Family pressure for son’s name

[Anonymous]

Op, you are the mom. You have final say. You will have to sign the certificate.

Tell your husband you don't want to tell anybody be its a boy or a girl.

Agree on a name you both like.

Then announce the gender and name once birth certificate is finalized.

If they are asses about it. Oh well.

You don't need to deal with listening to them complain your whole pregnancy

[Anonymous]

Tell them in your culture it's traditional for the mother to have a say in the name and so you will be doing that.

Or tell th nothing and pick a bit name that you like.

[Anonymous]

Not a chance in he$$ I would name my child Hani.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FILs name is Hani. Feel like the kid will be made fun of and called “honey.” I’m not a fan of the name either.

Henry? In laws could even do Hani as a nn.

[Anonymous]

I’m going through this right now with a “III, IV, V” situation. Luckily DH is the one who isn’t set on continuing to give our son the same name. Also, it isn’t about the name, it’s about naming our son after his father.

I know this scenario is different but our plan is to tell them after baby is born. If they say anything about the name, our response is “we decided to start our own tradition as a family. He is named after two great-grandfathers or whatever reason for the new name”.

The only way I would reconsider in your shoes is if you think they’ll be so mad they cut you off from their lives. We only see my in-laws once a year so I don’t care if they hate our choice of name.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. You should not feel like you have to give YOUR child a name you don’t like.
One similar-ish name we liked but couldn’t use because it’s a close relatives name is Harley. Just chiming in to offer another option

[Anonymous]

Putting the naming tradition aside, I think Hani is a perfectly fine name. He is not going to get teased at school. Kids today are simply not like that. They are excepting of different ideas and cultures much more than we were a generation ago. So that part will be completely fine. Also, there are many cultures where naming after the family patriarch is a big thing and passed down from generation to generation. For example, it is a very big thing with the sephardic jews (Jews of Middle Eastern descent). Not giving your child the name Hani it’s going to offend your in-laws. And I don’t mean just a little bit. This is going to be a massive offense. Whatever dynamic you have with them now it’s going to be forever changed. If your in-laws are reasonable people though maybe things will not be that bad. Only you know that. None of us on the Internet to know that about your family. I’m not saying this to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do, I’m letting you know what the consequences are going to be. However, you and your husband really need to sit down and come up with a plan. You both need to be on the same page. For example, if you go with the naming tradition, then he forgot some thing else and goes with a tradition from your family for the second child let’s say. Or, maybe the children are raised studying your religion instead of his.

[Anonymous]

My kids have ethnic names and this area is so multi-cultural, their names have never been made fun of. I've never heard another parent mention their kids being made fun of because of their name either. I would probably bow to the family tradition if it is important to your husband. Tell him you get to name all future children.

[Anonymous]

If I gave my baby a name I disliked, it would probably bother me forever. Keeping the peace with extended family wouldn’t be worth the daily pangs of regret. Your tolerance for that kind of thing may be different.

I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this, OP. Congratulations on the baby, and best of luck with everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell them in your culture it's traditional for the mother to have a say in the name and so you will be doing that.

Or tell th nothing and pick a bit name that you like.

Yep. It's their struggle to deal with if they can't accept the culture in which they live. I love cultural differences and I accept those that I don't agree with. So should they.

[Anonymous]

This is between you and your husband. Your inlaws opinion doesn't matter but if he wants to name the baby Hani and you veto him, it may be an issue.

I don't like my FIL so that would be my issue but Hani is a great name. You could do a middle name that you liked more as a compromise.

[Anonymous]

Your baby, your body, your life., Your name. WTF is wrong with women these days??

[Anonymous]

If you go with Husband's tradition, just tell them the baby gets your family's last name, not your husband's.

Jeez.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP I’m sorry. I know it sucks. I’m Arab and this is the tradition. In the country I’m from we don’t really abide by this tradition. My husband’s country though is quite hardcore about it. Thankfully though I ended up having three girls and thankfully both of us are not from Arab countries that are hardcore about naming the eldest daughter after the paternal grandmother. To be honest OP there is no way around it without causing massive offense. If your husband was on board he could probably convince his parents but if not it will be difficult. Could you have a middle name for your son that you like and then have your son go by that name in school? (I know under Arab tradition the middle name is basically the father’s name but maybe your husband can let this one go). For what it’s worth I know a Hani that grew up in the US and no one ever associated his name with honey.

Well, if the kid is American then Arab tradition is irrelevant. If they wanted to keep Arab traditions 100% they shouldn’t have moved to the US.

PP you are responding to here. Yes maybe they shouldn’t have moved to the US but in the end that doesn’t matter. The reality is that Arabs and Middle Easterners in general have a lot of traditions. It’s the same with Greeks and a host of other cultures which cling to their traditions. So if you marry into an Arab family then that just comes with the package. Now in the end it’s OP’s choice whether to name her son Hani or not. However not naming her son Hani may end up causing a real rift so OP will have to keep that in mind. I say maybe because her in laws may actually get over it. It really depends. The more important person in this equation is OP’s husband who might be upset too. So OP I suggest sitting down together and talking it through. Now I’m not OP but if I were in OP’s situation I would name my son Hani (nothing wrong with the name by the way… Im sure he his classmates in school are used to all sorts of names) but then pick a middle name that I like. Son can have the choice of going by Hani or his middle name. I would also make a deal where I get to pick the names of all the subsequent kids. To me this would be a better solution than basically breaking with a major tradition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Putting the naming tradition aside, I think Hani is a perfectly fine name. He is not going to get teased at school. Kids today are simply not like that. They are excepting of different ideas and cultures much more than we were a generation ago. So that part will be completely fine. Also, there are many cultures where naming after the family patriarch is a big thing and passed down from generation to generation. For example, it is a very big thing with the sephardic jews (Jews of Middle Eastern descent). Not giving your child the name Hani it’s going to offend your in-laws. And I don’t mean just a little bit. This is going to be a massive offense. Whatever dynamic you have with them now it’s going to be forever changed. If your in-laws are reasonable people though maybe things will not be that bad. Only you know that. None of us on the Internet to know that about your family. I’m not saying this to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do, I’m letting you know what the consequences are going to be. However, you and your husband really need to sit down and come up with a plan. You both need to be on the same page. For example, if you go with the naming tradition, then he forgot some thing else and goes with a tradition from your family for the second child let’s say. Or, maybe the children are raised studying your religion instead of his.

Yep this.