MIL getting up when baby cried: what would you do?

[Anonymous]

OP was rude and needs to apologize.

[Anonymous]

If I had to guess, I'd say the baby was crying longer than OP realizes and it was loud and disruptive. MIL wanted to help---hold baby while they sleep/pee, get coffee, whatever. It wasn't malicious, though I totally understand why OP felt annoyed. She was exhausted, in a strange place, worried that MIL getting up meant they (in laws) were mad or also sleep disturbed etc. It sucks, but in the grand scheme of things, barely a blip on the radar of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is hard to just lie there listening to a baby cry (which I would hear even with a closed door and noise machine). Should she have stayed In her room? Yes. But I can understand the urge to get up and do something since you are already awake.

Well, I guess MILs who cannot control their “urges” don’t get to have grandbabies stay overnight. What a pity!

I had the urge to help an elderly neighbor who uses a cane down from her front porch to her car on the street, and offered once. She said no thank you. The second time she offered, she explained to me that she truly prefers to do what she can for herself, and she will let me know if she needs help. Do you think I act on my urge to help her every time I see her in this situation, or do you think I respect her choices and her autonomy?

If I had DIL’s remotely like the ones who post here, I would be thrilled not to have you in my home.

OK, cool! You won’t be seeing much of your grandchild.

Oh, but I do. Sleepover this weekend. My DD and DIL aren’t high maintenance.

Mind your Ps and Qs and you’ll be fine.

I’ve always been fine. No need to mind anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is the woman who raised the man you love and your child’s grandmother. This one trip is really the hill you want to die on? I feel so badly for her.

Did I read wrongly that it was OP’s husband who made the decision to stay in a hotel until baby was STTN? How interesting that you lay this at OP’s feet.

Because he was tired of his wife complaining . We all know he didn’t actually care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you can't complain about ILs in their OWN house. You were b*tchy to MIL. You are in the wrong here.

Nope. You are wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, look in your beautiful baby’s eyes and imagine yourself as the grandmother of her kids. Wouldn’t you want to be included? Letting a grandparent help with basic things, also makes future relationships so much closer. God willing, you will be older one day. I hope your kids/spouses show you more grace.

Grandparent hours are from the time the *parents* say it is wake-up time until the *parents* say it is bedtime. It is also not grandparent time when baby needs to be breastfed (unless mom is comfortable with grandparents in the room) or during nap time (unless parents say it is OK for the grandparent to put the baby down).

4 a.m. is not grandparent time. Deal with it.

PPs message does not contradict yours. Are you against empathizing? Do you not want your kids to empathize with you as you get older. You can set rules and limits and parent only times, and still empathize. Empathy makes relationships stronger. The assumption in all of this is that these particular relationships are important. If they are not important to you, that is fine also. But any important relationship requires empathy and grace. I do think MIL should have left them alone to deal by the third and fourth night. In OPs shoes I would have been annoyed, frazzled, and self-conscious. But I can also understand why grandma didn’t leave them alone for this first visit. This is new to her. She thinks she is supposed to be doing something. This is early in the newly changed relationship, with a new baby and new roles and boundaries, and they are figuring it out. Showing grace doesn’t require relinquishing boundaries. PP is only suggesting some grace after a tough trip.

They told her BEFORE THEY CAME what they needed.
They then told her again every damn night what they needed.

If she still “thought she was supposed to be doing something,” she has severe cognitive issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is the woman who raised the man you love and your child’s grandmother. This one trip is really the hill you want to die on? I feel so badly for her.

Did I read wrongly that it was OP’s husband who made the decision to stay in a hotel until baby was STTN? How interesting that you lay this at OP’s feet.

Oh, come on. Many men are happy with going with the flow / happy wife happy life kind of attitude, even if it means less contact with their own families vs. wife’s family.

I’m guessing OP didn’t want to stay with MIL to start with, based on her language. The hotel is really the only option if he wants his child to have a relationship with his parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, look in your beautiful baby’s eyes and imagine yourself as the grandmother of her kids. Wouldn’t you want to be included? Letting a grandparent help with basic things, also makes future relationships so much closer. God willing, you will be older one day. I hope your kids/spouses show you more grace.

Grandparent hours are from the time the *parents* say it is wake-up time until the *parents* say it is bedtime. It is also not grandparent time when baby needs to be breastfed (unless mom is comfortable with grandparents in the room) or during nap time (unless parents say it is OK for the grandparent to put the baby down).

4 a.m. is not grandparent time. Deal with it.

PPs message does not contradict yours. Are you against empathizing? Do you not want your kids to empathize with you as you get older. You can set rules and limits and parent only times, and still empathize. Empathy makes relationships stronger. The assumption in all of this is that these particular relationships are important. If they are not important to you, that is fine also. But any important relationship requires empathy and grace. I do think MIL should have left them alone to deal by the third and fourth night. In OPs shoes I would have been annoyed, frazzled, and self-conscious. But I can also understand why grandma didn’t leave them alone for this first visit. This is new to her. She thinks she is supposed to be doing something. This is early in the newly changed relationship, with a new baby and new roles and boundaries, and they are figuring it out. Showing grace doesn’t require relinquishing boundaries. PP is only suggesting some grace after a tough trip.

They told her BEFORE THEY CAME what they needed.
They then told her again every damn night what they needed.

If she still “thought she was supposed to be doing something,” she has severe cognitive issues.

You will obviously be a perfect MIL. You will never benefit from forgiveness. You will never do anything as hurtful and annoying as OPs MIL. You will always know when you messed up. Your DIL will always want to stay a week at your house and have no complaints to anyone about you. You are good!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is the woman who raised the man you love and your child’s grandmother. This one trip is really the hill you want to die on? I feel so badly for her.

Did I read wrongly that it was OP’s husband who made the decision to stay in a hotel until baby was STTN? How interesting that you lay this at OP’s feet.

Oh, come on. Many men are happy with going with the flow / happy wife happy life kind of attitude, even if it means less contact with their own families vs. wife’s family.

I’m guessing OP didn’t want to stay with MIL to start with, based on her language. The hotel is really the only option if he wants his child to have a relationship with his parents.

Not all men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is the woman who raised the man you love and your child’s grandmother. This one trip is really the hill you want to die on? I feel so badly for her.

Did I read wrongly that it was OP’s husband who made the decision to stay in a hotel until baby was STTN? How interesting that you lay this at OP’s feet.

Oh, come on. Many men are happy with going with the flow / happy wife happy life kind of attitude, even if it means less contact with their own families vs. wife’s family.

I’m guessing OP didn’t want to stay with MIL to start with, based on her language. The hotel is really the only option if he wants his child to have a relationship with his parents.

I’m sorry your husband is spineless, but don’t let that color your worldview. My husband is not afraid to stand up to his mother, or to me, or to anyone else in his life. We compromise and give-and-take in our marriage. I know you want to think all men cower from their wives because that would explain why your son/brother isn’t that interested in you, but the reality is, it has nothing to do with his wife. He’s Just Not That Into You.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is the woman who raised the man you love and your child’s grandmother. This one trip is really the hill you want to die on? I feel so badly for her.

Did I read wrongly that it was OP’s husband who made the decision to stay in a hotel until baby was STTN? How interesting that you lay this at OP’s feet.

Oh, come on. Many men are happy with going with the flow / happy wife happy life kind of attitude, even if it means less contact with their own families vs. wife’s family.

I’m guessing OP didn’t want to stay with MIL to start with, based on her language. The hotel is really the only option if he wants his child to have a relationship with his parents.

Not all men.

Does it say all men? 🙄

Good gracious, if people can’t read actual words in black and white, it’s no wonder people can’t interpret actions!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is the woman who raised the man you love and your child’s grandmother. This one trip is really the hill you want to die on? I feel so badly for her.

Did I read wrongly that it was OP’s husband who made the decision to stay in a hotel until baby was STTN? How interesting that you lay this at OP’s feet.

Oh, come on. Many men are happy with going with the flow / happy wife happy life kind of attitude, even if it means less contact with their own families vs. wife’s family.

I’m guessing OP didn’t want to stay with MIL to start with, based on her language. The hotel is really the only option if he wants his child to have a relationship with his parents.

I’m sorry your husband is spineless, but don’t let that color your worldview. My husband is not afraid to stand up to his mother, or to me, or to anyone else in his life. We compromise and give-and-take in our marriage. I know you want to think all men cower from their wives because that would explain why your son/brother isn’t that interested in you, but the reality is, it has nothing to do with his wife. He’s Just Not That Into You.

DP here. Its pretty clear that OP is a force to be reckoned with. There is no way her DH is going to stand up to her. Come on. He has to go home with the shrew wife. Mom will love him forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is the woman who raised the man you love and your child’s grandmother. This one trip is really the hill you want to die on? I feel so badly for her.

Did I read wrongly that it was OP’s husband who made the decision to stay in a hotel until baby was STTN? How interesting that you lay this at OP’s feet.

Oh, come on. Many men are happy with going with the flow / happy wife happy life kind of attitude, even if it means less contact with their own families vs. wife’s family.

I’m guessing OP didn’t want to stay with MIL to start with, based on her language. The hotel is really the only option if he wants his child to have a relationship with his parents.

Not all men.

Does it say all men? 🙄

Good gracious, if people can’t read actual words in black and white, it’s no wonder people can’t interpret actions!

You didn't, but then you went on to assume OP's husband intention as if the opposite couldn't be true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is the woman who raised the man you love and your child’s grandmother. This one trip is really the hill you want to die on? I feel so badly for her.

Did I read wrongly that it was OP’s husband who made the decision to stay in a hotel until baby was STTN? How interesting that you lay this at OP’s feet.

Oh, come on. Many men are happy with going with the flow / happy wife happy life kind of attitude, even if it means less contact with their own families vs. wife’s family.

I’m guessing OP didn’t want to stay with MIL to start with, based on her language. The hotel is really the only option if he wants his child to have a relationship with his parents.

Not all men.

Does it say all men? 🙄

Good gracious, if people can’t read actual words in black and white, it’s no wonder people can’t interpret actions!

You didn't, but then you went on to assume OP's husband intention as if the opposite couldn't be true.

There's a lot of projecting and assuming on this board. There's no reason to believe OP's husband wasn't the one to make the decision.

[Anonymous]

I can't see what mil did wrong. So what if op told her what would happen ahead of time. Baby cries, people wake up.

I think op is extremely insecure to see this as so offensive. Big deal, your baby is waking people up in the middle of the night, op. Your mil isn't upset with you about it. She's not being controlling of the situation.
She's waking up. What exactly are you concerned about anyway?