality -- these personality types can be prone to restrictive eating disorders that can quickly become obsessions.

Good luck and I hope I wasn't alarming you!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the helpful responses all. The last two, in combination, are especially illuminating. Currently, my weight-loss regimen isn't too demanding at all. I find it pretty easy to stay within about 1400 calories/day, and that almost always includes a fudge pop or piece of chocolate, plus beer once or twice a week (all I ever drank anyway). And since the vast majority of my exercise is bike commuting, plus a scenic bike ride or long walk on the weekend, I even find daily exercise pretty sustainable. Also, I really like how well my digestion works when I don't eat too much. I never feel heavy and sluggish anymore, which I didn't even know I felt before I changed my eating.

But I am a bit worried about what the most recent PP pointed too--getting obsessive about calories and pounds. I've never been down this path myself, but this is my first ever real diet of any sort. I have seen plenty of friends struggle with disordered eating, though.

So, in retrospect, I think part of what I was asking (myself, you all, the world) was: I will know when to stop, right? It's partly a mental health thing, but it's also a little vanity. I'm in a profession where commanding authority is really important, and I notice how "mousy" women struggle. (And I don't mean to be offensive. I obviously wish we lived in a world where appearance didn't matter.)

Anyway, I was just really hoping that there would be a moment when I would hit the right size, and I would just know it. Thank you all for helping me think about what I was really trying to figure out.

[Anonymous]

I lost a bunch of weight at one point and the "ideal weight" was obvious--down to a certain point, I felt and looked better and stronger. But once I got to the "ideal" point, any time I dropped below it, people would ask if I was sick. It was the line between "fit/trim" and "too thin".

It is probably coincidence, but for me it was right around 120-122, and I am 5'4", so in line with the rule of thumb cited above.

[Anonymous]

First congratulations. I've been there and it's an accomplishment to set a goal on weight, meet it and then maintain it.

I think now that you are in the normal range of weight you need to focus on some other measurements of health, such as body fat percentage. Are you within the ideal limit for that? Do you have any 'hard fat' deposits around any major organs? http://www.livestrong.com/article/338079-soft-belly-fat-vs-hard-belly-fat/

Perhaps you can also look at the diet. You can be scoring well on calories but are you getting too much sodium, too little protein, etc?

Once I got to ideal I went to a clinic for an extensive physical, including ultrasound of the organs, X-rays, tests and a stress test on a treadmill while hooked up to an EKG, along with a visit and review of my diet by a nutritionist. Gave me a few other things to look at improving once I had gotten the weight to a manageable level.

[Anonymous]

I believe your body knows your ideal weight. If you eat well, exercise, and get sleep (getting sleep is important because that's when you lose the weight) then your body will decide.

Also "weight" is a very inaccurate tool to measure fitness (assuming fitness is what you are going for). One glass of water and you are 1 lb heavier. I once gained four pounds eating sushi (not a lot of sushi…but a lot of salt and tea and water)

And, 130 can be a person with very little muscle mass and lots of extra fat, vs. 140 can be solid muscle and little fat, and the 140 woman will look slimmer.

Anyways, to figure out body composition, the best way is to get dunked in a tank--totally fun, btw. There are mobile vans that do this. You are in a swimsuit and go under water, blow out all your air, wait a second or two then come up.

The other thing I would recommend is to give up grains, and any kind of added sugar--it really helps with the composition of your gut bacteria, and creates a situation where you lose excess fat.

Good luck, OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 5'3'' and for most of my adult life, I've weighed between 130 and 135 lbs. At that weight, I always thought I should lose a few pounds.

Then, after I quit breastfeeding earlier this year, I creeped up to 141 and had a wake-up moment. My eating habits were just way out of whack from pregnancy and breastfeeding. So, I've had a successful summer of exercise and calorie counting using My Fitness Pal, and now I'm down to about 125.

Should I keep going? How would I decide when to stop? Is there a point when you just feel like you've arrived at the right weight? Does it get harder to diet because you have burned through excess fat, so it's harder to restrict calories? (FWIW, the BMI "normal" range for my height is 107-140 lbs.)

Realistically, I'm just talking about a difference of a few pounds, but it's time to revamp my wardrobe (post-pregnancy, breastfeeding, weight gain, weight loss), so I'd just like to see if I can stabilize at a size for a while.

Usually, I'm a pretty intuitive person who likes to do what just feels right, but I can't figure it out in this case.

Weight is just a number. Worry about composition. I know too many women who worry about weight and they're skinny-fat.
The best looking women I see are the ones who crush the weights. They're strong, have nice figures and unless they're competing in something that has weight classes, don't care about weight. They eat healthy and eat a lot, fuel their body and perform.

[Anonymous]

Mine seems to be 140. I am a size 2-4 at 140 and no loose fat, etc. flat stomach, firm thighs, etc.

I notice i run much better at this weight.

When I drop below 140--the 'too skinny' comments and concerned family, etc start popping up.

I am very muscular and have large wrists, rib cage so I weigh heavy. Drs office always wants to set scale to 120 and is always surprised.

I'm 45 and 140-145 is my range--but 140 is me at my ideal.

I have friends my height that weigh 15-20 lbs less but wear much larger clothes and have the muffin top--so it will vary by person.