Do you have a difficult child and how do you define one? Not special needs. Just difficult.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids. Two are just very easy. They pick up their rooms when I ask, they're cheerful, they're eager to please us, they take pride in doing good and in being "good kids." The 3rd is just grumpy and needs "managed". We have to coddle him and speak differently to him. He often needs to know the "why" when we ask him questions, pushes boundaries and he notices everything. He's a very enjoyable, smart kid, but parenting him takes a lot more work. DH and I often can't relate to him because both DH and I are exceptionally easy going, hard working and do things we're told.

So I'd say that difficult is related to how much work a parent has to put in. And sometimes it's a personality mismatch which makes you put in extra work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Sometimes it's just a question of personality fit with the parents and siblings.

Sometimes there is genuinely a tendency to one or more disorders, say ODD or anxiety for example, except that it's subclinical and the parents are not aware that it might be treated with structured behavior modification, therapy or meds, as the case may be.

Sometimes it's a little of both. What most don't realize is that all behaviors exist on a spectrum, and many people exhibit signs of certain psychiatric disorders, but since they are perhaps not impacted daily by them, it all flies under the radar as "being difficult" (when young), or "being as assh0le" (as adults).

You suggesting that all difficult kids are undiagnosed functioning Autism Spectrum kids?

NP, but did you even read the first sentence of the reply? That is explicitly NOT what that PP is saying, if you took the time to read.


I have one child that is easy and one that is harder. The easy one is generally positive and cooperative, the harder one is more sensitive and reactionary, higher energy, and just responds louder and bigger to the same things as the other child. Both are still young so time will tell how they'll settle into their personalities as older kids and teens, but thinking of my harder child as highly sensitive has helped frame how we view their behavior and reactions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Sometimes it's just a question of personality fit with the parents and siblings.

Sometimes there is genuinely a tendency to one or more disorders, say ODD or anxiety for example, except that it's subclinical and the parents are not aware that it might be treated with structured behavior modification, therapy or meds, as the case may be.

Sometimes it's a little of both. What most don't realize is that all behaviors exist on a spectrum, and many people exhibit signs of certain psychiatric disorders, but since they are perhaps not impacted daily by them, it all flies under the radar as "being difficult" (when young), or "being as assh0le" (as adults).

You suggesting that all difficult kids are undiagnosed functioning Autism Spectrum kids?

??The pp did not identify ASD in any of their post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids. Two are just very easy. They pick up their rooms when I ask, they're cheerful, they're eager to please us, they take pride in doing good and in being "good kids." The 3rd is just grumpy and needs "managed". We have to coddle him and speak differently to him. He often needs to know the "why" when we ask him questions, pushes boundaries and he notices everything. He's a very enjoyable, smart kid, but parenting him takes a lot more work. DH and I often can't relate to him because both DH and I are exceptionally easy going, hard working and do things we're told.

So I'd say that difficult is related to how much work a parent has to put in. And sometimes it's a personality mismatch which makes you put in extra work.

It sounds like “easy” means compliant

[Anonymous]

I may be speaking too soon because my "difficult" child is the youngest of three and only 2 years old. My other 2 kids are pretty well-behaved and listen. At school, she gives the teachers NO problems and will use the potty. It's a different story at home. She has accidents on herself, runs off when we tell her to stop doing something and just seems to enjoy getting us worked up as well as her siblings.

It's extremely frustrating and I try my best to acknowledge that she may be doing it for attention or her behavior may be due to lack of sleep (she doesn't nap at home). It does not help that she was our "oops" baby and even responding to this post alone makes me feel guilty! I often have to take breaks and check myself because I know spanking is not the answer but I haven't figured an effective method out yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may be speaking too soon because my "difficult" child is the youngest of three and only 2 years old. My other 2 kids are pretty well-behaved and listen. At school, she gives the teachers NO problems and will use the potty. It's a different story at home. She has accidents on herself, runs off when we tell her to stop doing something and just seems to enjoy getting us worked up as well as her siblings.

It's extremely frustrating and I try my best to acknowledge that she may be doing it for attention or her behavior may be due to lack of sleep (she doesn't nap at home). It does not help that she was our "oops" baby and even responding to this post alone makes me feel guilty! I often have to take breaks and check myself because I know spanking is not the answer but I haven't figured an effective method out yet.

She’s seeking connection, not attention.

[Anonymous]

All my kids are or have been difficult in one way or another. As they grow, the easy one, is having insecurities and friends issues. My “difficult” (strong willed) child, is my easy one now... but she was so hard has a toddler and preschooler. It was her way or the highway. She was never obedient, never wanted to follow the rules (unless she agreed with them), always very intense, etc. now is she is a confident, fun easygoing elementary school kid that I never have to worry about. Had you asked me 3 years ago, I would have said that she is so unbelievably hard...

[Anonymous]

I think sometimes difficult is a code word for I don't like my kid or they aren't perfect in my eyes or not like me. My sister got straight A's in school and was very similar them. I tried hard to please. Helped around the house (she didn't), didn't party but never could get straight A's. Nothing I did was ever good enough and there was always a triangle with my sibling and parents.

SN - my child was late on all their developmental stages and couldn't communicate verbally or understand. Knew to get help and find different ways to make it work. Many many hours of therapies and help (and child came out just fine). You have to take the time to know your child, try many different things to find ways to make them work, not pit kids against each other, spend time with each one and value who they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Sometimes it's just a question of personality fit with the parents and siblings.

Sometimes there is genuinely a tendency to one or more disorders, say ODD or anxiety for example, except that it's subclinical and the parents are not aware that it might be treated with structured behavior modification, therapy or meds, as the case may be.

Sometimes it's a little of both. What most don't realize is that all behaviors exist on a spectrum, and many people exhibit signs of certain psychiatric disorders, but since they are perhaps not impacted daily by them, it all flies under the radar as "being difficult" (when young), or "being as assh0le" (as adults).

You suggesting that all difficult kids are undiagnosed functioning Autism Spectrum kids?

??The pp did not identify ASD in any of their post.

ASD is the buzz term here for anything that is out of parents being happy.

[Anonymous]

My youngest (9) argues about anything that they don't want to do, anything they did wrong and don't want to confess or believe that they are not wrong about, or about any time they don't get their way. When I say argue, its not a simple I don't agree with you. Its a full blown you are wrong, raised voice, hurt feelings that anyone could that he's wrong, etc. He really tries to sell whatever he's trying to convince you of, even if he's been caught multiples in a lie or with evidence of whatever food was stolen. It feels like everything is an argument. He could be in a room full of people all saying he's wrong and he will still argue his case for being right or how wrong we all are or how we wronged him at some other junction, so he feels that he's justified in doing whatever he did. I'm working to stop engaging him and de-escalating him. If it helps, he wasn't like this as a baby. We used to call him the happiest baby on the block. Some kind of "magic" switch flipped when he was around 2. Other than being constantly argumentative, he's a great kid. He's passionate about music, loving, funny, athletic, engaging, and charismatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Sometimes it's just a question of personality fit with the parents and siblings.

Sometimes there is genuinely a tendency to one or more disorders, say ODD or anxiety for example, except that it's subclinical and the parents are not aware that it might be treated with structured behavior modification, therapy or meds, as the case may be.

Sometimes it's a little of both. What most don't realize is that all behaviors exist on a spectrum, and many people exhibit signs of certain psychiatric disorders, but since they are perhaps not impacted daily by them, it all flies under the radar as "being difficult" (when young), or "being as assh0le" (as adults).

You suggesting that all difficult kids are undiagnosed functioning Autism Spectrum kids?

??The pp did not identify ASD in any of their post.

ASD is the buzz term here for anything that is out of parents being happy.

I’m the first PP.

I think the person who mentioned ASD thinks any mention of “spectrum” equals “autism spectrum”...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many people say "my child is difficult" but don't elaborate. Just sight and look sad.
What does it mean to have difficult child.
If you think your kid is difficult, why? What make them difficult and how do you know they are not just being a kid?

One of my girls is just really emotional. You can see she feels everything and sometimes when she's angry or upset, it's like a train that won't stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many people say "my child is difficult" but don't elaborate. Just sight and look sad.
What does it mean to have difficult child.
If you think your kid is difficult, why? What make them difficult and how do you know they are not just being a kid?

One of my girls is just really emotional. You can see she feels everything and sometimes when she's angry or upset, it's like a train that won't stop.

Also, she loves to argue and will not comply easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids. Two are just very easy. They pick up their rooms when I ask, they're cheerful, they're eager to please us, they take pride in doing good and in being "good kids." The 3rd is just grumpy and needs "managed". We have to coddle him and speak differently to him. He often needs to know the "why" when we ask him questions, pushes boundaries and he notices everything. He's a very enjoyable, smart kid, but parenting him takes a lot more work. DH and I often can't relate to him because both DH and I are exceptionally easy going, hard working and do things we're told.

So I'd say that difficult is related to how much work a parent has to put in. And sometimes it's a personality mismatch which makes you put in extra work.

It sounds like “easy” means compliant

DP, but yes. To some extent, easy means compliant. It's easier to parent a kid who does what you tell them than one who regularly resists or flat out refuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may be speaking too soon because my "difficult" child is the youngest of three and only 2 years old. My other 2 kids are pretty well-behaved and listen. At school, she gives the teachers NO problems and will use the potty. It's a different story at home. She has accidents on herself, runs off when we tell her to stop doing something and just seems to enjoy getting us worked up as well as her siblings.

It's extremely frustrating and I try my best to acknowledge that she may be doing it for attention or her behavior may be due to lack of sleep (she doesn't nap at home). It does not help that she was our "oops" baby and even responding to this post alone makes me feel guilty! I often have to take breaks and check myself because I know spanking is not the answer but I haven't figured an effective method out yet.

Wow, you sound like my mom. She's pretty much screwed when she needs help as is my Dad. They choose my sibling to handle things and she has never handled anything in her life. I was the unwanted oops kid. I have zero relationship with any of them.