Millennials feel 'abandoned' by parents not available to help raise grandkids: 'Too busy'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's right to expect grandparents to watch grandkids.

But I will say that if you never visit and are completely uninvolved in your grandkids life, don't expect everyone to come to you for holidays. My dh and I would do just about anything for my parents because they watch our kids for 9 days (allowing us international trips without kids).

+1

They raised you. They’re done.

They’re only going to be around for the fun part and that’s all right.

And really you should be thinking about how you can support them now.

I think when you have young kids supporting your parents shouldn't be a top priority. You should progress from child to independent to parent to elderly caretaker to elderly yourself. Much more manageable.

[Anonymous]

Hilarious. More victim-hood from the generation that invented it.

[Anonymous]

I don't want to need my parents help raising my children, but I think it's funny that they got a ton of help from their parents raising us..... We are talking vacations together. Meals several times a week. Grandparents coming to all school functions taking us to school, picking us up from school..... But my parents who are retired or working part-time struggle to even plan a holiday nowadays. Yet they want us to all come to them. Sorry Jan, I'm not planning Christmas at your house if you don't want to take the initiative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to need my parents help raising my children, but I think it's funny that they got a ton of help from their parents raising us..... We are talking vacations together. Meals several times a week. Grandparents coming to all school functions taking us to school, picking us up from school..... But my parents who are retired or working part-time struggle to even plan a holiday nowadays. Yet they want us to all come to them. Sorry Jan, I'm not planning Christmas at your house if you don't want to take the initiative.

once again, you need to look at the differences in women's lives between the two generation.

Do millennials not understand context? Hilarious. So much naval gazing.

-signed a gen xer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not yet a grandma, but here's where I am at. My career took a hit so that I could have children. I will have paid for their college, cars, phones, sports, vacations, blah blah. I've done everything in my capability to get them into adulthood and if they make the choice to have children, they need to be able to care for them. It shouldn't be on me in my older years to be further indebted to my children to provide continuous care for their children in lieu of retiring, traveling or doing whatever the heck I want. I am likely to not be able to retire under 72 which means I will have been working for 50+ years. I've earned the right to do whatever I want with my remaining years. I'll be there to help them, but I should not be their only option and ridiculed for not wanting to care for little kids in my 70s.

I'm with you.

Someone stated it best up thread. This is what you get with a generation of helicoptered parents.

-gen xer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to need my parents help raising my children, but I think it's funny that they got a ton of help from their parents raising us..... We are talking vacations together. Meals several times a week. Grandparents coming to all school functions taking us to school, picking us up from school..... But my parents who are retired or working part-time struggle to even plan a holiday nowadays. Yet they want us to all come to them. Sorry Jan, I'm not planning Christmas at your house if you don't want to take the initiative.

once again, you need to look at the differences in women's lives between the two generation.

Do millennials not understand context? Hilarious. So much naval gazing.

-signed a gen xer

My parents did not go to college and both had jobs that barely made ends meet... Do I get why they leaned heavily on their parents but they didn't give us a dime for college or for a car or anything?...... So now that they've retired early because they were able to use the money they inherited from their own parents, they still are refusing to do anything. It seems like our grandparents raised us..... And our parents relied heavily on our grandparents labor and then are now enjoying their inheritance after our grandparents have passed..... So much so that we will once again get zero when our own parents die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to need my parents help raising my children, but I think it's funny that they got a ton of help from their parents raising us..... We are talking vacations together. Meals several times a week. Grandparents coming to all school functions taking us to school, picking us up from school..... But my parents who are retired or working part-time struggle to even plan a holiday nowadays. Yet they want us to all come to them. Sorry Jan, I'm not planning Christmas at your house if you don't want to take the initiative.

once again, you need to look at the differences in women's lives between the two generation.

Do millennials not understand context? Hilarious. So much naval gazing.

-signed a gen xer

My parents did not go to college and both had jobs that barely made ends meet... Do I get why they leaned heavily on their parents but they didn't give us a dime for college or for a car or anything?...... So now that they've retired early because they were able to use the money they inherited from their own parents, they still are refusing to do anything. It seems like our grandparents raised us..... And our parents relied heavily on our grandparents labor and then are now enjoying their inheritance after our grandparents have passed..... So much so that we will once again get zero when our own parents die.

I'll repeat:

Your grandmother more than likely did not have to juggle working full time and taking care of kids, on her own, because let's face it, the men in that generation weren't doing much housechores or childcare.

Your mother (because more than likely, when you say "parents", you really mean "mother") worked out of the home to try to provide for you, and your grandmother had the time to take care of you, the grandchild.

You know what it's like to work full time out of the home, and take care of kids. It's hard. Your mother is tired. She wants to enjoy her life because she was probably too busy raising you and working to enjoy her life. But, you begrudge her that.

Will you not get your parents estate when they pass? The cycle will continue. Please post back when you are retired, and your kids want you to watch your grandkids.

#entitledmillennial

[Anonymous]

It's not about free childcare or money. You want these people, most of which are dealing with the effects of lead poisoning (so many examples in this thread, sad), to be emotionally invested in your kids. Remember -- they weren't emotionally invested in you! Why go to the well, there's no water there. Withhold the photos they so desperately need for Facebook if you require some revenge, otherwise just keep it light and grey rock them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boomers are too busy and galavanting around on vacations to help their kids and grand kids, sad. Another example of boomer selfishness on top of the wealth taking and focusing younger generations to find their lifestyles, sad.

https://www.foxnews.com/media/millennials-feel-abandoned-parents-available-help-raise-grandkids-busy.amp

Don't have children expecting your parents to be your free child Care. We took care of our kids and you can do the same.

I think the point of the article and the point many posters are making is that many parents by and large did not take care of their children without assistance from their family but now that they are the grandparents they arent paying it forward.

Many posters here including myself were practically raised by our grandparents during summers but have not received the same type of assistance from our parents.

you need to really take a good look at the lives of boomer women compared to silent gen women. Do you think women in the silent generation worked until they were 65 and helped take care of grandkids? No, they did not. Many were sahm. Did you grandmother work until she was 65? I doubt it. Most women of that generation didn't even work, and if they did, they quit after having kids. Not so with boomer moms. They worked even after having kids. And that is tough, as you know. So, I don't blame these women who after having worked and taken care of kids for most their lives (probably mostly on their own without their husbands help), don't want to continue taking care of little kids after they retire. I sure wouldn't, and I'm genx.



and

https://www.dol.gov/agencies/wb/data/lfp/women-by-age

My Silent Gen grandmothers both worked after their kids were in school. One grandma had a factory job and retired with a pension, the other worked retail. Both helped out with childcare for grandkids, as did one grandpa. But they were raised on farms during the depression, and everybody pitched in because that's how they survived. That was the norm until very recently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to need my parents help raising my children, but I think it's funny that they got a ton of help from their parents raising us..... We are talking vacations together. Meals several times a week. Grandparents coming to all school functions taking us to school, picking us up from school..... But my parents who are retired or working part-time struggle to even plan a holiday nowadays. Yet they want us to all come to them. Sorry Jan, I'm not planning Christmas at your house if you don't want to take the initiative.

It sounds like your parents had that. Mine didn't. Some of my friends have never known their grandparents.

[Anonymous]

So much entitlement in this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to need my parents help raising my children, but I think it's funny that they got a ton of help from their parents raising us..... We are talking vacations together. Meals several times a week. Grandparents coming to all school functions taking us to school, picking us up from school..... But my parents who are retired or working part-time struggle to even plan a holiday nowadays. Yet they want us to all come to them. Sorry Jan, I'm not planning Christmas at your house if you don't want to take the initiative.

I think it is great that you had so much time with your grandparents. I was born in 1973, and this would not have been the norm where I grew up. Most of my friend's grandparent's did not live so close. There were more stay at home moms of course, but, there really was not this kind of support from grandparents. Maybe your mom was dealing with some sort of mental health or physical issue that made her need so much support? My husband grew up with his extended family very close (two sets of grandparents within 5ish miles), but his grandparents did not help with school or activity drop off/pick up. Or provide meals multiple days per week. They did provide babysitting on occasion but his parents did not have a ton of $, so they weren't going out all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to need my parents help raising my children, but I think it's funny that they got a ton of help from their parents raising us..... We are talking vacations together. Meals several times a week. Grandparents coming to all school functions taking us to school, picking us up from school..... But my parents who are retired or working part-time struggle to even plan a holiday nowadays. Yet they want us to all come to them. Sorry Jan, I'm not planning Christmas at your house if you don't want to take the initiative.

I think it is great that you had so much time with your grandparents. I was born in 1973, and this would not have been the norm where I grew up. Most of my friend's grandparent's did not live so close. There were more stay at home moms of course, but, there really was not this kind of support from grandparents. Maybe your mom was dealing with some sort of mental health or physical issue that made her need so much support? My husband grew up with his extended family very close (two sets of grandparents within 5ish miles), but his grandparents did not help with school or activity drop off/pick up. Or provide meals multiple days per week. They did provide babysitting on occasion but his parents did not have a ton of $, so they weren't going out all the time.

DP
Living near grandparents wasn't unusual where I grew up in the 70s/80s either. My grandparents also watched us while my mom worked. I don't know why you think that translates to mom has mental health problems. Functionally it's not any different from any working mom hiring childcare or a nanny (except for the pay part of course).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boomers are too busy and galavanting around on vacations to help their kids and grand kids, sad. Another example of boomer selfishness on top of the wealth taking and focusing younger generations to find their lifestyles, sad.

https://www.foxnews.com/media/millennials-feel-abandoned-parents-available-help-raise-grandkids-busy.amp

Don't have children expecting your parents to be your free child Care. We took care of our kids and you can do the same.

I think the point of the article and the point many posters are making is that many parents by and large did not take care of their children without assistance from their family but now that they are the grandparents they arent paying it forward.

Many posters here including myself were practically raised by our grandparents during summers but have not received the same type of assistance from our parents.

you need to really take a good look at the lives of boomer women compared to silent gen women. Do you think women in the silent generation worked until they were 65 and helped take care of grandkids? No, they did not. Many were sahm. Did you grandmother work until she was 65? I doubt it. Most women of that generation didn't even work, and if they did, they quit after having kids. Not so with boomer moms. They worked even after having kids. And that is tough, as you know. So, I don't blame these women who after having worked and taken care of kids for most their lives (probably mostly on their own without their husbands help), don't want to continue taking care of little kids after they retire. I sure wouldn't, and I'm genx.



and

https://www.dol.gov/agencies/wb/data/lfp/women-by-age

My Silent Gen grandmothers both worked after their kids were in school. One grandma had a factory job and retired with a pension, the other worked retail. Both helped out with childcare for grandkids, as did one grandpa. But they were raised on farms during the depression, and everybody pitched in because that's how they survived. That was the norm until very recently.

But per the graph, that was not the norm for the silent generation. Most women did not work after having kids. And the unemployment rate during the great depression was something like 25%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

That’s weird. Why would you be annoyed by that? They’re your kids.

They live a life of leisure while I work nonstop. It gets annoying when they want to see the grandkids but cannot watch them for 15 minutes so I can get work done.

They are living a life of leisure now - rest assured they did their time.