Relocating in Retirement
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Anonymous
Hyannis is extremely good - one of the best heart centers in MA now. Beth Israel is right over the bridge. Winters are overall pretty mild with a few bad seasons. Agricultural zone is equivalent to the DC area. |
Anonymous
| My parents live in our town almost half the year and they have a beautiful home in FL the other half of the year. It’s way too cold for them where we live and they love being outdoors. It works really well for them and they return for all of the big holidays and we visit them at least once. They have a wonderful relationship with my children and when they head south my little ones are almost in tears. |
Anonymous
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It’s true you don’t know where the kids will end up, so staying in your hometown doesn’t necessarily make it easier for them if you need belp.
Live your life. Here is where friends retried and have loved it thus far: 1. Berkshires 2. Portland OR 3. Asheville 4. Charleston 5. Lexington VA |
Anonymous
The "Snowbird" solution works well for many people as long as their health and finances can support it. One caveat to watch out for is which state is official residency and where legal documents (will, POA, etc.) have been executed. Parents (and POAs) need to know if there are differences from state to state. |
Anonymous
| DH and I are turning 60 this year and have been discussing this topic in earnest lately. It is complicated because we have a SN child that will probably need to live with us until appropriate residential solutions are available. |
Anonymous
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My parents went between Cape Cod and Naples Fl for about 27 years and when they went to establish residency in Florida, my dad made sure they had a lawyer/firm with rules for legal documents in both states. At about age 92, they decided to return 'home" and reestablsihed residency in MA, which had become more favorable to retirees. So legal documents are something you need to keep on top of. We, too, have a young adult daughter with a disability who resides with us with a cognitive disability. I think you probably realize that "if" one is able to get a Medicaid Waiver that it is not portable between states so you need to consider this in retirement planning. I can remember looking at the Arc of Florida website a couple of years ago and seeing a large notice "not to come to Florida" because the wait for Medicaid waivers was so long. Also, with most state budgets facing cuts of social services, it is time to be really realistic about "residential options" with no rose covered glasses about what you hope will happen. Believe me I know this is not easy, but even death of a spouse does not necessarily get one to the top of a local DD Waiver Waiting list because so many have such intense needs. General steps to consider: a- Be sure your adult child has a Case Manager in the state where you do have residency so the CM can have contact and get to know her and your family situation. For your benefit setting up a relationship is an important step for those who will step in an emergency. If you can't have active case management, then be sure to understand what "episodic case management" is. b- Be sure to have checked over any plans for Guardianship, Power of Attorney, Health Care Proxy for your daughter in terms of setting up secondary individuals if the plan is to transfer it to even a sibling in another state as there are rules. c- I have friends who have bought a condo as a second home now and eventual a place to live as needs in crease near their daughter. They are investigating whether or not they can get their son on the Developmental Disability Waiting list in that sate based on owning a home there, but not establishing primary residency. Currently, he does have a DD Waiver in the state where they live. I am very interested in learning about this as it seems rater "iffy" to me or any one with funds could buy a property and sort of have one on two DD Waiver Waiting lists" at the same time. d- In researching a change of residency, you want to learn about the services in the local area where you will be living and to get the statistics on the DD Waiver Waiting list there as slots are chosen on the local level as funding increases come in a state not out of a centralized list. It may be that certain areas in a state are a better place to get a DD Waiver than others. However, the drawback can be that they are in a more rural area. |
Anonymous
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Family in NY, parents retired to Senior community in Fl. They loved it- until Dad got diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. Dad took care of everything, when he got sick, Mom fell apart, actually went into a diabetic coma. One son lived in FL 3 hr away, (with college age kids), other 3 of us in NY with babies & toddlers. Son that lived in FL was annoyed he got stuck driving them to dr appt, wanted us to drop everything & come to FL. Mom also annoyed all of the children weren't willing to drop everything to run to FL. Meanwhile, 1 of the children in NY, a DD was ALWAYS the "favorite"& we all knew it, no matter how much, "We love you all equally" BS from parents (Favorite actually did nothing- & later, inherited everything , incl multi Million IRA/401k outside of the will as the sole beneficiary), Dad died, mom about 2 years later- none of the children speak anymore because of fighting over care, inheritance. So consider, who will help you if you or your spouse gets sick. Who will clean out your home? Be realistic about your expectations. If you or your children are in a cold snowy climate, remember, airports close. If you expect a child to care for you & you are 2000 mi away, don't be surprised if they can't or won't.
We retired in a small place, near DD, not where I particularly wanted to live, but where she has a great job. We downsized & threw out a lot to go from a SFH to small 2-bedroom condo. We gave DD access to everything- brokerage, bank, wills, etc. & talk about our future, like end of life care. She's an only- we don't want to be a burden. |
Anonymous
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Some of my friends' parents did this in their early 60s and now they are all late 70s to 80s. Here is some food for thought.
1.) Make sure you think about aging there and what is needed. One friend's parents built their dream house without thinking aging would happen. It is now a house of horrors and they are pretty stuck now that they can't drive. They are very uppity and hate having to pay for driving in cars that are not up to their snooty standards. Another friend's parents chose a place with lots of indoor and outdoor steps. Think broken leg and hip fractures. 2.) Make sure you are close enough to a decent hospital. 3.) If you want your kids to help in any way or visit often, chose a place that is east to get to. Nobody wants to take a plane and then drive for 2 hours and you can't expect people to do that for you in an emergency. 4.) Rent there for a while as mentioned. You need to find out what the issues are and make sure it is the area of your dreams. For example, if you plan to create a fancy English garden in a place with water rationing, then you are going to piss off your neighbors and be very disappointing. 5.) Look at things like grading, drainage, sump pumps, etc.That goes for anyone. 6.) Again...if you want your kids to visit and you don't have room for them, then make sure their are decent priced hotel nearby. My inlaws lived in a swanky area in a small place and hotels are an hour away. Makes for everyone being burned out during the visit including the sibling you decided to sleep on their sofa. |
Anonymous
| Immediate PP has outstanding advice. I'm in my 50s and am watching so many friends cope with parents at a significant distance, in places where the services they need are not available. My feeling is if you are going to uproot and move to a new place and build a new community there, it should be somewhere where you can stay if you need to move to a higher level of care later on. So if you're buying or building a house, choose a town where there are also continuing care options and other supports for aging are available. I'd do everything possible to avoid having to completely relocate a second time. |
Anonymous
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Seconding the PP above with the excellent advice. My folks retired to an area where the nearest major airport is 2.5 hours away, and even it is not an airport that's normally serviced by direct flights. I'm a 2.5 hour drive away and my sibling lives cross country; if that sibling comes to visit our parents and doesn't want to deal with a layover, its a direct flight into Charlotte or IAD and then drive 4-5 hours to our parents home. One of our parent's developed health issues much earlier than expected. Its been a challenge for either of us to try to find time to come help to say the least, especially with jobs and younger kids. My parents expected us to be visiting more often and that has proven to be very unrealistic.
My parents also built a large home in a very rural area and many of the services they need are about an hour away. They put little thought to health or aging issues when they decided to relocate to the area and designed their house, which proved unfortunate when my one parent started to decline. I'm very worried about what is going to happen when I have only 1 parent left, and hoping that parent will opt to relocated closer to my family in anticipation of future care needs. My parents mistakes have been big learning lessons going forward for my husband and I when considering our retirements in another 15 years. |
Anonymous
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How - if at all - do you plan around children who either aren't settled or you can't live where they live?
One kid lives in Manhattan. Will never leave Manhattan, so she is settled. We can't afford it or even nearby - and all we could afford there is maybe 1 bedroom situation with shared laundry etc. and we just don't feel up to that. Plus while I find NYC exciting, DH does not want to walk that much - it's an all walking city so I see myself dealing with everything including lugging groceries home or figuring out deliveries. So that's out. Other kid - in the DC area - just not settled. Doesn't like her job, hoping for something better. But if something better were to come along in say Chicago or Charlotte, I don't think she'd say no and honestly I wouldn't want her to; she's had a rough career and I want her to be happy and if that takes her to Chicago, so be it. We're in NJ (lived in DC 2 decades ago so I started reading this board when I found it 5-10 yrs ago) - no family etc. but we're staying put because we're not sure where to go. In terms of location it's central to both kids - they can get there easily by train (for the New Yorker) or car. We want to be near some family yet we also feel like we'd end up in a situation where we move to Va. to be near daughter - 2 years later she gets a job in Atlanta and then we're either stuck moving again to follow OR we then live in Va. with no family OR she turns down the job out of "obligation" to us - which is a resentment I don't want. |
Anonymous
I think I’m going to face this scenario as well. We are in a wait and see right now. Having seen my parents age I will not move to a rural area or any area without major medical immediately accessible. I can’t imagine having dealt with my parents’ decline without all the ready, high quality health care right there. |
Anonymous
| Moving to the Hudson Valley when I retire in a few years. Grew up there and my daughter works in Manhattan so makes sense. Like the area. |
Anonymous
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We retired to Florida at 54. Love it so much! DH is an only child so initially we moved so that we would be closer to my in-laws. I did not expect to love everything about it, but I do! My sisters live within 15 minutes of my parents, so they are well taken care of. All of our parents are healthy and live independently for now. But they are getting older and will need our help soon.
Moving to be close to your kids is silly. Mine are spread all over the US. One lives in the UK. Kids move. Jobs change. They get married. Very few stay in one place forever. Mine come home a lot, thankfully. It helps that we have a pool on our lanai. A beach less than an hour away. And Disney is only about an hour and a half. We back up to a golf course, and three of my kids are golfers. The grandkids love driving the golf cart around. The house is big enough to host everyone comfortably. The grandkids love visiting. Pick somewhere your kids will want to vacation. Moving to Florida was a great decision. We still have a house in NoVA. I thought we would be snowbirds. But I have no desire to go back yet. |
Anonymous
May I ask you where in Florida and what do you do with your NoVa house? Do you rent it out or keep it vacant to be able to come here occasionally? We are eying Florida move in 3-4 years, but I am not sure if I want to sell NoVa house for now. |