Constantly rejected and I'm feeling embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you really sound like a fantastic catch, and so I think it may be your mindset that needs a little help.

I was like you and could suddenly feel really shy around guys and had trouble relaxing and engaging. I then thought about how I was so different with my friends and colleagues and decided, "Hey, I just met this guys so I don't really have anything invested. I just want to enjoy myself and have a good time." That helped me move from feeling shy/uncomfortable to just relaxing and being myself.

It also helped that I tried to make dating like a hobby- it was something I was going to do once a week, and I was going to get better at it. I became much better in having dynamic conversations, perfecting my date outfits, and not taking it all so seriously. I found the repetition helpful: you're kind of going to have at least several minutes of the exact same conversation on every date about who you are/what's your story, having a go-to casual and a fancier date outfit, makeup routine, etc. Practice may not make perfect, but it did make me less stressed and awkward.

I also had it confirmed by my friends and my now boyfriend that initial attraction matters. I also go for comfort over cute, but I made sure to always wear fitted clothes for every date. I love flowy dresses but that can be the kiss of death apparently with some guys.

Agree with all this, and I think just trying it will help with the baggage of prior relationships.

[Anonymous]

Did you play bball yourself? I find it weird to be a huge sports fan and never have played. I also find it weird to be a huge sports fan in general. And I played D1 soccer in college and love the game. But past the age of 30, it’s just weird for that to take up mental space on a regular basis. Follow a team and go to games, sure but that’s weird that that’s the first thing you said about yourself f you never even identified as a player.

[Anonymous]

Are you a stage 5 clinger?

Maybe you act too suffocating or desperate. Or smell? Or pick bad boy types.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you play bball yourself? I find it weird to be a huge sports fan and never have played. I also find it weird to be a huge sports fan in general. And I played D1 soccer in college and love the game. But past the age of 30, it’s just weird for that to take up mental space on a regular basis. Follow a team and go to games, sure but that’s weird that that’s the first thing you said about yourself f you never even identified as a player.

I grew up watching basketball with family and I still love the game. My family members played/coached in some capacity, but I didn't due to medical reasons. I come from a sports family and that's our thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you a stage 5 clinger?

Maybe you act too suffocating or desperate. Or smell? Or pick bad boy types.

I'm not clingy, maybe I don't act interested enough. I don't like bad boys, I've got a thing for nerds, especially those in glasses.

[Anonymous]

Church?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you play bball yourself? I find it weird to be a huge sports fan and never have played. I also find it weird to be a huge sports fan in general. And I played D1 soccer in college and love the game. But past the age of 30, it’s just weird for that to take up mental space on a regular basis. Follow a team and go to games, sure but that’s weird that that’s the first thing you said about yourself f you never even identified as a player.

I think it’s quite common to be into sports without identifying as a player, especially when it’s women who aren’t naturally athletic and/or who are into male-dominated sports like baseball and football. I don’t really understand the appeal of being really into sports like so many are (except brackets, those are fun even if you don’t know the teams), but tons of people are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you play bball yourself? I find it weird to be a huge sports fan and never have played. I also find it weird to be a huge sports fan in general. And I played D1 soccer in college and love the game. But past the age of 30, it’s just weird for that to take up mental space on a regular basis. Follow a team and go to games, sure but that’s weird that that’s the first thing you said about yourself f you never even identified as a player.

I think it’s quite common to be into sports without identifying as a player, especially when it’s women who aren’t naturally athletic and/or who are into male-dominated sports like baseball and football. I don’t really understand the appeal of being really into sports like so many are (except brackets, those are fun even if you don’t know the teams), but tons of people are.

Yeah, I get that and I’m the PP soccer player and I’m a woman. I find women and men that are uber fans into sports who never played bizarre. But OP isn’t looking for me. That’s just a red flag of mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you play bball yourself? I find it weird to be a huge sports fan and never have played. I also find it weird to be a huge sports fan in general. And I played D1 soccer in college and love the game. But past the age of 30, it’s just weird for that to take up mental space on a regular basis. Follow a team and go to games, sure but that’s weird that that’s the first thing you said about yourself f you never even identified as a player.

I think it’s quite common to be into sports without identifying as a player, especially when it’s women who aren’t naturally athletic and/or who are into male-dominated sports like baseball and football. I don’t really understand the appeal of being really into sports like so many are (except brackets, those are fun even if you don’t know the teams), but tons of people are.

Yeah, I get that and I’m the PP soccer player and I’m a woman. I find women and men that are uber fans into sports who never played bizarre. But OP isn’t looking for me. That’s just a red flag of mine.

DP. Yes, it's bizarre and a red flag for me, too. But there are different lids for different pots.

[Anonymous]

Can someone please explain why being a sports fan is a red flag?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can someone please explain why being a sports fan is a red flag?

"being a sports fan" =/= "uber fans into sports who never played"

[Anonymous]

Guy here.
What did the last guys you went out with look like and do for a living? Also, you said you're bi-racial. What race/ethnicity were they?

I ask a superficial question because the answer you got from them seems like BS, so I imagine there's more to it that they just didn't want to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you play bball yourself? I find it weird to be a huge sports fan and never have played. I also find it weird to be a huge sports fan in general. And I played D1 soccer in college and love the game. But past the age of 30, it’s just weird for that to take up mental space on a regular basis. Follow a team and go to games, sure but that’s weird that that’s the first thing you said about yourself f you never even identified as a player.

Eh, I know a family like OP’s. They’re all super into basketball, two of the adult kids played college basketball and now are coaches, all the grandkids play basketball, they all get together to watch bball games on tv, etc etc. It’s just the culture of their family. I don’t think it’s strange to be into a sport if you were fully immersed in it like that your whole life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can someone please explain why being a sports fan is a red flag?

+1 WTH

If someone judges an enthusiastic sports fan because they’re not an athlete themselves, well - that is a red flag, about *them*.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here.
What did the last guys you went out with look like and do for a living? Also, you said you're bi-racial. What race/ethnicity were they?

I ask a superficial question because the answer you got from them seems like BS, so I imagine there's more to it that they just didn't want to say.

Where did OP say she’s biracial?