allow toy gun play or no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so tired of this. Boys pretend fight. They like guns, swords, axes, grenade launchers, whatever. Sounds like you are fighting against it and have potentially made it worse. Forbidden fruit. Playing with toy guns has no relationship to actually using real guns for real violence

Thank you. I appreciate your perspective. But how then do you dissuade them from playing it at school, where it's clearly not allowed?
-OP

The teachers will handle that it at school.

My son is 9 and I've given up trying to forbid pretend gun fighting. But we do talk about it. We talk about how awful war is, and how in a real war, soldiers who kill other people are haunted by it and dont find it fun. Make believe of good vs evil is what kids have done for ever. We just don't want them to grow up to be school shooters, but playing with nerf guns is probably not even a contributing factor to something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm. It's surprising to me that he's still asking/trying this frequently after a YEAR. That's a really long time for a little kid. Have you been consistent with your "no" or have you allowed it a few times? Are there other situations where he is playing these types of games? (friends houses, relatives houses, extracurricular activities?) Where do you think this desire is coming from? I'm just wondering if there's a specific "itch" he's trying to scratch that you could find a better way to help him scratch. For example - I would for sure buy "water blasters" that look nothing like guns and let him go to town with those all summer if it's the "chase and catch" aspect he likes. Or is it that he likes "competitive" games and it's the "I got you!" aspect that's appealing that maybe could be redirected to a sport or something? Or maybe it's the power side of it and you could sign him up for karate or something? I honestly have no idea, I'm just spitballing here.

A year is a long time for a kid to still be asking to do something when the answer is never yes and you don't even have those types of toys around.

This is very interesting to me that you have this response, because this is exactly how I feel. I'm like, why hasn't he given up yet? He's had no exposure to his Nerf-gun loving cousins the past year, which was his only other exposure. There is a boy at school who clearly likes to play gun games with sticks because that's who he gets in trouble with. Other than that, our household has been a consistent NO on this topic for over a year. That's why I'm so exasperated on how to proceed because it's like it's never going to go away until he's allowed to scratch this itch somehow. He's very physically active and in multiple sports. He loves weapons of all kinds but he doesn't watch any tv or play games that have weapons. I don't know why he's so attracted to guns.
-OP

Hmm. Is this other kid someone he looks up to? Thinks he's super cool/wants to be him? I'm really grasping at straws here, but it's gotta be SOMETHING.

I think if I were you, I'd keep trying to puzzle it out, but meanwhile, continue to say no to guns. Both cause I agree with you generally, that they're not toys, and also because I'm loathe to start allowing something just because my kid is STILL asking about it. You've picked this battle, so I think at this point you have to win it otherwise your kid is running the show. Although damn, if I were you, at this point I'd be wishing I could go back in time and just let him play with toy guns.

Also - what about something like this:

https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-2598160/nerf-n-strike-stratobow-bow.jsp?skuid=65565729&CID=shopping15&utm_campaign=TOYS&utm_medium=CSE&utm_source=google&utm_product=65565729&utm_campaignid=9733267150&gclid=CjwKCAjw7J6EBhBDEiwA5UUM2rqtNbYmDxT7ZR4KgGJRS9yHup6Hr5JDxKhrbD0cDGLevRvtLUwMNhoCKkoQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

I'd allow that.

We've gotten him several bow and arrow toys and he LOVES them but still wants to do gun play.
-OP

What's the difference?

[Anonymous]

They can pretend anything is a gun. So I don’t see the point in buying fake ones. They have Legos. Sticks. Whatevs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm. It's surprising to me that he's still asking/trying this frequently after a YEAR. That's a really long time for a little kid. Have you been consistent with your "no" or have you allowed it a few times? Are there other situations where he is playing these types of games? (friends houses, relatives houses, extracurricular activities?) Where do you think this desire is coming from? I'm just wondering if there's a specific "itch" he's trying to scratch that you could find a better way to help him scratch. For example - I would for sure buy "water blasters" that look nothing like guns and let him go to town with those all summer if it's the "chase and catch" aspect he likes. Or is it that he likes "competitive" games and it's the "I got you!" aspect that's appealing that maybe could be redirected to a sport or something? Or maybe it's the power side of it and you could sign him up for karate or something? I honestly have no idea, I'm just spitballing here.

A year is a long time for a kid to still be asking to do something when the answer is never yes and you don't even have those types of toys around.

This is very interesting to me that you have this response, because this is exactly how I feel. I'm like, why hasn't he given up yet? He's had no exposure to his Nerf-gun loving cousins the past year, which was his only other exposure. There is a boy at school who clearly likes to play gun games with sticks because that's who he gets in trouble with. Other than that, our household has been a consistent NO on this topic for over a year. That's why I'm so exasperated on how to proceed because it's like it's never going to go away until he's allowed to scratch this itch somehow. He's very physically active and in multiple sports. He loves weapons of all kinds but he doesn't watch any tv or play games that have weapons. I don't know why he's so attracted to guns.
-OP

Hmm. Is this other kid someone he looks up to? Thinks he's super cool/wants to be him? I'm really grasping at straws here, but it's gotta be SOMETHING.

I think if I were you, I'd keep trying to puzzle it out, but meanwhile, continue to say no to guns. Both cause I agree with you generally, that they're not toys, and also because I'm loathe to start allowing something just because my kid is STILL asking about it. You've picked this battle, so I think at this point you have to win it otherwise your kid is running the show. Although damn, if I were you, at this point I'd be wishing I could go back in time and just let him play with toy guns.

Also - what about something like this:

https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-2598160/nerf-n-strike-stratobow-bow.jsp?skuid=65565729&CID=shopping15&utm_campaign=TOYS&utm_medium=CSE&utm_source=google&utm_product=65565729&utm_campaignid=9733267150&gclid=CjwKCAjw7J6EBhBDEiwA5UUM2rqtNbYmDxT7ZR4KgGJRS9yHup6Hr5JDxKhrbD0cDGLevRvtLUwMNhoCKkoQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

I'd allow that.

We've gotten him several bow and arrow toys and he LOVES them but still wants to do gun play.
-OP

What's the difference?

you don't see a difference between archery and shooting a gun???

[Anonymous]

OP what do you think is going to happen if you give your child a super soaker? Seriously what is the end state you are trying to prevent? He becomes a gun owner? He is accidentally shot? He pretends to shoot/talks about it in school and gets in trouble? What exactly are you afraid of here?

My 6 yo has an arsenal of nerf. He’s not allowed to shoot them at people or animals. The exception is if he’s actually playing nerf with someone and has consent to shoot at them as part of the game. He’s not permitted to bring them to playgrounds in deference to ridiculous people like OP. He’s not allowed to talk about guns or shooting in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm. It's surprising to me that he's still asking/trying this frequently after a YEAR. That's a really long time for a little kid. Have you been consistent with your "no" or have you allowed it a few times? Are there other situations where he is playing these types of games? (friends houses, relatives houses, extracurricular activities?) Where do you think this desire is coming from? I'm just wondering if there's a specific "itch" he's trying to scratch that you could find a better way to help him scratch. For example - I would for sure buy "water blasters" that look nothing like guns and let him go to town with those all summer if it's the "chase and catch" aspect he likes. Or is it that he likes "competitive" games and it's the "I got you!" aspect that's appealing that maybe could be redirected to a sport or something? Or maybe it's the power side of it and you could sign him up for karate or something? I honestly have no idea, I'm just spitballing here.

A year is a long time for a kid to still be asking to do something when the answer is never yes and you don't even have those types of toys around.

This is very interesting to me that you have this response, because this is exactly how I feel. I'm like, why hasn't he given up yet? He's had no exposure to his Nerf-gun loving cousins the past year, which was his only other exposure. There is a boy at school who clearly likes to play gun games with sticks because that's who he gets in trouble with. Other than that, our household has been a consistent NO on this topic for over a year. That's why I'm so exasperated on how to proceed because it's like it's never going to go away until he's allowed to scratch this itch somehow. He's very physically active and in multiple sports. He loves weapons of all kinds but he doesn't watch any tv or play games that have weapons. I don't know why he's so attracted to guns.
-OP

Hmm. Is this other kid someone he looks up to? Thinks he's super cool/wants to be him? I'm really grasping at straws here, but it's gotta be SOMETHING.

I think if I were you, I'd keep trying to puzzle it out, but meanwhile, continue to say no to guns. Both cause I agree with you generally, that they're not toys, and also because I'm loathe to start allowing something just because my kid is STILL asking about it. You've picked this battle, so I think at this point you have to win it otherwise your kid is running the show. Although damn, if I were you, at this point I'd be wishing I could go back in time and just let him play with toy guns.

Also - what about something like this:

https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-2598160/nerf-n-strike-stratobow-bow.jsp?skuid=65565729&CID=shopping15&utm_campaign=TOYS&utm_medium=CSE&utm_source=google&utm_product=65565729&utm_campaignid=9733267150&gclid=CjwKCAjw7J6EBhBDEiwA5UUM2rqtNbYmDxT7ZR4KgGJRS9yHup6Hr5JDxKhrbD0cDGLevRvtLUwMNhoCKkoQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

I'd allow that.

We've gotten him several bow and arrow toys and he LOVES them but still wants to do gun play.
-OP

What's the difference?

you don't see a difference between archery and shooting a gun???

DP. Well....they are both deadly weapons. Just because Robin Hood/Hollywood romanticized bows and arrows or archery is an Olympic sport doesn't change the fact that bows are arrows were created for the same purpose as guns. Hunting, protection, etc.

How is shooting a gun at a gun range different than shooting an arrow at an archery range?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To clarify, when he says something like "let's play guns!" to a friend or if he makes a shooting sound while holding out a stick and he's clearly pretending it's a gun, I get very upset with him and tell him to stop and not to suggest that game. I'm not actually forbidding him from saying the word gun like I would if he said a curse word. I'm just making it clear to not play that and don't suggest it.
-OP

This is excessive and the fact that you are “very upset” about it is probably contributing to his continuing interest.

We also don’t allow our kid to play with toy guns (he’s white, Black kids get shot doing it, so we don’t do it either) but we were matter of fact about it and it just doesn’t come up.

[Anonymous]

“ Although many of us in America worry that gun play desensitizes kids to violence, the research doesn't bear this out. In fact, it can actually help teach children to read each other's facial cues and body language, figure out their place in a group, and learn how to adjust their behavior in social settings. Play helps children learn how to signal each other: this is fantasy.”

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theatlantic.com/amp/article/278518/

“ Surprisingly, studies show no link between playing with toy weapons in childhood and aggression in adulthood.”

https://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/toy-guns-do-they-lead-real-life-violence

[Anonymous]

I suspect the forbidden fruit explanation is probably the most likely.

Have you asked him what he likes about them? Assuming it’s not because he prefers biathlon over archery, it might help you tailor your response better.

[Anonymous]

Janet Lansbury wrote a piece about this... the message was that it’s a normal and ordinary part of development. Just go with it and don’t project too much.

We have “nerf blasters” and “water blasters” at our house, the rule is that you never aim at people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so tired of this. Boys pretend fight. They like guns, swords, axes, grenade launchers, whatever. Sounds like you are fighting against it and have potentially made it worse. Forbidden fruit. Playing with toy guns has no relationship to actually using real guns for real violence

THIS 100%

Excuse me. Girls like to fight too. I beat up all the boys in my third grade class during our sword-fighting with our long school rulers, which became all notched and useless. My father made me a hazelnut wood bow and I had to scrounge for arrows. Fast forward to now, and I'm a dainty, feminine sort of woman who allows her daughter and son to pretend fight all they want. Pre-Covid, they ran around the neighborhood with the other kids, all equipped with the latest in Nerf firepower (water cannon in summer). Their dusting chores are bearable ONLY because they tie the long duster to their waist (claymore, a type of long two handed sword), tuck in the sticky roller (medieval mace) and launch into the fray like their ancestors of old. The dust bunnies are given no quarter.

OP, you are being so incredibly silly. Missing so many creative opportunities here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Janet Lansbury wrote a piece about this... the message was that it’s a normal and ordinary part of development. Just go with it and don’t project too much.

We have “nerf blasters” and “water blasters” at our house, the rule is that you never aim at people.

Yeah. We just correct our kids when they say gun in pretend play we say “guns aren’t toys. Do you mean blasters?”

[Anonymous]

OP - I didn’t read all the comments but I was pretty strong on the new gun role when DS was young. At some point they all start playing with Nerf guns and even now in HS, they still run around our house playing with Nerf and our Laser guns. Paintball is a favored event. I caved. And I am okay with it.

[Anonymous]

I'm a federal prosecutor and I've prosecuted about a million gun cases in my career. People who commit violent crimes with guns do so for many reasons, but not because they were allowed to play with nerf guns as kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Janet Lansbury wrote a piece about this... the message was that it’s a normal and ordinary part of development. Just go with it and don’t project too much.

We have “nerf blasters” and “water blasters” at our house, the rule is that you never aim at people.

Yeah. We just correct our kids when they say gun in pretend play we say “guns aren’t toys. Do you mean blasters?”

Real guns aren’t toys. Toy guns are absolutely toys.