Where can I meet a 38+ guy that I’d actually be into dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The income piece is really, really limiting. Both from a numeric perspective - you're disqualifying the vast majority of men - but also because the men who are in that group have a lot of options, and they're not selecting on income to the same degree you are. The rest of it doesn't seem crazy. Unless by "not 5'7" you mean "not 5'10".

Yep this.

But you also don't seem to be in a rush. Not sure what you're asking for in your post?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the Op but I have similar standards. The issue when you are a financially successful woman is that I want an equal. If I want to go to the Bahamas for the long weekend. I want my partner to be able to do the same. If I want to go to NYC for the weekend, again I want someone to do those things with. I don’t expect anyone to pay for me and I don’t want to pay for anyone else. If you can’t afford to go, I’m still going. Guys I’ve dated have gotten pissy that I’m not willing to pay their way.

I don’t want anymore kids either. That requirement gets easier to meet as you get older. OP, I didn’t date anyone for the last 7 yrs. I focused on my kids and my career. I’m 50 now. I recently started dating a man with 2 grown, out of college kids. He’s financially secure, doesn’t want more kids, and is 6’4. They’re out there but you may have to wait.

Don’t lower your standards but also don’t expect to strike gold right away. While you wait, focus on you and your kids.

DP.

Agree - it is normal for a successful, high earning woman to expect her partner to earn as well or better the she does.

Why would any woman accept, let alone respect, a low income guy?

Because a person’s worth as an individual isn’t predicated on their income. My three year old understands this.

+1. Very superficial.

[Anonymous]

I fit your profile exactly, except of course I am married with kids. I don't think the income issue in and of itself is a problem, but you have two very conflicting requirements that make it, imo, basically impossible. First, just to let you know, most guys don't want a woman with kids. It's icky. But the kids is really where the conflict comes in. The guy is supposed to be okay with YOUR kids but not want any of his OWN kids. That's just absolutely nuts and you will never find that. UNLESS, the guy already HAS his own kids, in which case at the income level you are asking, he will be paying substantial child support and/or alimony (think like 20% of his pretax income plus daycare/medical/whatever). So he really needs to be making about 350k pre-child support/alimony at a minimum. And you're then assuming that this person would want to get together with you and help support YOUR kids too. I just don't see that happening for an older woman like yourself. Maybe if you were 25 and an absolute knock out...maybe... but still highly unlikely

[Anonymous]

LOL, #2 and #4 tell me all I need to know about you and it ain't pretty. Glad you don't have plans to do anymore procreating. I'm sure you can find someone as ridiculous as you if you keep at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, you know .... I know a GREAT guy who is almost EXACTLY what you're looking for, but he's 37.5. Oh well.

My fiance is 6'1, makes 400k, and doesn't want kids. But he's 37. I guess that's the magic number!

Glad you got your brag in...feel better now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL, #2 and #4 tell me all I need to know about you and it ain't pretty. Glad you don't have plans to do anymore procreating. I'm sure you can find someone as ridiculous as you if you keep at it.

A 38 year old man with a similar list would probably have no kids and/or under 30 on their list

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the Op but I have similar standards. The issue when you are a financially successful woman is that I want an equal. If I want to go to the Bahamas for the long weekend. I want my partner to be able to do the same. If I want to go to NYC for the weekend, again I want someone to do those things with. I don’t expect anyone to pay for me and I don’t want to pay for anyone else. If you can’t afford to go, I’m still going. Guys I’ve dated have gotten pissy that I’m not willing to pay their way.

I don’t want anymore kids either. That requirement gets easier to meet as you get older. OP, I didn’t date anyone for the last 7 yrs. I focused on my kids and my career. I’m 50 now. I recently started dating a man with 2 grown, out of college kids. He’s financially secure, doesn’t want more kids, and is 6’4. They’re out there but you may have to wait.

Don’t lower your standards but also don’t expect to strike gold right away. While you wait, focus on you and your kids.

DP.

Agree - it is normal for a successful, high earning woman to expect her partner to earn as well or better the she does.

Why would any woman accept, let alone respect, a low income guy?

Because a person’s worth as an individual isn’t predicated on their income. My three year old understands this.

I would never want to date a person that valued money that much personally. Possibly because I don’t need anybody to support me. I also would not want to support my partner, but as long as they have a decent job and can support themselves fully, I am 100% ok trading Bahamas for a cheaper location...

OP sounds tacky

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my husband and I divorced and I hit the dating scene again, I was worried that it would be hard to meet men. I had never done online dating before and wow, a while new world. Even during covid, it’s not hard at all!

The problem is that it’s too hard to meet men I’d realistically be into.

I am in my mid 30s, attractive, two kids, financially independent and professionally successful. Here is what I’m finding:

1. The guys who want to have kids of their own like, yesterday, because they realize the clock is ticking. This is totally understandable but I really, really do not want any more kids.

2. The guys who are not in a great financial place because they are paying out tons of alimony and child support. I am not necessarily looking to be supported, but I am also not looking to support someone else. Realistically I think the lowest I could go from an income perspective would be about $250k for a single guy or that equivalent after alimony and child support has been deducted. Anything short of that and there’s going to be a pretty substantial income gap that will make me feel uncomfortable. Even that would present a large gap.

3. The overgrown lax bros who can’t believe I have kids. “Is that your nephew in the picture?”

4, The guys who are five foot seven and under- I really feel bad for them but I just can’t do that.

I’m sure there’s more... is it too much to ask to find a professionally successful guy ages 38-50 who either (a) has kids od his own or (b) doesn’t wNt kids is his own, but also doesn’t mind dealing with mine 50% of the time.

Where do these men exist?????

You are picky. My ex H is late 40s and makes around 165k. I make less. He does not pay any alimony and very little child support. He has a very nice house (we saved for years to buy it). My lifestyle went down. His did not. He would not be good enough for you. I am early 40s. I do not have nearly the requirements you do. I do not want more kids, yes, but I literally have no income requirement for a man. None. I think you need to really adjust your expectations. Here are mine: kind and good chemistry. That is literally it. I do not intend to remarry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL, #2 and #4 tell me all I need to know about you and it ain't pretty. Glad you don't have plans to do anymore procreating. I'm sure you can find someone as ridiculous as you if you keep at it.

A 38 year old man with a similar list would probably have no kids and/or under 30 on their list

Exactly! I was 26 when I met my husband. I was super hot (even modeled), smart, fun, etc. I was not a gold digger, but attracted plenty of 35+ rich men. I chose the best one of them (far from the richest).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, you know .... I know a GREAT guy who is almost EXACTLY what you're looking for, but he's 37.5. Oh well.

My fiance is 6'1, makes 400k, and doesn't want kids. But he's 37. I guess that's the magic number!

Glad you got your brag in...feel better now?

Bragging? On DCUM? UNHEARD OF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I fit your profile exactly, except of course I am married with kids. I don't think the income issue in and of itself is a problem, but you have two very conflicting requirements that make it, imo, basically impossible. First, just to let you know, most guys don't want a woman with kids. It's icky. But the kids is really where the conflict comes in. The guy is supposed to be okay with YOUR kids but not want any of his OWN kids. That's just absolutely nuts and you will never find that. UNLESS, the guy already HAS his own kids, in which case at the income level you are asking, he will be paying substantial child support and/or alimony (think like 20% of his pretax income plus daycare/medical/whatever). So he really needs to be making about 350k pre-child support/alimony at a minimum. And you're then assuming that this person would want to get together with you and help support YOUR kids too. I just don't see that happening for an older woman like yourself. Maybe if you were 25 and an absolute knock out...maybe... but still highly unlikely

There's another recent thread along these lines and people got pissy at me for telling the OP essentially this. OP wants what they can't give.

Stop asking for no baggage when you have a complete luggage set.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can respect their worth as an individual while simultaneously acknowledging their worth to me, as a partner.

A partner who I have to help support financially so that they can keep up with my lifestyle is not a valuable asset to me as a partner, as I am not looking to marry. I am looking to date and travel and share half a life (my non kid life) with a partner. If they cannot do that due to financial limitations, they will be less valuable to me as a partner, if not less intrinsically valuable as a human.

This has got to be fake. No decent person would want to date someone like this

“If they cannot do that due to financial limitations, they will be less valuable to me as a partner, if not less intrinsically valuable as a human”

Really???!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can respect their worth as an individual while simultaneously acknowledging their worth to me, as a partner.

A partner who I have to help support financially so that they can keep up with my lifestyle is not a valuable asset to me as a partner, as I am not looking to marry. I am looking to date and travel and share half a life (my non kid life) with a partner. If they cannot do that due to financial limitations, they will be less valuable to me as a partner, if not less intrinsically valuable as a human.

This has got to be fake. No decent person would want to date someone like this

“If they cannot do that due to financial limitations, they will be less valuable to me as a partner, if not less intrinsically valuable as a human”

Really???!!!

Well thats why OP is single and divorced. She may be a catch on paper but in real life, no decent guy wants to deal with someone like her. I fit all of her criteria (except I'm married) and I would much rather have to cover some costs of travel and be with someone fun and drama free. That's what attracted me to DW, not her paycheck (which wasn't equal to mine). None of my guy friends would want to be in a relationship with someone who decided someone's value based on a paycheck

[Anonymous]

Oh OP, you think you have more to offer than you do. Poor thing. You're older with a lot of baggage. You also sound pretty vapid and boring. You're not a catch. All the guys you want? They won't be interested in you.

[Anonymous]

Skip dating sites.