Switched DS to Private School- Now He Refuses to Play Soccer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll be the voice of disset. A 15 yr old doesn't see the long term impacts of his decisions.

When my DC was younger, I pushed DC to do some things that I thought would be good for DC. DC hated it, but deep down, DC knew that I was right. So, DC did what I pushed DC to do. Years later, this activity helped DC, and DC realizes it and is grateful that I pushed DC. DC is now 15.

I don't know your kid's situation, but sometimes, in some things, it is worth pushing your kid.

Frame it this way.. no matter what happens, we are not pulling you out of private for xyz reason. Are you really going to give this up to spite us when in the long run this activity is for you?

Also, if he gives up soccer, what activity will he do? I always tell my kids they have to do something - a sport, after school activity, something. So, what will he do?

I would not take away the phone for this. But, make it clear that he has to do something. Give that choice to him.

Unless he's on the road to D1 scholarships and/or a path to FIFA, he's not giving up anything but his parents' dreams. And, FTR, MOST kids are not on those paths.

I'm not saying to encourage him and/or make clear, he's staying so he may as well do the best of it. And to tell him that he may be cutting of his nose (something he likes) to spite his face (you). But at the end, you cannot force him. I mean, what? He goes to the tryouts and tanks it. Then what? You punish him?

You've had your win. He's in school and doing well. Take that and be grateful for it. But make clear that some physical activity is required for his health.

[Anonymous]

If he was truly competitive in soccer he would be playing Academy and couldn't play HS anyhow. So why bother with school soccer? I don't understand why you care.


OP again. You don't understand why I think my son would benefit from a positive connection with his new school?

We understand this, but we also understand that he is 15, and you cannot compel him to try out for a sport that he does not want to play, no matter whether you have a good reason for wanting him to do so and he has a bad reason for not wanting to do so.

[Anonymous]

I will add- lots of you must have abject failures for kids. Insisting your child stay disciplined in something he excels at is a positive, not a negative. But, something tells me your kids are fat and sitting on a play station in the basement.

Well, with an attitude like that, your family can't go wrong. Best of luck to you, but you clearly don't need it, being on such an enlightened path and all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he playing travel/club? I would think that would make more sense if he's a talented player.

OP here. Yes, he is captain of his extremely competitive travel program. He also plays city rec for fun. He loves the sport. No one is 'trying to live through' him or his sports. I was not even remotely athletic and my DH played basketball. No connection to soccer anywhere. This all came from him.

Wait - he's already on two other teams, and you're insisting he play on a third?

Back off, mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was truly competitive in soccer he would be playing Academy and couldn't play HS anyhow. So why bother with school soccer?

NP, that's simply not true. Many schools have athletic programs that are considered supremely superior to any private organization.

——————-

I agree with the earlier poster - outside of the private IMG school in FL that is always false.

Set that aside though, and let’s assume this is a legit post for the sake of argument.

If the kid’s club team is active this Spring then it is no question that he should play club. This covid year is creating huge issues with scheduling high school sports. As a 15 year old guy, high school soccer is at best a xxxx show. And, I am a big supporter of high school soccer. The problem for guys is that club players are almost always too good for JV and way too small for Varsity where they play against 17 and 18 year olds. In this pandemic year / with shortened seasons - you are nuts to consider playing. I would also say that your kid already knows that.

Going out on a limb here but I assumed "Soccer" was code for basketball or baseball or track and field or swimming or any other sport than soccer. Especially, because there are sports that the penultimate play is in HS, like field hockey or lacrosse at some of the DC area privates

I also assumed DS was actually a DD. I know when I post, I change enough of the pertinent details to not be identifiable in case my neighbor or colleague is reading...

That would make more sense, because the idea of a parent trying to force a kid to play school soccer when he is being recruited based on his travel team soccer efforts is beyond bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. Maybe once he sees that being on the soccer team is fun he can do it the following year. But most private schools require a sport or other activity so ask him what he will be doing instead.

Why is he playing rec? Too high a chance for injury and maybe better that he spend that time on school at this stage. It gets challenging to manage school and high level club sports starting in 10th grade, without throwing in rec soccer. Some recruited kids don't even play high school soccer because of the higher potential for injury (some high school teams rely more on brute force than skill).

The school soccer or grounding approach seems pretty disordered.

[Anonymous]

Our rule for all our kids has been the same, through high school--we won't make you do any specific thing, but you must do something, whether it's a sport, band, or other extracurricular. They get to pick, and they can change from year to year, but they can't do nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our rule for all our kids has been the same, through high school--we won't make you do any specific thing, but you must do something, whether it's a sport, band, or other extracurricular. They get to pick, and they can change from year to year, but they can't do nothing.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was truly competitive in soccer he would be playing Academy and couldn't play HS anyhow. So why bother with school soccer? I don't understand why you care.

OP again. You don't understand why I think my son would benefit from a positive connection with his new school?

Does the positive connection have to be soccer?

OP again- it's the most logical one. And he's already being recruited by colleges and universities so it would be beneficial to stay in that realm.

I will add- lots of you must have abject failures for kids. Insisting your child stay disciplined in something he excels at is a positive, not a negative. But, something tells me your kids are fat and sitting on a play station in the basement.

Oh, OP, we see you now. And your son sees you, too. GL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he playing travel/club? I would think that would make more sense if he's a talented player.

OP here. Yes, he is captain of his extremely competitive travel program. He also plays city rec for fun. He loves the sport. No one is 'trying to live through' him or his sports. I was not even remotely athletic and my DH played basketball. No connection to soccer anywhere. This all came from him.

Wait - he's already on two other teams, and you're insisting he play on a third?

Back off, mom.

It’s a good way to ensure he grows to hate a sport he currently loves. And that’s he’s so over-scheduled that his grades start dropping again. And that he resents his parents even more than he clearly already does.

If he currently has a balance that’s working on all fronts, I’d let it ride.

[Anonymous]

This is a troll, because OP doesn't know anything about truly competitive soccer.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't want to play, so what? When did sports become a neccesity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was truly competitive in soccer he would be playing Academy and couldn't play HS anyhow. So why bother with school soccer? I don't understand why you care.

OP again. You don't understand why I think my son would benefit from a positive connection with his new school?

Does the positive connection have to be soccer?

OP again- it's the most logical one. And he's already being recruited by colleges and universities so it would be beneficial to stay in that realm.

I will add- lots of you must have abject failures for kids. Insisting your child stay disciplined in something he excels at is a positive, not a negative. But, something tells me your kids are fat and sitting on a play station in the basement.

I was attempted to report this as an inappropriate attack on other posters' children, but I think I'm going to let this one stand so everyone can see what a toxic parent OP is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP again- it's the most logical one. And he's already being recruited by colleges and universities so it would be beneficial to stay in that realm.

I will add- lots of you must have abject failures for kids. Insisting your child stay disciplined in something he excels at is a positive, not a negative. But, something tells me your kids are fat and sitting on a play station in the basement.

That's definitely how you'll get the best advice and support, OP. Insulting people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll, because OP doesn't know anything about truly competitive soccer.

I suspect this is more about OP's social climbing. She's having a hard time finding a foothold with the private school social scene she wants to be a part of, and thinks that if her kid joins the soccer team, that will be her "in."