I feel like my husband just doesn't like being a dad

[Anonymous]

I blame the toddler. But seriously, he sounds burned out with the reality that is being an adult and having your time, energy and resources demanded.

He sounds like a complainer too, which is so freaking unpleasant. I'm sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

I KNOW my husband doesn't like being a husband

[Anonymous]

It's not that he doesn't love being a dad it's probably because he can't take the tedium and small talk that goes along with all the events.
I love my kids more than anything and would do anything for them, but I don't like about 60% of the things I do for and with them.
My job is ultra stressful and I work easily 60 hours a week – sometimes I just want to stare at the ceiling in silence.

I imagine he's different on vacation as I know I am, in the cumulative three weeks I take a year I make sure to make up for my shortcomings.

Also, the thing that helps the most is a consistent sex life and dedicated date nights with my wife. When I get time when I don't have to share her i'm much more likely to participate cheerfully in times I do.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a baby. He doesn't have to lift a finger at home, has 10+ hours a week to exercise. Sounds like a cushy life. Theres a LOT that we do as parents that we don't enjoy. My dad never did anything with us growing up because he didn't enjoy it. Not a shock that we don't have a good relationship with him.

He needs to suck it up and realize how good he has things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, he does have free time. He's choosing to spend it working out and playing tennis.

+1. Time to remind him that he does actually get ~10 hours of free time a week. He sounds like a baby.

+2.

+3

He already has loads of free time. How awesome for him.

[Anonymous]

IMO, a lot of upper middle class families are over indulging their kids in an endless parade of "activities." Years ago, kids just went outside and played. They didn't have 20 different extra curricular activities.

I'm not saying that this was better, but something in between these two extremes would be nice.

Your husband's reaction is probably a combination of selfishness and a correct observation that parents should not be expected to provide non-stop entertainment and activies.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you could find different kid activities that are logistically easier or more enjoyable for your DH.

[Anonymous]

I'm 16:48

I'm sorry I missed the part where you mentioned that he gets 10+ hours of free time a week. My only free time is when taking a shower or during sleep. My wife gets zero free time a week. Little kids are fuck ton of work but as they get older I'm realizing that it rips by in milliseconds.
Your husband has zero to complain about.

Tennis!?!? I've got a crown that needs to be replaced and I can't take 4 hrs off to get it drilled out!!
What a lightweight.

But seriously, date nights have a way of tuning up my priorities.
I wish you both well.

[Anonymous]

I've noticed that parents often feel like they have to have lots of time where they are devoting 100 percent of their attention of their children.

This is great every now and then, but it's also OK to just "be around." If your husband wants to work on a project or hobby, he can multitask doing that while being available for the kids. My dad was like this. He was always working on something in another room, but was approachable and patient when we needed something.

[Anonymous]

If he wants more downtime, he should cut down on his other recreational activities, like 5hrs/week of gym/tennis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he wants more downtime, he should cut down on his other recreational activities, like 5hrs/week of gym/tennis.

8hrs*

[Anonymous]

OP, it's not either/or
You present it as one extreme - - he goes to NO games,
or ...
He probably feels you dictate too much.
Perhaps

[Anonymous]

With spring/summer coming up, would he reach the older two how to play tennis?

[Anonymous]

Find something he like to do with them and stop worrying about what he is bad at and focus on what he does well.

For example, my H reads whatever book my kids are reading and discusses it with them. He loves current music. He watches a few series with the kids, like Walking Dead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's not either/or
You present it as one extreme - - he goes to NO games,
or ...
He probably feels you dictate too much.
Perhaps

+1

This might be more about him feeling ordered around than any real time constraint. Make sure that he sees himself as a full partner and not your Little Man Helper, who only does chores when specifically directed by his Bossy Wife.