Relocating in Retirement

[Anonymous]

Right now 3 of my sibs out of 4 are talking about Florida as a possible place to all retire - near each other. We love to sail, would like a motor boat and to have a "family" compound where our kids and their future families would like to visit during their holidays etc.

One of the sibs lives in western MA - mentioned above. It's freaking cold there from Oct-May so you really need to consider that and perhaps have a second home for the winter months unless you love snow and cold weather. I think it would be great if that sib keeps the western MA house so we could go there in the summers from FL because they are generally amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is smart to downsize to a place with minimal upkeep wherever you decide to be from 60+. We have seen elderly family and friends move to be closer to their children in 70s or 80s because they need the support that their peers cannot provide. It’s so much easier to move when you don’t have a houseful of possessions to deal with.

+1 ILs refused to downsize and get rid of stuff in their 60s/70s, then the 80s hit, and they were too frail to do it. My spouse had been telling them to downsize for the past 10 yrs.

My parents were the opposite. As soon as the last of the kids moved out and was settled, my parents downsized and got rid of stuff. They were still in their 60s at this point, now in their 80s and living comfortably in a small condo out west. Whereas my ILs live in a huge house still with stairs, and they both are having issues with navigating all the steps in the house and maintaining the house and the huge garden they have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is smart to downsize to a place with minimal upkeep wherever you decide to be from 60+. We have seen elderly family and friends move to be closer to their children in 70s or 80s because they need the support that their peers cannot provide. It’s so much easier to move when you don’t have a houseful of possessions to deal with.

My mom inherited the family house in Iowa, which she dutifully packed it up and brought it to MA. A few cherished pieces were displayed. It was then moved with all their other stuff to coastal Carolina. More came out because they moved from a 1500sqft house to a 2500 sqft house. Some was never unpacked. She lost her father at 9, her mother at 14. She went to live with her grandmother who died when my mother was 16. A widowed aunt and uncle (who was just back from the Pacific in WWII) took care of her until she was an adult. That Aunt died of a bee sting a week before I was born. She could not part with any of it. It represented too much of what she had lost. After my parents died, my sister and I spent a week with our families divvying it up. 50 full black contractor bags went to the dump. Three full minivan loads went to the thrift stores ( the first one told us to go down the road to the next thrift store with the third trip). We had already donated 1000 of my Dad’s books to the local library book sale. My sister and I took all that we wanted and we were still able to rent out their house as fully furnished.

I look upon that week as a gift to my mom. We were able to let go of the things that she could not. Most of it was well used Victorian stuff. We had someone look over the lot and point out the dozen or so things that were worth a fair bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Right now 3 of my sibs out of 4 are talking about Florida as a possible place to all retire - near each other. We love to sail, would like a motor boat and to have a "family" compound where our kids and their future families would like to visit during their holidays etc.

One of the sibs lives in western MA - mentioned above. It's freaking cold there from Oct-May so you really need to consider that and perhaps have a second home for the winter months unless you love snow and cold weather. I think it would be great if that sib keeps the western MA house so we could go there in the summers from FL because they are generally amazing.

It does depend on ones definition of cold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are considering moving to a different geographic area in the next few years, but I'm having a hard time picturing starting all over. I've lived in the DMV since 1996 and DH and I have built a life, a community, a home together. The idea of starting all over is daunting. At the same time, there are a lot of things about relocating that appeal to us, and neither of us likes the DC area for a variety of reasons.

What is it like to relocate at 60+? Is it relatively easy to build a life elsewhere at this stage?

I would love to hear about others' experiences.

Are you moving away from the kids? If so, please put an end-of-life in place for the sake of the kids. My parents up and moved cross-country and now are 86 and 87, frail, in bad financial shape and have been very un-cooperative and difficult. The net result is the one person that can financially and physically help (me), is tired, angry, and doesn't want to play the game anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can but I would choose your climate and access to medical care very, very carefully. At 60+, it's all fun and games in a colder climate. But skiing loses its appeal when you're 80.

Also don't overestimate your children's desire to have you live near them, and their plans to stay in one location for the rest of your lives.

+1. My parents moved to Seattle and now hope their kids will move to Seattle. They also haven’t seen their grandkids in three years because they are now too old to travel (plus pregnancy and Covid have made it so we won’t travel).

Right? My father's the same damn way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a second home and have found it much easier to make friends here than in our MD neighborhood. The neighborhood skews a little older since it's mostly second homes, but there are families with kids to retirees. It's in Massachusetts, which some people think is unfriendly to outsiders, but thee are enough people from other states that it levels the playing field. Also we have community gathering spaces (pool, tennis, etc) which helps bring people together. So perhaps look for a place that is a destination for people rather than one that is more parochial.

Please tell me more about retiring to Massachusetts; it’s my dream at the moment.

My spouse and I have lived for 20 years in a Southern location where we’ve never felt at home, and we are beginning to think about where to go after retirement. This summer, we spent some time in western MA — close to where we began married life — and really felt at home.

It seems counterintuitive to head North in old age, but I am beginning to thrill to the idea.

I plan on retiring to our home on Cape Cod. It's close to my friends and family. I've been here 40 years now and my husband's family is here and he has no interest in splitting time. Only one brother and a father, but apparently his bike riding friends are oh, so important. I'd be happy doing 6 months there, six months here. And will do just that. Sick of being separated from everyone I love so he can pretend he's Lance f-ing Armstrong. If he doesn't want to be there for six months, he either spends time alone or gets himself a 'friend'. Don't care either way. Sick of living my life for him and everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a second home and have found it much easier to make friends here than in our MD neighborhood. The neighborhood skews a little older since it's mostly second homes, but there are families with kids to retirees. It's in Massachusetts, which some people think is unfriendly to outsiders, but thee are enough people from other states that it levels the playing field. Also we have community gathering spaces (pool, tennis, etc) which helps bring people together. So perhaps look for a place that is a destination for people rather than one that is more parochial.

Please tell me more about retiring to Massachusetts; it’s my dream at the moment.

My spouse and I have lived for 20 years in a Southern location where we’ve never felt at home, and we are beginning to think about where to go after retirement. This summer, we spent some time in western MA — close to where we began married life — and really felt at home.

It seems counterintuitive to head North in old age, but I am beginning to thrill to the idea.

I plan on retiring to our home on Cape Cod. It's close to my friends and family. I've been here 40 years now and my husband's family is here and he has no interest in splitting time. Only one brother and a father, but apparently his bike riding friends are oh, so important. I'd be happy doing 6 months there, six months here. And will do just that. Sick of being separated from everyone I love so he can pretend he's Lance f-ing Armstrong. If he doesn't want to be there for six months, he either spends time alone or gets himself a 'friend'. Don't care either way. Sick of living my life for him and everyone else.

This is a valid consideration for many people. Spouses ideas of what retirement look like may not be the same nor may they have the same priorities of what constitutes a happy life. If compromise isn't possible then I agree that doing what works best for each of you individually is a reasonable outcome.

I've got friends who have centered their entire retirement life around grandkids, including relocating and spending their whole week babysitting or being "on call" to do so, only to find that within a few short years those kids are busy with school and activities and have no interest in spending a lot of time over at grandma's house anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spend vacation time in that area, if you haven't already. When you retire try to plan renting as someone has suggested.

FWIW we retired to a typical neighborhood community and loved it at first. Neighbors were diverse and everyone was friendly. There were several other retired couples around we became friendly with. We knew people's kids and pets and would have occasional social events where everyone was invited.

Then as people moved out and as new people (mostly younger families) moved in the level of neighborliness has changed significantly and not for the better.

We don't even know the names of most of them as they avoided introductions and made it clear they are not interested in any interaction with "old" people who are not in their peer group. Even friendly waves as they drive by often go unresponded to. They have social gatherings at our community space but it is only for younger families with kids, and the middle-aged or retired people are not invited anymore.

We have friends who moved into an active 55+ community and they seem to be doing better. They have a peer group, there are activities they can choose to partake in and they have made friends they can rely on if they need it - taking in mail, watching each others pets, helping each other out during medical crises, etc.

We have none of that in our neighborhood now. It makes it much less appealing.

Agree with others that you CANNOT plan your retirement years around where your kids/grandkids are. They have their own lives and they very well may be mobile. You cannot afford to pack up and move every time they do, and you cannot expect they will spend any significant time visiting you if it involves travel.

Sometimes I wonder if my neighbors think this way about us. Not waving or stopping to say hi on the way to the mailboxes or when they're outside is rude so I won't try to excuse that because we always say hi. On the social stuff, we have young kids and honestly we don't do a lot of social stuff other than occasional playdates with other young children on the weekend. We're outside so you're welcome to come say hi and chat (some of my neighbors do, most don't) and the kids will probably be excited to see someone different and I bet they'd love to play with you but most of our neighbors aren't interested in that, not that I blame them. During the week, it's really rushed getting the kids off to daycare, working, getting them home and fed/bathed/bedtime and once that's over we really just want to watch TV.

[Anonymous]

Cape Cod PP, do you worry about how driving-dependent the Cape is? I would love to retire there but then picture myself navigating route 6A at night in my 70s and it makes me nervous. My parents retired to NYC so they next had to drive anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cape Cod PP, do you worry about how driving-dependent the Cape is? I would love to retire there but then picture myself navigating route 6A at night in my 70s and it makes me nervous. My parents retired to NYC so they next had to drive anywhere.

Not at all!! There are so many services that you can hire there and so many lovely retirement communities. My parents will probably relocate to one and part of the reasonable monthly fee is transportation services to all appointments, shopping trips, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cape Cod PP, do you worry about how driving-dependent the Cape is? I would love to retire there but then picture myself navigating route 6A at night in my 70s and it makes me nervous. My parents retired to NYC so they next had to drive anywhere.

6A is an easy drive as well, and there’s so much on that road, from grocery to hardware, to restaurants. If you’re there alone and get lonely, many restaurants have gatherings in the bar where people go regularly to eat dinner and have a glass of wine and socialize.

[Anonymous]

On Cape cod, I would consider health care services as you age as much as transportation. Neither Hyannis nor Falmouth Hospitals are major medical centers so you are likely to have to go off Cape for many services. It is important also to research your individual and combined interests ahead of time as you may vacation or even rent a place in a possible retirement area. Also go to a place in the winter to see how you woukd fare with the lifestyle then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cape Cod PP, do you worry about how driving-dependent the Cape is? I would love to retire there but then picture myself navigating route 6A at night in my 70s and it makes me nervous. My parents retired to NYC so they next had to drive anywhere.

Not at all!! There are so many services that you can hire there and so many lovely retirement communities. My parents will probably relocate to one and part of the reasonable monthly fee is transportation services to all appointments, shopping trips, etc.

Thanks good to know!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cape Cod PP, do you worry about how driving-dependent the Cape is? I would love to retire there but then picture myself navigating route 6A at night in my 70s and it makes me nervous. My parents retired to NYC so they next had to drive anywhere.

Not at all!! There are so many services that you can hire there and so many lovely retirement communities. My parents will probably relocate to one and part of the reasonable monthly fee is transportation services to all appointments, shopping trips, etc.

Thanks good to know!!

Keep in mind that any services offered now can be cut or reduced. Having a communal van that goes to a grocery store/shopping area once a week may not fulfill everyone's idea of having transportation available. Likewise with medical or other appointments. They may tell you they will take you to all your medical appointments but you better verify it before signing on the dotted line. Common sense dictates that it would take a fleet of vehicles to transport every resident to every appointment they have. It's simply not financially feasible.

PP is right to worry about how car-dependent a location is.