If you are a woman with kids who divorced at 40+, how are things?

[Anonymous]

I think I am going to get divorced. I love my husband and am trying everything but he seems intent on leaving. I am devastated. We have two small children. I am completely crushed.

And beyond just being completely upset by the marital situation, I am very scared of life after marriage. I want to be with someone who loves me and who I can make happy, but I am 40 with two kids under three. I am so worried about being alone and also just logistics of life after marriage / after the person you have loved for seventeen years leaves.

Any ladies have positive stories? I have tried absolutely everything in my power to get my husband to want to stay (including marriage counseling), but it didn't work so please no recommendations on how to fix things. I could really use a pep talk.

[Anonymous]

I'm not a woman, and I'm married not divorced. Believe in yourself, you have a lot to offer but you need to have confidence enough to believe in yourself.

[Anonymous]

Focus on your kids as that will bring a lot of joy. Your chances of finding another man while juggling two young children is tough, just from a logistical perspective, but your kids will be a huge reward.

Oh and stay in shape. Women in their 40s can be very sexy if not overweight in my opinion (male here)

[Anonymous]

Ditto the "stay in shape" advice
Any in-shape woman can attract a man at any age

[Anonymous]

You will be okay! You aren't the first woman to find herself in that situation and there is hope of a future relationship for you, as long as you don't count yourself out before you start. First I would work on accepting your new status/life before looking to add someone new to it. The horror stories you hear are when women acted out of desperation; keep your wits about you and you will be fine.

[Anonymous]

First, get yourself a therapist. You will need it. I was there 2 years ago.

Second, stop thinking that your role is to make someone happy. Only you can make YOU happy. Same goes for any other person that might get involved with you. They have to make themselves happy. The rest is the icing on top.

Adjusting to the new life will take time, so give yourself time for that. Try not to jump into any relationship or make any other huge decisions right now.

I hope you can find peace with the situation and you can start moving forward.

Good Luck!

[Anonymous]

Get in shape, honey. A beautiful woman can attract a man at any age. Get your husband to pay for you to have work done (pretend it is for him) if necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get in shape, honey. A beautiful woman can attract a man at any age. Get your husband to pay for you to have work done (pretend it is for him) if necessary.

I speak from experience. I had three kids under six when I divorced. I never lost my figure and once my kids were with their dad every other weekend, I had time to shop and get my hair/nails done and look even better. I took dating seriously and was remarried within two years to my husband of eight years. What I found was that it all came down to looks. You have to be more MILF than soccer mom. Believe me, you will lose about 15 pounds from the divorce alone and all the heartbreak. Use that to jumpstart some real weight loss if you need to get in shape. My second husband looks way better than my first husband and had no kids of his own.

[Anonymous]

I was married 19 years when I got divorced, and closer to 50 than 40. Two teenagers.

Fell in love with a widower. Not married yet, but we make each other happy.

Stay positive.

PS I did hire a personal trainer and step up my fitness routine. Made me feel great more than look great, and that happy outlook really helped.

[Anonymous]

My friend , 36 with a 4 yr old divorced. She joined the gym and totally took care of herself on her weekends without her dd (she always took care of herself and always looked great but this just put her over the edge).... She was introduced to an awesome man her age and he's never been married or had children. He really clicked with her bc his mom went thru the exact same thing when he was young. They're amazing together and he wants to marry her. She's holding back to keep things as simple for her now 6 yr old dd. but being in this positive healthy relationship has been an eye opener for her. Like you she was with her first love since 22-34.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get your husband to pay for you to have work done (pretend it is for him) if necessary.

This, guys, is why you never buy them boob jobs or tummy tucks. They're not for you, they're for the next sucker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get your husband to pay for you to have work done (pretend it is for him) if necessary.

This, guys, is why you never buy them boob jobs or tummy tucks. They're not for you, they're for the next sucker.

I can buy my own plastic surgery thankyouverymuch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get your husband to pay for you to have work done (pretend it is for him) if necessary.

This, guys, is why you never buy them boob jobs or tummy tucks. They're not for you, they're for the next sucker.

PP here. Bad husbands are the suckers. Your post is wasted because men are too arrogant to think that a wife's improvements might be for someone else. My cheating husband paid for my tummy tuck and breast lift, and prepaid a set of botox shots. Then I served him with divorce papers and landed a better man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Your post is wasted because men are too arrogant to think that a wife's improvements might be for someone else.

So it's OK to lie and deceive men so they pay for your boob jobs? Again, that's why men shouldn't pay for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ditto the "stay in shape" advice
Any in-shape woman can attract a man at any age

Does the opposite work?