allow toy gun play or no?

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm not a fan of guns in general and do gun violence prevention work. Initially, I was opposed to having my children play with toy guns, or recreate gun play. I dissuaded it.

In recent years, however, I did hear a child psychologist give a talk about the impact playing "pretend guns". The gist was that children are capable of figuring out what is pretend and what is real. They understand that playing pretend is not violence nor is it trying to really harm someone else. It is imagination at work and they are capable of distinguishing reality from their imaginary play. In all, pretend play outdoors with friends was totally fine and not likely to increase any violent or aggressive tendencies.

She did distinguish the pretend/imaginary play from video games and visual simulation through screen, which studies have shown to blur the lines between the imaginary and reality.

Not sure if that helps you any but I stopped worrying about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Janet Lansbury wrote a piece about this... the message was that it’s a normal and ordinary part of development. Just go with it and don’t project too much.

We have “nerf blasters” and “water blasters” at our house, the rule is that you never aim at people.

Yeah. We just correct our kids when they say gun in pretend play we say “guns aren’t toys. Do you mean blasters?”

Real guns aren’t toys. Toy guns are absolutely toys.

Are your kids calling them “toy guns?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm not a fan of guns in general and do gun violence prevention work. Initially, I was opposed to having my children play with toy guns, or recreate gun play. I dissuaded it.

In recent years, however, I did hear a child psychologist give a talk about the impact playing "pretend guns". The gist was that children are capable of figuring out what is pretend and what is real. They understand that playing pretend is not violence nor is it trying to really harm someone else. It is imagination at work and they are capable of distinguishing reality from their imaginary play. In all, pretend play outdoors with friends was totally fine and not likely to increase any violent or aggressive tendencies.

She did distinguish the pretend/imaginary play from video games and visual simulation through screen, which studies have shown to blur the lines between the imaginary and reality.

Not sure if that helps you any but I stopped worrying about it.

Our 5yo DS has a large arsenal of nerf guns, other kinds of guns (water, pop balls, etc), bow and arrow, and so many swords. If it’s long and slender, it turns into a sword. Our neighbor’s grandson came over to play with DS. I gave them hefty wooden swords with shields. Figured they could “sword fight” by hitting each other’s shields. I stepped back and the next thing I knew they were working together to fight off aliens who had invaded our yard. They pretended to get tied up by the aliens and unable to get their weapons. So they worked together to help each other get out of their pretend ropes.

It was a wonder to watch their imaginations gears turning. This kind of play for kids, especially boys, is so important. And even at a young age, they know the difference between real and pretend.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in the era where candy cigarettes were a thing. You can't get them now, but even if I could, I would not. Not because I think millions of kids became smokers because of candy or that kids can't tell the difference, but because smoking is not something we value or support. Same with guns and gun play. I don't think you have to believe guns will turn your kid into a serial killer to not want that to be part of their play experience. Be

[Anonymous]

The more you forbid something with a six year old the more fascinating and mystical it becomes. Water guns are a rite of summer and nerf gun commercials proliferate our tv commercial airways. Basically you need to chill.

[Anonymous]

My family ignored my wishes and bought him guns. I gave up the battle now it’s Roblox shooting games, fortnite, nerf battles day and night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm okay with water guns/Nerf guns that don't look anything at all like real guns.

No playing with realistic toy guns, because real guns are not toys.

Not even letting a kid say the word "gun" is pretty extreme.

This is our approach. We also had a rule at one point that even if you are “shooting” someone with the stick you are pretending is a gun or blaster, you need to get their consent that they agree to that sort of game, because we had a neighbor who found that sort of game very upsetting.

[Anonymous]

As someone who grew up with plenty of real guns and even more nerf/water guns I don’t even understand the connection parents make here. Nerf and real guns have almost nothing in common.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never bought a single toy gun for my 5 year old other than some small, brightly colored water guns like we used to have as kids. Guess what? He does finger guns and goes “pew pew!” Or picks up a stick off the ground and does it. and never mind his friends, who have all kinds of Nerf guns and the big water guns at home. Point is it’s out there, big time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in the era where candy cigarettes were a thing. You can't get them now, but even if I could, I would not. Not because I think millions of kids became smokers because of candy or that kids can't tell the difference, but because smoking is not something we value or support. Same with guns and gun play. I don't think you have to believe guns will turn your kid into a serial killer to not want that to be part of their play experience. Be

Thank you. Yes. Agree.

[Anonymous]

We let my son play with water guns and nerf guns. He is now 11 and has no interest in guns of any kind, real or fake. He's all about sports. It is a passing thing. If you don't want to allow it, don't. The interest will likely fade on its own as your child ages either way.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in the era where candy cigarettes were a thing. You can't get them now, but even if I could, I would not. Not because I think millions of kids became smokers because of candy or that kids can't tell the difference, but because smoking is not something we value or support. Same with guns and gun play. I don't think you have to believe guns will turn your kid into a serial killer to not want that to be part of their play experience. Be

Meh. I'm fine with people not allowing toy guns, but this doesn't seem like a particularly persuasive reason. I don't "value or support" a lot of things that my child enjoys (e.g. video games, hours of D&D).

[Anonymous]

Thanks to everyone. This is helpful for me and I'm definitely going to rethink how I've been going about this. DH and I have talked to him about never playing guns at school because the teachers have ASKED us to discuss it with him (I'd love for them to handle it on their own at school, but they've involved us deliberately). I think I will allow his imagination to dictate if he plays guns or not instead of saying "NO" every time it presents itself. Just not sure if I can take the leap to buy him toys that look like guns, even water guns.
-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in the era where candy cigarettes were a thing. You can't get them now, but even if I could, I would not. Not because I think millions of kids became smokers because of candy or that kids can't tell the difference, but because smoking is not something we value or support. Same with guns and gun play. I don't think you have to believe guns will turn your kid into a serial killer to not want that to be part of their play experience. Be

I agree with this. I understand there is not a proven link between playing with toy guns and committing gun violence as an adult, but we are living in a time when 100+ people in our country are killed by guns every single day. In our house, imaginative gun play (with a stick or lego or something) is ok, but I just won't buy anything that looks like a gun. I've explained my reasoning to our son, and he knows he isn't forbidden from playing with them at other houses, but at least I know he knows how much I care about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks to everyone. This is helpful for me and I'm definitely going to rethink how I've been going about this. DH and I have talked to him about never playing guns at school because the teachers have ASKED us to discuss it with him (I'd love for them to handle it on their own at school, but they've involved us deliberately). I think I will allow his imagination to dictate if he plays guns or not instead of saying "NO" every time it presents itself. Just not sure if I can take the leap to buy him toys that look like guns, even water guns.
-OP

He's probably doing this at school all the time because it's so forbidden in the house. Making it something that your son feels he should be ashamed of for liking or needs to hide it from you is definitely not your end-goal. This is why I fully supported my DD's over-the-top Disney princess phase. Sure, it didn't exactly fit my vision of the strong, confident woman I wanted DD to grow up to be. But I never thought that by supporting her I was doing something wrong, just like you letting your son play with Nerf guns or whatever isn't supporting the NRA. She just liked fancy clothes. Your son just likes to pretend to shoot things. It's OK.