Was accidentally on a group text...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People here who can no longer distinguish between a NT child’s out of control behavior and the manifestations of a condition like autism really worry me.

Your banshee is not exciting. He is causing other people to experience a rise in their BP. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/08/12/parenting/kid-crying-response.html

I was going to post something similar. Constant screaming and kids getting into things they shouldn’t, causing adults to constantly be on edge worrying what the kid will do next, is STRESS. Stress causes all sorts of medical conditions. It’s serious. And it’s pretty awful to inflict that on your friends.

It’s certainly not “harmless”.

If a loud kid at a birthday party causes you that much stress I’m inclined to think you do indeed have a medical condition.

It’s not a loud kid. It’s a LOUD KID FOR TWO PLUS HOURS SCREAMING NONSTOP FOR NO REASON BECAUSE NO ONE HAS EVER DARED TELL HIM THAT JUST AS MUCH FUN CAN BE HAD a bit more quietly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People here who can no longer distinguish between a NT child’s out of control behavior and the manifestations of a condition like autism really worry me.

Your banshee is not exciting. He is causing other people to experience a rise in their BP. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/08/12/parenting/kid-crying-response.html

I was going to post something similar. Constant screaming and kids getting into things they shouldn’t, causing adults to constantly be on edge worrying what the kid will do next, is STRESS. Stress causes all sorts of medical conditions. It’s serious. And it’s pretty awful to inflict that on your friends.

It’s certainly not “harmless”.

If a loud kid at a birthday party causes you that much stress I’m inclined to think you do indeed have a medical condition.

The thing is, i bet he isn't just "loud and wild." If he is over 6, he probably loudly says inappropriate things, gets into stuff he shouldn't, is damaging to belongings, and causes general chaos--plus other kids usually will somewhat follow, making all the parents annoyed and now causing them to go and correct their own child.

Wrong! Hey if you are team alcoholic just own it, you guys are terrible with kids. You need to medicate your way through your children's lives. You can't manage any tiny bit of stress without alcohol.

DP. Ok, I’ll own it! Team Alcoholic! I once volunteered for an after school activity at my kid’s school and there was one kid there who was not just loud, but also disruptive, destructive, disrespectful, and just made the whole experience unpleasant for everyone else. I dreaded going in there twice a week and I would absolutely pour a big glass of wine afterward. I’m great with my kids and so-so with a lot of kids, but absolutely terrible with that type of kid. Sorry, I tried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a hard time understanding how someone can be a true friend and not accept their child as they are. So what if it's more work for you? Who cares? Model dealing with it for your own kids, and teach your own kids how compassion works. My kids are teens now and I remember some of those challenging kids. Some eventually got diagnosed with significant SNs. Some are doing amazingly well now, in fact turning into superstars. Some are still struggling. Meanwhile, some of the compliant kids are also suffering enormously, especially with anxiety disorders. The point is that many kids go through some aspects of being challenging, and if you want to lean on friends, you need to accept their kids for who they are. Also, from what I've seen, the parents who were the most judgmental and nasty about other kids have ended up with strained and distant relationships with their own kids. Kids watch and they learn who they can trust, and they know when they can't trust their own parents.

OP needs to drop her alcoholic friend with bad judgment. Why waste time with someone like that?

With my older child, we tried that tactic when it came to a very loud, odd girl who fixated on DD in late ES. We felt sorry for the kid and tried to focus on her good quirks over the headache-inducing, frankly kinda disturbing ones. Then we noticed trying to continue the friendship was causing other children to avoid DD as well as her friend. The final straw was the parents who asked if the girl was also invited to DD’s birthday outing.

This isn’t like someone being racist or ableist. This is people steering clear of unpleasant behavior.

No it’s like steering clear of somebody you don’t like. It’s not a big deal but it’s not “unpleasant” ... it’s just not your preference. I prefer loud kids to boring kids, boring would be “unpleasant “ to me.

Loud and boring are not antonyms, though you keep using them as such.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a hard time understanding how someone can be a true friend and not accept their child as they are. So what if it's more work for you? Who cares? Model dealing with it for your own kids, and teach your own kids how compassion works. My kids are teens now and I remember some of those challenging kids. Some eventually got diagnosed with significant SNs. Some are doing amazingly well now, in fact turning into superstars. Some are still struggling. Meanwhile, some of the compliant kids are also suffering enormously, especially with anxiety disorders. The point is that many kids go through some aspects of being challenging, and if you want to lean on friends, you need to accept their kids for who they are. Also, from what I've seen, the parents who were the most judgmental and nasty about other kids have ended up with strained and distant relationships with their own kids. Kids watch and they learn who they can trust, and they know when they can't trust their own parents.

OP needs to drop her alcoholic friend with bad judgment. Why waste time with someone like that?

With my older child, we tried that tactic when it came to a very loud, odd girl who fixated on DD in late ES. We felt sorry for the kid and tried to focus on her good quirks over the headache-inducing, frankly kinda disturbing ones. Then we noticed trying to continue the friendship was causing other children to avoid DD as well as her friend. The final straw was the parents who asked if the girl was also invited to DD’s birthday outing.

This isn’t like someone being racist or ableist. This is people steering clear of unpleasant behavior.

No it’s like steering clear of somebody you don’t like. It’s not a big deal but it’s not “unpleasant” ... it’s just not your preference. I prefer loud kids to boring kids, boring would be “unpleasant “ to me.

Loud and boring are not antonyms, though you keep using them as such.

PP thinks they are because PP is also a screamer. You see that same person at adult social events. The people who sometimes are mistaken for having imbibed too much. No, they are sober, just unreasonably loud. I’m embarrassed for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend I adore, but man is her child a lot to handle. I get where this mom is coming from.

My husband and I know several couples where we really really enjoy the parents and can’t stand the kids. And we always say how we’d see the adults so much more often if we were willing to have their kids over too.

Damn. Brutal.

I have two good friends with autistic kids and one friend which a long term foster placement who has huge emotional issues. These kids are off the charts bananas. I have nothing, but love for them. Spent Thanksgiving with one of the families who has an autistic kid and yes it was a circus, but knowing three families had been great for my rough and tumble boys. We use it as an opportunity to teach grace, acceptance, and patience. I'm particularly proud of hie mature and inclusive my oldest at age 14 is with these very special kids.

However I'm a teacher and can find beauty in every child. Its actually often the most difficult who give me the greatest rewards.

OP, that woman is wretched. Don't waste another second on her. She personifies what is broken with this world.

OP’s kid doesn’t have autism. He’s just LOUD because OP thinks it’s harmless.

As someone who had interacted with hundreds of young children I've learned not to make assumptions. Challenging kids are not always autism. It can be anxiety, adhd, or simply lots of energy and creativity that needs channeling. I've also leaned that I don't need an official medical diagnosis to have empathy and love for everyone's unique personality. Nor can I make a medical diagnosis to excuse my judgment.

To each his own. I chose kindness. You do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing you say is going to make her feel bad. Your kid is a wild child, most likely everyone in that text feels the same way.

This.

What a bunch of immature responses. Aggressive or passive aggressive. Be classy. Ignore. Don’t show up. Work on your kids behavior. As a PP said I too have high expectations and my kid has ADHD.

SAD DCUM. 31 pages. Mean girl behavior. Grow up, evolve some. Leave this pettiness behind. It’s not just enough to do some yoga and meditation. Let some of that good stuff impact other areas of your life.

Personally I’m dying to know what gender and how many kids the woman has. I bet she has girl(s) or a boy + girl. They always talk so much shit about only boys or all boy sibling sets. The energy is just completely different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People here who can no longer distinguish between a NT child’s out of control behavior and the manifestations of a condition like autism really worry me.

Your banshee is not exciting. He is causing other people to experience a rise in their BP. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/08/12/parenting/kid-crying-response.html

I was going to post something similar. Constant screaming and kids getting into things they shouldn’t, causing adults to constantly be on edge worrying what the kid will do next, is STRESS. Stress causes all sorts of medical conditions. It’s serious. And it’s pretty awful to inflict that on your friends.

It’s certainly not “harmless”.

If a loud kid at a birthday party causes you that much stress I’m inclined to think you do indeed have a medical condition.

The thing is, i bet he isn't just "loud and wild." If he is over 6, he probably loudly says inappropriate things, gets into stuff he shouldn't, is damaging to belongings, and causes general chaos--plus other kids usually will somewhat follow, making all the parents annoyed and now causing them to go and correct their own child.

Wrong! Hey if you are team alcoholic just own it, you guys are terrible with kids. You need to medicate your way through your children's lives. You can't manage any tiny bit of stress without alcohol.

Not really sure why you made a Team Alcohol reference- unless it was to the reference OP's friend's text to bring wine. It was a joke. No one is able to drink and enjoy themselves at the party when there is a loud, disruptive kid causing trouble and needing constant intervention. Loud and hyper is never JUST loud and hyper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People here who can no longer distinguish between a NT child’s out of control behavior and the manifestations of a condition like autism really worry me.

Your banshee is not exciting. He is causing other people to experience a rise in their BP. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/08/12/parenting/kid-crying-response.html

I was going to post something similar. Constant screaming and kids getting into things they shouldn’t, causing adults to constantly be on edge worrying what the kid will do next, is STRESS. Stress causes all sorts of medical conditions. It’s serious. And it’s pretty awful to inflict that on your friends.

It’s certainly not “harmless”.

If a loud kid at a birthday party causes you that much stress I’m inclined to think you do indeed have a medical condition.

The thing is, i bet he isn't just "loud and wild." If he is over 6, he probably loudly says inappropriate things, gets into stuff he shouldn't, is damaging to belongings, and causes general chaos--plus other kids usually will somewhat follow, making all the parents annoyed and now causing them to go and correct their own child.

Wrong! Hey if you are team alcoholic just own it, you guys are terrible with kids. You need to medicate your way through your children's lives. You can't manage any tiny bit of stress without alcohol.

Not really sure why you made a Team Alcohol reference- unless it was to the reference OP's friend's text to bring wine. It was a joke. No one is able to drink and enjoy themselves at the party when there is a loud, disruptive kid causing trouble and needing constant intervention. Loud and hyper is never JUST loud and hyper.

Because the woman said she drank too much wine in her non-apology response. Also because she referenced wine in her original text. She’s a self admitted wine-o.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing you say is going to make her feel bad. Your kid is a wild child, most likely everyone in that text feels the same way.

This.

What a bunch of immature responses. Aggressive or passive aggressive. Be classy. Ignore. Don’t show up. Work on your kids behavior. As a PP said I too have high expectations and my kid has ADHD.

SAD DCUM. 31 pages. Mean girl behavior. Grow up, evolve some. Leave this pettiness behind. It’s not just enough to do some yoga and meditation. Let some of that good stuff impact other areas of your life.

Personally I’m dying to know what gender and how many kids the woman has. I bet she has girl(s) or a boy + girl. They always talk so much shit about only boys or all boy sibling sets. The energy is just completely different.

Oh hey #boymom! Personally, the one kid in my life who would make me think about needing wine and Advil is a girl. But go on and keep excusing obnoxious behavior with your stereotypes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing you say is going to make her feel bad. Your kid is a wild child, most likely everyone in that text feels the same way.

This.

What a bunch of immature responses. Aggressive or passive aggressive. Be classy. Ignore. Don’t show up. Work on your kids behavior. As a PP said I too have high expectations and my kid has ADHD.

SAD DCUM. 31 pages. Mean girl behavior. Grow up, evolve some. Leave this pettiness behind. It’s not just enough to do some yoga and meditation. Let some of that good stuff impact other areas of your life.

Personally I’m dying to know what gender and how many kids the woman has. I bet she has girl(s) or a boy + girl. They always talk so much shit about only boys or all boy sibling sets. The energy is just completely different.

Oh hey #boymom! Personally, the one kid in my life who would make me think about needing wine and Advil is a girl. But go on and keep excusing obnoxious behavior with your stereotypes.

Yep. Two daughters and one boy here. My middle child, the boy, has model behavior. His sisters are wild in comparison

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing you say is going to make her feel bad. Your kid is a wild child, most likely everyone in that text feels the same way.

This.

What a bunch of immature responses. Aggressive or passive aggressive. Be classy. Ignore. Don’t show up. Work on your kids behavior. As a PP said I too have high expectations and my kid has ADHD.

SAD DCUM. 31 pages. Mean girl behavior. Grow up, evolve some. Leave this pettiness behind. It’s not just enough to do some yoga and meditation. Let some of that good stuff impact other areas of your life.

Personally I’m dying to know what gender and how many kids the woman has. I bet she has girl(s) or a boy + girl. They always talk so much shit about only boys or all boy sibling sets. The energy is just completely different.

Oh hey #boymom! Personally, the one kid in my life who would make me think about needing wine and Advil is a girl. But go on and keep excusing obnoxious behavior with your stereotypes.

Yep. Two daughters and one boy here. My middle child, the boy, has model behavior. His sisters are wild in comparison

You are exactly proving my point. If you had three boys instead of a mix of boys and girls you would be singing a very different tune.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP with teens and wow I cannot believe how delicate some of you are. So a kid screams sometimes or is loud. Who cares. Good gravy, if you can't manage a kid who is loud at a playdate* how do you ever manage the basic functions of life?

* You know that if you are hosting the playdate, you can tell the child to knock it off or take them to a park, right? One of my kids had a friend who couldn't handle indoor playdates. Fine, so we just arranged time with that child at parks. Not a big deal. Later we learned that the parents were going through a difficult divorce and of course the poor kid was acting out. It's been years since, that child is now a driven teen who is starting his own high-tech businesses and is still friends with mine.

This isn't as hard as some of you want to make it. OP needs to ditch her nasty alcoholic friend and call it a day.

Seriously and I am sure these bitches volunteer at their kids school and also talk trash about kids.

We had to ban moms from volunteering with kids in the classroom because so many are like this bitch mom.

I totally believe it. Sad, nasty alcoholics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My god. This thread has gotten so off the rails.

It’s also obvious how some people on here are self projecting their own experiences who have “that child” and overreacting and telling OP to do crazy things....

Yes, lots of snowflake moms who relate to OP. Parents who don't take responsibility for their children's behavior are the worst. They'll need to stock up on participation trophies.

[Anonymous]

Until I remarried, I only had girls. One started getting loud. I worked with her on it.

I know have a stepson and an adopted son. Both are a reasonable volume because they understand how rude it is to others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My god. This thread has gotten so off the rails.

It’s also obvious how some people on here are self projecting their own experiences who have “that child” and overreacting and telling OP to do crazy things....

Yes, lots of snowflake moms who relate to OP. Parents who don't take responsibility for their children's behavior are the worst. They'll need to stock up on participation trophies.

NP. I disagree. I have teenagers now and have been able to see the otherside of these "loud and wild boys". The loudest and most energetic boy was the star athlete at our high school. He received a huge athletic scholarship and is doing well in his first year of college. Still there were a few moms who would talk crap about him at every football game, wrestling tournament, and lacrosse game. Yes he was loud and energetic, but his parents helped him focus that into healthy outlets. Their annoyance quickly turned to jealousy. The only ones who didn't grow up were the moms.