I feel like my husband just doesn't like being a dad

[Anonymous]

I mean, he likes it in theory. He likes to post FB photos and it all looks very sunny and cheery. But he complains endlessly every.single.time they have a game or practice or event that he has to go to.
We have 3 kids. So yeah, it's busy. We both work and we have a full time nanny and part time housekeeper. So we have it better than most people from a labor perspective. We have a handyman, a lawn care company, a Saturday night sitter. But he is endlessly complaining about how little free time he has. He works out for 90 minutes four days a week and he plays two hours of tennis weekly. And we go out with friends two or three times month. He works a very demanding job.

Honestly, I think this is the best he can hope for. But it's still not enough. He wants more downtime.
I could, I guess, take over all Saturday activities by driving around all day, having the kids attend the siblings' games, relying on friends to carpool. So he could, I guess, get Saturdays off. But this seems so messed up - a dad that goes to no games?
I want an enthusiastic dad for them SO badly.
When I see the dads that even COACH, I just want to cry. I would have never predicted that he would be this way.

[Anonymous]

Ages?

I'm a DH who chafed at the seemingly incessant tedious events my kids seemed to have when they were little. But I got a lot more interested in them as they got out of the toddler years. Now I coach their soccer teams (and have for years) and regard it as one of the most rewarding things I do.

[Anonymous]

10 and 8 and a toddler.
So yeah, I thought he would get into it. But no.
And the older two are boys, and they love sports.

Ugh. Not sure how I got here exactly.

[Anonymous]

Well, he does have free time. He's choosing to spend it working out and playing tennis.

It sounds like maybe he needs a different job.

[Anonymous]

Does he need to go to both practices and games?

[Anonymous]

As a DH who has been through two kids and all their things, I sort of get where OP's DH is coming from. It can be tedious depending on the activities and their frequency.

However, I remember when I was a kid my parents were the ones that went to EVERYTHING, and I always appreciated that. So I have done (and still do) the same with my kids. I could probably count on one hand the number of games/performances I've missed. (Even when they did "dance" as little kids...I hated that but went every time.)

Not much you can do OP, other than trying to impress on DH that they won't be little kids forever, and that the things he's missing today won't ever be repeated. You get one opportunity to see your kids grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, he does have free time. He's choosing to spend it working out and playing tennis.

It sounds like maybe he needs a different job.

+1. Time to remind him that he does actually get ~10 hours of free time a week. He sounds like a baby.

[Anonymous]

My parents only came to the things that were important to me- plays, recitals, and big games. Definitely not every practice. I'd imagine it'd be better to look out and see an engaged parent rather than one who keeps checking their watch.

[Anonymous]

I sometimes feel puzzled when I read these types of posts. Your husband doesn't like being a dad but you had three children with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents only came to the things that were important to me- plays, recitals, and big games. Definitely not every practice. I'd imagine it'd be better to look out and see an engaged parent rather than one who keeps checking their watch.

+1. I really don't understand why a parent is needed at each and every game, and I was just as happy without oversight. I'm not planning to do that for my children either.

OP, I think you need to sit your DH down for a heart-to-heart. Maybe he is someone who would be happier with fewer activities, and more just being at home and enjoying family time.

[Anonymous]

As a mom, I make sure to sign my kids up for VERY little outside activities for precisely this reason. It is soul killing to be a chauffeur and then sit through all this stuff. Unstructured time is so important to us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, he does have free time. He's choosing to spend it working out and playing tennis.

+1. Time to remind him that he does actually get ~10 hours of free time a week. He sounds like a baby.

+2.

[Anonymous]

OP, enjoying being a dad doesn't mean you have to enjoy doing all the activities. I think you're being overly harsh to extrapolate that he doesn't enjoy being a dad.

I enjoy being a mom, but I don't enjoy dragging the kids to a million activities and watching them. Too much time in the car, too much to schedule, too much to remember, too much to buy, and not enough time actually with my kids. I'd rather just hang out, play a game, ride bikes. Much less work, and that way we actually get to talk. Freezing or baking on the sidelines watching a bunch of 4 year olds run around and fall down is excruciating to me.

[Anonymous]

Why can't the kids attend their siblings games? Do you mean you make a separate trip back home to get each set of kids between games?

Maybe cut some of the kids activities? How many activities does each one do?

[Anonymous]

I find it completely foreign that a parent would not enjoy going to their kids games. I'm a dad and this imore rewarding than anything I do. I can see my boys look to us from access the field whenever they do anything well. They are so proud of themselves. I'm very aware that one day I'll have more free time than I want. The curtain will close on their childhood and all I will have is memories. Sure I go to the gym, but I'm not going to look back on that.with fond memories. I go to the gym so I can keep up with my boys. Coach their games, play with them in the yard, be alive as long as possible.

I'm sorry. I hope your kids don't notice.