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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here

I’m an adoptive parent so I’m not denigrating anyone else’s experience.

However, there are no adoptive parents involved in my son’s situation. He’s a bio parent and so is his gf. No one’s adopting anyone … it was a thought before she went into labor.

But then it all unfolded and the mother of Kevin (aka my son’s girlfriend) got to make all the choices.

The baby exists and his mom has him. I have tried in the last 3 weeks of my only experience in this to support her. I’m not going for a hero award.

But I do hope I have a profound background of experience where I’m at the age where I’m definitely not buying a trip to Puerto Rico over supporting this traumatized new mom and helping give her supplies for this new baby that is my son’s child.

Like come on. What is the money for[/quote]

It’s quite possible that the baby is not your sons or that there is some mental illness going on with the mother. She may be unfit and adoption should still be on the table. You are enabling dysfunction by being her financial support person.[/quote]

There is absolutely no inkling whatsoever that adoption was EVER on the table.  Shut up, you vulture.  Stop rooting for someone’s family to be torn apart.  You ghoul.[/quote]

How would you know whether there was no inkling of adoption on the table? This is NOT a family. It’s a mentally ill mother who is no prepared to be a mother and a blindsided father. Their relationship is over. There is no coming back from a break of trust in something like this. Your son will rightfully never fully believe that she had no idea or never trust that she isn’t intellectually challenged. Their relationship presence of a boundary stomping grandma with delusional Norman Rockwell visions is not going to help things.

Adoption really is best for the baby in this situation. He could be adopted by a couple that is ready both emotionally and financially as well as thrilled to have a baby. Stop being selfish or at least leave them alone to deal with this.

[/quote]

You really ARE an adoption vulture.  A mother and her child are a family.  Period.  Turns out this family also includes a loving paternal grandmother and a supportive maternal grandmother of the baby.  Bonus!  The fact that the father of the baby seems irresponsible and emotionally volatile and immature is unfortunate, but it doesn’t make the mom and her baby any less a family.

Cryptic pregnancies happen.  There is no indication that the mother has mental illness.

You are rootnh to traumatize a child and separate him from a loving and supportive kinship bond for life because you operate under the delusion that willing adoptive parents are by default better.  There is literally no reason to believe this and research backs this up.  Adoptive children are far more likely to suffer mental illness and suicidality than children who remain with their biological families.  There is no guarantee whatsoever than an adoptive father is going to be any less selfish or entitled or emotionally immature than the one Kevin already has.  All that can be presumed about portential adopters is that the have money and want a baby.  Neither of those things means they will be any better at parenting than Kevin’s mom is.[/quote]

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