Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kept my last name. We have two kids. One has my last name and one has DH’s last name. I don’t care what others think but haven’t heard any issues about it yet. (Age 13 and 11 boys)

DH already has two words for his last name (think Van Gogh) and it has been a pain at times but nothing major. I think it would be easier for those with a hyphen for those considering that option.

They think it's a hot mess, but are polite.

My kids have my last name, it was DH’s idea. We live in a progressive area so it’s never been an issue. It’s not a hot mess but if someone thinks that and judges me based on my name or my kids’ name I look forward to never hearing from them.

[Anonymous]

Cousin recently got married. They are using both of their last names.

Michael Smith and Mary Jones are now Michael Smith-Jones and Mary Jones-Smith

Everyone should agree and do what works for them.

[Anonymous]

Honestly if this is the hill he’s willing to die on or he resents you forever then you need to just move on now. He’s not the one for you. There really are better men out there.

[Anonymous]

Hyphenated surnames are for special people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why all these feminists are so invested in birth names they had no role at all in choosing. Those are names your parents forced upon you, not that you took consensually and with a conscious choice. Of you choose to take your husband's last name, that's a deliberate act. If you refuse to, that's also a deliberate act. But change it to something else entirely of.yoirnown choosing then. Otherwise your position makes absolutely no logical sense.

It is your identity your entire life! The one with your diplomas, your publications, your email, your yearbook, your entire family tree.

And of course the MAN is also so involved in names he did NOT choose either. Why does he care at all??? Even using your entire logic, you make no sense.

And of course the man is also doing all these acts deliberately, too — whether he chooses to compromise, try to find a solution, has any empathy at all.

It is NOT about being a feminist. It’s about being a HUMAN. A woman can want a traditional marriage (e.g. barefoot and pregnant) AND want her kids to have her name. There is an entire family history there.

Speaking as a DAR who kept my name, gave it to my kids too, and was a trad wife. I can trace my last name 1000 years. Can you?

Ok if it's so obvious then why does OP ,need to crowd source this issue to a bunch of belligerent people with an axe to grind? Because it's not obvious to a normal mentally healthy person that there is anything wrong at all with a.woman taking her husband's last name if they get married.

It's simply a preference. If ops preference to be an angry belligerent feminist is so strong, she should break up with this guy and find another guy to have a dysfunctional relationship with.

And you sound like an angry, belligerent yet mediocre man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why all these feminists are so invested in birth names they had no role at all in choosing. Those are names your parents forced upon you, not that you took consensually and with a conscious choice. Of you choose to take your husband's last name, that's a deliberate act. If you refuse to, that's also a deliberate act. But change it to something else entirely of.yoirnown choosing then. Otherwise your position makes absolutely no logical sense.

It's also a deliberate act for men to keep the name of their parents, so why don't men go and take their wives?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kept my last name. We have two kids. One has my last name and one has DH’s last name. I don’t care what others think but haven’t heard any issues about it yet. (Age 13 and 11 boys)

DH already has two words for his last name (think Van Gogh) and it has been a pain at times but nothing major. I think it would be easier for those with a hyphen for those considering that option.

They think it's a hot mess, but are polite.

People aren't as invested in you family structure and naming conventions as you think they are, and why should the family give a sh!t about what others think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why all these feminists are so invested in birth names they had no role at all in choosing. Those are names your parents forced upon you, not that you took consensually and with a conscious choice. Of you choose to take your husband's last name, that's a deliberate act. If you refuse to, that's also a deliberate act. But change it to something else entirely of.yoirnown choosing then. Otherwise your position makes absolutely no logical sense.

Just go with Oflarlo and be done with it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you a family or not. A family has the same last name.

So untrue. Italian women stopped changing their names in the 1960s. Other countries also don’t have women change surnames.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s say your kid has to go to the er..do they make you show a birth certificate or some other proof that you’re the legal guardian? Or crossing the border into Canada? Seems like it would be a lot easier for everyone if you had the same last name.

You are a fu4king idiot.

+1 i’ve taken my kids to the ER way more than once. We have different last names. It’s never an issue. You’re living under a rock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kept my last name. We have two kids. One has my last name and one has DH’s last name. I don’t care what others think but haven’t heard any issues about it yet. (Age 13 and 11 boys)

DH already has two words for his last name (think Van Gogh) and it has been a pain at times but nothing major. I think it would be easier for those with a hyphen for those considering that option.

They think it's a hot mess, but are polite.

I know several families like this. Not a big deal at all. Totally fine.

[Anonymous]

If you want a man, marry a man.

[Anonymous]

In favor of them breaking up. If they can’t agree on this life brings many challenges.

[Anonymous]

Red flag. There will be other “you’re the wife” default expectations for housework, money, and childcare if you marry this man. Many men will split things evenly until you marry them, and then figure you agreed to his views concerning everything because you married him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why all these feminists are so invested in birth names they had no role at all in choosing. Those are names your parents forced upon you, not that you took consensually and with a conscious choice. Of you choose to take your husband's last name, that's a deliberate act. If you refuse to, that's also a deliberate act. But change it to something else entirely of.yoirnown choosing then. Otherwise your position makes absolutely no logical sense.

It is your identity your entire life! The one with your diplomas, your publications, your email, your yearbook, your entire family tree.

And of course the MAN is also so involved in names he did NOT choose either. Why does he care at all??? Even using your entire logic, you make no sense.

And of course the man is also doing all these acts deliberately, too — whether he chooses to compromise, try to find a solution, has any empathy at all.

It is NOT about being a feminist. It’s about being a HUMAN. A woman can want a traditional marriage (e.g. barefoot and pregnant) AND want her kids to have her name. There is an entire family history there.

Speaking as a DAR who kept my name, gave it to my kids too, and was a trad wife. I can trace my last name 1000 years. Can you?

Ok if it's so obvious then why does OP ,need to crowd source this issue to a bunch of belligerent people with an axe to grind? Because it's not obvious to a normal mentally healthy person that there is anything wrong at all with a.woman taking her husband's last name if they get married.

It's simply a preference. If ops preference to be an angry belligerent feminist is so strong, she should break up with this guy and find another guy to have a dysfunctional relationship with.

And you sound like an angry, belligerent yet mediocre man.

You sound like you have a stick up your twat.