Where can I meet a 38+ guy that I’d actually be into dating?

[Anonymous]

When my husband and I divorced and I hit the dating scene again, I was worried that it would be hard to meet men. I had never done online dating before and wow, a while new world. Even during covid, it’s not hard at all!

The problem is that it’s too hard to meet men I’d realistically be into.

I am in my mid 30s, attractive, two kids, financially independent and professionally successful. Here is what I’m finding:

1. The guys who want to have kids of their own like, yesterday, because they realize the clock is ticking. This is totally understandable but I really, really do not want any more kids.

2. The guys who are not in a great financial place because they are paying out tons of alimony and child support. I am not necessarily looking to be supported, but I am also not looking to support someone else. Realistically I think the lowest I could go from an income perspective would be about $250k for a single guy or that equivalent after alimony and child support has been deducted. Anything short of that and there’s going to be a pretty substantial income gap that will make me feel uncomfortable. Even that would present a large gap.

3. The overgrown lax bros who can’t believe I have kids. “Is that your nephew in the picture?”

4, The guys who are five foot seven and under- I really feel bad for them but I just can’t do that.

I’m sure there’s more... is it too much to ask to find a professionally successful guy ages 38-50 who either (a) has kids od his own or (b) doesn’t wNt kids is his own, but also doesn’t mind dealing with mine 50% of the time.

Where do these men exist?????

[Anonymous]

Ugh, you know .... I know a GREAT guy who is almost EXACTLY what you're looking for, but he's 37.5. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my husband and I divorced and I hit the dating scene again, I was worried that it would be hard to meet men. I had never done online dating before and wow, a while new world. Even during covid, it’s not hard at all!

The problem is that it’s too hard to meet men I’d realistically be into.

I am in my mid 30s, attractive, two kids, financially independent and professionally successful. Here is what I’m finding:

1. The guys who want to have kids of their own like, yesterday, because they realize the clock is ticking. This is totally understandable but I really, really do not want any more kids.

2. The guys who are not in a great financial place because they are paying out tons of alimony and child support. I am not necessarily looking to be supported, but I am also not looking to support someone else. Realistically I think the lowest I could go from an income perspective would be about $250k for a single guy or that equivalent after alimony and child support has been deducted. Anything short of that and there’s going to be a pretty substantial income gap that will make me feel uncomfortable. Even that would present a large gap.

3. The overgrown lax bros who can’t believe I have kids. “Is that your nephew in the picture?”

4, The guys who are five foot seven and under- I really feel bad for them but I just can’t do that.

I’m sure there’s more... is it too much to ask to find a professionally successful guy ages 38-50 who either (a) has kids od his own or (b) doesn’t wNt kids is his own, but also doesn’t mind dealing with mine 50% of the time.

Where do these men exist?????

-The vast majority of American don’t make more than 250k so that is very limiting.

-You should not have pictures of your kids in your online dating profiles! You could attract predators, my god.

-you need to state clearly on your profile that you do not want to have any more biological kids of your own

-You already have kids so there’s no rush. These standards are limiting, but hey, if it’s what you want, just keep looking. That’s fine and I am not being snarky when I say that. But you are limiting yourself to a small pool of men.

[Anonymous]

If you don’t need to be supported, your partner does not need to make 250k. This sounds like more like you are not attracted to men who make less money than you.

[Anonymous]

No matter what anyone’s standards are, it’s very difficult to be attracted to someone who doesn’t fit them, so little point in trying to change yours.

I really doubt men in categories 1 and 3 are that interested in you anyway, just like you’re not in cats 2 and 4.

Considering your situation you have to beautiful or willing to date significantly older or less attractive to meet someone who hits your 250k requirement. It’s very easy to date and sleep with attractive women in DC with a salary half that much.

[Anonymous]

Not the Op but I have similar standards. The issue when you are a financially successful woman is that I want an equal. If I want to go to the Bahamas for the long weekend. I want my partner to be able to do the same. If I want to go to NYC for the weekend, again I want someone to do those things with. I don’t expect anyone to pay for me and I don’t want to pay for anyone else. If you can’t afford to go, I’m still going. Guys I’ve dated have gotten pissy that I’m not willing to pay their way.

I don’t want anymore kids either. That requirement gets easier to meet as you get older. OP, I didn’t date anyone for the last 7 yrs. I focused on my kids and my career. I’m 50 now. I recently started dating a man with 2 grown, out of college kids. He’s financially secure, doesn’t want more kids, and is 6’4. They’re out there but you may have to wait.

Don’t lower your standards but also don’t expect to strike gold right away. While you wait, focus on you and your kids.

[Anonymous]

The income piece is really, really limiting. Both from a numeric perspective - you're disqualifying the vast majority of men - but also because the men who are in that group have a lot of options, and they're not selecting on income to the same degree you are. The rest of it doesn't seem crazy. Unless by "not 5'7" you mean "not 5'10".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t need to be supported, your partner does not need to make 250k. This sounds like more like you are not attracted to men who make less money than you.

Realistically, almost no one is attracted to these men who make less.

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree that your standards are a little high & that your dating pool of bachelors may therefore be limited.

However do not lower them for anyone if you want true happiness in the end.

It may just take a little while longer to meet your ideal.

But when you find him - it will all be so worth it because as we all know ...
Good things always comes to those that wait. 🦋

[Anonymous]

In that income bracket, most men either 1. Don’t want more kids (including yours 50% of the time) and only want their own or 2. Want more kids (yours and more with you).

Selecting also for location (I’m sure you’re busy and don’t want to date someone that lives two hours away!), and the pool is there, but very small. Frankly, your best bet is probably to leverage your own social connections to meet men since you are already a part of the social pool that you want to date in.

[Anonymous]

OP I don’t think there’s *anything* wrong with your income target, and people who think men making $250k+ are rolling in smoking hot options are delusional.

I agree you’re most likely to meet nice boyfriends in your social circle though, and they will be other recent divorcés.

[Anonymous]

Do us all a favor OP and just stay single. You are the female version of incel: not because you lack any options, but because having too many options has warped your sense of self.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I don’t think there’s *anything* wrong with your income target, and people who think men making $250k+ are rolling in smoking hot options are delusional.

I agree you’re most likely to meet nice boyfriends in your social circle though, and they will be other recent divorcés.

You forgot to add the qualifier: “in this area.”

A man making more than $250k/ yr is a real catch in some parts of the country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not the Op but I have similar standards. The issue when you are a financially successful woman is that I want an equal. If I want to go to the Bahamas for the long weekend. I want my partner to be able to do the same. If I want to go to NYC for the weekend, again I want someone to do those things with. I don’t expect anyone to pay for me and I don’t want to pay for anyone else. If you can’t afford to go, I’m still going. Guys I’ve dated have gotten pissy that I’m not willing to pay their way.

I don’t want anymore kids either. That requirement gets easier to meet as you get older. OP, I didn’t date anyone for the last 7 yrs. I focused on my kids and my career. I’m 50 now. I recently started dating a man with 2 grown, out of college kids. He’s financially secure, doesn’t want more kids, and is 6’4. They’re out there but you may have to wait.

Don’t lower your standards but also don’t expect to strike gold right away. While you wait, focus on you and your kids.

DP.

Agree - it is normal for a successful, high earning woman to expect her partner to earn as well or better the she does.

Why would any woman accept, let alone respect, a low income guy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my husband and I divorced and I hit the dating scene again, I was worried that it would be hard to meet men. I had never done online dating before and wow, a while new world. Even during covid, it’s not hard at all!

The problem is that it’s too hard to meet men I’d realistically be into.

I am in my mid 30s, attractive, two kids, financially independent and professionally successful. Here is what I’m finding:

1. The guys who want to have kids of their own like, yesterday, because they realize the clock is ticking. This is totally understandable but I really, really do not want any more kids.

2. The guys who are not in a great financial place because they are paying out tons of alimony and child support. I am not necessarily looking to be supported, but I am also not looking to support someone else. Realistically I think the lowest I could go from an income perspective would be about $250k for a single guy or that equivalent after alimony and child support has been deducted. Anything short of that and there’s going to be a pretty substantial income gap that will make me feel uncomfortable. Even that would present a large gap.

3. The overgrown lax bros who can’t believe I have kids. “Is that your nephew in the picture?”

4, The guys who are five foot seven and under- I really feel bad for them but I just can’t do that.

I’m sure there’s more... is it too much to ask to find a professionally successful guy ages 38-50 who either (a) has kids od his own or (b) doesn’t wNt kids is his own, but also doesn’t mind dealing with mine 50% of the time.

Where do these men exist?????

-The vast majority of American don’t make more than 250k so that is very limiting.

-You should not have pictures of your kids in your online dating profiles! You could attract predators, my god.

-you need to state clearly on your profile that you do not want to have any more biological kids of your own

-You already have kids so there’s no rush. These standards are limiting, but hey, if it’s what you want, just keep looking. That’s fine and I am not being snarky when I say that. But you are limiting yourself to a small pool of men.

This! How intelligent could you possibly be if you think posting your children on a dating site is ethical. Terrible parenting 100%.