allow toy gun play or no?

[Anonymous]

I've been fighting this battle with my 6 year old for over a year now. I was firmly in the camp of NO GUN PLAY whatsoever: no toy guns, no water guns, no Nerf guns, nothing. I would reprimand him even if he played with a stick that he was pretending was a gun. But I'm exhausted from his relentless interest in it. I'm at the point of wondering if I'm making it even more of a forbidden fruit situation and the more I say "no, that's not allowed, that's not appropriate, we can't even say that word gun" etc is he wanting to do it even more?
Anyone who has dealt with a child with this extreme interest, please share your story! How did you get them past it? Did you stick to your guns (no pun intended) or did you let them get it out of their system? How long did that take? I'm really at a loss how to proceed. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

I'm okay with water guns/Nerf guns that don't look anything at all like real guns.

No playing with realistic toy guns, because real guns are not toys.

Not even letting a kid say the word "gun" is pretty extreme.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm okay with water guns/Nerf guns that don't look anything at all like real guns.

No playing with realistic toy guns, because real guns are not toys.

Not even letting a kid say the word "gun" is pretty extreme.

Thank you. This is helpful for me. I need others' perspectives.
-OP

[Anonymous]

I don't stop him from making a stick or something like that into a gun because that's imaginative play, though I sometimes want to and if it gets more life-like as he ages I will try to stop it (he's only 4). I will absolutely not buy any toy that resembles a real gun (a water gun that doesn't look like a gun is ok).

How much have you talked to your son about why you're so adamant about him not playing with toy guns? I feel like 6 is old enough to have a conversation about what is going on in the U.S. and why you care so much about it. If you're just framing it as "not allowed" or "not appropriate" or even allowing the use of the word then he's going to see it the same as any other thing that he is told not to do.

[Anonymous]

It's fine to play with Nerf guns and water guns. My son is obsessed with the military and talks about the weapons, planes, tanks, bombs etc. I just let it ride because I know in a few months he will move on to something else.

I also think it's important that kids learn real guns are dangerous and not toys. If they see one to get an adult. So by teaching him that he can't even say the word gun is probably not the best idea.

It's best to teach a healthy respect for guns because they are scary and dangerous, but, at the same time, they're around, and we need to know what to do if we see one being used inappropriately.

[Anonymous]

To clarify, when he says something like "let's play guns!" to a friend or if he makes a shooting sound while holding out a stick and he's clearly pretending it's a gun, I get very upset with him and tell him to stop and not to suggest that game. I'm not actually forbidding him from saying the word gun like I would if he said a curse word. I'm just making it clear to not play that and don't suggest it.
-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To clarify, when he says something like "let's play guns!" to a friend or if he makes a shooting sound while holding out a stick and he's clearly pretending it's a gun, I get very upset with him and tell him to stop and not to suggest that game. I'm not actually forbidding him from saying the word gun like I would if he said a curse word. I'm just making it clear to not play that and don't suggest it.
-OP

But have you talked to him about why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To clarify, when he says something like "let's play guns!" to a friend or if he makes a shooting sound while holding out a stick and he's clearly pretending it's a gun, I get very upset with him and tell him to stop and not to suggest that game. I'm not actually forbidding him from saying the word gun like I would if he said a curse word. I'm just making it clear to not play that and don't suggest it.
-OP

But have you talked to him about why?

I've said "they are dangerous weapons, they kill people, they hurt people, it's not a game to pretend to play with one or shoot one, it could scare your friends/teachers" (we've heard several times from school that he and other boys play it on the playground with sticks).
-OP

[Anonymous]

I'm so tired of this. Boys pretend fight. They like guns, swords, axes, grenade launchers, whatever. Sounds like you are fighting against it and have potentially made it worse. Forbidden fruit. Playing with toy guns has no relationship to actually using real guns for real violence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so tired of this. Boys pretend fight. They like guns, swords, axes, grenade launchers, whatever. Sounds like you are fighting against it and have potentially made it worse. Forbidden fruit. Playing with toy guns has no relationship to actually using real guns for real violence

Thank you. I appreciate your perspective. But how then do you dissuade them from playing it at school, where it's clearly not allowed?
-OP

[Anonymous]

I have a 6 yo who has been asking for a nerf gun for 2 years now. I told him when he’s 7. It will come with a talk about gun violence. It does raise important issues for me. They are just playing of course. Part of me wants to let them play. But would it be ok to play landmines or chemical gas? Guns are not that different. They takes lives

[Anonymous]

We allow finger guns only. They must say pew pew. I’m not kidding. Lol. It took the fun out of it. They have used water blasters at cousins homes, I won’t buy toy guns and friends/family know not to. I cane from a very pro gun family/guns in home growing up, so it’s much appreciated they respect my choice.

[Anonymous]

Hmm. It's surprising to me that he's still asking/trying this frequently after a YEAR. That's a really long time for a little kid. Have you been consistent with your "no" or have you allowed it a few times? Are there other situations where he is playing these types of games? (friends houses, relatives houses, extracurricular activities?) Where do you think this desire is coming from? I'm just wondering if there's a specific "itch" he's trying to scratch that you could find a better way to help him scratch. For example - I would for sure buy "water blasters" that look nothing like guns and let him go to town with those all summer if it's the "chase and catch" aspect he likes. Or is it that he likes "competitive" games and it's the "I got you!" aspect that's appealing that maybe could be redirected to a sport or something? Or maybe it's the power side of it and you could sign him up for karate or something? I honestly have no idea, I'm just spitballing here.

A year is a long time for a kid to still be asking to do something when the answer is never yes and you don't even have those types of toys around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so tired of this. Boys pretend fight. They like guns, swords, axes, grenade launchers, whatever. Sounds like you are fighting against it and have potentially made it worse. Forbidden fruit. Playing with toy guns has no relationship to actually using real guns for real violence

+1000

OP, you have every right to parent as you wish of course, but in my view (mother of 2 older boys), this is not a hill to die on, if you'll pardon the bad pun. Boys like this stuff. He's six years old. You are not creating a mass shooter, if that is your concern.

[Anonymous]

Most of the world allows toy guns and ban real guns. Here it’s the other way around.