Do you have a difficult child and how do you define one? Not special needs. Just difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may be speaking too soon because my "difficult" child is the youngest of three and only 2 years old. My other 2 kids are pretty well-behaved and listen. At school, she gives the teachers NO problems and will use the potty. It's a different story at home. She has accidents on herself, runs off when we tell her to stop doing something and just seems to enjoy getting us worked up as well as her siblings.

It's extremely frustrating and I try my best to acknowledge that she may be doing it for attention or her behavior may be due to lack of sleep (she doesn't nap at home). It does not help that she was our "oops" baby and even responding to this post alone makes me feel guilty! I often have to take breaks and check myself because I know spanking is not the answer but I haven't figured an effective method out yet.

At two, she still needs a potty schedule and reminders. If they do it at school and you don't do it at home, maybe that is the issue. The child is 2. You need to keep reasonable expectation for a two year old. And, stop calling her your "oops" baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:an explosive child lacks important skills:

- flexibility/adaptability, frustration tolerance, problem solving

You can find an assessment of these lagging skills here:

https://www.livesinthebalance.org/sites/default/files/ALSUP%202020.pdf

things like difficulty handling transitions (my baby had a horrible time handling the transition from being dry to being in the bath; and then once he got used to being in the bath he had a horrible time transitioning to being out of the bath. When I say horrible I mean long, long screams both times.)

difficulty managing emotional responses

chronic irritibility

difficulty coming up with alternatives

difficulty shifting from initial plan to a new one (especially based on changing circumstances) If I told him we were going to the park, and then we got their and the park was off limits for some reason... temper tantrum would ensue.

difficulty handling unpredictability, ambiguity, anything outside of the routine. Can't go with the flow.

What is the diagnosis for this?

I always attributed these to AD/HD, but maybe something else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Big emotions about little things. Example: me: it’s cold outside; you need to wear a sweater. My son: Starts crying and screaming, says “this is the most horrible day ever” stomps off to his room and slams drawers looking for a sweater.

Very hard on himself/a perfectionist. Me: wow I really like your drawing. You added so many nice details and colors. Him: I did a terrible job see this [stray mark] here? It’s one of my worst drawings ever.

Very competitive to the point he won’t even participate in competitions bc he hates losing/not being the best so much. So he refuses to even try to participate in sports or most games. He also refuses to even attempt to learn new skills like pump his own legs and swing himself on the swings or try riding his bike without training wheels, etc. He’s definitely strong and coordinated enough to do these things he just flat refuses to try.

Very smart and has hard time relating to kids his own age. He’s 6 and in kindergarten but reads at a 3rd grade level and reads anything he can get his hands on including a lot about science and history so he knows a lot for his age but doesn’t have the maturity to process it and will just talk and talk about things to the point another kid (and most adults too) isn’t interested. analyzes and questions everything, takes nothing at face value. Always has to know the “why” and doesn’t comply easily w requests/instructions.

Is highly sensitive and has a great/long memory. At 6 he will still bring up things that happened when he was 2 completely on his own and take himself back to that moment to rehash how he felt at the time. His feelings are intense. He gets his feelings hurt extremely easily. There’s no joking around or being silly w him. He’s a serious sensitive kid pretty much all the time which can be exhausting.

He’s just complicated. Things aren’t simple w him. I worry about if he’s happy because he often doesn’t seem like he is though he has a good life w 2 loving parents, loving and involved grandparents and a younger sister who adores him (and he adores her too) but struggles socially w his peers. We love him so much but it’s just pretty draining and exhausting sometimes to know how to best parent him when it feels like many things w him are an uphill battle.

He sounds a lot like my son, who has both ASD and bipolar disorder, and is gifted so twice exceptional (and I’m not the parent calling gifted for no reason - his IQ is in the 91st percentile according to a neuropsych evaluation). Yours doesn’t sound as violent as my son (and my sons dad doesn’t live with us and there’s definitely been a lot of “your mom doesn’t love you” coming from dad which hurts and makes it harder to treat), but you may think about an ASD eval. We weren’t told to look into one until things got to the nightmare stage, and didn’t get a diagnosis until 11 - which was terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Big emotions about little things. Example: me: it’s cold outside; you need to wear a sweater. My son: Starts crying and screaming, says “this is the most horrible day ever” stomps off to his room and slams drawers looking for a sweater.

Very hard on himself/a perfectionist. Me: wow I really like your drawing. You added so many nice details and colors. Him: I did a terrible job see this [stray mark] here? It’s one of my worst drawings ever.

Very competitive to the point he won’t even participate in competitions bc he hates losing/not being the best so much. So he refuses to even try to participate in sports or most games. He also refuses to even attempt to learn new skills like pump his own legs and swing himself on the swings or try riding his bike without training wheels, etc. He’s definitely strong and coordinated enough to do these things he just flat refuses to try.

Very smart and has hard time relating to kids his own age. He’s 6 and in kindergarten but reads at a 3rd grade level and reads anything he can get his hands on including a lot about science and history so he knows a lot for his age but doesn’t have the maturity to process it and will just talk and talk about things to the point another kid (and most adults too) isn’t interested. analyzes and questions everything, takes nothing at face value. Always has to know the “why” and doesn’t comply easily w requests/instructions.

Is highly sensitive and has a great/long memory. At 6 he will still bring up things that happened when he was 2 completely on his own and take himself back to that moment to rehash how he felt at the time. His feelings are intense. He gets his feelings hurt extremely easily. There’s no joking around or being silly w him. He’s a serious sensitive kid pretty much all the time which can be exhausting.

He’s just complicated. Things aren’t simple w him. I worry about if he’s happy because he often doesn’t seem like he is though he has a good life w 2 loving parents, loving and involved grandparents and a younger sister who adores him (and he adores her too) but struggles socially w his peers. We love him so much but it’s just pretty draining and exhausting sometimes to know how to best parent him when it feels like many things w him are an uphill battle.

He sounds a lot like my son, who has both ASD and bipolar disorder, and is gifted so twice exceptional (and I’m not the parent calling gifted for no reason - his IQ is in the 91st percentile according to a neuropsych evaluation). Yours doesn’t sound as violent as my son (and my sons dad doesn’t live with us and there’s definitely been a lot of “your mom doesn’t love you” coming from dad which hurts and makes it harder to treat), but you may think about an ASD eval. We weren’t told to look into one until things got to the nightmare stage, and didn’t get a diagnosis until 11 - which was terrible.

An IQ at the 91 st percentile is not technically in the gifted range PP. It must be at the 98th percentile or above. Even though your kid isn’t gifted, he’s significantly above average!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I may be speaking too soon because my "difficult" child is the youngest of three and only 2 years old. My other 2 kids are pretty well-behaved and listen. At school, she gives the teachers NO problems and will use the potty. It's a different story at home. She has accidents on herself, runs off when we tell her to stop doing something and just seems to enjoy getting us worked up as well as her siblings.

It's extremely frustrating and I try my best to acknowledge that she may be doing it for attention or her behavior may be due to lack of sleep (she doesn't nap at home). It does not help that she was our "oops" baby and even responding to this post alone makes me feel guilty! I often have to take breaks and check myself because I know spanking is not the answer but I haven't figured an effective method out yet.

If spanking truly worked you wouldn't have to do it more than once. You're spanking out of anger and frustration which is exactly the WRONG time to spank (though I think there is no right time).

NP. This is a funny thing to post. Time-outs, reminders, scripting, the stoplights that some schools still use, behavior charts, etc. Every type of discipline needs repetition, doesn't work the first time.

Telling a new parent that if something works that you'll only need to do it once is bizarre. That's not how kids leave, that's not how parents parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Big emotions about little things. Example: me: it’s cold outside; you need to wear a sweater. My son: Starts crying and screaming, says “this is the most horrible day ever” stomps off to his room and slams drawers looking for a sweater.

Very hard on himself/a perfectionist. Me: wow I really like your drawing. You added so many nice details and colors. Him: I did a terrible job see this [stray mark] here? It’s one of my worst drawings ever.

Very competitive to the point he won’t even participate in competitions bc he hates losing/not being the best so much. So he refuses to even try to participate in sports or most games. He also refuses to even attempt to learn new skills like pump his own legs and swing himself on the swings or try riding his bike without training wheels, etc. He’s definitely strong and coordinated enough to do these things he just flat refuses to try.

Very smart and has hard time relating to kids his own age. He’s 6 and in kindergarten but reads at a 3rd grade level and reads anything he can get his hands on including a lot about science and history so he knows a lot for his age but doesn’t have the maturity to process it and will just talk and talk about things to the point another kid (and most adults too) isn’t interested. analyzes and questions everything, takes nothing at face value. Always has to know the “why” and doesn’t comply easily w requests/instructions.

Is highly sensitive and has a great/long memory. At 6 he will still bring up things that happened when he was 2 completely on his own and take himself back to that moment to rehash how he felt at the time. His feelings are intense. He gets his feelings hurt extremely easily. There’s no joking around or being silly w him. He’s a serious sensitive kid pretty much all the time which can be exhausting.

He’s just complicated. Things aren’t simple w him. I worry about if he’s happy because he often doesn’t seem like he is though he has a good life w 2 loving parents, loving and involved grandparents and a younger sister who adores him (and he adores her too) but struggles socially w his peers. We love him so much but it’s just pretty draining and exhausting sometimes to know how to best parent him when it feels like many things w him are an uphill battle.

He sounds a lot like my son, who has both ASD and bipolar disorder, and is gifted so twice exceptional (and I’m not the parent calling gifted for no reason - his IQ is in the 91st percentile according to a neuropsych evaluation). Yours doesn’t sound as violent as my son (and my sons dad doesn’t live with us and there’s definitely been a lot of “your mom doesn’t love you” coming from dad which hurts and makes it harder to treat), but you may think about an ASD eval. We weren’t told to look into one until things got to the nightmare stage, and didn’t get a diagnosis until 11 - which was terrible.

Thank you for your response. I’m sorry you’re dealing with that as it sounds difficult and especially the part about your sons dad telling your son his mom doesn’t love him . It does make me think about my own son. We've thought before he may have something more going on that just being a difficult child. He was a very easy baby and toddler and the challenging behavior didn’t start til about age 3. He has always done well in school settings but then this year due to the pandemic he’s been homeschooled and I think that has caused some significant setbacks. We are hoping once he’s able us go back to “regular school” he will be a happier kid. But I am worried about him. Can you tell me a little more about your son’s “nightmare stage” that led you to diagnosis?

My son is not violent with people but he does things like slam doors, drawers, rip up papers that he has drawn, stomp around that show a somewhat violent side of him. Generally he’s harder on himself than on other people. He is compassionate and caring toward others, wants to please others, is very thoughtful and kind (most of the time), and is very loving and affectionate (loves cuddling and when he’s upset what he needs most is usually a hug). So I had thought that thoughtfulness and affectionate part of him is perhaps a sign that he doesn’t have ASD but I admit I don’t know a lot about ASD so I shouldn’t be so sure. I’ll look more into it. Thanks again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many people say "my child is difficult" but don't elaborate. Just sight and look sad.
What does it mean to have difficult child.
If you think your kid is difficult, why? What make them difficult and how do you know they are not just being a kid?

My friend insists this is her son. I’m skeptical. Anyway, now he is 18 and there’s nothing they can do about it if he doesn’t want to be screened. I suspect he’ll be the classic narcissistic ADHD DH of DCUM fame in twenty years and come back to live in his childhood bedroom when his wife files for divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:an explosive child lacks important skills:

- flexibility/adaptability, frustration tolerance, problem solving

You can find an assessment of these lagging skills here:

https://www.livesinthebalance.org/sites/default/files/ALSUP%202020.pdf

things like difficulty handling transitions (my baby had a horrible time handling the transition from being dry to being in the bath; and then once he got used to being in the bath he had a horrible time transitioning to being out of the bath. When I say horrible I mean long, long screams both times.)

difficulty managing emotional responses

chronic irritibility

difficulty coming up with alternatives

difficulty shifting from initial plan to a new one (especially based on changing circumstances) If I told him we were going to the park, and then we got their and the park was off limits for some reason... temper tantrum would ensue.

difficulty handling unpredictability, ambiguity, anything outside of the routine. Can't go with the flow.

What is the diagnosis for this?

I always attributed these to AD/HD, but maybe something else?

It's not a diagnosis, but a cluster of symptoms being termed "explosive" by Ross Green in "The Explosive Child" and by people behind Collaborative Problem Solving: https://thinkkids.org

[Anonymous]

In my opinion under the age of 5 no kid is difficult, they are all difficult in the sense that they are these little out of control humans. It's all big emotions and testing boundaries and crazy mood swings. They need love and gentle guidance. The crazier they behave, the calmer parents should be. With love, patience, and gentle guidance they outgrow it and become much more reasonable humans starting at 5 (there are some exceptions of course but I think that fits most kids).

I have 1 super easy kid - like ridiculously easy. Born rule follower, go with the flow, gets along with everyone, does what he is told, doesn't ask for much.

I have 1 super normal kid who next to the first one seems difficult but is actually not at all. She is just more emotional and dramatic and pushes more boundaries.

I love them both and I parent them at an individual level, everyone is an individual and we don't all needs the same things.

But if you are struggling on your own, there is so much help out there in the form of experts. Find it so that you can feel like a good, successful parent. It's the best job you will ever have!

[Anonymous]

For me it was just that my first could never be soothed. I never understood why people were so against sleep training and cry it out because my baby was just crying all the time until she passed out, no matter what we were doing. She is still like this to some degree as a preschooler, just a fabulous energy for being upset and very little ability to be calmed. We have worked on giving her tools, etc and it is getting better slowly.

My second was totally different. All of the parenting tricks that never worked w my daughter all worked with my second. It was like...oh, I am not actively terrible at this after all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Big emotions about little things. Example: me: it’s cold outside; you need to wear a sweater. My son: Starts crying and screaming, says “this is the most horrible day ever” stomps off to his room and slams drawers looking for a sweater.

Very hard on himself/a perfectionist. Me: wow I really like your drawing. You added so many nice details and colors. Him: I did a terrible job see this [stray mark] here? It’s one of my worst drawings ever.

Very competitive to the point he won’t even participate in competitions bc he hates losing/not being the best so much. So he refuses to even try to participate in sports or most games. He also refuses to even attempt to learn new skills like pump his own legs and swing himself on the swings or try riding his bike without training wheels, etc. He’s definitely strong and coordinated enough to do these things he just flat refuses to try.

Very smart and has hard time relating to kids his own age. He’s 6 and in kindergarten but reads at a 3rd grade level and reads anything he can get his hands on including a lot about science and history so he knows a lot for his age but doesn’t have the maturity to process it and will just talk and talk about things to the point another kid (and most adults too) isn’t interested. analyzes and questions everything, takes nothing at face value. Always has to know the “why” and doesn’t comply easily w requests/instructions.

Is highly sensitive and has a great/long memory. At 6 he will still bring up things that happened when he was 2 completely on his own and take himself back to that moment to rehash how he felt at the time. His feelings are intense. He gets his feelings hurt extremely easily. There’s no joking around or being silly w him. He’s a serious sensitive kid pretty much all the time which can be exhausting.

He’s just complicated. Things aren’t simple w him. I worry about if he’s happy because he often doesn’t seem like he is though he has a good life w 2 loving parents, loving and involved grandparents and a younger sister who adores him (and he adores her too) but struggles socially w his peers. We love him so much but it’s just pretty draining and exhausting sometimes to know how to best parent him when it feels like many things w him are an uphill battle.

He sounds a lot like my son, who has both ASD and bipolar disorder, and is gifted so twice exceptional (and I’m not the parent calling gifted for no reason - his IQ is in the 91st percentile according to a neuropsych evaluation). Yours doesn’t sound as violent as my son (and my sons dad doesn’t live with us and there’s definitely been a lot of “your mom doesn’t love you” coming from dad which hurts and makes it harder to treat), but you may think about an ASD eval. We weren’t told to look into one until things got to the nightmare stage, and didn’t get a diagnosis until 11 - which was terrible.

Thank you for your response. I’m sorry you’re dealing with that as it sounds difficult and especially the part about your sons dad telling your son his mom doesn’t love him . It does make me think about my own son. We've thought before he may have something more going on that just being a difficult child. He was a very easy baby and toddler and the challenging behavior didn’t start til about age 3. He has always done well in school settings but then this year due to the pandemic he’s been homeschooled and I think that has caused some significant setbacks. We are hoping once he’s able us go back to “regular school” he will be a happier kid. But I am worried about him. Can you tell me a little more about your son’s “nightmare stage” that led you to diagnosis?

My son is not violent with people but he does things like slam doors, drawers, rip up papers that he has drawn, stomp around that show a somewhat violent side of him. Generally he’s harder on himself than on other people. He is compassionate and caring toward others, wants to please others, is very thoughtful and kind (most of the time), and is very loving and affectionate (loves cuddling and when he’s upset what he needs most is usually a hug). So I had thought that thoughtfulness and affectionate part of him is perhaps a sign that he doesn’t have ASD but I admit I don’t know a lot about ASD so I shouldn’t be so sure. I’ll look more into it. Thanks again.

My son didn’t used to be violent with people - that started around 10, and got progressively worse and continues now. He can be very empathetic - he LOVES animals, and he’s very physically affectionate. He does often ask for hugs, and we’ve started noticing that some of his affection is a sensory input need. He really likes having weight on him (doesn’t love his weighted blanket, but loves the cats sitting on his lap because of the weight).

The ripping up papers sounds like a sensory thing, my son does it constantly and it makes me crazy (it’s harmless but messy). You might also look into sensory or fidget toys - my son likes some and doesn’t like others, which is fine, but we just get packs of multiple types and don’t worry about it.

My son is also hard on himself, very rigid in how he thinks - things are black and white there is no such thing as gray in his world - and really struggles with transitions. He has always done well in school, and his teachers LOVE him. School is structured in a way that makes sense to him, and as I said above he is academically gifted so he has done very well - but in the higher elementary and middle school grades he is struggling with executive functioning and has a hard time answering more abstract or complex questions, and completing assignments that have multiple related parts just doesn’t make sense to him. He does very well in subjects like math where there is only one answer. His affinity in school is one reason his diagnosis was delayed - all his doctors asked about was “how’s school?” I said Great, and they told me his outbursts and meltdowns were my fault because I had too high expectations or didn’t understand childhood development.

He also struggled with certain things when he was younger that I didn’t think anything of until we started looking into a diagnosis, like he still struggles with the concept of time. “We’ll eat a cookie after dinner” has always been something he struggles to either understand or wait for. “Just a few minutes” is another one. Or, “we’re leaving in a few hours”.

However, the difference that stands out is that my son has never been easy. He was hell as a baby starting at 12 weeks old. He didn’t cry much, but I couldn’t put him down ever, he never slept and bedtimes until he was 3.5yo took 3-4 hours.

[Anonymous]

My child is moody, whiny, picky, and generally not easy to deal with. He throws fits if asked to do something he doesn't want to do, and complains about every tiny little thing, including, sometimes, things that happened years ago (and were minor then). He's what my would call "a pill."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids. Two are just very easy. They pick up their rooms when I ask, they're cheerful, they're eager to please us, they take pride in doing good and in being "good kids." The 3rd is just grumpy and needs "managed". We have to coddle him and speak differently to him. He often needs to know the "why" when we ask him questions, pushes boundaries and he notices everything. He's a very enjoyable, smart kid, but parenting him takes a lot more work. DH and I often can't relate to him because both DH and I are exceptionally easy going, hard working and do things we're told.

So I'd say that difficult is related to how much work a parent has to put in. And sometimes it's a personality mismatch which makes you put in extra work.

You just described my two kids 😂

I just manage. Get lots of breaks as needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Big emotions about little things. Example: me: it’s cold outside; you need to wear a sweater. My son: Starts crying and screaming, says “this is the most horrible day ever” stomps off to his room and slams drawers looking for a sweater.

Very hard on himself/a perfectionist. Me: wow I really like your drawing. You added so many nice details and colors. Him: I did a terrible job see this [stray mark] here? It’s one of my worst drawings ever.

Very competitive to the point he won’t even participate in competitions bc he hates losing/not being the best so much. So he refuses to even try to participate in sports or most games. He also refuses to even attempt to learn new skills like pump his own legs and swing himself on the swings or try riding his bike without training wheels, etc. He’s definitely strong and coordinated enough to do these things he just flat refuses to try.

Very smart and has hard time relating to kids his own age. He’s 6 and in kindergarten but reads at a 3rd grade level and reads anything he can get his hands on including a lot about science and history so he knows a lot for his age but doesn’t have the maturity to process it and will just talk and talk about things to the point another kid (and most adults too) isn’t interested. analyzes and questions everything, takes nothing at face value. Always has to know the “why” and doesn’t comply easily w requests/instructions.

Is highly sensitive and has a great/long memory. At 6 he will still bring up things that happened when he was 2 completely on his own and take himself back to that moment to rehash how he felt at the time. His feelings are intense. He gets his feelings hurt extremely easily. There’s no joking around or being silly w him. He’s a serious sensitive kid pretty much all the time which can be exhausting.

He’s just complicated. Things aren’t simple w him. I worry about if he’s happy because he often doesn’t seem like he is though he has a good life w 2 loving parents, loving and involved grandparents and a younger sister who adores him (and he adores her too) but struggles socially w his peers. We love him so much but it’s just pretty draining and exhausting sometimes to know how to best parent him when it feels like many things w him are an uphill battle.

He sounds a lot like my son, who has both ASD and bipolar disorder, and is gifted so twice exceptional (and I’m not the parent calling gifted for no reason - his IQ is in the 91st percentile according to a neuropsych evaluation). Yours doesn’t sound as violent as my son (and my sons dad doesn’t live with us and there’s definitely been a lot of “your mom doesn’t love you” coming from dad which hurts and makes it harder to treat), but you may think about an ASD eval. We weren’t told to look into one until things got to the nightmare stage, and didn’t get a diagnosis until 11 - which was terrible.

Thank you for your response. I’m sorry you’re dealing with that as it sounds difficult and especially the part about your sons dad telling your son his mom doesn’t love him . It does make me think about my own son. We've thought before he may have something more going on that just being a difficult child. He was a very easy baby and toddler and the challenging behavior didn’t start til about age 3. He has always done well in school settings but then this year due to the pandemic he’s been homeschooled and I think that has caused some significant setbacks. We are hoping once he’s able us go back to “regular school” he will be a happier kid. But I am worried about him. Can you tell me a little more about your son’s “nightmare stage” that led you to diagnosis?

My son is not violent with people but he does things like slam doors, drawers, rip up papers that he has drawn, stomp around that show a somewhat violent side of him. Generally he’s harder on himself than on other people. He is compassionate and caring toward others, wants to please others, is very thoughtful and kind (most of the time), and is very loving and affectionate (loves cuddling and when he’s upset what he needs most is usually a hug). So I had thought that thoughtfulness and affectionate part of him is perhaps a sign that he doesn’t have ASD but I admit I don’t know a lot about ASD so I shouldn’t be so sure. I’ll look more into it. Thanks again.

If you post anything a few posters will automatically come in saying its ASD or mental health. Not similar at all.

However you need to stop him. Put a gadget on the door, paper away without supervision. Stomping... he's 6.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Big emotions about little things. Example: me: it’s cold outside; you need to wear a sweater. My son: Starts crying and screaming, says “this is the most horrible day ever” stomps off to his room and slams drawers looking for a sweater.

Very hard on himself/a perfectionist. Me: wow I really like your drawing. You added so many nice details and colors. Him: I did a terrible job see this [stray mark] here? It’s one of my worst drawings ever.

Very competitive to the point he won’t even participate in competitions bc he hates losing/not being the best so much. So he refuses to even try to participate in sports or most games. He also refuses to even attempt to learn new skills like pump his own legs and swing himself on the swings or try riding his bike without training wheels, etc. He’s definitely strong and coordinated enough to do these things he just flat refuses to try.

Very smart and has hard time relating to kids his own age. He’s 6 and in kindergarten but reads at a 3rd grade level and reads anything he can get his hands on including a lot about science and history so he knows a lot for his age but doesn’t have the maturity to process it and will just talk and talk about things to the point another kid (and most adults too) isn’t interested. analyzes and questions everything, takes nothing at face value. Always has to know the “why” and doesn’t comply easily w requests/instructions.

Is highly sensitive and has a great/long memory. At 6 he will still bring up things that happened when he was 2 completely on his own and take himself back to that moment to rehash how he felt at the time. His feelings are intense. He gets his feelings hurt extremely easily. There’s no joking around or being silly w him. He’s a serious sensitive kid pretty much all the time which can be exhausting.

He’s just complicated. Things aren’t simple w him. I worry about if he’s happy because he often doesn’t seem like he is though he has a good life w 2 loving parents, loving and involved grandparents and a younger sister who adores him (and he adores her too) but struggles socially w his peers. We love him so much but it’s just pretty draining and exhausting sometimes to know how to best parent him when it feels like many things w him are an uphill battle.

He sounds a lot like my son, who has both ASD and bipolar disorder, and is gifted so twice exceptional (and I’m not the parent calling gifted for no reason - his IQ is in the 91st percentile according to a neuropsych evaluation). Yours doesn’t sound as violent as my son (and my sons dad doesn’t live with us and there’s definitely been a lot of “your mom doesn’t love you” coming from dad which hurts and makes it harder to treat), but you may think about an ASD eval. We weren’t told to look into one until things got to the nightmare stage, and didn’t get a diagnosis until 11 - which was terrible.

91% is smart, not gifted. Many kids higher than he is.