Relocating in Retirement

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not so easy when crisis hits ...

Yeah but are they 60? or 80? No reason for a 60 year old to live like an 80 year ... because something might happen sometime. PP, in your situation, the time was right for a big, necessary, urgent change - good post.

You never know when the crisis will hit. For some it’s at 65, others at 95. And it’s easier to get settled at 65 or 70, when you are in relatively good health than wait until you are 75-80 and it’s much more difficult. And you never will have the perfect time to move. At 65 you think you are too young to move into independent living in an CCRC or retirement community. But at 70, you’ll also think you’re too young. At 75, still too young. At 80, my mom still didn’t want to move because she’s too young and everyone is old.

My mom says the same thing! She will be 80 in January and moved to a CCRC last month. She is so upset because everyone is so old. Her husband died 9 years ago and she refuses to move up here from FL so she is alone with no family nearby. But at least now she is making friends who are happy to see her and be with her, as opposed to the younger crowd in her former apartment who just smiled and said hi as they passed her by.

[Anonymous]

You never know when the crisis will hit. For some it’s at 65, others at 95. And it’s easier to get settled at 65 or 70, when you are in relatively good health than wait until you are 75-80 and it’s much more difficult

Not sure what "settled' looks like to you. Not sure what you mean. It's too vague. Cared for 4 parents who have passed and am 60 yrs old myself. I'm not making plans at 60 for what I *think* I'll need at 80. That's twenty years. I remember when I was younger, in my 50's, expressing to my Mom my frustration that she had no plan. How could she have no plan? How irresponsible! Now having lived through 4 elders passing, I know no "plan" would have made much of a difference. Reality is: you make the best decision -at the time-, at the time it's needed. A plan is not going to protect you from heartache, from sadness. It's not going to protect family from the need to step-up or step-in to theBased on the what's actually happening. We would never have been able to anticipate, for example, that "the well parent" would actually die first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You never know when the crisis will hit. For some it’s at 65, others at 95. And it’s easier to get settled at 65 or 70, when you are in relatively good health than wait until you are 75-80 and it’s much more difficult

Not sure what "settled' looks like to you. Not sure what you mean. It's too vague. Cared for 4 parents who have passed and am 60 yrs old myself. I'm not making plans at 60 for what I *think* I'll need at 80. That's twenty years. I remember when I was younger, in my 50's, expressing to my Mom my frustration that she had no plan. How could she have no plan? How irresponsible! Now having lived through 4 elders passing, I know no "plan" would have made much of a difference. Reality is: you make the best decision -at the time-, at the time it's needed. A plan is not going to protect you from heartache, from sadness. It's not going to protect family from the need to step-up or step-in to theBased on the what's actually happening. We would never have been able to anticipate, for example, that "the well parent" would actually die first.

+1. Also I don't necessarily agree it is harder to resettle when you are older and more frail. People do that all the time. We just moved my mom when she had Alzheimer's. It wasn't easy but it was fine.

[Anonymous]

After they retired in their mid-60s, my ILs downsized to a one level condo with an elevator to the basement parking in the same city as their three children. This made things immensely easier on everyone when FIL had to go into memory care in his early 70s due Alzheimers. MIL stayed at the condo until she fell and hit her head at 81, causing a TBI which robbed her of her memory and ability to care for herself. We sold the condo and moved her into a board and care home. DH and I are considering the same once retirement comes in 5 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After they retired in their mid-60s, my ILs downsized to a one level condo with an elevator to the basement parking in the same city as their three children. This made things immensely easier on everyone when FIL had to go into memory care in his early 70s due Alzheimers. MIL stayed at the condo until she fell and hit her head at 81, causing a TBI which robbed her of her memory and ability to care for herself. We sold the condo and moved her into a board and care home. DH and I are considering the same once retirement comes in 5 years.

the one-level living part makes a lot of sense. Living near your adults kids is great if they are settled and know where they are going to be living. But a lot of people move around a lot in their 20s and early 30s.

[Anonymous]

Resurrecting this 3-year-old thread because my DH and I are thinking about these things now (he's thinking about retiring in a year; me, 3 years). I remembered that there was some interesting discussion on DCUM about this topic so I searched for 'retirement' and landed here.

I wonder if anyone has any thoughts or updated comments about their retirement plans now that the COVID intensity is a few years in the past? Any regrets with moving - or staying put? Anything you'd do differently?

More and more friends from our neighborhood are entering the empty nest years and leaving DC for other places; in the past year, I've seen people relocate to SC, FL (2 separate couples), and DE. We're starting to wonder who will be left a few years from now!

[Anonymous]

People who move to over 55 communities seem to have more luck building a new social group, because they offer tons of activities, the people have also moved there from elsewhere and they are in the same phase of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who move to over 55 communities seem to have more luck building a new social group, because they offer tons of activities, the people have also moved there from elsewhere and they are in the same phase of life. [/quot

I would like to retire in a 55 community. My primary hesitation is the restrictions about grandchildren staying with you a certain number of days per year.

[Anonymous]

We are lucky in that our children and grandchildren all live within 45 minutes of us. We do have a winter home but go back and forth quite a bit and they visit us as well. We have put a deposit down on a retirement home/graduated care facility that hopefully we won’t need for ten years. But it’s in our town and near our kids so it makes sense. Some of our friends are doing the same thing at the same location.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spend vacation time in that area, if you haven't already. When you retire try to plan renting as someone has suggested.

FWIW we retired to a typical neighborhood community and loved it at first. Neighbors were diverse and everyone was friendly. There were several other retired couples around we became friendly with. We knew people's kids and pets and would have occasional social events where everyone was invited.

Then as people moved out and as new people (mostly younger families) moved in the level of neighborliness has changed significantly and not for the better.

We don't even know the names of most of them as they avoided introductions and made it clear they are not interested in any interaction with "old" people who are not in their peer group. Even friendly waves as they drive by often go unresponded to. They have social gatherings at our community space but it is only for younger families with kids, and the middle-aged or retired people are not invited anymore.

We have friends who moved into an active 55+ community and they seem to be doing better. They have a peer group, there are activities they can choose to partake in and they have made friends they can rely on if they need it - taking in mail, watching each others pets, helping each other out during medical crises, etc.

We have none of that in our neighborhood now. It makes it much less appealing.

Agree with others that you CANNOT plan your retirement years around where your kids/grandkids are. They have their own lives and they very well may be mobile. You cannot afford to pack up and move every time they do, and you cannot expect they will spend any significant time visiting you if it involves travel.

Sometimes I wonder if my neighbors think this way about us. Not waving or stopping to say hi on the way to the mailboxes or when they're outside is rude so I won't try to excuse that because we always say hi. On the social stuff, we have young kids and honestly we don't do a lot of social stuff other than occasional playdates with other young children on the weekend. We're outside so you're welcome to come say hi and chat (some of my neighbors do, most don't) and the kids will probably be excited to see someone different and I bet they'd love to play with you but most of our neighbors aren't interested in that, not that I blame them. During the week, it's really rushed getting the kids off to daycare, working, getting them home and fed/bathed/bedtime and once that's over we really just want to watch TV.

GMAFB. You’re too busy to talk to older neighbors bc you have kids? Seems like you’re just self absorbed and rude. Seems to be the new normal for people. Too bad. We’ve always included our elderly or older neighbors, or patients of our friends. And are better for doing it- hearing their stories, seeing them enjoy being included etc. .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not so easy when crisis hits ...

Yeah but are they 60? or 80? No reason for a 60 year old to live like an 80 year ... because something might happen sometime. PP, in your situation, the time was right for a big, necessary, urgent change - good post.

You never know when the crisis will hit. For some it’s at 65, others at 95. And it’s easier to get settled at 65 or 70, when you are in relatively good health than wait until you are 75-80 and it’s much more difficult. And you never will have the perfect time to move. At 65 you think you are too young to move into independent living in an CCRC or retirement community. But at 70, you’ll also think you’re too young. At 75, still too young. At 80, my mom still didn’t want to move because she’s too young and everyone is old.

My mom says the same thing! She will be 80 in January and moved to a CCRC last month. She is so upset because everyone is so old. Her husband died 9 years ago and she refuses to move up here from FL so she is alone with no family nearby. But at least now she is making friends who are happy to see her and be with her, as opposed to the younger crowd in her former apartment who just smiled and said hi as they passed her by.

In a few years, she'll be settled in well and grateful for the support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You never know when the crisis will hit. For some it’s at 65, others at 95. And it’s easier to get settled at 65 or 70, when you are in relatively good health than wait until you are 75-80 and it’s much more difficult

Not sure what "settled' looks like to you. Not sure what you mean. It's too vague. Cared for 4 parents who have passed and am 60 yrs old myself. I'm not making plans at 60 for what I *think* I'll need at 80. That's twenty years. I remember when I was younger, in my 50's, expressing to my Mom my frustration that she had no plan. How could she have no plan? How irresponsible! Now having lived through 4 elders passing, I know no "plan" would have made much of a difference. Reality is: you make the best decision -at the time-, at the time it's needed. A plan is not going to protect you from heartache, from sadness. It's not going to protect family from the need to step-up or step-in to theBased on the what's actually happening. We would never have been able to anticipate, for example, that "the well parent" would actually die first.

+1. Also I don't necessarily agree it is harder to resettle when you are older and more frail. People do that all the time. We just moved my mom when she had Alzheimer's. It wasn't easy but it was fine.

Transfer trauma is a thing even if your mom fortunately didn't experience it: https://health.usnews.com/senior-care/articles/what-is-transfer-trauma

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Resurrecting this 3-year-old thread because my DH and I are thinking about these things now (he's thinking about retiring in a year; me, 3 years). I remembered that there was some interesting discussion on DCUM about this topic so I searched for 'retirement' and landed here.

I wonder if anyone has any thoughts or updated comments about their retirement plans now that the COVID intensity is a few years in the past? Any regrets with moving - or staying put? Anything you'd do differently?

More and more friends from our neighborhood are entering the empty nest years and leaving DC for other places; in the past year, I've seen people relocate to SC, FL (2 separate couples), and DE. We're starting to wonder who will be left a few years from now!

Thanks for BUMPing this thread - looks interesting.

Where did your friends relocate to more specifically? Second homes? 55+ communities? I'm 62 and 5 years older than DH. He wants to work at least 5 more years, possibly more. Our challenge is that we don't necessarily want to live somewhere FT as our kids are younger and not yet looking to live in retirement areas.

Just wondering what it would be like to live somewhere if you are not there FT - possible to put down any roots?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who move to over 55 communities seem to have more luck building a new social group, because they offer tons of activities, the people have also moved there from elsewhere and they are in the same phase of life. [/quot

I would like to retire in a 55 community. My primary hesitation is the restrictions about grandchildren staying with you a certain number of days per year.

I don’t know. I know two different couples who are similar to my spouse and me in terms of education, background, interests who moved in to over 55 communities and both moved back out in less than two years. Both couples said it just wasn’t the way they expected and that the neighborhood felt sort of weird to them.

I get that lots of people like them, but my spouse and I are a bit wary of the idea now after the experience our friends had. They also noted to us that they had met other people in their communities who had voiced the same feelings but felt stuck there because they just didn’t want to deal with a move again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who move to over 55 communities seem to have more luck building a new social group, because they offer tons of activities, the people have also moved there from elsewhere and they are in the same phase of life. [/quot

I would like to retire in a 55 community. My primary hesitation is the restrictions about grandchildren staying with you a certain number of days per year.

I don’t know. I know two different couples who are similar to my spouse and me in terms of education, background, interests who moved in to over 55 communities and both moved back out in less than two years. Both couples said it just wasn’t the way they expected and that the neighborhood felt sort of weird to them.

I get that lots of people like them, but my spouse and I are a bit wary of the idea now after the experience our friends had. They also noted to us that they had met other people in their communities who had voiced the same feelings but felt stuck there because they just didn’t want to deal with a move again.

Were they any more specific about what wasn't the way they expected? Also what was weird?

TBH, I would not be able to be somewhere with a lot of bigots, whether it was ethnicity/race, gender, ability, etc.