If you are a woman with kids who divorced at 40+, how are things?

[Anonymous]

Just to clarify - I called the banks about the accounts that are only in MY name, not our joint accounts and obviously I have nothing to say about the accounts in his name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I replied above (similar situation), one practical tip. When I found out about my spouse's affair and didn't know if we would reconcile, I moved half of the money in our savings into my account that the spouse did not have access to. The other woman was someone I knew with a really bad financial history, and I was worried that spouse (now ex) would just take off with her and all our money.

OP back again. Thanks about the recommendation. My retirement and savings are in separate accounts with only my name on them, it's just the way they have always been structured. Right before I confronted my husband, I did call the banks and tell them that my husband did not have the authority to make any decisions on how to invest the money or to withdraw or move the money. It was pretty embarrassing but I just had no idea how he would respond or if he would try to just leave immediately with all of the funds and run off with the other woman, so I did feel the need to protect myself. I have told him that I did this and he says he understands.

There is really no adequate description of how this whole thing has upended my life. He keeps telling me things about the affair that make me sick, of course in response to my questions. One of the things that really gets me is that he was not giving me any leeway and always thought I had ulterior motives when I did not, but his description of interactions with the other woman indicate that he was willing to overlook huge problems on her end and put her on a pedestal.

I've replied a couple times above, but, yeah, all sounds familiar. I think it's what they call the "affair bubble." My spouse's other woman has been a serial cheater for 25+years, declared bankruptcy recently, did a lot of stalkerish things during the affair (moved to an apt 2 blocks from our house for example), tried to make my spouse feel guilty about spending time with our child, and-I'm not going to body shame her-but it's not even like she is young and attractive. But she's the one, and even though I was busting my ass to try and save our marriage, I'm just cold and judgmental. Just accept that the next year is going to suck, make a plan to stay sane, lean on supportive friends and family, and know that whatever happens you will be okay.