What do you say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also care about OP adult son. At best this is a nightmare, at worst a deception and nightmare. Good thoughts for his dad.

You are projecting your own feelings on both of these people. This is not a “nightmare.” The baby is healthy. He is a surprise, and the dad is not handling the surprise well, but that doesn’t mean it is a “nightmare.”

Of course it is a nightmare.

Two adults failed at birth control and you think they can responsibly raise a child??

She’s not going to be a good mother wth 32 weeks !!

He’s too dumb to wrap it like he should have

Now he resents his life great for the kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I also started this thread supporting all pregnancy termination options

I terminated a pregnancy in the early 90s

I went on to have lots of kids, some adopted

I supported my son’s idea of termination of a pregnancy

She gave birth possibly full term less than a week later

Like y’all cool down, I am not the devil, no one’s the devil, I’m not making this up, I am living in this weird insanity that apparently exists in only staying silent to everyone in my life except this forum

You posted on social media what did you expect a parade?

Bringing a child into the world at this moment is irresponsible at best. Stupid is more like it. Both are irresponsible shitty adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The baby is likely full term. Did OP say they had only been dating 6 months? Even if the baby is only 32 weeks, how is it even possible that the baby is full term?

OP should not be supporting the mother, buying things, promising a credit card until there is a.a paternity test and b.a decision whether to keep it or give it up for adoption. The OP is giving the mother a false sense of how easy and workable it would be to keep the baby. If the mother isn’t ready to be a single mother both financially and from a maturity standpoint then she should seriously consider adoption.

Any woman who is considering relinquishing a baby for adoption for purely financial reasons needs to know she is sentencing herself to a lifetime of emotional trauma and regret for a problem that is very likely both temporary and solvable. And there is no guarantee that the adoptive family will be emotionally healthy, financially stable, or loving. Once she signs the relinquishment, everything is completely out of her control, including whether a family that promised her open adoption might immediately close it. Might get divorce. Might die in an accident leaving the baby to people she didn’t choose.

Adoption is NOT a solution to temporary financial challenges. It is permanent trauma to the mother and most likely significant trauma to the child as well.

(Read Relinquished by Gretchen Sisson for harrowing data about the fate of most relinquishing mothers.)

OP is absolutely doing the right thing here. Even if this baby is not her grandchild, she is being kind and generous to a needy mother and completely innocent infant.

If anyone reading this is considering adoption because of financial challenges, please google Saving our Sisters, a nonprofit created by relinquishing mothers which helps women considering relinquishment get financial and logistical support to preserve their families.

Oh lookie pro birth maga has entered the chat .

Screw off saving our sisters BS pro birth crap

What the hell are you talking about? I’m the most pro-choice person I know. Saving our Sisters is a pro-choice organization. The child is already BORN, you imbecile. Abortion is not an option.

I’m talking back to the idiots who are suggesting that adoption is a solution to a temporary financial condition. There is ZERO indication from 30 pages of replies from OP that the mother doesn’t want this infant now that he is here. Thats a vastly different situation from the beginning when the pregnancy was first discovered and the gestational age was unknown.

No it is not pro choice it’s pro birth.

Saving our sisters isn’t there five years from now when this mother has nothing

Saving our sisters is not there ten years from now either.

Spare us your crap it’s pro birth

Against you are absolutely DELUSIONAL. Saving our Sisters is an organization that helps women who are considering adoption relinquishment. It is not a crisis pregnancy center. I actually don’t know any relinquishing mother who is pro-birth…the never ending pain of adoption loss for most relinquishing mothers is statistically far worse than that felt by even the very rare people who regret abortion, which few women do. For women who don’t want to be pregnant, abortion care is the best option. But many pregnant women consider adoption when they get closer to the due date (past when abortion is an option) for myriad reasons, most of which are both temporary and solvable. And many pregnant women are coerced and brainwashed over the months of a pregnancy by abusive maternity home organizations and predatory adoption agencies. May are pressured to sign relinquishment papers without legal counsel or understanding their rights.

Saving our Sisters’ specialty is helping women who may have signed relinquishment papers but immediately regret that decision, and the countdown is on to see if she can go up against adoption attorneys and all of the superior resources that most adopters have to fight to steal her baby from her when she wants him back. SOS has legal experts in most states and has races to get revocation papers to courthouses on time. They also work to provide temporary financial help for mothers and to recruit at least one “sister on the ground” who can help with practical matters, like holding the baby while a mother alone showers.

I don’t knew what your agenda is in trashing SOS but mine is clear: no newly postpartum mother who WANTS her baby but is vulnerable to the “brave love” lies of adoption recruiters that if she really loves her baby, she would give him up to wealthier people, should be coerced or pressured into losing her child forever because she faces temporary and fixable challenges.

Again, your adoption advocacy is just derailing here because OP’s grandson’s mother has never indicated she doesn’t want to keep her baby. She has both resources and support. She is not prey for your adoption fantasies.

(And if you believe yourself a feminist because you are pro-choice, coercing women to be breeders for richer women is pretty much by definition anti feminist. It’s giving Handmaid’s Tale. Go away.)

[phone]

This forum is filled with older, rich, infertile women who feel entitled to other women’s children. I’m happy to see this entitlement exposed for what it is. I’m not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The baby is likely full term. Did OP say they had only been dating 6 months? Even if the baby is only 32 weeks, how is it even possible that the baby is full term?

OP should not be supporting the mother, buying things, promising a credit card until there is a.a paternity test and b.a decision whether to keep it or give it up for adoption. The OP is giving the mother a false sense of how easy and workable it would be to keep the baby. If the mother isn’t ready to be a single mother both financially and from a maturity standpoint then she should seriously consider adoption.

Any woman who is considering relinquishing a baby for adoption for purely financial reasons needs to know she is sentencing herself to a lifetime of emotional trauma and regret for a problem that is very likely both temporary and solvable. And there is no guarantee that the adoptive family will be emotionally healthy, financially stable, or loving. Once she signs the relinquishment, everything is completely out of her control, including whether a family that promised her open adoption might immediately close it. Might get divorce. Might die in an accident leaving the baby to people she didn’t choose.

Adoption is NOT a solution to temporary financial challenges. It is permanent trauma to the mother and most likely significant trauma to the child as well.

(Read Relinquished by Gretchen Sisson for harrowing data about the fate of most relinquishing mothers.)

OP is absolutely doing the right thing here. Even if this baby is not her grandchild, she is being kind and generous to a needy mother and completely innocent infant.

If anyone reading this is considering adoption because of financial challenges, please google Saving our Sisters, a nonprofit created by relinquishing mothers which helps women considering relinquishment get financial and logistical support to preserve their families.

Oh lookie pro birth maga has entered the chat .

Screw off saving our sisters BS pro birth crap

What the hell are you talking about? I’m the most pro-choice person I know. Saving our Sisters is a pro-choice organization. The child is already BORN, you imbecile. Abortion is not an option.

I’m talking back to the idiots who are suggesting that adoption is a solution to a temporary financial condition. There is ZERO indication from 30 pages of replies from OP that the mother doesn’t want this infant now that he is here. Thats a vastly different situation from the beginning when the pregnancy was first discovered and the gestational age was unknown.

No it is not pro choice it’s pro birth.

Saving our sisters isn’t there five years from now when this mother has nothing

Saving our sisters is not there ten years from now either.

Spare us your crap it’s pro birth

Against you are absolutely DELUSIONAL. Saving our Sisters is an organization that helps women who are considering adoption relinquishment. It is not a crisis pregnancy center. I actually don’t know any relinquishing mother who is pro-birth…the never ending pain of adoption loss for most relinquishing mothers is statistically far worse than that felt by even the very rare people who regret abortion, which few women do. For women who don’t want to be pregnant, abortion care is the best option. But many pregnant women consider adoption when they get closer to the due date (past when abortion is an option) for myriad reasons, most of which are both temporary and solvable. And many pregnant women are coerced and brainwashed over the months of a pregnancy by abusive maternity home organizations and predatory adoption agencies. May are pressured to sign relinquishment papers without legal counsel or understanding their rights.

Saving our Sisters’ specialty is helping women who may have signed relinquishment papers but immediately regret that decision, and the countdown is on to see if she can go up against adoption attorneys and all of the superior resources that most adopters have to fight to steal her baby from her when she wants him back. SOS has legal experts in most states and has races to get revocation papers to courthouses on time. They also work to provide temporary financial help for mothers and to recruit at least one “sister on the ground” who can help with practical matters, like holding the baby while a mother alone showers.

I don’t knew what your agenda is in trashing SOS but mine is clear: no newly postpartum mother who WANTS her baby but is vulnerable to the “brave love” lies of adoption recruiters that if she really loves her baby, she would give him up to wealthier people, should be coerced or pressured into losing her child forever because she faces temporary and fixable challenges.

Again, your adoption advocacy is just derailing here because OP’s grandson’s mother has never indicated she doesn’t want to keep her baby. She has both resources and support. She is not prey for your adoption fantasies.

(And if you believe yourself a feminist because you are pro-choice, coercing women to be breeders for richer women is pretty much by definition anti feminist. It’s giving Handmaid’s Tale. Go away.)

[phone]

This forum is filled with older, rich, infertile women who feel entitled to other women’s children. I’m happy to see this entitlement exposed for what it is. I’m not alone.

Oh check your bias.
There are also people who themselves were unwanted children; children of neglectful, mentally ill, abusive, and/or checked-out people; children who wished someone would rescue them; children who longed every day for the day they could leave abusive homes.
We aren't alone either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The baby is likely full term. Did OP say they had only been dating 6 months? Even if the baby is only 32 weeks, how is it even possible that the baby is full term?

OP should not be supporting the mother, buying things, promising a credit card until there is a.a paternity test and b.a decision whether to keep it or give it up for adoption. The OP is giving the mother a false sense of how easy and workable it would be to keep the baby. If the mother isn’t ready to be a single mother both financially and from a maturity standpoint then she should seriously consider adoption.

Any woman who is considering relinquishing a baby for adoption for purely financial reasons needs to know she is sentencing herself to a lifetime of emotional trauma and regret for a problem that is very likely both temporary and solvable. And there is no guarantee that the adoptive family will be emotionally healthy, financially stable, or loving. Once she signs the relinquishment, everything is completely out of her control, including whether a family that promised her open adoption might immediately close it. Might get divorce. Might die in an accident leaving the baby to people she didn’t choose.

Adoption is NOT a solution to temporary financial challenges. It is permanent trauma to the mother and most likely significant trauma to the child as well.

(Read Relinquished by Gretchen Sisson for harrowing data about the fate of most relinquishing mothers.)

OP is absolutely doing the right thing here. Even if this baby is not her grandchild, she is being kind and generous to a needy mother and completely innocent infant.

If anyone reading this is considering adoption because of financial challenges, please google Saving our Sisters, a nonprofit created by relinquishing mothers which helps women considering relinquishment get financial and logistical support to preserve their families.

Oh lookie pro birth maga has entered the chat .

Screw off saving our sisters BS pro birth crap

What the hell are you talking about? I’m the most pro-choice person I know. Saving our Sisters is a pro-choice organization. The child is already BORN, you imbecile. Abortion is not an option.

I’m talking back to the idiots who are suggesting that adoption is a solution to a temporary financial condition. There is ZERO indication from 30 pages of replies from OP that the mother doesn’t want this infant now that he is here. Thats a vastly different situation from the beginning when the pregnancy was first discovered and the gestational age was unknown.

No it is not pro choice it’s pro birth.

Saving our sisters isn’t there five years from now when this mother has nothing

Saving our sisters is not there ten years from now either.

Spare us your crap it’s pro birth

Against you are absolutely DELUSIONAL. Saving our Sisters is an organization that helps women who are considering adoption relinquishment. It is not a crisis pregnancy center. I actually don’t know any relinquishing mother who is pro-birth…the never ending pain of adoption loss for most relinquishing mothers is statistically far worse than that felt by even the very rare people who regret abortion, which few women do. For women who don’t want to be pregnant, abortion care is the best option. But many pregnant women consider adoption when they get closer to the due date (past when abortion is an option) for myriad reasons, most of which are both temporary and solvable. And many pregnant women are coerced and brainwashed over the months of a pregnancy by abusive maternity home organizations and predatory adoption agencies. May are pressured to sign relinquishment papers without legal counsel or understanding their rights.

Saving our Sisters’ specialty is helping women who may have signed relinquishment papers but immediately regret that decision, and the countdown is on to see if she can go up against adoption attorneys and all of the superior resources that most adopters have to fight to steal her baby from her when she wants him back. SOS has legal experts in most states and has races to get revocation papers to courthouses on time. They also work to provide temporary financial help for mothers and to recruit at least one “sister on the ground” who can help with practical matters, like holding the baby while a mother alone showers.

I don’t knew what your agenda is in trashing SOS but mine is clear: no newly postpartum mother who WANTS her baby but is vulnerable to the “brave love” lies of adoption recruiters that if she really loves her baby, she would give him up to wealthier people, should be coerced or pressured into losing her child forever because she faces temporary and fixable challenges.

Again, your adoption advocacy is just derailing here because OP’s grandson’s mother has never indicated she doesn’t want to keep her baby. She has both resources and support. She is not prey for your adoption fantasies.

(And if you believe yourself a feminist because you are pro-choice, coercing women to be breeders for richer women is pretty much by definition anti feminist. It’s giving Handmaid’s Tale. Go away.)

[phone]

This forum is filled with older, rich, infertile women who feel entitled to other women’s children. I’m happy to see this entitlement exposed for what it is. I’m not alone.

Oh check your bias.
There are also people who themselves were unwanted children; children of neglectful, mentally ill, abusive, and/or checked-out people; children who wished someone would rescue them; children who longed every day for the day they could leave abusive homes.
We aren't alone either.

Thank you for clapping back. The adoptive parents I know are good people who don't take being chosen to parent for granted. Most of them had to be picked by the birth mother from a pool of prospectives. I only hear gratitude and no entitlement.

[Anonymous]

OP here

I’m an adoptive parent so I’m not denigrating anyone else’s experience.

However, there are no adoptive parents involved in my son’s situation. He’s a bio parent and so is his gf. No one’s adopting anyone … it was a thought before she went into labor.

But then it all unfolded and the mother of Kevin (aka my son’s girlfriend) got to make all the choices.

The baby exists and his mom has him. I have tried in the last 3 weeks of my only experience in this to support her. I’m not going for a hero award.

But I do hope I have a profound background of experience where I’m at the age where I’m definitely not buying a trip to Puerto Rico over supporting this traumatized new mom and helping give her supplies for this new baby that is my son’s child.

Like come on. What is the money for

[Anonymous]

Do you DNA know of just gee look at the photo know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I’m an adoptive parent so I’m not denigrating anyone else’s experience.

However, there are no adoptive parents involved in my son’s situation. He’s a bio parent and so is his gf. No one’s adopting anyone … it was a thought before she went into labor.

But then it all unfolded and the mother of Kevin (aka my son’s girlfriend) got to make all the choices.

The baby exists and his mom has him. I have tried in the last 3 weeks of my only experience in this to support her. I’m not going for a hero award.

But I do hope I have a profound background of experience where I’m at the age where I’m definitely not buying a trip to Puerto Rico over supporting this traumatized new mom and helping give her supplies for this new baby that is my son’s child.

Like come on. What is the money for

It’s quite possible that the baby is not your sons or that there is some mental illness going on with the mother. She may be unfit and adoption should still be on the table. You are enabling dysfunction by being her financial support person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again

Sorry I sent the check to son's girlfriend who lives in the US. Child support has not kicked in yet AFAIK. My ex is not communicating with me so I just sent a check. It's an infant FGS

Older brother lives in Europe and is back there

Younger brother (baby's dad) has supposedly been visiting baby x times a week but I only know this through his older brother and the gf who has sent me pictures, I have like 5 now.

What happened to the paternity test?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again

Sorry I sent the check to son's girlfriend who lives in the US. Child support has not kicked in yet AFAIK. My ex is not communicating with me so I just sent a check. It's an infant FGS

Older brother lives in Europe and is back there

Younger brother (baby's dad) has supposedly been visiting baby x times a week but I only know this through his older brother and the gf who has sent me pictures, I have like 5 now.

What happened to the paternity test?

they had the test and Kevin's father is OP's son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I’m an adoptive parent so I’m not denigrating anyone else’s experience.

However, there are no adoptive parents involved in my son’s situation. He’s a bio parent and so is his gf. No one’s adopting anyone … it was a thought before she went into labor.

But then it all unfolded and the mother of Kevin (aka my son’s girlfriend) got to make all the choices.

The baby exists and his mom has him. I have tried in the last 3 weeks of my only experience in this to support her. I’m not going for a hero award.

But I do hope I have a profound background of experience where I’m at the age where I’m definitely not buying a trip to Puerto Rico over supporting this traumatized new mom and helping give her supplies for this new baby that is my son’s child.

Like come on. What is the money for

It’s quite possible that the baby is not your sons or that there is some mental illness going on with the mother. She may be unfit and adoption should still be on the table. You are enabling dysfunction by being her financial support person.

There is absolutely no inkling whatsoever that adoption was EVER on the table. Shut up, you vulture. Stop rooting for someone’s family to be torn apart. You ghoul.

[Anonymous]

I hope Kevin's alleged biodad escapes the clutches of loony mom and seriously delusional game buddy and can send money while living his life elsewhere. Hopefully he doesn't have a breakdown or worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mid 20s son tells you his girlfriend of a year is pregnant and wants your advice.

They don’t know how far along she is and they have a joint appointment at planned parenthood in the next 48 hours.

What would you actually say?

"Oh my gosh, what a shock for you! How are you holding up? How is she holding up? You say you have an appointment- that is great. My only advice would be to make sure that you've asked her how she's feeling, and asked her what SHE wants to do at this appointment. You should know going into it whether she expects this to be a prenatal care appt or a termination appt. I hope that doesn't come across as too blunt. And IF SHE ASKS for your input- be gentle, and caring, but be honest too. She needs to know how you feel! What if she plans to terminate, thinking that you want her to do that, when you don't?? Or what if she plans to continue the pregnancy expecting a proposal, and you know that won't happen?? You have my full support, always, and so does she. But you guys MUST communicate. And you MUST know that the final decision is hers alone. That is my advice. "

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mid 20s son tells you his girlfriend of a year is pregnant and wants your advice.

They don’t know how far along she is and they have a joint appointment at planned parenthood in the next 48 hours.

What would you actually say?

"Oh my gosh, what a shock for you! How are you holding up? How is she holding up? You say you have an appointment- that is great. My only advice would be to make sure that you've asked her how she's feeling, and asked her what SHE wants to do at this appointment. You should know going into it whether she expects this to be a prenatal care appt or a termination appt. I hope that doesn't come across as too blunt. And IF SHE ASKS for your input- be gentle, and caring, but be honest too. She needs to know how you feel! What if she plans to terminate, thinking that you want her to do that, when you don't?? Or what if she plans to continue the pregnancy expecting a proposal, and you know that won't happen?? You have my full support, always, and so does she. But you guys MUST communicate. And you MUST know that the final decision is hers alone. That is my advice. "

OP here. I absolutely know the phenomenon of answering a somewhat recent thread without reading 30+ pages

I have done this

Your response is very well thought out, I wish I could go back 3 weeks

Feb 14th my son’s not speaking to me because he is angry with me for overstepping the boundaries I didn’t even know existed. I just tried to buy baby stuff and got it to her. My older son flew in from Europe and now my younger son sees that as having us have made “a big deal out of nothing” and even his dad apparently now says a version of “it’s my son’s thing now let him figure it out” … but he also hired lawyers to “protect” our son.

I guess I’m just like in the “maybe protect the baby and the young mom ?????” That mode.

She sends me a pic like every 3 days. I told her today, “thank you he is beautiful just tell me anytime what you need” and she said “I think we are OK for now” and that’s all I can do without appearing to interfere.

After all the talk about how I did a criminal act by giving her my son’s SSN when she was trying to do the birth paperwork and get out of the hospital, I have looked it up multiple times, it’s an act that is mostly for the baby and which only delays the inevitable for my son who will pay legal fees trying not to be the father, or something. You can either give the SSN over for free or you can pay 15K in legal fees trying not to do that.

For one, he has good health insurance and I don’t know what she has. They need that information for the baby to get on his health insurance.

Like, I go back and forth with his older brother. I’m seriously disappointed in my younger son. He’s not even young. He’s nearly 30.

And when I talk with my older son about this I’m like if I have to choose between him being this way and a perfectly innocent young baby I’d be like, I’ve already had my chance with you, the older one, and if this is the way you are today, I might be not willing to throw any more future resources at you.

I’m seriously disappointed in him, tragedy comes in different packages

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like he's mad at the birth mom and taking it out on you.

Just keep the lines of communication open. The baby may need a grandma in his life at some point.

Your son will need to add the baby to his health insurance through life event paperwork. Just establishing who the dad is will not make that go smoothly.