Support Group for middle aged husbands not having sex
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Anonymous
I dislike these answers so much. "I'm to tired for sex" generally isn't actually truthful communication. The issue is that a person who says that views sex with their partner as a chore. That just isn't healthy. To illustrate: Me: I'm stressed out and suffering. The current situation makes me feel undesirable and depressed. What can I do to make this better? Wife: I'm too tired and stressed out! I work full time and do all the housework! Me: (takes over more of the house work to try and help, but nothing improves ) it's been months and I do not feel like the situation has improved. Is it me? Wife: Well, my job is just so stressful! You don't understand! Maybe if you put on more effort! Me: (Loses 80 lbs, dresses nicer, does all the little thinks, she says I never do.) I'm more stressed out than I was before. There is still no improvement and I'm now running my life at full tilt trying to keep up with everything you want. Please... I'm making myself sick. What can I do? Wife: My job is too stressful to want sex! And you're not spending enough time with me! Me: (busts my ass even more doubles my income so she can quit her job) I'm doing my best here. I've given you everything you ever asked for and I'm still feeling locked out and undesired. Wife: well now I'm stressed out because I'm financially dependent on you! Plus now I do things around the house all day! Still too stressed! Me: I will hire a housekeeper if that would help. Wife: You do it! Why waste money on a housekeeper! Me: Because I can't do it. I'm working myself to death. Wife: why should that stop you from doing something! Me trying to find help: I love my wife. I don't want her to feel pressured and I'm killing myself trying to find a solution. The world: HAVE YOU EVER BOTHERED TO THINK OF HER NEEDS! |
Anonymous
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Spend money to have chores outsourced.
Spend money on having good and nutritious keto/carnivorous diet. Spend money on making the entire family healthy. Middle aged husband not having sex is a function of poor physical and mental health. |
Anonymous
Can anyone explain why a man created this support group for men, but it turned into 35 pages of responses written by women, attacking men? |
Anonymous
No, it is a function of women believing that sex is something that is to be given to someone, not something that is shared between people. But, another weird bump of a many-year old thread. |
Anonymous
There is an apparently small but vocal group of women on DCUM who are committed to the view that sex is an entirely discretionary part of marriage, the lack of which men are not even entitled to feel negatively about. This seems to me to be a small group of women—most of the women here are more sensible—but they never sleep. This is hard on some of the men who post here, because I think there is some meaningful overlap between the sets of “men who are not getting sex from their wives” and “men who are posting to a largely-female message board seeking support.” The ultimate truth is that either your marriage works for you or it doesn’t, and that’s a choice you and you alone must make. In the case of a man not getting enough sex, I believe that he has an obligation to ensure that he is in good physical condition and is generally holding up his end of the marriage. I think in most cases that really does resolve the issue. But there are cases where it does not correct the situation and the situation is in fact not fixable. In some cases, its a health problem; in some cases its an aging/hormonal issue; and in some cases its a situation where the woman never was into sex in general or sex with her DH in particular and kind of glossed over that reality. Each of these requires a different response, in my opinion, and candidly it can be hard to get an honest account of what is truly going on from one’s DW. Counseling is likely a good place to start in most cases; for the man in this kind of counseling it will be incumbent upon him to keep the sex issue front-and-center, as there will be a tendency to sweep it under the rug or work on other aspects of the marriage in order to supposedly improve that issue indirectly. I think a lot of guys in the low- or no-sex scenario tend towards being passive aggressive or whiny about it, which only makes things worse. But it’s ok to directly and forthrightly state your position: “This isn’t working for me and we need to fix it” is a totally legitimate form of self-advocacy. |
Anonymous
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Sometimes I AM tired but love him enough to show it.
-tired wife that loves husband. |
Anonymous
| Sounds gay. |
Anonymous
😩 |
Anonymous
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The other really short answer is: you became un-effable to her for something you did or something she imagined you did, more than likely she rewrote history and the thing that makes you repelling didn’t happen at all.
Either way you ain’t getting around it, just make yourself happy. Emily Nagosky will tell you all the reasons why she’s not into it, Esther Perrell will tell you why it’s not her fault that she lost interest in you (and maybe had an affair), all the books are a waste of time, she’s just not into you, so go, buy a boat, have digital vaginal contact with a cocktail waitress, make yourself scarce, go live your life and enjoy it. |
Anonymous
| Don't get fat, guys. |
Anonymous
DCUM is and has always been predominately female. Check the stats. |
Anonymous
| The stats can be what they are, but a forum titled support group for men being filled with 35 pages of woman complaining is just peak |
Anonymous
You expect a lot from a forum called DC Urban Moms (DCUM). |
Anonymous
| Take meds to reduce libido, most antidepressants can help, it will improve all areas of your life too when u aren't constantly thinking of sensous pleasure |
Anonymous
I (a woman) am discovering this thread for the first time, but I suspect it's because women wandered into this thread out of curiosity like me, and discovered many of the men in the thread misunderstanding why women have declining libido. It is frustrating for me to read some of these comments from men who seem to have misplaced anger because they view the loss of sex in their marriage as something their wives control and have taken away from them. But since loss of libido is often something a woman does not have control over, that anger is both unproductive (in fact counterproductive) and unfair. I do think many of the comments from women in the thread are actually meant in good faith, to be helpful. Not to attack or criticize. |