What do you say?
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Anonymous
How would you know whether there was no inkling of adoption on the table? This is NOT a family. It’s a mentally ill mother who is no prepared to be a mother and a blindsided father. Their relationship is over. There is no coming back from a break of trust in something like this. Your son will rightfully never fully believe that she had no idea or never trust that she isn’t intellectually challenged. Their relationship presence of a boundary stomping grandma with delusional Norman Rockwell visions is not going to help things. Adoption really is best for the baby in this situation. He could be adopted by a couple that is ready both emotionally and financially as well as thrilled to have a baby. Stop being selfish or at least leave them alone to deal with this. |
Anonymous
Where did op confirm that? |
Anonymous
Hope the baby and mentally challenged baby mom who is excellent at getting you on the money train are sufficient to replace the broken relationship with the son you valued less. But hey you have another son, right? |
Anonymous
Adoption aside, this post really summarizes the OP role and the situation. Read the OP first post. Son likely has a different understanding of "support [you] no matter what." Thank heaven for lawyers. |
Anonymous
Virginia. But they’ll “keep the baby comfortable” until they do it. |
Anonymous
You don’t get to decide for this family, nor define family. Kevin has a mom that loves him and a grandmother that has the means and willingness to provide support as needed. All of you who are painting Kevin’s dad as a victim are way off base. He was intimate with this woman throughout the cryptic pregnancy and he didn’t notice anything either! Furthermore, he’s a 27 year old man and knows how conception occurs. There’s always a chance birth control will fail. He shouldn’t be protected from paying child support. Why would anyone want their innocent grandchild to suffer. |
Anonymous
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OP here Feb 16
Regardless of some crazy ish stirring post, it's actually going better. For one, my two sons had a very cute relationship for a long time until the older one evolved into sports, which his dad highly valued, while it took a longer time for our younger one to find his footing in life. He absolutely grew up in the shadow because his older was larger than life and in everything. He studied abroad and married someone there, none of the family here in the US seems to even know what to make of him. But he has come through, it's like close to a month ago I was comforting an adult child who regressed and basically turned back into a kid, and today they've been having so many conversations that I saw, in an online image, "thank you for being the best older brother anyone could have" "I've been trying to get over more and the other day I held Kevin for a while and it felt very wholesome" I'm now having to hold back, it's his ship now. I feel somewhat sad having to hold back, but it's best for the situation. He can't be on the fast track to enter into true adulthood as long as he's still turning to me. It's not a year or 3 months, it's barely been even 1 month. No one's mentally challenged here and it's kind of weird and mean to say something like that. Someone else taught me the term "cryptic pregnancy" ... it's definitely rare but not that rare. It's about on the occurance level of cystic fibrosis. |
Anonymous
You really ARE an adoption vulture. A mother and her child are a family. Period. Turns out this family also includes a loving paternal grandmother and a supportive maternal grandmother of the baby. Bonus! The fact that the father of the baby seems irresponsible and emotionally volatile and immature is unfortunate, but it doesn’t make the mom and her baby any less a family. Cryptic pregnancies happen. There is no indication that the mother has mental illness. You are rootnh to traumatize a child and separate him from a loving and supportive kinship bond for life because you operate under the delusion that willing adoptive parents are by default better. There is literally no reason to believe this and research backs this up. Adoptive children are far more likely to suffer mental illness and suicidality than children who remain with their biological families. There is no guarantee whatsoever than an adoptive father is going to be any less selfish or entitled or emotionally immature than the one Kevin already has. All that can be presumed about portential adopters is that the have money and want a baby. Neither of those things means they will be any better at parenting than Kevin’s mom is. |
Anonymous
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PS I always thought the spelling was occurrence but somehow it got underlined and when I corrected it, the underlining went away.
Cryptic pregnancy is not a common occurrence but it's not like 1 in a million or anything Or what my ex said ... like .0000004 or some nonsense like that. Kevin looks good for a 3+ week old, ten toes ten fingers making all the routine baby movements. No one can predict the future but he's very cute still with those little newborn sleeper mittens |
Anonymous
Being a good mother to an adult child doesn’t mean blindly affirming every bad choice they make. Support can mean scaffolding the moral and responsible choices, and that’s precisely what OP did. She modeled for him what a decent person does…she presumed the best in everyone, offered help to a woman who appreciated the verbal and practical support, and helped to take care of a newborn baby. Even in the worst case scenario, that Kevin’s mother was lying, the baby wasn’t her son’s, an she was trying to entrap him, OP modeled responsible adult behavior for her floundering son whose responsibility skills were missing in a moment of crisis. She helped in caring for a newborn and a postpartum mom. That is never a mistake. Even if it turned out she was dishonest, OP modeled triage skills: you take care of who needs the most care first. And it turns out OP’s instincts were right. Kevin is her grandson. Her son has a LOT of amends to make for 3 weeks of being a distrusting, irresponsible dirt bag. And he owes is mother an apology for how he has behaved to her, too. |
Anonymous
100 percent agree. |
Anonymous
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The $hit show isn't over.
The young mother who delivered this surprise is someone everyone should be wary of. |
Anonymous
| I’m team adoption. This woman is not prepared to be a mother and the father doesn’t want it. Keeping the baby from a chance at a loving, financially secure family and upbringing is selfish. Yes the baby is cute but it’s really selfish how granny jumped in. I guess her desire to be a grandparent is more important than her biological grandchild’s life and future. |
Anonymous
You are a stranger and have no right to dictate anything to this family. Happy, healthy families come in all kinds of constellations. MYOB. |
Anonymous
By posting on an anonymous message board you are seeking the advice of strangers. You seem to be very vested in this fantasy that getting pregnant, and pretending not to know or hiding it from the father will result in a happy family. It is not 1950. Women and men do not get married and raise surprise babies living happily ever after. This 100% does not happen when the mother hides it and the father finds out a week before delivery. You were 100% out of line to give out your son’s SSN. You were also out of line to call the girl and offer a credit card and other support to raise the baby. This is not your place and you are feeding into an immature and potentially mentally ill woman’s fantasy of snagging her husband. She will be a single mother which is incredibly hard when a woman is secure, educated, and ready with time to plan. From your posts, you yourself do not sound stable. This child 100% would be better off going to a loving family. |