How do you get an affair/relationship started with another married person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope this thread can be revived because I need to get something off my chest. I am completely head over heels in love and lust with my boss. Well, I don't care what you call it, all I know is that I think about him 24/7, I ache for him, I would be putty in his hands if he crooked his finger. I can't eat and I can't sleep for lusting after him.

Here is the deal. We are both in our late forties and have known each other for 15 years. Have friends in common, have socialized at the same parties etc. Had not really seen him much in the past five years til he hired me. We are both married with kids. I do not wish to divorce my husband, who I love, nor to I wish to disrupt his marriage. I just want mad passionate sex with him and heart to heart conversations whenever possible. Btw he is on his second marriage and he did cheat on his first wife. Call me crazy but I don't care because I am not looking to marry him. And I have never ever cheated on my husband of 17 years. Ever. And never thought I would. But this man has got me so crazy for him I would do anything to sleep with him.

When I started working for him about six months ago, I felt the attraction but it was nothing big and I never felt I would ever want to act on it. But my feelings have been growing. I suspected he found me very attractive and certainly liked me. A few mos. ago I found myself finding ways to be with him, email work questions, etc. Last week he told me that he was applying for a new job because he needs a bigger salary and wants to advance in his field. I emailed him right off the bat that I was happy for his ambitions but that he was breaking my heart because he was such a great boss. Said this jokingly and he wrote back saying it might not happen for awhile and he would try to take me with him wherever he went. Since then, our emails have gone from friendly business to bantering to slightly flirtatious. Have not progressed to texting yet so I am very careful about how I word my emails. Due to our history and the fact that we were friendly before I have actually considered finding a time and place to just tell him that I want to have an affair with him. I am just about 100% sure that he is very attracted to me! but as the boss he has been very professional at work, obviously. I suspect that he is not going to make that first move due to the fact that he is the superior. For what it's worth, I was a 10 back in the day and I'm probably still an 8 or a 9. Have taken very good care of myself and most people think I'm 35, not 47. He is a few years older than me.

I really want things to progress and I feel that we need to move to texting so that we can speak more freely. We are more open when writing to each other. In person I feel the sexual tension immediately when we're at work and we are both trying to hide it and be cool so no one notices. I can't go and see him in his office as much as I would like because it would just be obvious that I can't stay away from him, and vice versa.

Any thoughts. Never once thought I would feel this way or read the stuff on this board but I find myself nodding my head and going yup, that makes sense and what a great idea!!!! God....

A fling with him would be worth risking both your marriage AND your job all in one fell swoop? Uh no.

Here's a trick I learned a L-O-N-G time ago: Focus in on one irritating aspect about his personality (we all have something). Really ZOOM in on it. Poof! Suddenly he's just another human again.

[Anonymous]

Dishonesty is cowardly and vile behavior. You want to sleep with another man then don't make vows with the first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To 14:29 ask your dh for an open marriage. Why do you get to step out and not him? Put yourself in his shoes.

He would be horrified and crushed.

But not by cheating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I do not wish to divorce my husband, who I love, nor to I wish to disrupt his marriage.

But you will. Just. Stop.Now.

its an infatuation and it will pass. What wont pass so easily is how much damage you can do to your marriage, family, spouse and worklife. You need to change jobs, change divisions or change your outlook.

+1000. Stupid idea. Maybe you should just fart loudly in front of him. That ought to clear things up!

I don't think I'll be trying that. But, he does know I have to have a colonoscopy next month and that doesn't seem to have phased him one bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To 14:29 ask your dh for an open marriage. Why do you get to step out and not him? Put yourself in his shoes.

He would be horrified and crushed.

But not by cheating?

Obviously if he isn't aware then he isn't hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope this thread can be revived because I need to get something off my chest. I am completely head over heels in love and lust with my boss. Well, I don't care what you call it, all I know is that I think about him 24/7, I ache for him, I would be putty in his hands if he crooked his finger. I can't eat and I can't sleep for lusting after him.

Here is the deal. We are both in our late forties and have known each other for 15 years. Have friends in common, have socialized at the same parties etc. Had not really seen him much in the past five years til he hired me. We are both married with kids. I do not wish to divorce my husband, who I love, nor to I wish to disrupt his marriage. I just want mad passionate sex with him and heart to heart conversations whenever possible. Btw he is on his second marriage and he did cheat on his first wife. Call me crazy but I don't care because I am not looking to marry him. And I have never ever cheated on my husband of 17 years. Ever. And never thought I would. But this man has got me so crazy for him I would do anything to sleep with him.

When I started working for him about six months ago, I felt the attraction but it was nothing big and I never felt I would ever want to act on it. But my feelings have been growing. I suspected he found me very attractive and certainly liked me. A few mos. ago I found myself finding ways to be with him, email work questions, etc. Last week he told me that he was applying for a new job because he needs a bigger salary and wants to advance in his field. I emailed him right off the bat that I was happy for his ambitions but that he was breaking my heart because he was such a great boss. Said this jokingly and he wrote back saying it might not happen for awhile and he would try to take me with him wherever he went. Since then, our emails have gone from friendly business to bantering to slightly flirtatious. Have not progressed to texting yet so I am very careful about how I word my emails. Due to our history and the fact that we were friendly before I have actually considered finding a time and place to just tell him that I want to have an affair with him. I am just about 100% sure that he is very attracted to me! but as the boss he has been very professional at work, obviously. I suspect that he is not going to make that first move due to the fact that he is the superior. For what it's worth, I was a 10 back in the day and I'm probably still an 8 or a 9. Have taken very good care of myself and most people think I'm 35, not 47. He is a few years older than me.

I really want things to progress and I feel that we need to move to texting so that we can speak more freely. We are more open when writing to each other. In person I feel the sexual tension immediately when we're at work and we are both trying to hide it and be cool so no one notices. I can't go and see him in his office as much as I would like because it would just be obvious that I can't stay away from him, and vice versa.

Any thoughts. Never once thought I would feel this way or read the stuff on this board but I find myself nodding my head and going yup, that makes sense and what a great idea!!!! God....

A fling with him would be worth risking both your marriage AND your job all in one fell swoop? Uh no.

Here's a trick I learned a L-O-N-G time ago: Focus in on one irritating aspect about his personality (we all have something). Really ZOOM in on it. Poof! Suddenly he's just another human again.

That's brilliant. Done it with ex boyfriends before, didn't remember it now though. I will try. He has a pretty robust ego which I tease him about. I will try to focus on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh for God's sake. It's not gross, it's human. I've made it to almost half-century without ever cheating on anyone, including steady boyfriends. I would hardly say that makes me out to be some kind of monster. I won't say I don't understand how you can say these things, though, because twenty years ago I was just as self-righteous and judgmental. Oops...

Actually, BTDT. So I speak from experience as someone who has destroyed two marriages and lived to regret it. And, BTW, it is gross.

[Anonymous]

You did this by farting loudly in front of them?

[Anonymous]

People who are so quick to condemn have never really been there.

I'm married over 20 years to a wonderful woman. We are best friends. We both love and support each other. We hold hands, kiss, snuggle in bed. Just nothing genital. Although I was sexually active with other women before I met her, we (more she) wanted to wait until we were married. But I noticed early on that she wasn't really into it. She just doesn't enjoy sex. Oh, she participated early on, I guess out of a sense of obligation. But I could tell she wasn't enjoying it, and her lack of pleasure increasingly impacted my pleasure, and it all gradually faded away. No sex for nearly ten years. I've resorted to self service, but I want to give pleasure as much or more as receive it. And after an almost happened with a professional colleague at a conference, I've come to the conclusion that I should have an affair. If I can have love with my wife without the sex, then maybe love an sex are not necessarily the same thing for every person, and I can have sex for its own sake. I can not ask to open the marriage because I know her well enough to know that simply asking would destroy the marriage.

Cheating is wrong. But it is also wrong for her to deny me, as much as it is wrong for me to deny myself. And it is wrong to walk away from an otherwise great marriage. Often in life, there is no right, but merely having to choose the lesser wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who are so quick to condemn have never really been there.

I'm married over 20 years to a wonderful woman. We are best friends. We both love and support each other. We hold hands, kiss, snuggle in bed. Just nothing genital. Although I was sexually active with other women before I met her, we (more she) wanted to wait until we were married. But I noticed early on that she wasn't really into it. She just doesn't enjoy sex. Oh, she participated early on, I guess out of a sense of obligation. But I could tell she wasn't enjoying it, and her lack of pleasure increasingly impacted my pleasure, and it all gradually faded away. No sex for nearly ten years. I've resorted to self service, but I want to give pleasure as much or more as receive it. And after an almost happened with a professional colleague at a conference, I've come to the conclusion that I should have an affair. If I can have love with my wife without the sex, then maybe love an sex are not necessarily the same thing for every person, and I can have sex for its own sake. I can not ask to open the marriage because I know her well enough to know that simply asking would destroy the marriage.

Cheating is wrong. But it is also wrong for her to deny me, as much as it is wrong for me to deny myself. And it is wrong to walk away from an otherwise great marriage. Often in life, there is no right, but merely having to choose the lesser wrong.

Have you TALKED to your wife about this? At least then she will be less confused when you step out on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who are so quick to condemn have never really been there.

I'm married over 20 years to a wonderful woman. We are best friends. We both love and support each other. We hold hands, kiss, snuggle in bed. Just nothing genital. Although I was sexually active with other women before I met her, we (more she) wanted to wait until we were married. But I noticed early on that she wasn't really into it. She just doesn't enjoy sex. Oh, she participated early on, I guess out of a sense of obligation. But I could tell she wasn't enjoying it, and her lack of pleasure increasingly impacted my pleasure, and it all gradually faded away. No sex for nearly ten years. I've resorted to self service, but I want to give pleasure as much or more as receive it. And after an almost happened with a professional colleague at a conference, I've come to the conclusion that I should have an affair. If I can have love with my wife without the sex, then maybe love an sex are not necessarily the same thing for every person, and I can have sex for its own sake. I can not ask to open the marriage because I know her well enough to know that simply asking would destroy the marriage.

Cheating is wrong. But it is also wrong for her to deny me, as much as it is wrong for me to deny myself. And it is wrong to walk away from an otherwise great marriage. Often in life, there is no right, but merely having to choose the lesser wrong.

Eh no, you sound just as much as a sleaze like these other jerks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who are so quick to condemn have never really been there.

I'm married over 20 years to a wonderful woman. We are best friends. We both love and support each other. We hold hands, kiss, snuggle in bed. Just nothing genital. Although I was sexually active with other women before I met her, we (more she) wanted to wait until we were married. But I noticed early on that she wasn't really into it. She just doesn't enjoy sex. Oh, she participated early on, I guess out of a sense of obligation. But I could tell she wasn't enjoying it, and her lack of pleasure increasingly impacted my pleasure, and it all gradually faded away. No sex for nearly ten years. I've resorted to self service, but I want to give pleasure as much or more as receive it. And after an almost happened with a professional colleague at a conference, I've come to the conclusion that I should have an affair. If I can have love with my wife without the sex, then maybe love an sex are not necessarily the same thing for every person, and I can have sex for its own sake. I can not ask to open the marriage because I know her well enough to know that simply asking would destroy the marriage.

Cheating is wrong. But it is also wrong for her to deny me, as much as it is wrong for me to deny myself. And it is wrong to walk away from an otherwise great marriage. Often in life, there is no right, but merely having to choose the lesser wrong.

Dude, get thee to counseling, stat. You blame a lot on your wife, but you intentionally married and spent the last 10 years of your life with someone who made it pretty clear from the start she was asexual. You have some issues yourself it sounds like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who are so quick to condemn have never really been there.

I'm married over 20 years to a wonderful woman. We are best friends. We both love and support each other. We hold hands, kiss, snuggle in bed. Just nothing genital. Although I was sexually active with other women before I met her, we (more she) wanted to wait until we were married. But I noticed early on that she wasn't really into it. She just doesn't enjoy sex. Oh, she participated early on, I guess out of a sense of obligation. But I could tell she wasn't enjoying it, and her lack of pleasure increasingly impacted my pleasure, and it all gradually faded away. No sex for nearly ten years. I've resorted to self service, but I want to give pleasure as much or more as receive it. And after an almost happened with a professional colleague at a conference, I've come to the conclusion that I should have an affair. If I can have love with my wife without the sex, then maybe love an sex are not necessarily the same thing for every person, and I can have sex for its own sake. I can not ask to open the marriage because I know her well enough to know that simply asking would destroy the marriage.

Cheating is wrong. But it is also wrong for her to deny me, as much as it is wrong for me to deny myself. And it is wrong to walk away from an otherwise great marriage. Often in life, there is no right, but merely having to choose the lesser wrong.

Eh no, you sound just as much as a sleaze like these other jerks.

Like I said, people who are so quick to condemn have never really been there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who are so quick to condemn have never really been there.

I'm married over 20 years to a wonderful woman. We are best friends. We both love and support each other. We hold hands, kiss, snuggle in bed. Just nothing genital. Although I was sexually active with other women before I met her, we (more she) wanted to wait until we were married. But I noticed early on that she wasn't really into it. She just doesn't enjoy sex. Oh, she participated early on, I guess out of a sense of obligation. But I could tell she wasn't enjoying it, and her lack of pleasure increasingly impacted my pleasure, and it all gradually faded away. No sex for nearly ten years. I've resorted to self service, but I want to give pleasure as much or more as receive it. And after an almost happened with a professional colleague at a conference, I've come to the conclusion that I should have an affair. If I can have love with my wife without the sex, then maybe love an sex are not necessarily the same thing for every person, and I can have sex for its own sake. I can not ask to open the marriage because I know her well enough to know that simply asking would destroy the marriage.

Cheating is wrong. But it is also wrong for her to deny me, as much as it is wrong for me to deny myself. And it is wrong to walk away from an otherwise great marriage. Often in life, there is no right, but merely having to choose the lesser wrong.

This is a great plan -- until you fall in love with someone AND have good sex with them. Someone you are attracted to and who is attracted to you back, AND with whom you can be "best friends" and "love and support each other." Then the "otherwise great marriage" will just seem ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who are so quick to condemn have never really been there.

I'm married over 20 years to a wonderful woman. We are best friends. We both love and support each other. We hold hands, kiss, snuggle in bed. Just nothing genital. Although I was sexually active with other women before I met her, we (more she) wanted to wait until we were married. But I noticed early on that she wasn't really into it. She just doesn't enjoy sex. Oh, she participated early on, I guess out of a sense of obligation. But I could tell she wasn't enjoying it, and her lack of pleasure increasingly impacted my pleasure, and it all gradually faded away. No sex for nearly ten years. I've resorted to self service, but I want to give pleasure as much or more as receive it. And after an almost happened with a professional colleague at a conference, I've come to the conclusion that I should have an affair. If I can have love with my wife without the sex, then maybe love an sex are not necessarily the same thing for every person, and I can have sex for its own sake. I can not ask to open the marriage because I know her well enough to know that simply asking would destroy the marriage.

Cheating is wrong. But it is also wrong for her to deny me, as much as it is wrong for me to deny myself. And it is wrong to walk away from an otherwise great marriage. Often in life, there is no right, but merely having to choose the lesser wrong.

This is a great plan -- until you fall in love with someone AND have good sex with them. Someone you are attracted to and who is attracted to you back, AND with whom you can be "best friends" and "love and support each other." Then the "otherwise great marriage" will just seem ridiculous.

I am a DH and I have became "best friends" and fell in love with someone in a similar situation as me. She has became the closest friend that I have ever had in my life. Now we want to be with each other, but can't because we are married with kids.