Relocating in Retirement

[Anonymous]

We are considering moving to a different geographic area in the next few years, but I'm having a hard time picturing starting all over. I've lived in the DMV since 1996 and DH and I have built a life, a community, a home together. The idea of starting all over is daunting. At the same time, there are a lot of things about relocating that appeal to us, and neither of us likes the DC area for a variety of reasons.

What is it like to relocate at 60+? Is it relatively easy to build a life elsewhere at this stage?

I would love to hear about others' experiences.

[Anonymous]

You can but I would choose your climate and access to medical care very, very carefully. At 60+, it's all fun and games in a colder climate. But skiing loses its appeal when you're 80.

Also don't overestimate your children's desire to have you live near them, and their plans to stay in one location for the rest of your lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can but I would choose your climate and access to medical care very, very carefully. At 60+, it's all fun and games in a colder climate. But skiing loses its appeal when you're 80.

Also don't overestimate your children's desire to have you live near them, and their plans to stay in one location for the rest of your lives.

+1. My parents moved to Seattle and now hope their kids will move to Seattle. They also haven’t seen their grandkids in three years because they are now too old to travel (plus pregnancy and Covid have made it so we won’t travel).

[Anonymous]

Go where your family or friends are. Otherwise, before you sell your home pick a place that seems to fit your needs and rent for a couple of months and see if it’s a good fit. It’s very helpful if you are an extrovert. For introverts moving to a new place in retirement where they don’t anyone can be a frightening prospect. Very active retirement communities might be a good bet for introverts because of almost forced socialization.

[Anonymous]

My parents moved from the Boston area to coastal Caroline for their retirement. They ended up being about the same distance just in a different direction. They were one of the first in what is now a large community. They loved it. They made new friends and had a blast. They were originally from the Midwest and moved to New England when I was 5, so they already knew how to set up a new life.

[Anonymous]

Spend vacation time in that area, if you haven't already. When you retire try to plan renting as someone has suggested.

FWIW we retired to a typical neighborhood community and loved it at first. Neighbors were diverse and everyone was friendly. There were several other retired couples around we became friendly with. We knew people's kids and pets and would have occasional social events where everyone was invited.

Then as people moved out and as new people (mostly younger families) moved in the level of neighborliness has changed significantly and not for the better.

We don't even know the names of most of them as they avoided introductions and made it clear they are not interested in any interaction with "old" people who are not in their peer group. Even friendly waves as they drive by often go unresponded to. They have social gatherings at our community space but it is only for younger families with kids, and the middle-aged or retired people are not invited anymore.

We have friends who moved into an active 55+ community and they seem to be doing better. They have a peer group, there are activities they can choose to partake in and they have made friends they can rely on if they need it - taking in mail, watching each others pets, helping each other out during medical crises, etc.

We have none of that in our neighborhood now. It makes it much less appealing.

Agree with others that you CANNOT plan your retirement years around where your kids/grandkids are. They have their own lives and they very well may be mobile. You cannot afford to pack up and move every time they do, and you cannot expect they will spend any significant time visiting you if it involves travel.

[Anonymous]

I would pick a place that is easy for your kids to get to. Either short driving distance or an easy nonstop flight. We are facing a situation with a parent with mild dementia living in a beautiful area that's really difficult for us to get to, and it's horrible. We can't help her the way we want to, and we can't visit often, and she calls us several times a day. She also doesn't want to move closer because she's getting disoriented and adapting at this point to a new place would be hard. She had no trouble making friends when she moved there, but the friends are getting on too so they hae their own challenges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would pick a place that is easy for your kids to get to. Either short driving distance or an easy nonstop flight. We are facing a situation with a parent with mild dementia living in a beautiful area that's really difficult for us to get to, and it's horrible. We can't help her the way we want to, and we can't visit often, and she calls us several times a day. She also doesn't want to move closer because she's getting disoriented and adapting at this point to a new place would be hard. She had no trouble making friends when she moved there, but the friends are getting on too so they hae their own challenges.

This. Don't think your friends can be relied on for care. They will likely help and you will help them, but by the time you start to need a lot of help, they'll be needing a lot of help too and they won't be able to do what you need. Don't put your family in a situation where caregiving will be really difficult. Live somewhere that's easy for your kids to get to.

[Anonymous]

Some people move to a "forever place" where they can live their whole lives, including times when they need a ton of medical care and family support. But it's hard to figure out where that place actually is if your kids aren't settled on a location.

Some people move to a place where they'd like to live, with the expectation of leaving it when they need a lot of care and moving to whereever their children are at that time.

I think both plans can make sense as long as you really are willing to pull up stakes when it becomes necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can but I would choose your climate and access to medical care very, very carefully. At 60+, it's all fun and games in a colder climate. But skiing loses its appeal when you're 80.

Also don't overestimate your children's desire to have you live near them, and their plans to stay in one location for the rest of your lives.

IMO, don't pick a place just because that's where your kids are because they can move, too.

Between my spouse and I, only one sibling stayed near a parent. The rest of us all moved far away.

But do live in a place that has easy access to an airport.

OP, I have thought about this, too. I don't want to retire here in the DC area. But, if we move to some other state, we'd have to start over meeting new friends.

I'm thinking of maybe coordinating where to retire with my siblings. They also aren't thinking about retiring near their grown kids because of what I wrote above.

[Anonymous]

Do you have kids? Are you single, divorced, remarried, do you have stepkids?

Above all, do not overestimate your stepchildren's willingness to care for you after your partner is gone, especially if you joined the family when they were teens or adults. They have their own families and their other parent to think of. Your needs will be one among many.

[Anonymous]

The happiest retirees I know are the people at my DC church, who’ve lived here for many decades. If you can afford it, stay close to your community.

[Anonymous]

Our wish is to move out to central Maryland for a more rural life but maintain a 1BR in DC for fun and for the kids to use.

[Anonymous]

I would take stock of all your friends (peers) and know where they have moved and if they are happy. As a useful barometer. Do not discount the importance of fitting in. Unless you don't mind being an outliner, know voting patterns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Are you single, divorced, remarried, do you have stepkids?

Above all, do not overestimate your stepchildren's willingness to care for you after your partner is gone, especially if you joined the family when they were teens or adults. They have their own families and their other parent to think of. Your needs will be one among many.

We are married and have two young adult DCs. One lives on the other coast and the other attends college out of state. No stepchildren.