Depressed about my kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid (gender neutral to prevent doxxing) is a rising junior at a top Ivy. That’s the only good part—they basically peaked in high school. In a useless humanities major at their school with a low GPA. Got rejected from all 50 internships they applied to this summer, so they’re currently working as a camp counselor. I’m distraught. We’re middle class and my kid gets a ton of aid from their school, so we can’t afford to have them major in something useless while not working in important, resume-building internships. But they don’t listen. So frustrating. Can anyone else relate? It’s just so frustrating seeing them sabotage every single chance they get.

This sounds inconsistent. Tons of aid and you can’t afford to be embarrassed basically. Is that what you really mean, OP? Try to be proud of your adult child for making it this far. Everyone in college doesn’t make straight As like in high school. They are obviously in good academic standing or they would not still be there. Due to the ongoing pandemic, many companies may not be at full capacity with internships. Camp counselors are in demand this summer because there’s a shortage due to the pandemic. It sounds like you are the saboteur, OP, Your kid likely senses your disappointment.

Also do not understand the "a ton of aid from their school" part. If your kid gets a ton of aid from their school, you should be less depressed because your kid can afford to take a job with less pay. I would be more depressed if kids have debts and cannot get a good paying job.

I understand — it means that, unlike a family that can afford full pay for one or more kids, we don’t have the resources to finance grad/professional school for DC — much less a few years of finding him-/herself while living on our dime in some cool location. College is DC’s best shot at a UMC career and DC isn’t acting like s/he recognizes that.

Then they shouldn't have gone to an IVY! Or started out with a major that leads to direct out of school hiring into a professional field. Or had the GPA conversations and say "you are on our own when you graduate so if you make a great GPA some consumting form will pick upu ip and pay ypu bank for crazy hours. But you cant move back home"

Depending on class and where parents were raised, the family may not have understood this. I say this as a first-gen Harvard grad. The billing is this is a top school, for the best and the brightest, go there and your future is bright. When really these are schools that were designed by/for well-connected young men with access to (often generational) wealth and power. They’ve been tweaked/pressured to accommodate a more diverse student body (and the faculty may have different values than the institution), but the norm is still an affluent student body with room/resources to maneuver. Family may see kid gravitating to a lifestyle they can’t support.

Yes yes yes you get it! DC is delusional that they can follow the same path as their underachieving wealthy peers and still end up in the same place as them. Not true! It’s especially disappointing because college IS the one and only shot they get at UMC careers, but they have no interest. I think this is mainly because all of their friends are slackers; they’re the rich artsy stoner types who wish they went to Wesleyan or Brown instead of this particular school because it’s “too stressful.” It’s disappointing to have DC’s friends be recreational drug users who mainly major in the arts or humanities. Why can’t they be friends with the try-hard upwardly mobile middle class kids at their school?

I realize this sounds harsh and lots of you think I’m a troll. But those of you who have struggled to make ends meet and then have had your kid receive a wonderful opportunity like this only to squander it will be able to relate. Probably not most of DCUM.

This is DCUM and I’m sure I’ll get flamed for this but my brother is a union electrician (doesn’t own a business either) and his wife is a dental hygienist. Their HHI is $200k+. I guess that’s not upper middle income?

[Anonymous]

Don’t take out loans just to go to a top school (I don’t know if you’re including loans when you say financial aid) if you aren’t going to take advantage of the connections they offer. Graduating debt-free gives you a ton of freedom that may or may not outweigh the graduating with an Ivy degree.

[Anonymous]

Oh I remember this poster. She has major issues. Rather than respond, send her kid good vibes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure it's super-frustrating to not have well intentioned advice be followed, but your kid is 18+ years old, and you're going to have to accept that at this point, they are going to make their own decisions. Also...a few positives here:
1) your kids had the gumption to apply for 50 internships. maybe they're in glamorous or competitive fields, but most college kids wouldn't try that hard.
2) if you're kid is getting a ton of aid, they're at least presumably not incurring a ton of debt. so if they need grad school at a later date to improve career prospects they can finance that on their own.
3) most important, your kid is healthy, and presumably reasonably happy

I've learned that point #3 is often overlooked and is indeed, most important. If you've got a healthy and happy kid, count your blessings and rest assured that your kid will be just fine. Don't over stress on anything else.

100% this. One thing I hope everyone takes away from this past year and a half is that life and health are precious gifts and at the end of the day they are all that matters. So many would trade anything to be in your position and for this to be their biggest worry. Your kid will be OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid (gender neutral to prevent doxxing) is a rising junior at a top Ivy. That’s the only good part—they basically peaked in high school. In a useless humanities major at their school with a low GPA. Got rejected from all 50 internships they applied to this summer, so they’re currently working as a camp counselor. I’m distraught. We’re middle class and my kid gets a ton of aid from their school, so we can’t afford to have them major in something useless while not working in important, resume-building internships. But they don’t listen. So frustrating. Can anyone else relate? It’s just so frustrating seeing them sabotage every single chance they get.

This sounds inconsistent. Tons of aid and you can’t afford to be embarrassed basically. Is that what you really mean, OP? Try to be proud of your adult child for making it this far. Everyone in college doesn’t make straight As like in high school. They are obviously in good academic standing or they would not still be there. Due to the ongoing pandemic, many companies may not be at full capacity with internships. Camp counselors are in demand this summer because there’s a shortage due to the pandemic. It sounds like you are the saboteur, OP, Your kid likely senses your disappointment.

Also do not understand the "a ton of aid from their school" part. If your kid gets a ton of aid from their school, you should be less depressed because your kid can afford to take a job with less pay. I would be more depressed if kids have debts and cannot get a good paying job.

I understand — it means that, unlike a family that can afford full pay for one or more kids, we don’t have the resources to finance grad/professional school for DC — much less a few years of finding him-/herself while living on our dime in some cool location. College is DC’s best shot at a UMC career and DC isn’t acting like s/he recognizes that.

Then they shouldn't have gone to an IVY! Or started out with a major that leads to direct out of school hiring into a professional field. Or had the GPA conversations and say "you are on our own when you graduate so if you make a great GPA some consumting form will pick upu ip and pay ypu bank for crazy hours. But you cant move back home"

Depending on class and where parents were raised, the family may not have understood this. I say this as a first-gen Harvard grad. The billing is this is a top school, for the best and the brightest, go there and your future is bright. When really these are schools that were designed by/for well-connected young men with access to (often generational) wealth and power. They’ve been tweaked/pressured to accommodate a more diverse student body (and the faculty may have different values than the institution), but the norm is still an affluent student body with room/resources to maneuver. Family may see kid gravitating to a lifestyle they can’t support.

Yes yes yes you get it! DC is delusional that they can follow the same path as their underachieving wealthy peers and still end up in the same place as them. Not true! It’s especially disappointing because college IS the one and only shot they get at UMC careers, but they have no interest. I think this is mainly because all of their friends are slackers; they’re the rich artsy stoner types who wish they went to Wesleyan or Brown instead of this particular school because it’s “too stressful.” It’s disappointing to have DC’s friends be recreational drug users who mainly major in the arts or humanities. Why can’t they be friends with the try-hard upwardly mobile middle class kids at their school?

I realize this sounds harsh and lots of you think I’m a troll. But those of you who have struggled to make ends meet and then have had your kid receive a wonderful opportunity like this only to squander it will be able to relate. Probably not most of DCUM.

This is DCUM and I’m sure I’ll get flamed for this but my brother is a union electrician (doesn’t own a business either) and his wife is a dental hygienist. Their HHI is $200k+. I guess that’s not upper middle income?

That’s awesome and commendable that they are successful. Most other places in the country and the world would agree (despite DCUM)!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope this is a joke.

Clearly it's a troll.

there's someone who's always posting about "useless" majors.

At an Ivy? ha ha ha ha ha. Total BS post. Troll.

[Anonymous]

Ivy grad here who majored in useless humanities subject with a 3.3 average. Went on to get PhD and now have advanced level job I love in a major cultural institution. Pay is decent if not in league with what OP is expecting of child (130k) but I’m happy to trade elite income for work that is fulfilling and interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t tell if this is a conserva-troll just using this post to slam Ivys and liberal arts majors, or not.
If so: my response is “send your kid to Hillsdale. Their job prospects will go way way way down… unless they want a conservative affirmative action job paid by billionaires. Charles Koch is always hiring ideologues.”

If not, my response is: What do you call a Princeton grad with a low GPA who worked their junior summer as a camp counselor? “A Princeton grad.”
Your kid will be fine. They should commit themselves more to school, but don’t sweat it.

Looks like we’ve found the liber-troll. Go away and take your politics with you.
NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure it's super-frustrating to not have well intentioned advice be followed, but your kid is 18+ years old, and you're going to have to accept that at this point, they are going to make their own decisions. Also...a few positives here:
1) your kids had the gumption to apply for 50 internships. maybe they're in glamorous or competitive fields, but most college kids wouldn't try that hard.
2) if you're kid is getting a ton of aid, they're at least presumably not incurring a ton of debt. so if they need grad school at a later date to improve career prospects they can finance that on their own.
3) most important, your kid is healthy, and presumably reasonably happy

Is the kid the one who applied for the internships or did a well meaning adult apply for them? The kid should talk to their campus career center. They can help him/her to craft a professional, polished resume.

Depending on their major, having some experience working with kids may be quite helpful for their future job prospects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ivy grad here who majored in useless humanities subject with a 3.3 average. Went on to get PhD and now have advanced level job I love in a major cultural institution. Pay is decent if not in league with what OP is expecting of child (130k) but I’m happy to trade elite income for work that is fulfilling and interesting.

OP here, do you mind talking a little more about your job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t take out loans just to go to a top school (I don’t know if you’re including loans when you say financial aid) if you aren’t going to take advantage of the connections they offer. Graduating debt-free gives you a ton of freedom that may or may not outweigh the graduating with an Ivy degree.

DC is graduating debt free but honestly I wish they took out loans so they’d kick their ass into gear and get a high paying job after graduation (the entire purpose of college), or at least go to law school. Perhaps I should make them take out loans for the next two years?

Also disappointing is that I keep telling DC to search for internships to do during the school year since their college is in NYC and doesn’t have classes on Fridays (guess which Ivy….), but they keep refusing because their classes are “too time consuming.” Maybe if they were a STEM major, an athlete, or at least had a 3.8+ I’d buy this, but I don’t believe it (DC is not an athlete at their school). Clearly they’re just making excuses to be lazy, which is so frustrating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be honest, OP, I majored in a "useless humanities major" at Harvard, and I'm doing fine. My major taught me to think, write, and analyze, which are skills that have served me well.

Also, I'm 42 now and recently started a new job: the H bomb on my CV still had full effect, for what it's worth. I'm sure this will work the same way for your kid if he does well academically and graduates.

Also had a useless humanities major (theology!) and am doing fine now. The key thing is young people learning how to figure out what they want to do and then doing the networking that will get them there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure it's super-frustrating to not have well intentioned advice be followed, but your kid is 18+ years old, and you're going to have to accept that at this point, they are going to make their own decisions. Also...a few positives here:
1) your kids had the gumption to apply for 50 internships. maybe they're in glamorous or competitive fields, but most college kids wouldn't try that hard.
2) if you're kid is getting a ton of aid, they're at least presumably not incurring a ton of debt. so if they need grad school at a later date to improve career prospects they can finance that on their own.
3) most important, your kid is healthy, and presumably reasonably happy

Is the kid the one who applied for the internships or did a well meaning adult apply for them? The kid should talk to their campus career center. They can help him/her to craft a professional, polished resume.

Depending on their major, having some experience working with kids may be quite helpful for their future job prospects.

No, they applied for the internships (not me). And I’ve made them go to the career center, but still no motivation kicking in. Depressing. At least their resume is polished though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be honest, OP, I majored in a "useless humanities major" at Harvard, and I'm doing fine. My major taught me to think, write, and analyze, which are skills that have served me well.

Also, I'm 42 now and recently started a new job: the H bomb on my CV still had full effect, for what it's worth. I'm sure this will work the same way for your kid if he does well academically and graduates.

Also had a useless humanities major (theology!) and am doing fine now. The key thing is young people learning how to figure out what they want to do and then doing the networking that will get them there.

Networking can’t get you a job you’re not qualified for unless you’re already wealthy and well-connected. Which we aren’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be honest, OP, I majored in a "useless humanities major" at Harvard, and I'm doing fine. My major taught me to think, write, and analyze, which are skills that have served me well.

Also, I'm 42 now and recently started a new job: the H bomb on my CV still had full effect, for what it's worth. I'm sure this will work the same way for your kid if he does well academically and graduates.

Also had a useless humanities major (theology!) and am doing fine now. The key thing is young people learning how to figure out what they want to do and then doing the networking that will get them there.

Networking can’t get you a job you’re not qualified for unless you’re already wealthy and well-connected. Which we aren’t.

You'll be surprised at the extent that people will open doors for alums of elite schools. But if you're depressed now, I fear what might happen when your kid faces an actual challenge in their life.