Weird situation with new neighbor from high school - WWYD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So she found out where you live, found out what your kids look like, and approached them while they were out riding their bikes and confronted them about perceived slights from 20 years ago? That’s stalker-like behavior. I’d communicate to her with a witness or in writing that if she has something to say to you she can do so, but she needs to stay away from your children.

I'm the OP. My guess is that she didn't stalk exactly, but probably saw me with one or both of the kids prior, and then when she saw them out together, approached.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t do anything and be as gracious as you can when anyone mentions it. Something like “I don’t recall that we knew each other very well but I know high school can be tough and I hope I didn’t hurt her feelings somehow.”
No one who meets a woman like this is going to assume you did anything bad. They’re going to assume she was a little nuts then and is a little nuts now. Just be generous and gracious and don’t add to any gossip about it.

+1 The longer they know her the more nuts they will realize that she is. Be gracious, gracious, gracious. Then when the other people realize, they'll say something but continue to be gracious, gracious, gracious.

Yeah, I mean having a horrible experience in high school can be really scarring for some people. I imagine just being gracious and apologizing is a good start. You probably don't even remember the stuff that happened to her but she clearly does. I still remember the kids that bullied me in middle school. It was horrible and I still live with those scars. I turned out fine and blossomed after attending a different high school and would never consider stalking them. I rarely give them a though. However, these things run deep. You never know someone else's personal narrative. It might be worth reaching out and just listening. Some people want that -- to be heard and then, apologize and mean it. Who knows? You might become friends with her. It's better than having an enemy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t do anything and be as gracious as you can when anyone mentions it. Something like “I don’t recall that we knew each other very well but I know high school can be tough and I hope I didn’t hurt her feelings somehow.”
No one who meets a woman like this is going to assume you did anything bad. They’re going to assume she was a little nuts then and is a little nuts now. Just be generous and gracious and don’t add to any gossip about it.

+1 The longer they know her the more nuts they will realize that she is. Be gracious, gracious, gracious. Then when the other people realize, they'll say something but continue to be gracious, gracious, gracious.

Yeah, I mean having a horrible experience in high school can be really scarring for some people. I imagine just being gracious and apologizing is a good start. You probably don't even remember the stuff that happened to her but she clearly does. I still remember the kids that bullied me in middle school. It was horrible and I still live with those scars. I turned out fine and blossomed after attending a different high school and would never consider stalking them. I rarely give them a though. However, these things run deep. You never know someone else's personal narrative. It might be worth reaching out and just listening. Some people want that -- to be heard and then, apologize and mean it. Who knows? You might become friends with her. It's better than having an enemy.

+1

This is terribly, terribly rational for DCUM. You new here?

[Anonymous]

“I’ve thought back and I just can’t seem to remember her. I think with 2,000 kids in our school, we must have run in totally different circles. I’m sorry she felt that by not noticing her I was being mean. And she doesn’t seem open to a new friendship now that we’ve actually been formally introduced.”

[Anonymous]

I have no idea if you were mean to her or not but I really and truly do not know how you could have had that interaction with the neighbor and said NOTHING!
My first reaction would have been ‘ DA FUQ’???!!
She said something to your kids, she’s unbalanced and that needs to be addressed.
NOW!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:it sounds like you were snobby and exclusive towards her.

You and your friends considered her “socially awkward” and were exclusive to her. She was probably just trying to be friendly and your friends interpreted that as her pushing her self into situations where she was t welcome. Because you were too cool to hang out with her.

And she remembers that you were snobby and mean and exclusive.

There were girls like that in my high school class. I would hate to live near them or work near them because they would bring up bad feelings.

So yeah, you were a mean girl in high school and now it’s coming back to bite you.

Can’t say I feel sorry for you.

OP, your girl found this thread.

[Anonymous]

"Actually, I don't really remember us interacting much in high school at all. I certainly didn't hate you, I barely knew you. Also, I'm a bit uncomfortable with some of the things my kids have told me you've been saying to them since you moved here. Can you explain?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't do anything except treat her as you would treat any other person new to the neighborhood, be kind and friendly.

Now, if things start getting weird and she become hostile or aggressive or stalkerish come back and update us, my advice will be different.

It’s not already weird that the stranger approached her kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I normally say something shocking in return like, “You’re right, I am such a b*#ch. You should ask my husband and kids.” Normally people are stunned and are not sure how to respond. I then normally laugh and walk away breezily.

If she approaches your children again just have them say something like “you’re right, she is the worst!”

Always say it in a friendly way with a smile - makes them more nervous.

This is disturbing...

[Anonymous]

Mean girl gets what is coming to her decades later and comes to DCUM to complain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it sounds like you were snobby and exclusive towards her.

You and your friends considered her “socially awkward” and were exclusive to her. She was probably just trying to be friendly and your friends interpreted that as her pushing her self into situations where she was t welcome. Because you were too cool to hang out with her.

And she remembers that you were snobby and mean and exclusive.

There were girls like that in my high school class. I would hate to live near them or work near them because they would bring up bad feelings.

So yeah, you were a mean girl in high school and now it’s coming back to bite you.

Can’t say I feel sorry for you.

Found the neighbor.

^^Found the bully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So she found out where you live, found out what your kids look like, and approached them while they were out riding their bikes and confronted them about perceived slights from 20 years ago? That’s stalker-like behavior. I’d communicate to her with a witness or in writing that if she has something to say to you she can do so, but she needs to stay away from your children.

I'm the OP. My guess is that she didn't stalk exactly, but probably saw me with one or both of the kids prior, and then when she saw them out together, approached.

Its really inappropriate to approach your kids like that. I'd tell them to stay away and let her know her behavior is not ok and to stay away from you and your kids.

[Anonymous]

I guess I'm the contrarian, but to me, it sounds like OP hasn't changed sinced high school.

[Anonymous]

This is so odd. I was bullied in high-school but would never approach former bully's kids all these years later. I'd just ignore her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mean girl gets what is coming to her decades later and comes to DCUM to complain.

Approaching OP’s minor children is not okay in any scenario.