I feel like my husband just doesn't like being a dad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, he does have free time. He's choosing to spend it working out and playing tennis.

+1. Time to remind him that he does actually get ~10 hours of free time a week. He sounds like a baby.

+2.

+3

He already has loads of free time. How awesome for him.

+4 He is just really selfish.

[Anonymous]

You people are NUTS if you think it is OK to consistently miss kids games. it is the norm for parents to come out and support their kids. Many people spend 3hrs a weekend plopped in front of the television watching foorball and some can't even show up for an hour game non a weekend? Pathetic.

[Anonymous]

OP,

1. Would he become more enthusiastic for other activities, like chess tournaments, or music recitals, or robotics competitions? There is a whole world out there beyond the default American sports. We dislike team sports, and if I was forced to go to games/practices for each of my kids, I would bury myself in a book and get dissed by the other parents, like a thread described recently.

2. Is he simply overwhelmed and can't give that much? If he has a demanding job, I would cut him some slack.
Some people just can't handle too much.

3. Bottom line, if he loves his children and spends *some* type of quality time with them, that's all you can ask for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You people are NUTS if you think it is OK to consistently miss kids games. it is the norm for parents to come out and support their kids. Many people spend 3hrs a weekend plopped in front of the television watching foorball and some can't even show up for an hour game non a weekend? Pathetic.

Well since you said that I know I've changed my stance, anyone else?

[Anonymous]

Let's be realistic, if my 8 year old doesn't play sports he doesn't see his friends. I could not sign him up for things, but this isn't the 70s of my childhood where kids are tooling around on their bikes. He would be biking alone. This area is definitely different than most, and structured sports is the way a lot of kids socialize and get exercise.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone. Not sure what to do.
They play two spring sports each. So they each have 2 practices a week (nanny and I cover these - DH does not come to any practices and by the time he gets home they are over.)
So every weekend for April and may only, there are 3-4 games. Three Saturday, one Sunday. So that leaves him doing two games on Saturday. Sometimes one, if I can manage three or rely on a friend.
The seasons are so short. 8 weeks. We already agreed no travel teams. So they only play rec league. DH would never, ever drive to another town for a game. I'm ok with that - trying to compromise.

We tried no sports for the winter season. Just one musical instrument - nanny handled because it was right after school.
DH did not take the opportunity to do family things on weekends. Kids did Wii, iPads, play dates. I took them swimming a few times. DH takes 10 year old to movies, sometimes both but mostly just the oldest so they can see pg-13 movies.

DH wants nanny to work more. That's his solution. She's willing to do so. I just feel bad for my kids.

[Anonymous]

So every weekend for April and may only, there are 3-4 games. Three Saturday, one Sunday

this is insane.

You can do this if you want.
Don't complain that other, reasonable people, reasonable parents DON'T - - that includes your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. Not sure what to do.
They play two spring sports each. So they each have 2 practices a week (nanny and I cover these - DH does not come to any practices and by the time he gets home they are over.)
So every weekend for April and may only, there are 3-4 games. Three Saturday, one Sunday. So that leaves him doing two games on Saturday. Sometimes one, if I can manage three or rely on a friend.
The seasons are so short. 8 weeks. We already agreed no travel teams. So they only play rec league. DH would never, ever drive to another town for a game. I'm ok with that - trying to compromise.

We tried no sports for the winter season. Just one musical instrument - nanny handled because it was right after school.
DH did not take the opportunity to do family things on weekends. Kids did Wii, iPads, play dates. I took them swimming a few times. DH takes 10 year old to movies, sometimes both but mostly just the oldest so they can see pg-13 movies.

DH wants nanny to work more. That's his solution. She's willing to do so. I just feel bad for my kids.

WAY TOO MUCH!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. Not sure what to do.
They play two spring sports each. So they each have 2 practices a week (nanny and I cover these - DH does not come to any practices and by the time he gets home they are over.)
So every weekend for April and may only, there are 3-4 games. Three Saturday, one Sunday. So that leaves him doing two games on Saturday. Sometimes one, if I can manage three or rely on a friend.
The seasons are so short. 8 weeks. We already agreed no travel teams. So they only play rec league. DH would never, ever drive to another town for a game. I'm ok with that - trying to compromise.

We tried no sports for the winter season. Just one musical instrument - nanny handled because it was right after school.
DH did not take the opportunity to do family things on weekends. Kids did Wii, iPads, play dates. I took them swimming a few times. DH takes 10 year old to movies, sometimes both but mostly just the oldest so they can see pg-13 movies.

DH wants nanny to work more. That's his solution. She's willing to do so. I just feel bad for my kids.

WAY TOO MUCH!

For 8 weeks. It's a lot, but it's short term. Anyway, the OP's DH is being a giant baby, and I get it, because my DH is the same way. So of course I handle everything, because I actually want to be there for my kids and I don't want to hear him whining about it. And my kids don't have much - a dance recital or a play/concert here and there. It might come out to one big "event" every month, but that's still apparently too much, on top of driving one kid to one activity per week. Heaven forbid we throw a birthday party into the mix, then it becomes "we never have family time and you overschedule them." But when we don't schedule anything, it's not like he's on top of coming up with fun family activities to do either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You people are NUTS if you think it is OK to consistently miss kids games. it is the norm for parents to come out and support their kids. Many people spend 3hrs a weekend plopped in front of the television watching foorball and some can't even show up for an hour game non a weekend? Pathetic.

Oh please. I certainly didn't need my parents watching my every move like I was some kind of miracle prodigy. Kids sports are boring and I have no intention of going to all the games. My special snowflakes will be just fine without me applauding their every move.

Avoiding people like you is just a side benefit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. Not sure what to do.
They play two spring sports each. So they each have 2 practices a week (nanny and I cover these - DH does not come to any practices and by the time he gets home they are over.)
So every weekend for April and may only, there are 3-4 games. Three Saturday, one Sunday. So that leaves him doing two games on Saturday. Sometimes one, if I can manage three or rely on a friend.
The seasons are so short. 8 weeks. We already agreed no travel teams. So they only play rec league. DH would never, ever drive to another town for a game. I'm ok with that - trying to compromise.

We tried no sports for the winter season. Just one musical instrument - nanny handled because it was right after school.
DH did not take the opportunity to do family things on weekends. Kids did Wii, iPads, play dates. I took them swimming a few times. DH takes 10 year old to movies, sometimes both but mostly just the oldest so they can see pg-13 movies.

DH wants nanny to work more. That's his solution. She's willing to do so. I just feel bad for my kids.

WAY TOO MUCH!

For 8 weeks. It's a lot, but it's short term. Anyway, the OP's DH is being a giant baby, and I get it, because my DH is the same way. So of course I handle everything, because I actually want to be there for my kids and I don't want to hear him whining about it. And my kids don't have much - a dance recital or a play/concert here and there. It might come out to one big "event" every month, but that's still apparently too much, on top of driving one kid to one activity per week. Heaven forbid we throw a birthday party into the mix, then it becomes "we never have family time and you overschedule them." But when we don't schedule anything, it's not like he's on top of coming up with fun family activities to do either.

My god, that's way too much, even in the short term. But yes your DH is being a huge baby. You and him need to sit down together and hash out a compromise that is acceptable to you both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. Not sure what to do.
They play two spring sports each. So they each have 2 practices a week (nanny and I cover these - DH does not come to any practices and by the time he gets home they are over.)
So every weekend for April and may only, there are 3-4 games. Three Saturday, one Sunday. So that leaves him doing two games on Saturday. Sometimes one, if I can manage three or rely on a friend.
The seasons are so short. 8 weeks. We already agreed no travel teams. So they only play rec league. DH would never, ever drive to another town for a game. I'm ok with that - trying to compromise.

We tried no sports for the winter season. Just one musical instrument - nanny handled because it was right after school.
DH did not take the opportunity to do family things on weekends. Kids did Wii, iPads, play dates. I took them swimming a few times. DH takes 10 year old to movies, sometimes both but mostly just the oldest so they can see pg-13 movies.

DH wants nanny to work more. That's his solution. She's willing to do so. I just feel bad for my kids.

So do I. And you chose to have a third child with him because...?

[Anonymous]

It's too much? So your kids only play 1 sport per season? But what happens if the 2 sports they like are in the same season?
I mean, 8 weeks go by really fast.

But most importantly, HE IS NOT GOiNG TO DO AMYTHING WITH THEM EVEN IF THEY HAVE NO ACTIVITIES. I learned that in the winter.

[Anonymous]

geeezzzz, and guess what op ~ a happy home life is more important to kids than playing 2 sports a season.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's too much? So your kids only play 1 sport per season? But what happens if the 2 sports they like are in the same season?
I mean, 8 weeks go by really fast.

But most importantly, HE IS NOT GOiNG TO DO AMYTHING WITH THEM EVEN IF THEY HAVE NO ACTIVITIES. I learned that in the winter.

Yes. So far we haven't had a problem, but I would take the opportunity to teach them that we all have to make choices about how we spend our time. Because really, bottom line, I don't care if they do a lot of sports. One sport is plenty. Because it's incredibly time-consuming and cuts into family time and is boring for me. I love being a mother, but sports I can take or leave. My parents had this exact same attitude and blew off most of my stuff. I liked the independence.

You need to sit your DH down for a talk about what kind of parents you both want to be. It seems like he just has a different parenting style and different ideas about what is appropriate. Not everyone thinks kids need to have something scheduled all the time. There are plenty of people who think it's a positive thing to have unstructured time. If you approach it like he doesn't want to be a dad, you will just alienate him and damage your marriage. It's a difference in parenting approaches. Or else he's just trying to weasel out of his share of the work-- could be that, but it also doesn't mean he doesn't love his children.